No more drama, the end of narcissism
I have been an empathic healer for many years and I have felt what has created pain in our hearts. I have wished there was more love and less narcissism.
If you have wished that there was more love and less narcissism, you will be happy to know we are going to make that happen. The problem has been that there was no easy way for people to love themselves in the past.
People would tell me, “Love yourself” but if I knew what that meant or knew how to love myself, I am sure I would have done it.
I knew the world I saw, was just a reflection of how I saw myself but it was difficult to change the conditioning that created my self image and insecurity.
There is so much pain in the world. The pain is mostly in our hearts. The pain can cast a shadow on our light. We all have a need to be loved.
It is possible to gently and lovingly recondition ourselves so we automatically see how beautiful and lovable we are. To see how beautiful and lovable we are, is the beginning of experiencing ourselves in a way that is loving.
When we have conditioning that creates an insecurity, it may motivate us powerfully. Understanding that there is something we need to heal, is a beginning. Masking our pain or trying to ignore it does not help, we need to shine our light on this pain because it is the only way to remove this attachment.
Until the insecurity is rewritten, it is a shadow that has an energy that creates a great deal of our story.
How did I go from insecure to narcissist? How does this process happen for people?
We may have wanted attention and love from someone that withheld it. They may have also conditioned us to feel we can get their admiration doing what pleased them.
The real problem begins when we feel compelled to “think differently or act differently” than who we are, to get admiration. To be popular in the eyes of others may be something we feel a desire to do. We may feel the admiration we see in others eyes will heal the insecurity we have but being someone other than who we are only makes our pain grow.
We do not need to look for something “outside” of ourselves to be someone different, to remove our insecurities. We do not want to be different than who we are ever. We want to be ourselves and find out how to love ourselves.
There is no substitute for healing and loving ourselves. The child within us is still there waiting to be seen and heard, we must allow them to play and reward them for their happiness.
When we are not ourselves and we act differently than who we are….if we love the self we create and are more comfortable being this phoney person…..we have become a narcissist.
For a short time in my life I became a narcissist. I examined how I was thinking and tried to have beautiful thoughts but I was not real..I did not hurt anyone but myself. There are narcissists that hurt others. Most of the hurt is because narcissism perpetuates a system that creates separations, not love..
Until I rewrote my insecurities, I tried many different ways to “be different” to be more attractive to others (and myself). Some things I did to be admired made me feel good for a while. It was always harder to see that I was unkind to myself if I enjoyed success for being phoney.
I was telling myself I was not O.K. the way I was. The reason people “sabotage” things, is because we need to be loving to ourselves and we want to be loved for who we are, mostly by ourselves.
After I rewrote my insecurities I was able to love myself. I was able to look into my own eyes and give myself rewards. I did not need to look into another person’s eyes for admiration, to feel good.
I was no longer the Tin Man, Scare Crow or Cowardly Lion chasing after some wizard to make me whole. I was more myself than ever and it became clear that the yellow brick roads I had spent my life on, were not my path.
It is amazing how much the world we see reflects how we experience ourselves. Everything is illuminated from within. The attraction others have for us…is just a reflection of our relationship with our self.
I wrote this because if I was not able to be honest about myself, I would not be able to heal anyone else.
What is attractive is the beauty within.
I love you.
Make a wish from your heart.
The video is showing the last exercise, getting up and seeing our beauty and the love others have for us, in their eyes.
Feeling beautiful is about much more than our appearance, it can be about removing shame, removing affect or inhibitions, allowing ourselves to remove the conditioning of fear and more.
We can have a better experience. Just as we learned to float and had a better experience in the water, we can have a better experience with others and there is more.
How do I know if I have a bad energy?
Welcome back to more about how to understand if we are creating crap.
I myself create crap from time to time and I am able to catch it quickly because I do the following.
1) I check how I am feeling all over my body. I breath deeply and move my head, my neck, my shoulders and see if I am tight. Then I feel how I feel in my tummy and all over. I make sure I am feeling good everywhere.
I am checking how I feel in my body every few minutes sometimes. If I am with lots of people or if I am in new situations. I do self checks a lot when I may be automatically preparing to protect myself. Breathing deeply and relaxing, is part of the self check and if I am tight when I am breathing deeply I go to the next step.
