I Change My Reality
I remember feeling betrayed by someone, that I didn’t really care that much about and I remember the intensity of negative feeling I had about the person. The person I was upset with, triggered something in me and I knew the way I felt was irrational.
I worked to “release” the irrational and uncomfortable feeling that had been triggered, from my soul and body and I did what was to become the exercise we are going to do today.
Doing this exercise I recognized the very powerful feeling was from no experience of my own but from a feeling I picked up from my father.
My father’s feeling of fear of caring about people came from caring about people and then being put in a concentration camp.
It was difficult to understand (before doing this exercise many years ago) that my father’s feelings from a concentration camp had become mine.
My father lost his family to the Nazi’s, it was a real event for him.
Each time my father told me about his feelings I empathized with them deeply and felt the change come over me as if it became night.
My father would also become cold and distant, or suddenly angry.
I remember my father driving away if I did not get in the car fast enough, leaving me in dangerous places when I was a very young child.
I also remember my father often telling me he hoped that someday I would look less like a monster and more human.
My father had horrible feelings and would tell me it was because of me.
When my father would push me away or become abusive to me, I would feel my father’s feeling,…just as if it were my own feeling inside me and feel how he felt about me while he had a toxic feeling….I felt the feeling my father had about me so deeply, it was at times the way I felt about myself.
The feeling my father had came into me and instead of feeling upset with my father, I felt ugly and bad in my body.
I was uncomfortable caring about myself because paying attention to myself brought up my father’s feelings about me, so I avoided thinking about myself.
When I had feelings of love because someone loved me, I would feel happy and then… I would suddenly feel strong emotions that were uncomfortable to feel. I would pretend not to have upsetting emotions but I could not stop feeling weird feelings that made no sense. I would end up pushing someone away to stop feeling uncomfortable, because I had no control of how bad I felt.
I did not realize it at the time but I was more comfortable with someone that did not pay attention to me, even though I wanted very much to feel loved.
Because I loved and needed my father and I was just a small child, I had no idea that my father was pushing me away for the same reason I would later push others away….because we felt uncomfortable when we felt our own emotions and feelings about ourselves.
My father was projecting feelings on me, that the years of abuse from Nazi guards created, feelings he tried to hide.
My father’s feelings, that came into me made me feel horrible, I was not able to look in the mirror without feeling a stomach ache, I was insecure and I imagined if I felt attractive, I would be happier.
I did all kinds of things to feel better. I did bodybuilding and got a standing ovation at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium but would not take off my shirt afterward for pictures because it made me feel weird. I learned A Course in Miracles and even taught the class but it did nothing to help me, after twelve years of therapy I had lots of sessions of crying but still felt the same about myself, I won dance contests all over L.A. and was told I was attractive but I never felt I was attractive.
I did the following exercise out of desperation and it was a miracle how quickly and easily it worked. I instantly felt as though the feeling had been”taken off of me.” I felt better than someone telling me, “sorry that was not about you, I was in a bad mood and I was still upset from a fight I had before you got here,” but it was one million times more powerful.
The exercise works because the feeling inside us, is not something we should even have, it is like a big turd in us.
When we feel the feeling as a huge toxic feeling that belonged to someone else, that was put in us without our consent, we can also let the feeling go.
While we have the file open that the toxic feeling was in, we can also add information to the same file about the value and meaning of the toxic feeling that was not ours. We can add an understanding that the feeling was erroneous and harmful to us and not appropriate to our life. What we are doing is similar to editing a video tape about us and removing the other person we didn’t want in the video.
At the time we got the feeling it was something we picked up and used, to help us navigate in the real world. Now that we know this toxic feeling is not from our own experience but from a parents experience and makes our lives worse not better, we can reduce the significance of the feeling for us, so it does not alter our brain, autonomic nervous system, smooth muscles, blood pressure or perceptions.
When I let go of my father’s feelings in me, I also let go of what kept me from opening my heart. I am able to care about myself and I am able to feel someone’s love and feel safe too.
That is why I named this website “I change reality,” because I changed my reality when I worked on what was inside me and I know you are reading this because you will change your reality for the better too.
To be our authentic selves we want to remove feelings of sadness, insecurity, fear and anger that someone put in us, that are their feelings about themselves.
We are going to look at the deep feelings that other’s may call our “unconscious” but in reality, may just be someone”s feelings about themselves that we have operating in us. The feelings of someone else that have come into us, may be much more powerful than our own feelings and because they are so strong, they can change how we feel and behave.
The feelings that came into us from someone else, will not be “unconscious” for us after the exercise. We will be conscious of the feeling and aware of it as not our own, so we can stop reacting to it and ignore it. We will not react to the feeling after the exercise.
Normally an emotionally healthy parent or person that we depend on, would protect us from their toxic feelings.
The parent that hurts us emotionally, may feel insecure or angry but they should not have made us feel the same way they felt.
We were not insecure or afraid of being loved before someone’s toxic feelings about themselves came into us.
We took in feelings that we do not understand because they do not fit us.
Today we will remove these toxic feelings and experience our own authentic life.
How did we get conditioned to have the same feelings about ourselves our parents had about themselves?
Some cats are taught by their mother to be afraid of people even if they are being fed and cared for by people and it may be because their mother got hurt or abandoned by a person.
If a kitten goes to a person to be loved and the mother cat fears people, she will get upset with the kitten and hurt the kitten so the kitten becomes conditioned to feel fear when it goes to a person.
A kitten does not need to actually have an experience of a person that hurts the kitten for a kitten to be afraid if the parent cat puts their feelings in the kitten, they just identify with their parents feelings and become conditioned by them.
Most people that feel insecure, have no experience other than perhaps not being comforted by a parent, to feel fear of love.
