I Change My Reality
I remember feeling betrayed by someone, that I didn’t really care that much about and I remember the intensity of negative feeling I had about the person. The person I was upset with, triggered something in me and I knew the way I felt was irrational.
I worked to “release” the irrational and uncomfortable feeling that had been triggered, from my soul and body and I did what was to become the exercise we are going to do today.
Doing this exercise I recognized the very powerful feeling was from no experience of my own but from a feeling I picked up from my father.
My father’s feeling of fear of caring about people came from caring about people and then being put in a concentration camp.
It was difficult to understand (before doing this exercise many years ago) that my father’s feelings from a concentration camp had become mine.
My father lost his family to the Nazi’s, it was a real event for him.
Each time my father told me about his feelings I empathized with them deeply and felt the change come over me as if it became night.
My father would also become cold and distant, or suddenly angry.
I remember my father driving away if I did not get in the car fast enough, leaving me in dangerous places when I was a very young child.
I also remember my father often telling me he hoped that someday I would look less like a monster and more human.
My father had horrible feelings and would tell me it was because of me.
When my father would push me away or become abusive to me, I would feel my father’s feeling,…just as if it were my own feeling inside me and feel how he felt about me while he had a toxic feeling….I felt the feeling my father had about me so deeply, it was at times the way I felt about myself.
The feeling my father had came into me and instead of feeling upset with my father, I felt ugly and bad in my body.
I was uncomfortable caring about myself because paying attention to myself brought up my father’s feelings about me, so I avoided thinking about myself.
When I had feelings of love because someone loved me, I would feel happy and then… I would suddenly feel strong emotions that were uncomfortable to feel. I would pretend not to have upsetting emotions but I could not stop feeling weird feelings that made no sense. I would end up pushing someone away to stop feeling uncomfortable, because I had no control of how bad I felt.
I did not realize it at the time but I was more comfortable with someone that did not pay attention to me, even though I wanted very much to feel loved.
Because I loved and needed my father and I was just a small child, I had no idea that my father was pushing me away for the same reason I would later push others away….because we felt uncomfortable when we felt our own emotions and feelings about ourselves.
My father was projecting feelings on me, that the years of abuse from Nazi guards created, feelings he tried to hide.
My father’s feelings, that came into me made me feel horrible, I was not able to look in the mirror without feeling a stomach ache, I was insecure and I imagined if I felt attractive, I would be happier.
I did all kinds of things to feel better. I did bodybuilding and got a standing ovation at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium but would not take off my shirt afterward for pictures because it made me feel weird. I learned A Course in Miracles and even taught the class but it did nothing to help me, after twelve years of therapy I had lots of sessions of crying but still felt the same about myself, I won dance contests all over L.A. and was told I was attractive but I never felt I was attractive.
I did the following exercise out of desperation and it was a miracle how quickly and easily it worked. I instantly felt as though the feeling had been”taken off of me.” I felt better than someone telling me, “sorry that was not about you, I was in a bad mood and I was still upset from a fight I had before you got here,” but it was one million times more powerful.
The exercise works because the feeling inside us, is not something we should even have, it is like a big turd in us.
When we feel the feeling as a huge toxic feeling that belonged to someone else, that was put in us without our consent, we can also let the feeling go.
While we have the file open that the toxic feeling was in, we can also add information to the same file about the value and meaning of the toxic feeling that was not ours. We can add an understanding that the feeling was erroneous and harmful to us and not appropriate to our life. What we are doing is similar to editing a video tape about us and removing the other person we didn’t want in the video.
At the time we got the feeling it was something we picked up and used, to help us navigate in the real world. Now that we know this toxic feeling is not from our own experience but from a parents experience and makes our lives worse not better, we can reduce the significance of the feeling for us, so it does not alter our brain, autonomic nervous system, smooth muscles, blood pressure or perceptions.