2) If I feel something does not feel great, my neck, shoulders or stomach, I stop and relax and take some deep breathes and bring in the good feelings I want to have in my body. I do this exercise for a few minutes and I can listen to someone as they talk to me while I do the exercise. Most of the time the person near me relaxes as I relax.
3) How our body feels is a better barometer of what is happening inside our non-verbal brain than our thoughts or ideas.
Our ideas and thoughts may be an afterthought to a reaction that has us creating crap and we may be caught up in the drama of what our energy creates.
4) After I feel better in my body physically, I allow myself to feel handsome, fun and proud as well.
Just as floating in a pool of water will create a different reality than struggling, I feel that relaxing and feeling good in my body when I am in complex situations, gives me the feeling I am supported just as though I was floating. I am able to create a better reality.
How can I do something to be sure I won’t create a bad energy in advance?
1) The biggest secret to rewriting conditioning is to rewrite the preparation for something.
a) Before we look in the mirror, we can feel relaxed in our body, we can add the feeling we are beautiful all over, we can feel proud of ourselves and who we are….then we go to the mirror and what happens? We add the value and meaning of what we feel in our body to what we see.
It’s simple you feel beautiful and THEN look in the mirror and you add the value and meaning of how you are already feeling to the picture, the feeling we have is added to any picture we see and most people do not understand this.
The preparation for something is when conditioning is added. We know we are going to look in the mirror and the feeling we have about our self is pre-loaded before we see our self. What we see has nothing to do with appearance, it is just a feeling added to a picture and we could decide what feeling we want to add.
b) When we have a new value and meaning that is added to our picture, we have the ability to rewrite how we see ourselves, permanently.
c) What is important about understanding how to rewrite something PERMANENTLY, is for the next six hours after we rewrite the value and meaning we add to how we feel about ourselves in a situation, we have to keep hold of that feeling until the window shuts six hours later and the new conditioning is ours for good.
Simple, you have it!
Back to the previous story from last time. What happened when Jim and Leslie heard the car horn and then meditated so they felt good in their bodies?
Many people do not realize, they work hard all day, get tense in their body, come home and when they relax they suddenly feel the tension, aches, pains and maybe headache that comes from an entire day of work.
If people are used to numbing the pain they have, putting it out of their mind, instead of doing something to relax and feel better, they can create an energy that creates crap.
Over time people do not enjoy walking in the front door as much and do not feel romantic about having time together, this is a conditioned response.
When the horn was honked and the couple felt relaxed, beautiful and lovable in their body, they rewrote the conditioning that prepared them. When Jim walked through the front door and saw his wife, they enjoyed seeing each other and experienced what life could be.
After having a good experience of coming home to each other a few times, the new conditioning gave them more wonderful experiences.
Just as floating is just the beginning of the fun we have in the water, rewriting any preparation, will give us more and more over time.
Creating Love
What is the secret to love?
I can tell you the secret to love but even more than tell you I can show you.
The way we are conditioned to feel about ourselves, can create something dreamy or destroy the things that mean the most. When we feel confident, have a good body image, have pride in ourselves, feel lovable, feel creative and excited about our life… we are present, attractive, happy and capable of opening our heart as well as the hearts of those around us.
My father was in a concentration camp, a work camp for seven years and the experience gave him some conditioning of fear, to seek approval and admiration. When I was a young boy my father would tell me I looked like a monster, he would say he did this for my own good so I would work on looking normal.
From the time I was young, no matter how I looked I had feelings of insecurity that made it hard to be confident or happy. I was chased by demons that pushed me to seek admiration. After many years of work, which also helped me to understand how to help others, I was able to rewrite that conditioning and feel handsome. I am now able to see the beauty in others and have an experience of life, that is no less than a different reality.
What opens our heart is the ability to feel vulnerable and feel safe doing that. When we feel good about ourselves, we want to play and open our heart.
Everything is illuminated from within and when we open our heart our light shines so brightly we see flowers and enjoy the beauty of things right in front of us that we did not see before.