If a parent or someone we trusted was upset about being hurt by someone they loved, their toxic feelings about themselves could easily be passed to us, particularly if they wanted us to empathize with them. Many people grow up to be just like their parents because of this, no matter what they do to be different.
When or if we feel a sudden overwhelming impulse of fear, insecurity, anger or any reaction that does not fit with who we are, it is usually because of someone’s powerful old toxic feelings, not our own.
If a reaction we had was because of an old experience it would not be as powerful as an old toxic feeling we adopted. If we had an old experience that created a reaction, we would remember the experience and understand where the feeling came from.
I am holding a feral cat I took in two weeks ago while I am writing this. The cat loves batting at things that move on the screen. I know the cat likes being held too because it purrs like crazy. We all deserve to experience how lovable we are.
Emotional and physical release exercise:
A) Emotional preparation:
If we feel some feeling that we believe, SOMEONE MADE US FEEL! and the feeling was not a conscious decision but it was a powerful reaction that HAPPENED TO US! This is a feeling we want to work on because we do not have “a conscious connection to an experience that created the feeling” or “an experience of it as our own from our memories of experiences.”
This powerful feeling that belonged to someone else and reactions that it creates in us can take control of our lives.
Because someone put the feeling in us, when we experience the feeling again it will feel as though someone else is making us feel this way!
This feeling that was someone’s toxic feeling and is now a part of us, is what we want to experience in this exercise so we are going to bring it up.
This feeling can be jealousy, anger, pushing love away, self destructiveness…we will do one today and we can do the exercise again for each one of these.
We are going to connect to the feeling that creates our reaction or sadness or depression and understand it on a gut level as not being ours! We are going to experience the feeling strongly and just as strongly we are going to understand and experience the feeling as something that belongs to someone else, that we regret feeling and do not ever again want to feel inside of us because it is not about us….and as we understand the feeling is making us sick, we are going to puke it out.
B) Preparation of area to do the exercise:
Get towels, a plastic bat, a mat to kneel on, something you can hit with the bat, a bucket and Kleenex.
C) Doing the exercise:
Step One:
We are going to scream, yell and hit something to get to both the toxic feeling we have as well as a feeling we are powerful up. We want the feeling of anger and power so we do not feel overwhelmed by the toxic feeling but have the strength to push it off and out of us.
Step Two:
We will hit something and get upset about the feeling being put in us and as we do we will feel the feeling more deeply. We can cry or scream as well at this time but keep it short it is not our feeling we are just bringing it up….
Step Three:
Start screaming “Get the fuck out of me! or Get the fuck off of me! or Fuck you take this back asshole! or This is not me it is not my fucking feeling!” and as you yell experience the feeling as something separate from you, something like feces or puke…
Now just make a noise and no words, focus on the feeling and push it up and out from your guts. Moan or make the sound you need to make as loud and long as you need to get the toxic feeling that belongs to someone else, out of you.
Step Four:
Get on your hands and knees over the bucket, yell and push the feeling that is sickening and not part of you out by squeezing deep in your guts and moving the feeling out towards your mouth while spitting into the bucket.
Continue pushing the feeling out of you until clear liquid comes out when spit and keep spitting and pushing until you puke a little into the bucket, if you can.
The entire exercise should take about 20 minutes, so this part of the exercise where you spit into a bucket and get the poison that was put into you back out, should take no more than 5 minutes.
Step Five:
When the feeling is completely out of you, relax and let go of it. Take a few deep breathes and feel your body lighten. Now go out and have a wonderful time.
You will experience nature or anything with a vibrancy and beauty that you could only experience being on drugs before.
Try not to have any negative experiences for the next eight hours, because on the microscopic level the new memory is hardening into a lasting memory….a memory of this feeling not being about you.
Step Six:
If the feeling comes up again do the exercise again.
The Power of Being Real
Today we are going to learn a new exercise.
One part of the exercise will be used to rewrite the conditioning we have that creates physical guarding in our body, when we feel stress.
Another part of the exercise will be used to rewrite the conditioning that creates walls of avoidance or resistance to our being loved, to us caring about ourselves, or to us wanting the things that matter most to us.
The conditioning that causes us to guard ourselves physically and emotionally, was created to protect us from someone in our past.
People have few negative memories of a parent that was not emotionally mature enough to be unselfish and caring.
It would be very difficult for us to have memories of a parent that was not there with us, caring about us.
When we were very young, we saw everyone as part of us. If one of our parents did not enjoy seeing us and hearing us, or enjoy the responsibility of taking care of us, we did not see them as neglecting us.
As a baby if we were frightened or hurt and our parent did not comfort us, we did not see our parent as someone that was betraying the trust we had in them.
From birth we would cry to be cared for if we needed care. We smiled and laughed so that our parent would smile and laugh back, from infancy.
If our parent did not hold us, enjoy caring for our needs or enjoy spending time with us, we did not perceive our parent as being apathetic to us.
If a parent that did not comfort us when we needed them, got triggered by our crying, emotions, or desire for their attention… got distant and upset pushing us further away, we became frightened of them….and as we felt our parents feelings and energy in us, that feeling and energy conditioned us to fear our own emotions, to fear caring about our own needs and fear love.
When we become triggered now, we feel our parents energy in us and that “feeling of pushing away” is still creating guarding in our body and emotions instead of allowing us to feel safe and relaxed, when we care about something or feel loved.
This triggered energy in our parents was most likely something that happened to them and has been passed down for a while. The feeling or energy is triggered and we freeze like a bunny in a field, that realizes it is in danger moving. This “guarding and fear about caring too much” prevents us from moving forward to have the love of someone that would help us rewrite the feeling we have to not care about ourselves, or feel fear caring about someone else.
In the first stage of our experience of fear, our brain “freezes us in place” by creating guarding in our body and emotions, our brains resources are all transferred into thought as our brain activates the cingulate gyrus to hyperfocus.