When I let go of my father’s feelings in me, I also let go of what kept me from opening my heart. I am able to care about myself and I am able to feel someone’s love and feel safe too.
That is why I named this website “I change reality,” because I changed my reality when I worked on what was inside me and I know you are reading this because you will change your reality for the better too.
To be our authentic selves we want to remove feelings of sadness, insecurity, fear and anger that someone put in us, that are their feelings about themselves.
We are going to look at the deep feelings that other’s may call our “unconscious” but in reality, may just be someone”s feelings about themselves that we have operating in us. The feelings of someone else that have come into us, may be much more powerful than our own feelings and because they are so strong, they can change how we feel and behave.
The feelings that came into us from someone else, will not be “unconscious” for us after the exercise. We will be conscious of the feeling and aware of it as not our own, so we can stop reacting to it and ignore it. We will not react to the feeling after the exercise.
Normally an emotionally healthy parent or person that we depend on, would protect us from their toxic feelings.
The parent that hurts us emotionally, may feel insecure or angry but they should not have made us feel the same way they felt.
We were not insecure or afraid of being loved before someone’s toxic feelings about themselves came into us.
We took in feelings that we do not understand because they do not fit us.
Today we will remove these toxic feelings and experience our own authentic life.
How did we get conditioned to have the same feelings about ourselves our parents had about themselves?
Some cats are taught by their mother to be afraid of people even if they are being fed and cared for by people and it may be because their mother got hurt or abandoned by a person.
If a kitten goes to a person to be loved and the mother cat fears people, she will get upset with the kitten and hurt the kitten so the kitten becomes conditioned to feel fear when it goes to a person.
A kitten does not need to actually have an experience of a person that hurts the kitten for a kitten to be afraid if the parent cat puts their feelings in the kitten, they just identify with their parents feelings and become conditioned by them.
Most people that feel insecure, have no experience other than perhaps not being comforted by a parent, to feel fear of love.
If a parent or someone we trusted was upset about being hurt by someone they loved, their toxic feelings about themselves could easily be passed to us, particularly if they wanted us to empathize with them. Many people grow up to be just like their parents because of this, no matter what they do to be different.
When or if we feel a sudden overwhelming impulse of fear, insecurity, anger or any reaction that does not fit with who we are, it is usually because of someone’s powerful old toxic feelings, not our own.
If a reaction we had was because of an old experience it would not be as powerful as an old toxic feeling we adopted. If we had an old experience that created a reaction, we would remember the experience and understand where the feeling came from.
I am holding a feral cat I took in two weeks ago while I am writing this. The cat loves batting at things that move on the screen. I know the cat likes being held too because it purrs like crazy. We all deserve to experience how lovable we are.
Emotional and physical release exercise:
A) Emotional preparation:
If we feel some feeling that we believe, SOMEONE MADE US FEEL! and the feeling was not a conscious decision but it was a powerful reaction that HAPPENED TO US! This is a feeling we want to work on because we do not have “a conscious connection to an experience that created the feeling” or “an experience of it as our own from our memories of experiences.”
This powerful feeling that belonged to someone else and reactions that it creates in us can take control of our lives.
Because someone put the feeling in us, when we experience the feeling again it will feel as though someone else is making us feel this way!
This feeling that was someone’s toxic feeling and is now a part of us, is what we want to experience in this exercise so we are going to bring it up.
This feeling can be jealousy, anger, pushing love away, self destructiveness…we will do one today and we can do the exercise again for each one of these.
We are going to connect to the feeling that creates our reaction or sadness or depression and understand it on a gut level as not being ours! We are going to experience the feeling strongly and just as strongly we are going to understand and experience the feeling as something that belongs to someone else, that we regret feeling and do not ever again want to feel inside of us because it is not about us….and as we understand the feeling is making us sick, we are going to puke it out.
B) Preparation of area to do the exercise:
Get towels, a plastic bat, a mat to kneel on, something you can hit with the bat, a bucket and Kleenex.
