What Do We Want

What we think we want and what we create may be different. I often hear people say, “I have only been with people that were.. (something they say they did not want) and I want to be with someone that is loving.”

I could sense that they had a powerful motivation that was creating this. I would tell the person, “If we are not aware of what things we feel motivated to “resolve” we may not be aware of what powerful unresolved feelings can do to alter the theme of our story.” I tell people “Our intent to create what we imagine love to be, if it has an element of desire to have something we have not had, is creating something that gives us something we can not have. The having something we can not have, is what we are creating.”

Many people have had bonding issues and because this is a basic need, it is important for us to understand. Not having complete wonderful bonding can give us lots of problems in our life, I can help you to resolve them easily if you do have them. The feelings of not feeling safe, not feeling we can have or own something, the feeling we do not have the ability to create a good life, the feeling we will have obstacles… are just some of the problems.

An infant smiles at their parent and if their parent smiles, they feel a sense of comfort and bonding, they feel their emotions are echoed and mirrored and they are seen. People that did not experience this response because their mother was too self involved or emotionally unavailable,  may still be wanting to resolve the emptiness.  An infant cries and their parent runs to hold them and take care of their needs, this infant feels a sense of comfort and safety. To have our needs met as an infant, we understand a feeling of being able to get our needs met in this world. Some people are working to resolve this as well.

An infant also needs a sense they have “object permanence” someone that is there always for them. Object permanence allows us to invest in ourselves and have the desire to create dreams of things we want. The sense of security we receive from having the sense there is permanence in our life,  gives us the ability to create a safe life, have the things we want and also feel that any obstacles or problems will leave in time.

In their search for “re-bonding” many people recreate the same situation that left them needing resolution, “A parent they ache and long for that is not there, so the ache grows.” When the person working on unresolved issues does get to be with the person they ache for, there is a “honeymoon period”.  In order for them to feel what they imagine to be love, they want to “ache and long for someone again”… and this pattern is what creates many different relationships with no object permanence, instead of one relationship that returns love.

When I work with someone I help them resolve these issues very quickly by teaching them how it would feel to have received this love as a feeling in their body and how to give this feeling to themselves. This gives a person real power.

When we understand we are our own parent now and only we can now resolve our unresolved issues, we begin to have control of our lives. We can love ourselves and respond to all of our needs all the time and we can depend on ourselves. It is alright to want to have someone that is always there, we have them if we learn to appreciate ourselves and be sensitive to our needs.

I teach people what loving themselves feels like and then I teach them how to reward themselves with automatic rewards in their brain for giving themselves a deeply connected, safe and comfortable life.

What is keeping us from having the love we want? When we resolve what we missed by healing our heart, we will be motivated to create real love with desire and passion, not longing.

This song at the end says “Before you came into my life, I MISSED YOU SO BAD, I MISSED YOU SO BAD, I MISSED YOU SO SO BAD.” If we feel this emptyness is love and we want to feel love, we may be creating this instead of real love. The feeling of wanting someone we admire, respect, love, desire, enjoy playing with, have fun talking to, listen to, work together with and create a life with, is much more than feeling empty inside and wanting sex.

Hunger makes the best sauce, when we miss someone we have and love, it is amazing how much more we appreciate every moment with them. Spend a week taking turns kissing each others body all over before you go to sleep (no more just kissing). There are ways to enhance feelings, so you can eat your cake and have it too!

If there is some insecurity, fear, inhibition, reactions that are erroneous, hyper-vigilance, jealousy, repetitive self destructive patterns, unrequited love, emotional angst, unresolved anger, perceptual problems that make it difficult to have clarity being with men or women, a loss of ability to feel safe, feeling blocked, depression, object possession difficulties, anxiety, disassociation or trance habituation, anger management or problems with creativity, please call me at 360-953-7408 or message me, Robert Milstein on Facebook. I want to help you see what is possible when the curtains have been opened and you see by your light.

May love run to you as the river becomes one with the sea.