Our “fight or flight” system is the second stage of fear. When our fight or flight system is engaged, it is because our brain has decided it is best not to stay frozen but instead to take control of our life and run or fight for our well being.
We were not able to run or fight as a young child, we had to stay and guard ourselves, so we were numb to our fear, hurt and anger….these very same “frozen feelings” are what we bring up when we are heard and loved now…
The reason we avoid, resist or become angry at someone that hears us, sees us and loves us, is because of the old conditioning of fear of loving someone that loves us and the feelings we never got to “feel” about someone that loved us and betrayed our trust.
Today we are going to move out of being stuck in the first stage of fear and add the “fight or flight” response or second stage of fear, to the folder that creates our physical and emotional guarding, as our new “enlightened response” ….and direct anger towards the person we never got angry at so that we stop guarding and feel comfortable opening our heart again.
Today we are going to get angry at the resistance, avoidance or hostility the person that created our conditioning had for our love. When we direct our anger at the person that created our conditioning, we tag the person that we are angry at and we add the feeling we are powerful and safe from them now, to the folder of our conditioning.
Now the folder that once contained information that gave us a response of guarding, has a “response” that is empowering as well as a perception of ourselves as assertive and capable.
Each time we rewrite something in the folder of our conditioning, it is less likely to be triggered. It does not take long doing the exercises before the old folder does not get triggered or open at all.
I see people that carry the conditioning from their past in their body and life. I feel the tightness, restriction of movement and pain they experience when I treat them.
When we are emotionally stressed we do not breathe deeply. Many people have to consciously focus on breathing deeply, because the guarding in their body does not allow them to naturally breathe deeply, without consciously focusing on breathing and relaxing.
We would “struggle” to float if we were too physically “guarded.” Being guarded tightens the muscles around our chest, shoulders, abdomen and neck, so it is almost impossible to expand our lungs deeply. If we are “guarded” we can’t inhale the amount of air required for us to become buoyant in the water, or to feel present and make others feel comfortable.
The conditioning that creates physical guarding, causes us to struggle with our life all the time.
Just as we learn to float one time and from then on, we are capable of floating anywhere….our fear and guarding from past conditioning will be rewritten non-verbally and we will have that comfort as our new way of being.
When the software we have from conditioning is triggered, we are in stage one of fear and our brain changes the way it works as well as starting a cascade of other events for our protection.
The triggered software alarms our autonomic nervous system to prepare for something bad to happen to us and we begin guarding in our muscles and shut down our emotions.
Our brain changes how it processes information when our old conditioning is triggered.
When our cingulate gyrus is activated, our brain looks to find a solution and will look for the cause of the problem until it finds a cause.
Because we are not capable of introspection when we are in stage one or stage two fear, when we are triggered, we do not realize that we are “transferring old fear, resistance and anger that has remained frozen in us” to someone willing to hear our emotions.
When we are triggered, we see our problem as being about someone else, not about us.
As we withdraw from our emotions, we disconnect from our deepest sense of self.
The perception of self-in relationship to others we have, is based a great deal on feeling our emotions and the emotions of others.
For us to feel loved, we have to feel emotions and not guard.
It is always very helpful to do the beginning exercises described in Empathic Healing Part 4.
Please watch the following short video.
We are “our own parent” now.
To be loving to ourselves and our body, without resistance. To care about what matters most to us and not avoid what matters. To seek comfort and not push it away. To enjoy all of our emotions comfortably. To feel good loving someone that loves us.
EXERCISE PREPARATION:
1) Have the person that created your conditioning in mind when you do the exercise. We are working on the contents of the file that our conditioning is in. Feeling comfortable with emotions we did not feel safe feeling and directing our anger towards the very person that we were afraid to be angry at, is what will allow us to change the conditioned response of “guarding” instead of feeling safe experiencing all of our emotions.
2) Have a plastic bat, something to hit with the plastic bat, a small trash can and Kleenex. We will feel some emotion we resist, avoid or become angry about. We will yell one of the suggested phrases associated with what we avoid feeling and as we yell as loud as possible, we will hit something with the plastic bat between 3 and 5 times.
Suggested phrases:
a) I fucking hate you
b) fuck you
c) you fucking ass hole
d) love me, fucking love me
e) take care of me, care for me
f) hear my feelings asshole
g) pay attention to me, hear and see me
h) be good to me and enjoy it you fucking jerk
i) make up one of your own phrases
3) After the exercise you will want to do something that gives you a feeling of being in your body and enjoying the experience. I suggest bike riding, getting a massage, sitting in a hot tub, doing some exercise or just going for a walk. When you are done bike riding or whatever you choose, please get something good to eat and watch some comedy or listen to some music you enjoy. It is best to have things prepared in advance so that you are able to feel bliss for as long as possible.
THE EXERCISE:
A) Find a place that you generally experience tightness and soreness in a muscle when you experience stress.
B) Push two fingers into the belly of the muscle, continue pushing until taking a full deep breath is difficult to do.
C) Keep trying to breathe and expand your lungs, while you push into the tight muscle.
D) Stop pushing into the muscle. Get the bat. Focus on the person that created your conditioning.and direct your anger towards them. Take a few deep breathes and yell and hit with the plastic bat for 3-5 hits while yelling.
E) Now lie down and completely relax from head to toe while continuing to breathe as slowly and deeply as possible. Do not think but instead feel your body relax as you breathe. Feel the area that was tight relax more and more with each breathe and feel your body lighten each time you exhale..
F) When you are relaxed get up and do whatever you planned, go bike riding or get a massage.
G) Enjoy feeling emotions or all kinds but try to be happy and have fun or sleep until eight hours has passed and the new feeling that it is safe to feel emotions is hardened and lasting in your brain.
SCHEDULE:
Please do this exercise once or twice a week for six weeks.