C) Doing the exercise:
Step One:
We are going to scream, yell and hit something to get to both the toxic feeling we have as well as a feeling we are powerful up. We want the feeling of anger and power so we do not feel overwhelmed by the toxic feeling but have the strength to push it off and out of us.
Step Two:
We will hit something and get upset about the feeling being put in us and as we do we will feel the feeling more deeply. We can cry or scream as well at this time but keep it short it is not our feeling we are just bringing it up….
Step Three:
Start screaming “Get the fuck out of me! or Get the fuck off of me! or Fuck you take this back asshole! or This is not me it is not my fucking feeling!” and as you yell experience the feeling as something separate from you, something like feces or puke…
Now just make a noise and no words, focus on the feeling and push it up and out from your guts. Moan or make the sound you need to make as loud and long as you need to get the toxic feeling that belongs to someone else, out of you.
Step Four:
Get on your hands and knees over the bucket, yell and push the feeling that is sickening and not part of you out by squeezing deep in your guts and moving the feeling out towards your mouth while spitting into the bucket.
Continue pushing the feeling out of you until clear liquid comes out when spit and keep spitting and pushing until you puke a little into the bucket, if you can.
The entire exercise should take about 20 minutes, so this part of the exercise where you spit into a bucket and get the poison that was put into you back out, should take no more than 5 minutes.
Step Five:
When the feeling is completely out of you, relax and let go of it. Take a few deep breathes and feel your body lighten. Now go out and have a wonderful time.
You will experience nature or anything with a vibrancy and beauty that you could only experience being on drugs before.
Try not to have any negative experiences for the next eight hours, because on the microscopic level the new memory is hardening into a lasting memory….a memory of this feeling not being about you.
Step Six:
If the feeling comes up again do the exercise again.
The Power of Being Real
Today we are going to learn a new exercise.
One part of the exercise will be used to rewrite the conditioning we have that creates physical guarding in our body, when we feel stress.
Another part of the exercise will be used to rewrite the conditioning that creates walls of avoidance or resistance to our being loved, to us caring about ourselves, or to us wanting the things that matter most to us.
The conditioning that causes us to guard ourselves physically and emotionally, was created to protect us from someone in our past.
People have few negative memories of a parent that was not emotionally mature enough to be unselfish and caring.
It would be very difficult for us to have memories of a parent that was not there with us, caring about us.
When we were very young, we saw everyone as part of us. If one of our parents did not enjoy seeing us and hearing us, or enjoy the responsibility of taking care of us, we did not see them as neglecting us.
As a baby if we were frightened or hurt and our parent did not comfort us, we did not see our parent as someone that was betraying the trust we had in them.
From birth we would cry to be cared for if we needed care. We smiled and laughed so that our parent would smile and laugh back, from infancy.
If our parent did not hold us, enjoy caring for our needs or enjoy spending time with us, we did not perceive our parent as being apathetic to us.
If a parent that did not comfort us when we needed them, got triggered by our crying, emotions, or desire for their attention… got distant and upset pushing us further away, we became frightened of them….and as we felt our parents feelings and energy in us, that feeling and energy conditioned us to fear our own emotions, to fear caring about our own needs and fear love.
When we become triggered now, we feel our parents energy in us and that “feeling of pushing away” is still creating guarding in our body and emotions instead of allowing us to feel safe and relaxed, when we care about something or feel loved.
This triggered energy in our parents was most likely something that happened to them and has been passed down for a while. The feeling or energy is triggered and we freeze like a bunny in a field, that realizes it is in danger moving. This “guarding and fear about caring too much” prevents us from moving forward to have the love of someone that would help us rewrite the feeling we have to not care about ourselves, or feel fear caring about someone else.
In the first stage of our experience of fear, our brain “freezes us in place” by creating guarding in our body and emotions, our brains resources are all transferred into thought as our brain activates the cingulate gyrus to hyperfocus.