The best way to get the conditioning that gives us confidence, a good body image and pride, is to attend one of my “I see my beauty” workshops this year. These workshops give a permanent enhancement to the conditioning we have in our brain. This program in our brain, instantly and automatically gives us the feeling we have about ourselves when we are with others. How we prepare inside automatically when we are with someone, is how we are and we can create love in our life by enhancing how we are, more than what we think or do.
Learning to float improves the way we feel, when we see a swimming pool of water and enhances how we feel about ourselves in the water. When we relax enough to fill our lungs with air and become buoyant, something wonderful happens and we change. From the moment we float on, we stop struggling and play, “how we now are” instantly and automatically prepares us for the water in a better way.
The same thing happens for us during the workshop, we have an experience during the workshop that changes us and enhances how we feel about ourselves when we look into the mirror or the eyes of others. From the moment we take the workshop on, our life is less of a struggle and more enjoyable. We no longer look into someone’s eyes to judge how we should feel about ourselves, we look into someones eyes and show them what is possible.
The workshop “I see my beauty” gives us an experience that permanently improves the perception we have of ourselves. After the workshop, we see others look at us because we are beautiful and lovable. We see our beauty in others eyes instantly and automatically. Just as learning to float is permanent, the way we feel about ourselves with others will have a permanent improvement as well.
How we now are, allows us to open up, like having a new outfit on we are more ourselves, more alive and less inhibited. The comfort and feeling of well being this creates allows us to be relaxed and present. The preparation that happens inside of us allows us to see the beauty in others as well, so we create a better experience for everyone around us. We become a larger person because this is real growth.
The secret to a great relationship, is being capable of opening our heart to create more for ourselves and others. I recommend taking my workshop with someone you care about, so you both feel wonderful about yourselves. When people are comfortable opening their hearts, creating something wonderful just naturally happens.
Healing ourselves and others with Cerebrology
If you are a healer of any kind, I would be glad to help you learn this new science and system of Cerebrology.
There are new discoveries that improve how we live. These advancements are happening faster all the time, the internet, software, apps for our phone.
The new advancements in understanding how our brain works, allow us to create new more effective ways of healing and personal growth.
The “unconscious mind” was in Freud’s opinion, the repository of socially unacceptable ideas, wishes or desires, traumatic memories and painful emotions put out of the mind by the mechanism of psychological repression.
Most healers still refer to this system of understanding our brain. Freud’s system is one hundred years old. There is no part of our mind that is a closet. No part of our brain is unconscious, less conscious or subconscious.
There are various functions that our brain performs. We can think verbally. We can move as we like.
There are also automatic functions our brain performs so we can think about the beautiful person we are dancing with.
The lens that gives us a feeling about their beauty is automatic, the way our heart races as we see their pupils dilate, the automatic sense of movement we feel as we hear the music, the emotions the music elitists within us…all of this is created instantly by the automatic part of our brain I call our “operating system”.
This part of our brain does not understand words but it does much more work than our verbal mind and it does the work so fast words would be too slow.
Our brain uses the pre-verbal language that we learned empathizing with how our parents felt about themselves in various situations. We used this same language to communicate with our body when we emulated and imitated them. The new science and system I use called Cerebrology, allows us to use this same pre-verbal language called affect, to connect to our “operating system” and re-write the feelings we empathized our parents having.
We can connect to a specific feeling we now have about ourselves and replace it with a feeling that we have consciously chosen.The improvement is in the pre-verbal language our operating system uses to instantly direct all the automatic things that go on behind the scenes of what we are thinking about.
If you would like to add the work I offer on this website, to your healing practice or just to help a friend, I would be more than happy to teach or show you to make that easy.
Email me at Bob@ichangereality.com
I hope it will be a welcome new addition to the wonderful healing you are already doing.
There are many ways to heal but they all begin in our heart. I hope this exercise gives you a little more strength in your healing practice my friend.
I belong, the exercise.
Click on the above exercise.
Thank you for all you do.
What instantly and automatically give us our self image, no matter what we are thinking about?
How do we create our self image?
What does the term “affect” mean?
Our brain uses a language called “affect”, a non-verbal language, to create our self image. This is similar to what happens in the background of our computer.