If you need any help please contact me.
Uncovering Our True Self
We are complex beings that are capable of wondrous things.
One of the most beautiful things we have the ability to experience, is feeling love.
In this chapter of Empathic healing, we are going to discuss what some of the most common barriers to feeling loved may be. We will then do an exercise that will help us remove the barriers to love.
It is important for us to understand how powerful conditioning that we are not conscious of, can be in shaping our lives. If we were once conditioned by fear to withdraw from, or suppress our emotions, that old conditioning will still create guarding inside of us now… and alert our autonomic nervous system to protect us.
If we have been conditioned to fear emotional intimacy, the old conditioning is initiating physiological responses, perceptions and ultimately making decisions for us. The distress and anxiety we feel when someone wants emotional intimacy is because of this old conditioning.
It is difficult to separate the conditioned responses associated with feeling emotionally vulnerable and what we may think is the normal way to feel about someone.
Our reactions may seem like correct emotional responses but the conditioning to feel fear when loved, will have control over our lives.
Today, we will rewrite some of the conditioning we have that creates a negative physiological response to emotional intimacy. Afterward we will be able to experience relaxation, better sleep, creativity, and a connection to our emotions and feelings without fear.
Old fears create our nightmares….and our fears influence how we feel about ourselves. These old fears can creep into the stories we have about our lives that see played out in the daytime, if we do not remove erroneous fear.
Our brain wants us to see our fear and understand it as something that was our past….our old fears are what make us feel distressed and immobilized.
Today we will do an exercise that takes a few minutes and we will feel safe from that moment on, experiencing our emotions.
We will feel our emotions and feel wonderful afterwards.
If we face our worst fear, get angry at the person that created the fear and afterwards feel great, we will rewrite the conditioning that tells us to be afraid to feel angry at that person we fear most.
At the end of feeling angry we need to also feel good, so that we “prepare to feel good” automatically when we experience emotions of anger or sadness towards the person that hurt us. After we experience feeling what we are most afraid to feel, we no longer have conditioning to “be afraid to feel emotions.” This exercise will allow us to experience much more of the depth and width of life, without fear.
After the exercise today, we can continue to allow ourselves to emotionally and physically experience emotions about our past. Please always remember to feel good before and after going back to the past to feel emotions.
As we experience all of our emotional truth, a deeper sense of well being, presence, confidence and authenticity to emerge within us. This new sense of self will give us the strength to enjoy the experience of real love, vulnerability and enhanced states of ecstasy.
The first stage of fear is when we feel paralyzed by fear because we are in our head trying to find out what the cause of the problem is and what we need to do. If we are conditioned to be afraid of deep emotions, we will feel fear when we feel emotionally vulnerable, we will also connect the feeling of fear we are conditioned to feel, to someone in the present.
If the cause of our fear is conditioning that also prevented us from feeling deep anger or sadness towards the person that hurt us, feeling that anger or sadness now and tagging the person that caused that intense fear a long time ago, will put a face on our fear.
Now that there is a face on our fear and we have felt our fear…. and felt safe afterwards, we no longer have the conditioned response to feel fear feeling these old emotions.
We may feel unsafe feeling vulnerable or in love but the feeling of wanting to trust someone, is so much better than wanting to hurt someone before they hurt us or feeling upset by someone that cares….
Putting a face on our fear also allows us to feel safe relaxing, so we stop having anxiety, sleep better and are much healthier.
We have more control of our life when we connect to both the intellectual and emotional aspects of our brain.
The exercise:
Get a mat and put it on the ground.
Get a plastic bat.
Get something like a footstool you can hit with the plastic bat.
Get on your knees on the mat and be in front of the footstool. Grab the bat with both hands.
Think of the person you were most frightened by. If that person was someone that frightened you when you were a child, then remember them. If the person that frightened you was someone after childhood, then focus on that person….you know, the one who never listened to you when you were upset.
Now feel how you were frightened by them for perhaps ten to thirty seconds and before you go numb….go into your emotions and get as angry as you possibly can! Now hit the footstool with the bat and yell, “I hate you! (or whatever)” as loud and as you can. Hit the footstool perhaps 5 or 6 times and yell during that, then take a deep breath, feel proud of yourself, happy and get up and relax and you are done.
Do not dwell on anything or go into your head but instead do something to feel good and be in your body. Go for a bike ride, get a massage, take a hot bath or dance. The important part is to just not think but feel great physically.
Do this exercise three times and try to do it within two weeks. The exercise should take less than five minutes each time, so you will have put fifteen minutes of intense work into this to remove the conditioned response.
You should feel better within a few days.
Step Two Seeing the Beauty of Our Soul
How do we grow as a person so that we can experience our beauty reflected in the world we see? One of the important steps in the process is to develop an appreciation for the beauty of our soul.
When we are able to experience the beauty our soul has, we are able to open our heart much more. As we open our heart we turn up the volume on all of our senses and experience much more.
“How” we see ourselves is important for our growth. In particle physics, you may have learned that “how” we observe an object changes it. If we are only able to see light in the form of a particle, light will become a particle. When we are only able to see light in the form of a wave, light will become a wave.
How we observe something in particle physics changes it. “How” we observe ourselves changes us as well.
If we put on a new outfit, we feel wonderful. When we feel wonderful, we experience ourselves in a way that allows us to be more ourselves. Who we are when we are more ourselves, allows us to create experiences we would not have, if we were not feeling whole.
What creates the way we “see” ourselves? Our brain works as a unit for many tasks but not all tasks. Some areas of our brain have specific duties. One area of our brain adjusts our pupil size and another area has the ability to analyze information the information our eye receives about the spectrum of light. This area of our brain adds the value of color to an object.