Our “fight or flight” system is the second stage of fear. When our fight or flight system is engaged, it is because our brain has decided it is best not to stay frozen but instead to take control of our life and run or fight for our well being.
We were not able to run or fight as a young child, we had to stay and guard ourselves, so we were numb to our fear, hurt and anger….these very same “frozen feelings” are what we bring up when we are heard and loved now…
The reason we avoid, resist or become angry at someone that hears us, sees us and loves us, is because of the old conditioning of fear of loving someone that loves us and the feelings we never got to “feel” about someone that loved us and betrayed our trust.
Today we are going to move out of being stuck in the first stage of fear and add the “fight or flight” response or second stage of fear, to the folder that creates our physical and emotional guarding, as our new “enlightened response” ….and direct anger towards the person we never got angry at so that we stop guarding and feel comfortable opening our heart again.
Today we are going to get angry at the resistance, avoidance or hostility the person that created our conditioning had for our love. When we direct our anger at the person that created our conditioning, we tag the person that we are angry at and we add the feeling we are powerful and safe from them now, to the folder of our conditioning.
Now the folder that once contained information that gave us a response of guarding, has a “response” that is empowering as well as a perception of ourselves as assertive and capable.
Each time we rewrite something in the folder of our conditioning, it is less likely to be triggered. It does not take long doing the exercises before the old folder does not get triggered or open at all.
I see people that carry the conditioning from their past in their body and life. I feel the tightness, restriction of movement and pain they experience when I treat them.
When we are emotionally stressed we do not breathe deeply. Many people have to consciously focus on breathing deeply, because the guarding in their body does not allow them to naturally breathe deeply, without consciously focusing on breathing and relaxing.
We would “struggle” to float if we were too physically “guarded.” Being guarded tightens the muscles around our chest, shoulders, abdomen and neck, so it is almost impossible to expand our lungs deeply. If we are “guarded” we can’t inhale the amount of air required for us to become buoyant in the water, or to feel present and make others feel comfortable.
The conditioning that creates physical guarding, causes us to struggle with our life all the time.
Just as we learn to float one time and from then on, we are capable of floating anywhere….our fear and guarding from past conditioning will be rewritten non-verbally and we will have that comfort as our new way of being.
When the software we have from conditioning is triggered, we are in stage one of fear and our brain changes the way it works as well as starting a cascade of other events for our protection.
The triggered software alarms our autonomic nervous system to prepare for something bad to happen to us and we begin guarding in our muscles and shut down our emotions.
Our brain changes how it processes information when our old conditioning is triggered.
When our cingulate gyrus is activated, our brain looks to find a solution and will look for the cause of the problem until it finds a cause.
Because we are not capable of introspection when we are in stage one or stage two fear, when we are triggered, we do not realize that we are “transferring old fear, resistance and anger that has remained frozen in us” to someone willing to hear our emotions.
When we are triggered, we see our problem as being about someone else, not about us.
As we withdraw from our emotions, we disconnect from our deepest sense of self.
The perception of self-in relationship to others we have, is based a great deal on feeling our emotions and the emotions of others.
For us to feel loved, we have to feel emotions and not guard.
It is always very helpful to do the beginning exercises described in Empathic Healing Part 4.
Please watch the following short video.
We are “our own parent” now.
To be loving to ourselves and our body, without resistance. To care about what matters most to us and not avoid what matters. To seek comfort and not push it away. To enjoy all of our emotions comfortably. To feel good loving someone that loves us.
EXERCISE PREPARATION:
1) Have the person that created your conditioning in mind when you do the exercise. We are working on the contents of the file that our conditioning is in. Feeling comfortable with emotions we did not feel safe feeling and directing our anger towards the very person that we were afraid to be angry at, is what will allow us to change the conditioned response of “guarding” instead of feeling safe experiencing all of our emotions.
