You pushed love down the stairs…

I grew up in San Francisco and when I was a kid, I would walk my wagon up a steep hill by my house and ride it down the middle of the street. I remember flying in the air when my wagon would hit bumps. There were moments I achieved weightlessness. Floating or flying, whatever it was, it was wonderful.

I remember flying far out of my wagon on some bumps. Sometimes I would leave the wagon completely and land on the road.

As children, we all got hurt playing. We got up if we fell down, wiped the dirt out of our hands and kept playing.

I got hurt learning to ride my bike too. I bet you got hurt learning to ride your bike. We get hurt many times growing up but getting hurt playing never changed how we felt about ourselves.

When the people that we trusted to love us, hurt us, it did change the way we felt about ourselves. Most people do not stop playing because they got hurt playing, they stopped playing because they were hurt emotionally.

If we became numb during the time someone hurt us, we may not remember why we stopped playing. Come with me and I will show you how we can find a connection to the playful part of us, once again.

When we are infants, we are unable to take care of ourselves and need our parents to take care of us. We focus on our parent’s emotions and happiness more than our own, because we need them for our care.

Betrayal, trauma or neglect hurt us emotionally, we get upset…and  when we experience our emotions of sadness or upset, if our emotions make the person that is hurting our feelings more upset and they hurt us more…it is natural for us to  stop having emotions, in order to be less abused… Denying our emotions is how we quickly lose our connection to “self” and soon, we stop playing fearlessly.

Connected to our own feelings about ourselves is where we are strongest.

The feelings of someone we bond with become a part of how we feel about ourselves. It is sad, but becoming numb actually makes the feelings of insecurity we have,  hard to experience and understand as not our own feelings but the feelings someone else had that was in my opinion a jerk.

These are feelings someone conditioned us to have about ourselves. We were conditioned to become numb when they got emotionally upset about being hurt by someone. When we were numb, it was easy to condition us to accept their feelings about us, instead of our own.

Each time they lied to us and promised us love and took love instead, we had a dissonance occur in our brain that was created by our caring more about them than they did for us. This dissonance in our brain made us infatuated with the pursuit of their attention and love. This pursuit, of the admiration and attention of someone that does not love us, is the foundation for narcissism. The feelings of insecurity we have from someone that hurt us, is more about them and less about us. Each minute we get back up and fight to get our life and emotions back, the insecurities we have, just like realizing a nightmare was just a bad dream…disappear forever.

We were happy playful kids. We took on the feelings of the person that hurt us and bonded with them because we did not have our own feelings and emotions.

Understanding our insecurities are not about us is important. Our insecurities are like weeds that someone else planted and have nothing to do with us.

The insecurity weeds grow larger each time we listen to someone that tells us to abandon our emotions. Our emotions are the beautiful flowers that grow in our garden, when we care about them.

Re- connecting to our true self is like finding our garden, we have to hear and experience all of our emotions. We were not comfortable having the emotions that created our aliveness but we need to reconnect to them now. When we have compassion for our heart, we open the well that waters the garden and we bloom again.

When we love someone that loves us, we see who we are. We stop being worried about what others think and we enjoy what we are doing.

Narcissists are everywhere now, it is important for our ability to re-connect with our self, that we avoid them.

Humans are not able to be introspective without emotions. As a narcissist, a person is not able to realize they do not have much empathy for others they want in their lives.

Narcissists can speak of love and tell you they love you. Narcissists have dramatic swings of feelings about themselves because “feeling admired” is far from connecting to the real child/person within.

If we bond with a narcissist and we become numb, we risk losing the ability to connect to our emotions and become our authentic selves.

(Here is where we push love down the stairs…)

I was emotionally hurt a long time ago and because of that I began studying A Course in Miracles and Neuro Linguistic Programming. After doing N.L.P. for a while, I became a narcissist. It was great not to feel sad but I did not notice I was not feeling many emotions at all.

I did a lot of work to feel my emotions again and I am proud to say I understand how much better life is feeling all my emotions. I am no longer a narcissist and would be glad to help anyone that wants help re-connecting to their authentic self.

Yesterday on a new age radio network, I was listening to a very popular author. She was taking calls from listeners and helping them with the problems they had.

The woman that called in wanted to know, “Why do I keep chasing after people that hurt me?”

The author told the person, “You need to stop caring so much about people in your life and become selfish. You deserve to be happy.”

We do not need to become selfish, or narcissists to be happy.

When we are whole and connected to our emotions, we are able to be happy and love others.

I am sad to hear so many people telling others to do something that would only bring symptomatic relief and then bring the caller back needing more.

To remove the cause of a problem, I would ask more questions of the caller. If I understood more, I could empower the caller to remove the cause of their problems themselves.

There are maps that allow people to return to the connection they once had with themselves. Each map is unique because our path is our life. It is wonderful to show someone how he or she can create a wonderful re-bonding experience himself or herself.
It is only through love that we can heal our broken heart.

In loving our children, we see our own beauty. The person that runs into our arms with love is the mirror we want to have.

The love we have for the person that loves us, will allow us to see how much we are like the person we love and we will bond to the feeling they have about us.

When we have bonding experiences with souls that reflect how lovable and wanted we are, we will once again play with abandon.