Another area of our brain adds the emotional value others have for us. “How” we see ourselves, is an emotional value we place on ourselves. “How” we see ourselves may be different in each relationship we have. How we see ourselves also changes the outcome of each relationship we have.
Our brain is primarily a social tool for us to interact with others. The part of our brain that ascribes the value or meaning of the facial expressions of others, does this for us instantly. In the same instant, the same area of our brain will change how we feel in relationship to someone’s facial expressions. We also understand what we may expect as an outcome of this relationship in the same way.
We learned “how” to feel about ourselves from our early experiences. The part of our brain that “sees” us, does not understand language.
Step number 2 is about seeing the beauty of our soul. We will be doing exercises that allow us to rewrite the conditioned way we see ourselves in various relationships. The exercises give us an experience that allows us to see the beauty of our soul reflected in the eyes of everyone we have a relationship with.
We learn to dance, float or ride a bike and have a new experience of ourselves that allows us to see ourselves differently. “How” we now see ourselves has been enhanced because of a new experience of ourselves. The way we get updates in our brain so we can see ourselves in a new way is not from words or ideas but from a new experience of our self.
How does seeing our self in an enhanced way improve our life in an objective way? When we are interviewed for a job, our job is to move a person’s feelings about us towards our goal of offering us the job. If how we see ourselves is as a wonderful person, the person interviewing us will instantly understand how we feel. If we do not feel comfortable, the person interviewing us will understand this too, without us saying a word.
If we ran out onto a stage because we were late and the audience lights were on so we could see the audience, we would look into the eyes of the audience and see them as judgmental. How we felt about ourselves (anxious) would be added to the value or meaning of what we felt was behind the eyes looking at us.
If we feel wonderful, relaxed and lovable before we went onstage, we would see the audience love us. Conditioning is the “preparation” added before we do something. The feeling we have inside us about ourselves is what we see in the eyes of others.
If we have a good objective experience of ourselves a few times, each experience will validate a new and enhanced automatic way of seeing ourselves. Just as when we learn to dance, we can have an experience of ourselves in any social situation or relationship that will allow us to be more comfortable and whole.
Seeing love in someone’s eyes now becomes what we prepare for automatically each time we see them or when we go onstage. We now have a new conditioned response and a new outcome because of it.
If we saw ourselves as unlovable or someone that had to accept mistreatment, we might have lived out a story similar to a tragedy. When we appreciate who we are and respect the beauty of our soul, we give ourselves the ability to rewrite our story and create the life we want.
Seeing the beauty of our soul is what this lesson and group is about. The 2nd group gives us the support of having a new experience of ourselves in any relationship we want to improve. The experience allows us to see the beauty of our soul in others eyes.
As we learn to appreciate the beauty of our soul, we develop the ability to also see beauty in the souls of others. When we see the beauty of a person’s soul it is wonderful to see how much they enjoy showing us all of the beauty they have. As we open our heart and connect to others in this way, we create an enhanced experience.
“Awakening to the Beauty of You” at New Awakenings Bookshop
As you know my work is about re-writing conditioning. There are times we can become conditioned to feel anxious in our lives. I find doing the exercises in these workshops is the quickest and easiest way to re-write the conditioning we have.
There is a difference between feeling good, which is symptomatic relief of feeling bad and feeling good automatically all the time. If we remove the cause of what made us not feel good, we feel good automatically all the time.
Many people are not aware they have conditioning because they just experience a reaction they believe to be appropriate.
To have conditioning that makes us less ourselves, not see our beauty, feel uncomfortable, experience shame and not have the life we possible could have is sad.
One of the steps towards enlightenment, is having the ability to see our own light. The curtains and drapes that prevented us from experiencing our true selves and seeing the reflection of our beauty in the world, are now easily torn asunder.
We are going to do an exercise to be ourselves again. First let us look at what conditioning is so we appreciate how it would happen to us and how we can re-write it.
A rat is conditioned by seeing a light and then receiving a shock, a light then a shock, a light and then a shock. After the shocks stop the rat prepares for the anxiety that will come after it sees the light and that is re-recorded as the light and the shock was over and over, each time it sees a light. The light then anxiety, the light then anxiety and now after the shocks are long gone, the rat is still apprehensive. We now have a timid rat.
Conditioning is “the automatic preparation that happens to us before something.” The anxiety was a preparation for a shock, now anxiety is the preparation for anxiety….which can happen to us.
When there is loss of a loved one: there is love, anxiety and sadness, love, anxiety and sadness and we become conditioned to feeling anxious as a preparation to losing someone. The interesting thing is the trigger for the “preparation of anxiety” is not loss but love. Love then anxiety, love then anxiety….this is the conditioned response.
The conditioning makes us feel anxious feeling love or being loved.
Love may seem like it is about someone else but it allows us to be more of who we are. The chemistry we have when we feel love, allows our brain to work with much more clarity and we are much more powerful. For us to have love (which is a different intention than finding love) we have to be comfortable.
Conditioning is a preparation. We are going to re-write the preparation we have that makes us feel anxious when we anticipate wonderful emotions. To do this, we want to anticipate receiving love and pleasure as the first step.
As we anticipate pleasure from a massage that is going to happen or anything else that would make us feel wonderful and happy, we want to breath deeply and surrender. We want to practice this, relaxing before receiving pleasure and then stay relaxed and surrender as we receive pleasure.
The next step is to feel emotions are pleasure and to add the same relaxation technique of breathing deeply and surrendering to the emotions we feel that are pleasant.
As we continue doing the exercise, we feel pleasant emotions and then great in our body, we feel pleasant emotions and then great in our body. We re-write the conditioning and now when we prepare for emotions, instead of feeling anxiety and shutting down, we prepare to feel wonderful in our body.
We can also become conditioned in a way that does not allow us to see our beauty. To awaken to our beauty we have to remove the conditioning that made us feel shame, inhibition or insecurity.