2) Have a plastic bat, something to hit with the plastic bat, a small trash can and Kleenex. We will feel some emotion we resist, avoid or become angry about. We will yell one of the suggested phrases associated with what we avoid feeling and as we yell as loud as possible, we will hit something with the plastic bat between 3 and 5 times.
Suggested phrases:
a) I fucking hate you
b) fuck you
c) you fucking ass hole
d) love me, fucking love me
e) take care of me, care for me
f) hear my feelings asshole
g) pay attention to me, hear and see me
h) be good to me and enjoy it you fucking jerk
i) make up one of your own phrases
3) After the exercise you will want to do something that gives you a feeling of being in your body and enjoying the experience. I suggest bike riding, getting a massage, sitting in a hot tub, doing some exercise or just going for a walk. When you are done bike riding or whatever you choose, please get something good to eat and watch some comedy or listen to some music you enjoy. It is best to have things prepared in advance so that you are able to feel bliss for as long as possible.
THE EXERCISE:
A) Find a place that you generally experience tightness and soreness in a muscle when you experience stress.
B) Push two fingers into the belly of the muscle, continue pushing until taking a full deep breath is difficult to do.
C) Keep trying to breathe and expand your lungs, while you push into the tight muscle.
D) Stop pushing into the muscle. Get the bat. Focus on the person that created your conditioning.and direct your anger towards them. Take a few deep breathes and yell and hit with the plastic bat for 3-5 hits while yelling.
E) Now lie down and completely relax from head to toe while continuing to breathe as slowly and deeply as possible. Do not think but instead feel your body relax as you breathe. Feel the area that was tight relax more and more with each breathe and feel your body lighten each time you exhale..
F) When you are relaxed get up and do whatever you planned, go bike riding or get a massage.
G) Enjoy feeling emotions or all kinds but try to be happy and have fun or sleep until eight hours has passed and the new feeling that it is safe to feel emotions is hardened and lasting in your brain.
SCHEDULE:
Please do this exercise once or twice a week for six weeks.
If you need any help please contact me.
Experiencing Our Real Life
Are we loving to ourselves and open to others loving us?
I believe we all understand what real love is, from the moment we are born.
Why would we cry when we needed someone or smile to see a smile in return, if we did not have an understanding of what real love was?
I believe we still have an understanding of what real love is. I also know that most of us were conditioned to believe that what someone was giving us was real love, when we were not loved.
Would we know if we were conditioned (or tricked) to believe we were getting what we wanted?
We want to be able to give ourselves everything we need and want because we want to be a better parent to ourselves.
Are we continuing to believe the abandonment, betrayal of trust or abuse we were conditioned to accept instead of love, is what we really want?
The exercises for the next six weeks are below.
Doing these exercises over the next six weeks will help us understand if we have repressed our own needs, wants and desires. They will also put us in touch with our true understanding of what we want to have being loving to ourselves.
As a great parent to ourselves we want to give ourselves everything we need and want, with love.
Please watch the video and see how easily we could have lost connection to what mattered most in our heart.
Someone asked me, “If I feel that abuse is love what is wrong with it?”
In neurologic tests on the brain, women that had been abused saw photos of men that were angry or violent and saw them smiling and happy. The same abused women saw photos of men smiling and calm… but they did not see happy men.
There are at least two things wrong with desire to see abuse as love. If we see abuse as love we no longer can see abuse. If we see abuse as love, we are now blind to real love as well.
During the next six weeks we will be restoring our own feelings.
As we become whole and connected to our emotions, we will be tearing down the barriers to loving ourselves. When we feel lovable and love ourselves, we will begin to be comfortable having someone really love us.
Exercise Set 2:
Please do the previous exercise, exercise 1 first before doing these. After you have done exercise 1 three different times, proceed to the next exercises.
Each exercise is to be done in the same manner we did the first exercise. We need a mat, plastic bat and something like a footstool to hit.
We get in position with bat in hand kneeling on the mat in front of the footstool and then follow the suggestions for each separate exercise below.