Each operating system a computer uses whether the operating system is Windows, Linux, Android or OS X Lion for Apple, has a language that tells it “what to do”.
It is not possible to fix or change the operating system of our brain, if we do not understand the language or code it uses and speak to it using that language.
Our operating system learned most of its information, before we became verbal. The language our operating system uses is, non-verbal and is called affect.
The operating system in our brain uses affect to alter the lens we use to give us our perceptions.
Try this….next time you go to look in the mirror, stop before you do. Feel how your body feels inside, take a few deep breathes and relax all over. If you feel much more relaxed, your “affect” added some apprehension to the way you felt before you saw your reflection. If we felt apprehensive, our affect altered our lens so we could not see our image with clarity.
The added apprehension adds something to what we see when we look in the mirror. The feeling it gives us does not make us look and see ourselves as beautiful.
Before you look at yourself, change the “affect.”
Think of yourself and how you felt the last time you had a new outfit on, or think of how you felt on your honeymoon. Feel how beautiful you felt in your body and let the idea go. Now open your eyes and see how beautiful you are.
“Affect” instantly and automatically changes our perceptions. This website is all about rewriting “affect”. This creates a permanent improvement in our self image.
You are in the right place. I am not aware of anything else that rewrites affect, at this time. You are welcome to enjoy all of the free exercises to improve our affect.
How do I feel about my appearance?
Click on the above exercise.
I feel beautiful automatically all the time….(I don’t need a new outfit!)
Click on the above exercise.
Love heals
The greatest thing, you will ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return.
Most of us are looking for an opportunity to have a feeling of oneness in a relationship.
The incredible feeling of oneness is something we shared with our parents before we were verbal.
When we were very young, we had empathy for our parents. We understood how they felt about themselves in relation to other people.
We imitated the way our parents felt and how they prepared for things and as it became a part of us, it was our “affect” now, not just our parents. Animals learn this the same way.
When we are in love and feel a oneness with another person once again, we have an opportunity to find clarity and resolution.
We can use the chemistry that our love creates within us to rewrite any erroneous affect we got from our parents.
When we are with a person we want to feel this oneness with, we release neurotransmitters, dopamine and nor epinephrine. These give us a feeling of excitement and heightened perception.
The more we are together with the person we feel one with, the more we release endorphins and enkephalins, these powerful natural narcotics give us a sense of comfort, safety and well being.
The feeling of oneness we have may come from the neurotransmitter serotonin. The important thing for us is that these give us the opportunity to rewrite things very easily.
We have the opportunity to re-write many things that we keep looking to resolve. Love is a powerful healing tool when we consciously use it to bring us enlightenment.
As we slip into this feeling of oneness, we can easily resolve our issues.
When we rewrite the old information, we are free to have wonderful feelings about ourselves all the time.
How we feel about ourselves alters how everyone else will feel about us, automatically.
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How are we able to rewrite affect, is it like a memory?
In experiments rats were first conditioned by getting a shock after hearing a horn.
Then just the horn sound was made without a shock and the rats continued to panic, a sign they had become conditioned.
The rats were unconditioned by using a drug that made them feel no emotion or fear. The sound of the horn was played when they were drugged and there was no reaction.
After the drug wore off the horn was again sounded and there was again no reaction from the rats.
What prepares us to react is a memory of a feeling. This memory is something like a file we open when we need information about a situation.
The memory is a solid thing like concrete before we access it.
As we review the file of the memory, it is no longer a “cement like physical thing” because it is being used, it is not a “memory” but rather a current item we are playing in our mind.
Because the “memory” is now a current event of thought, it is open to being rewritten or rerecorded with whatever new information we want to add to it.
When we are done thinking about the rerecording or what we edited after reviewing, it again becomes a solid object in the brain as it is being stored.
We edit memory each time we visit it.
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There are many types of touch. Please be careful to match the type of touch to the healing that is desired.
Recognizing what prepares me so I am not feeling comfortable or beautiful with a loving touch.
Click on the above exercise.
Rewriting what prepares me, so I am comfortable, feel beautiful and happy when I receive a loving touch.
Click on the above exercise.