Just as losing someone can condition us to have anxiety about feeling love. We can become conditioned to have anxiety about feeling beautiful.
If we wanted to be seen as beautiful and became anxious, we wanted to be seen as beautiful and became anxious, we wanted to be seen as beautiful and became anxious, we may have become conditioned to feeling anxiety about feeling beautiful.
We now look at a group of people looking at us and become anxious. If someone wants us to touch and kiss us all over we become anxious. Any time we are self conscious we become anxious.
We will have someone care about us, “when we stop feeling anxious and can enjoy being seen, touched and loved.”
Our beauty comes from our soul. To experience the beauty of our soul is one of the greatest awakenings we can have.
In this workshop you will do a simple exercise that will “rewrite” the conditioning that has made you feel ashamed, prevented you from seeing your beauty, feeling self love, feeling like a goddess, enjoying someone adoring you and a myriad of other inhibitions.
Feeling beautiful is about much more than our appearance. During the workshop we will see how others look at us in an awakened and enlightened way….we will see how beautiful and lovable we are in their eyes. We will see how beautiful we are.
This way of seeing is just removing the conditioning that prevented us from seeing clearly. We will experience our beauty at the workshop and after. We will always see how beautiful and lovable we are automatically after that.
The new experience we have of ourselves will allow us to see the real beauty in others as well. This workshop gives us a permanent “enhancement in clarity”. Now we experience ourselves in a way that will allow us to see our beauty reflected in the world.
This is a video of the end of another workshop. Each one is as unique as we are.
Please come to the workshop at New Awakenings
Saturday, July 28 2012, 3:00pm – 5:00pm
For more information you can also call me at 360-953-7408.
Real Beauty
There are all kinds of people out there, that want to go from sickness to wellness, from a bad relationship to a better relationship, from confusion to clarity that haven’t been able to map out exactly where to go, or what to do to make those journeys possible. When we want to go somewhere new, it is nice to have the all the directions and information we need to get to where we want to go.
Creating is about more than having a desire. To have the healing, love or clarity we want, we must understand how to gently find and remove the blocks and barriers within ourselves that are built against creating what we desire.
On our journey we go to the See Your Beauty workshop and we gently and lovingly remove the blocks and barriers we have. We open our heart, feel lovable, beautiful, powerful, more ourselves, alive, uninhibited, authentic, creative, loving, present and soon we have such clarity, we discover it was opening our heart that set us free.
The See Your Beauty workshop is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between travelers on the same path or journey. When we are able to be present with our own blocks and barriers, we are able to be present with a fellow traveler as they remove their own barriers.
People say, “Someone has to be ready to grow.” I have found, we are all ready for “growth” when it is enjoyable, wonderful and real. People do understand they should be loving to themselves, they do not understand how to rewrite the conditioning that created the barrier that prevented them from feeling love for themselves all the time.
See Your Beauty, is about much more than our appearance; it can be about removing shame, removing insecurities, removing inhibitions, removing reactions that create stress or discomfort for us and rewriting our body image, too. The exercises we use in this workshop will rewrite non-verbal information in our brain to give us a lasting enhancement in clarity. Loving ourselves in this way gently removes the blocks and barriers we have to allow us to be loved. accept healing, and create.
The lasting enhancement in clarity we receive from the workshop will enable us to see our beauty in the eyes of others, see love in their eyes and see our own beauty when we look in the mirror.
We bring flowers when something beautiful happens inside of us. Our heart opens and we see only the beauty that already exists. Beauty is in us, all we do is open our heart, the world mirrors us.
Letting our inner child out
How do we become more ourselves and alive?
Have we ever had a dream where someone or something is chasing us and we are unable to see what or who it is?
We want to run in those dreams but the same dream can give us a feeling we are unable to move.
What is chasing us and what is holding us from moving forward?
There is something we may not be able to see…it is the same problem the Tin Man, the Lion and the Scarecrow had….and it can create nightmares for the child within us.
I am sure we have all rewarded ourselves when we accomplished something others admire. We feel more alive because we have been conditioned to give ourselves a chemical reward for the accomplishment.
How can we find what we like if we only receive chemical rewards for the things we have been conditioned to do?
If there is no reward for us opening our heart to find what would feel wonderful for us, how can we have the courage, brains or heart to create wonderful dreams asleep or awake?
Can we reward ourselves for things that would make us proud, even if they are not something we have rewarded ourselves for in the past?
We can create chemical rewards and rewrite our conditioning so we get the same “feeling of aliveness and pride” we got from doing what someone else wanted us to do. We can reward ourselves for our creativity in the same way we would for finishing a project, getting a good grade, hearing a “job well done”, hearing applause, having someone admire us that is an “authority” figure or from getting a diploma, a medal or a watch…
In the Wizard of Oz the Scarecrow has stopped thinking, the Lion has lost courage, the Tin-man has lost heart and all because they do not know how to reward the child within.
There is a child within all of us. We are that child’s parent now. What is our excuse for not rewarding ourselves for being who we are?
How we reward ourselves is automatic.
Let us examine what we are feeling chemical rewards from…
We may have learned to respect authority figures more than our own judgement. If we feel more alive when a stranger admires us than when we look in the mirror, we may have become admiration based and not love based.
Looking for admiration may be the only time we give chemical rewards and this is hard for us…particularly when there are few of these rewards as we create our own business or are in management, there is more criticism and less praise as we excel.
We can condition ourselves to give automatic chemical rewards because of love.
Want you to try something? This is a “love based chemical reward” exercise.
It gives one the experience of loving their inner child. To begin, I want you to be proud of your inner child for directing you to something that made you happy. This is just a practice exercise.
Do you remember the last time you indulged in play? Have you played with bubbles, had a food fight, gone to get a massage, brought flowers home, went to a funny movie or just walked along the beach in the rain lately? If you remember something that made you happy, created art or heard music ….anything at all…. lets go to the next step.