Please allow a full day of happiness after each exercise.
Please do not in any way engage a person you are upset with during this time, because of feelings brought up by the exercises.
We are awakening our own connection to self and rewriting conditioning. We want to rewrite our conditioning by “feeling comfortable experiencing our emotions and happy afterward” so we open our heart.
We can always argue with someone later, right now we are giving ourselves the ability to feel our emotions deeply, there is nothing more important we can do until that has been accomplished.
Each exercise should not last more than five minutes. Please be sure to remember to do something that feels wonderful for your body, something that is good for your well being as well, such as exercise or receiving a massage.
We are empowering ourselves to be good to ourselves and have a different feeling about our emotions, one where we can have them and enjoy our life, not be afraid of them.
I am going to leave it up to you to decide what memory you will be upset about but only think about the memory and call up the feeling for a few seconds, do not allow the feeling to overwhelm you or shut you down.
After feeling the emotion, let go of all thought and feel deep anger in your body, then take the bat and attack the footstool yelling the words of each exercise.
After you hit the footstool and yell in anger a few times, please go sit down and feel as good as you can all over your body. When you have calmed down and feel good, please go do something wonderful for yourself.
We are just rewriting the conditioning that blocked our real feelings.
If you want later you can feel sadness and cry or yell but remember to just do a little and keep in mind that it was the past. Immediately after feeling emotions do something to be good to yourself and be happy or watch some comedy.
We want to set up a new pattern of allowing ourselves to feel all of our emotions but we want to be gentle with ourselves and not bring old feelings into our life now.
The exercises should be done one step at a time and only one a day. It may seem like we are doing very little but we are doing a great deal and will experience great results.
Exercise 1)
“Want me!”
This is the emotion and what we will yell when we hit the footstool, we want to be angry that we were not wanted as much as we should have been by someone.
Exercise 2)
“Love me!”
We want to be angry and tell someone “Love me!” Ultimately these are also for us to hear ourselves but we need to allow ourselves to be comfortable being angry at someone that could have loved us more, before we will feel comfortable loving ourselves.
Exercise 3)
“Hear me!”
We want to be angry at someone for not hearing us and doing what we needed them to do.
Exercise 4)
“See me!”
We want to be appreciated and enjoyed for who we really are, we want to be angry at someone that did not do that when we were told they loved us.
Exercise 5)
“Hold me!”
We want to feel angry at someone that we hoped would enjoy holding us.
Exercise 6)
“I am special!”
We want to be angry with someone that did not do what made us happy when we were little. We wanted to be supported in finding what made us happy and hoped it would make them happy to see us happy.
Please love yourself. Please forgive anything that was not loving to yourself that you did, we did our best at the time.
Namaste. I love you. <3
You are a narcissist
Let us discuss some of the ways we became a narcissist. We can then discuss how being a narcissist alters us. In the next blog, I will tell you how we can become real again.
We wanted something and acted differently so we could get it, the act continued and developed into a persona. The narcissist persona is software that remains separate from “who we are” because it does not connect to our emotions.
If our narcissist persona gets enough of what it wants, we become grandiose. Grandiosity is an addictive high.
I remember a long time ago when I was first starting junior high school, the people that were bullies suddenly had a following. When the bully made fun of someone, everyone laughed. The kids that were picked on and laughed at the most… seemed to be staying around the bully more than I would want to be. If someone was around a bully for a while, it appeared his or her values changed.
I have seen a person laugh at a strangers comment. The sound of forced enthusiasm and laughter that came after an insult… did not make the moment funny, it was sad.
I asked someone why she thought the man was laughing so hard. She told me it was a reaction to fear. I then asked her if she did that. “If I stop and think about it, yes I do that all the time.”
I think I first noticed I was becoming a narcissist early in grammar school. I realized the easiest way to get good grades was to figure out what the teacher wanted and do that.
I enjoyed caring about what I did but… if I did not focus on pleasing the teacher, I would not get the same admiration or the same grades.