Completely relax. Breathe deeply and as you slowly exhale let go in your face, now your head, now your neck, let your shoulders completely drop…. breathe deeply, exhale and relax all over.
Now remember the best feeling of reward or aliveness you have ever experienced in your body. The feeling of aliveness and excitement can be from anything, let go of the thought about what created the feeling and just feel the experience of the feeling all over. Take some deep breaths and allow the feeling to wash over your body and through every part of you. When you feel wonderful….
…….give it to the child within you. Walk slowly towards a mirror and with each step feel the wonderful feeling as it grows stronger, breathe deeply and ……as you open your eyes see the child within and feel good.
The child within deserves the reward of this chemistry because we love them/yourself for being happy in this life….its not so easy all the time…but it is important to feel alive and happy.
It is amazing how much more we are ourselves when the rewards we give ourselves automatically make us feel wonderful about ourselves.
The nucleus accumbens, the brains reward system, as well as the frontal lobe are much less active when we only reward ourselves for being admired. If we reward ourselves instead of just waiting to get it from others, we have much more activity going on in the reward system of our brain.
There are times we all have sadness or failure.
The same things the Wizard of Oz gave, self confidence, courage and the capacity to love are something we can give ourselves.
If we want to become who we were meant to be, we must have the ability to reward ourselves, not look for the Wizard of Oz to do it.
Every relationship can give us an opportunity to have a better relationship with ourselves.
Loving yourself and rewarding yourself for doing that, creates incredible relationships.
Love <3
I changed my reality
I have to take responsibility for my energy. My energy has created some wonderful and terrible things.
My father was in a concentration camp, a work camp in Poland for seven years. My father hid the feeling he was victimized from himself but I had empathy for my father so I felt the way he felt inside and emulated the way he felt about himself in relationship to others.
My father would say “I forgave the Nazi’s a long time ago.” but when he was vulnerable, I felt him tighten in his body, he looked at me, pupils dilated with a face that was hollow, ash and cold.
“My tongue was like shoe leather. They would take us out and line us up against the wall”. “I saw a man put his hands on top of mine, they were larger hands that covered my hands. The man whispered in my ear, When I grab your hands, fall with me. The man winced and kissed my neck. We fell and I stayed on the ground under him until long after dark.”
When I saw a bully as a kid. I beat the hell out of him. I beat kids bloody twice my age.
I was too old to fight but too young to understand. I was in Chiropractic college, I had straight A’s and my scores were in the top five in my class.
A new semester began and J.G. Anderson, my new professor got up in front of the class. He stood there quietly staring at us. “I want you students to know something about me. I was in the military in WWII and I was in charge of a group of epileptics in a secretarial pool. I told them, just as I am telling you…I will not tolerate a person being late, falling short of the work that is expected and most of all for falling asleep under any circumstances.”
J.G Anderson smiled, “I had to give many injections of drugs that would cause seizures, do you know what happens to an epileptic that has medication to create seizures injected? They have seizures so hard they break their teeth! (he laughed). They learned.”
Many students laughed with him. I understood their deference was from fear but it took them and they were gone.
I always sat in the front of the class. Every day J.G. Anderson came into class, stared at us and then spent the next fifteen to thirty minutes drawing on the board. It was summer in Glendale California.
There were sixty of us in a classroom in a very old building with no air conditioning or fans.
Even though I was only nineteen years old, I worked as a bouncer in a nightclub in Pasadena till two A.M.. I only had time to get five hours of sleep at night.
When J.G. Anderson came in and started drawing I would fall asleep like I was hit with a hammer. I would wake up with J.G. glaring at me. Many times he said, “I will ruin your life!”
I was sure I was the victim. I was a wonderful healer and people adored me because I cared so much. I was unable to see what my role was in this.
How could I change my role when I did not see that I was writing my script? My reactions and emotions became an energy that could create a reality I would live in.
I felt that my reactions were valid. It is very hard to see what we bring, let me explain why. How our brain works, is to look outside of us, when we are in fear or reacting to an affect created by fear, we are much like a small animal that is frightened. A small frightened animal remains still and looks out to see what is creating their fear and what they can do.. At this time the brain turns off our ability to be introspective, so we can focus all of our attention on what we believe is creating our reaction.
When I was calm I could see that my energy was at least in part creating some of my reality.
I decided to do everything I could to create as much good energy as I could. I was like a guy that was very attractive and well dressed but people told, “You have toilet paper stuck to your shoe!” The problem was I couldn’t see the toilet paper myself.
I decided I wanted to create more great energy, perhaps there would be less chance to have a reaction that was negative. I thought, “I will spend more time working on what is beautiful about me and I will be fine.” I was already more than wonderful enough…
Later I realized I had become phoney trying to be good all the time and people said that I was not funny anymore, I was watching my words and thoughts so much I was not really myself.
I tried to be more authentic by just accepting my faults. When I was negative I still felt my reactions were appropriate, I became a very nice person that sometimes was O.K. having other people tell him there was toilet paper on his shoe.
It was amazing what a big deal the toilet paper was to people.When I cared about someone and felt them sad because of me enough times, I finally decided I should fix this no matter if it did take real work.
I owned my energy and took responsibility for what it was creating but was not sure what that meant.
I spent years looking at my early experiences trying to understand who I was and why I had a need to have the reactions I did. Maybe some information would help me understand and I could decide to be different. The work did not stop me from having the same reactions, even when I could see that I was.
I took the time to feel what was happening in my body. I could feel that there were times my body was prepared for a fight and I realized that the preparation was what created my energy.
I remembered that I had been teaching others to prepare for situations differently in the body, so they would not have chronic pain. These exercises helped them to quickly have permanent relief. They also told me it changed their lives for the better.