I could feel the difference between doing things I cared about and doing things to receive admiration. I was slowly developing a persona that was phony but enjoyed the results very much.
How early do we first learn narcissism? I often watch parents that are more interested in receiving admiration from strangers than paying attention to their children.
If our parent was not able to enjoy the pleasure of watching us explore, play and eventually find what we loved, we may have paid more attention to our parent’s feelings then they paid to ours. If we emulated our parent to get attention, it may have been the beginning of our development of a narcissistic persona.
How does being a narcissist change us? Adding a new persona is like adding a new home that is in a different location as the one we currently have. The two homes are separate and not connected. Each time we change “where we are coming from” our perceptions, values and thoughts change, because these c0me with us wherever we go.
When we change who we are and live in our narcissist persona, the values and thoughts we have are different but we may not be aware they are. We are not self aware when we are a narcissist because we are not connected to our own feelings and emotions.
A client told me, “When I was a narcissist I understood a man that wanted me for sex but a man that wanted to love me made me uncomfortable. I was not aware that I was not feeling emotions in social situations. I was aware that I wanted to be loved and that the men I picked were not able to love me but what was happening did not make sense.”
The narcissist wants to feel they are superior and the more they compare themselves to others the more of a feeling of insecurity they develop. In addition, each moment we are not ourselves we give our inner child a feeling they are not good enough. Because we are not in touch with our feelings as much when we are a narcissist, it is difficult to see that our narcissism is the cause of our insecurity.
In the movie The Lord of the Rings, we can see the change in someone when they have the ring. With the ring, a person would feel wonderful or powerful and this is a similar addiction to grandiosity.
Just as a person wearing the ring could become confused, a narcissist is confused about their life because they do not realize that the intention they create when they are a narcissist is different from the intention they have when they feel emotions and want much more.
The truth is both the ring and narcissism take possession of someone over time. Narcissism is like a toupee that we become used to wearing, we are reluctant to get rid of it because we believe we are better with it.
The part of us that feels emotions has different values, perceptions and thoughts than our narcissist. Our narcissist makes decisions for us all the time and we wind up living with them. The narcissist part of us does not have the emotional ability to learn from past mistakes.
I hope you use this understanding to your advantage. We may find ourselves with people the narcissist likes because they admire the narcissist. Only the part of us that is real and feels emotions can tell a person that loves us from one that has another feeling about us.
In the next section, I will give exact steps to heal and overcome narcissism.
Emotions Add Color to the World
After asking people for many years when they first started using self-help, I realized that most people started using self help after being hurt emotionally.
From my own experience, the first time I used self help was to numb my emotions.
When I was doing self help a long time ago I saw that many used self help to have a cool image as well.
There are so many people concerned with image that I declare “Style to have officially won over substance.” Someone cool seems preferable to a warm heart.
The emotional work I have done the last 20 years, is very different from other types of self help. My work is about allowing people to open their heart and experience all of their emotions so they can be themselves and grow.
Is love something we hold as sacred? Is love an idea or a feeling in our heart? Is just loving anyone special for us or is loving someone that loves us in return, that is sacred to us? Do we experience the joy of love for someone even when we are not with them and does this shape our being?
When we open our heart to another, we feel how they genuinely feel about us. If the person we love becomes numb, we no longer have our playmate to have fun with. It is easy to close our heart and hard to open it again.
If we hold love sacred, we must be able to experience the emotion of real love.
If we are not helping people open their hearts, how are we helping the world?
Self help is commonly used to mask emotional pain. This way of dealing with emotions only brings symptomatic relief.
Self help should make us more capable of experiencing all of our feelings, perceptions, reactions and emotions so we can find what the cause of our problems is. We need to learn to love ourselves. Love is an emotion.
We can not stop just a few emotions, we stop all emotions including the experience of love when we try to stop feeling any emotions.