I decided to use the exercises I developed for others, on myself to help me re-write the conditioning I had that created my reactions. In a few days I was without the reactions. I had a new self perception and experience to go with it as well.
My energy changed my reality. My energy or intent, is not just what I think, it’s who I am and how I experience things.
I stopped being a victim. I am able to be calm and assertive. I have a wonderful life now, no more toilet paper on my shoe!
The important thing I understand now is how much we change our reality. My reality was changed by my energy. It may be hard to know how important our energy is but think of it this way….other people that were at the receiving end of my energy would say my energy and my intent were the same. No matter what I was “thinking” I wanted to have happen, my energy was my intent. My intent created a reality that matched my energy.
I worked on myself and I changed my reality. I removed the fear I did not even know I had.
When we wake up and feel better, we can look back and understand the feeling we had created the nightmare.
What is different about Drive-thru enlighenment?
We can rewrite memory, so how does that help us to be authentic and enlightened automatically all the time?
The research that has been done that gives us reason to believe we can rewrite memory, was research done to rewrite conditioning in animals. The research unconditioned animals.
How we are able to rewrite memory is that each time a memory is reviewed, we actually are rerecording the memory. Each time we bring up a memory, it stops being a memory and exists as information we are currently using.
When we are playing the memory, it is possible to edit it and then rerecord it. Each time we retrieve a memory we edit it somewhat.
The way animals were unconditioned was to use a drug, so that they did not feel anything that automatically prepared them.
For sake of ease of discussion let us say that whatever memory the animal had of the situation they were conditioned in, made them feel tense or anxious in their body and normally that was rerecorded each time.
Now the animals were given a drug that made them unable to rerecord the feeling of being tense or anxious in that same situation. They were unable to feel tense or anxious so the memory of the situation was now rerecorded without those feelings.
The next time the memory of the situation came up, they did not act tense or anxious.
In Europe they have been testing various drugs on humans to help them to stop having bad feelings associated with memories. The scientists doing this research believe these bad memories are the cause of emotional problems that the subjects taking the test report.
When subjects had a drug given to them to eliminate the feeling associated with the memory, the memory seems to disappear as well.
Losing memories and not having significant improvement in the emotional health and well being have made the progress of these drug tests slower than hoped for.
I personally feel the tests on animals were worthwhile in showing that we can rewrite conditioning. The animals did not need to recall their past to become unconditioned.
There are many chemicals we naturally create inside ourselves, that feel wonderful, relieve anxiety, make us feel beautiful and would easily give us the ability to rewrite the old tapes we have that condition us.
Rewriting something that prepares us so that we have a better feeling about ourselves, is something that happens naturally all the time. We rewrote the way we prepared ourselves and perceived what our relationship with the water was about, when we learned how to float.
The part of the brain that gets conditioned and unconditioned, is the same in animals and humans, it is the area we are going to do our exercises on. This part of of our brain is non-verbal.
The part of our brain we are discussing, for sake of ease of understanding let us call it our operating system…our operating system receives sensory information before our conscious mind.
When we walk thru the woods and jump, we may not know why but we automatically look back and we see it is perhaps a hose or a snake…we can then decide. Our operating system prepared us, because it receives input before we actually see the object in our mind.
We are prepared and ready for things before we could possibly think about them.
There are many pathways of information from our operating system to our verbal mind. There are many less pathways of information from our verbal mind to our operating system.
The information from our operating system is like the sound of an eight lane freeway and the information from our verbal mind is like a small road. The freeway sound overpowers the road and our thoughts are dominated by what is loudest.
We automatically and instantly prepare because of old tapes, if we want to be the authentic version of ourselves, love ourselves unconditionally, feel beautiful, lovable, present and enlightened, it is easy when we know how to rewrite the old tapes.
Our operating system is the part of our brain that is the lens we use to give us the value and meaning we attach to the objects we see. Without this added value, we would not have a feeling about anything we looked at.
The way we perceive ourselves, feel about ourselves or even imagine others view us, is something our operating system instantly and automatically gives us.
The way we see ourselves and feel about ourselves alters the way we feel about others as well.
If what prepares us for what is going to happen in a relationship, tells us we are vulnerable, incapable, ineffectual, or unattractive, it will have an effect on how we are able to experience ourselves and others.
The way we experience ourselves in a relationship changes our relationship.
The experiences we will enjoy, will improve when the way we experience ourselves does.
When we rewrite the erroneous information we have in our operating system, that is similar to the conditioning the animal had before it’s “memory” was rewritten…we will possess the clarity to have a better experience in all relationships.
The experiences we have reinforce the information we have on these old tapes.
If anyone would like to rewrite what may prevent them from automatically feeling unconditional love for themselves, or what prevents them from being the authentic version of who they are….anyone is welcome to enjoy the exercises on this website or contact me for more information.
What is different about Drive-thru enlightenment? …it”s easier to do than other stuff.
Would you like to have control of your reactions?
Becoming enlightened takes more than having good thoughts or feelings.
When we work on our brain, we can grow and permanently improve something about ourselves, whether it is to feel safe, feel beautiful or become enlightened, we want the change to be real.
When we are able to feel what we wanted automatically, we know we have grown.
I am introducing something called Cerebrology. It is a new science about our brain.
Cerebrology uses natural non-verbal techniques to enhance the way we prepare automatically. Our reactions, emotions and perceptions are all just automatic preparations done in the non-verbal part of our brain.
When we enhance the information we have that instantly and automatically prepare us, we can permanently improve many things and become more “ourselves”.
One of the things Cerebrology can improve for us, is the reaction of jealousy. We can permanently remove jealousy because it is a reaction and not a conscious thought.
This simple five minute exercise will rewrite the affect that creates the automatic feeling of jealousy.
I hope you enjoy it.
Click on the above exercise.