I find people are less interested in removing the real cause of their problems, when they have symptomatic relief. Some of the same techniques that are used to make people stop feeling emotions that are used in mind control, are commonly used in self help. These only assist people in disconnecting from their lives.
To be our authentic selves and use our entire brain, we need to feel emotions. Emotions are essential to being who we are. We understand others through their emotions, as they understand us through our emotions or numbness as well.
Most of us experience more of what is important for our growth while we are feeling love than at any other time. Love gives us the incentive to grow.
People that have stopped feeling because they have been hurt, experience the addition of depth and color when they are able to feel emotions again.
Step 3- Emotions Add Color to the World, is about us allowing ourselves to have all of our emotions and be comfortable and not afraid of them.
We do not go back to the past to dredge up emotions. We try to become comfortable feeling any emotions we have not allowed ourselves to feel.
The more we allow ourselves to feel comfortable and safe with the emotions we have, the less fear we have of feeling emotions. People that feel their sadness or hurt in a gentle and compassionate way are able to feel love again because they are not too afraid of pain to open their heart.
In group 3 we do not discuss personal information. We do allow people to have the emotions or feelings that seem to them to be too much for them to experience alone. We give support and love to those brave enough to experience the fear and emotion that has stopped them from having the love we all want to enjoy.
Step Two Seeing the Beauty of Our Soul
How do we grow as a person so that we can experience our beauty reflected in the world we see? One of the important steps in the process is to develop an appreciation for the beauty of our soul.
When we are able to experience the beauty our soul has, we are able to open our heart much more. As we open our heart we turn up the volume on all of our senses and experience much more.
“How” we see ourselves is important for our growth. In particle physics, you may have learned that “how” we observe an object changes it. If we are only able to see light in the form of a particle, light will become a particle. When we are only able to see light in the form of a wave, light will become a wave.
How we observe something in particle physics changes it. “How” we observe ourselves changes us as well.
If we put on a new outfit, we feel wonderful. When we feel wonderful, we experience ourselves in a way that allows us to be more ourselves. Who we are when we are more ourselves, allows us to create experiences we would not have, if we were not feeling whole.
What creates the way we “see” ourselves? Our brain works as a unit for many tasks but not all tasks. Some areas of our brain have specific duties. One area of our brain adjusts our pupil size and another area has the ability to analyze information the information our eye receives about the spectrum of light. This area of our brain adds the value of color to an object.
Another area of our brain adds the emotional value others have for us. “How” we see ourselves, is an emotional value we place on ourselves. “How” we see ourselves may be different in each relationship we have. How we see ourselves also changes the outcome of each relationship we have.
Our brain is primarily a social tool for us to interact with others. The part of our brain that ascribes the value or meaning of the facial expressions of others, does this for us instantly. In the same instant, the same area of our brain will change how we feel in relationship to someone’s facial expressions. We also understand what we may expect as an outcome of this relationship in the same way.
We learned “how” to feel about ourselves from our early experiences. The part of our brain that “sees” us, does not understand language.
Step number 2 is about seeing the beauty of our soul. We will be doing exercises that allow us to rewrite the conditioned way we see ourselves in various relationships. The exercises give us an experience that allows us to see the beauty of our soul reflected in the eyes of everyone we have a relationship with.
We learn to dance, float or ride a bike and have a new experience of ourselves that allows us to see ourselves differently. “How” we now see ourselves has been enhanced because of a new experience of ourselves. The way we get updates in our brain so we can see ourselves in a new way is not from words or ideas but from a new experience of our self.
How does seeing our self in an enhanced way improve our life in an objective way? When we are interviewed for a job, our job is to move a person’s feelings about us towards our goal of offering us the job. If how we see ourselves is as a wonderful person, the person interviewing us will instantly understand how we feel. If we do not feel comfortable, the person interviewing us will understand this too, without us saying a word.
If we ran out onto a stage because we were late and the audience lights were on so we could see the audience, we would look into the eyes of the audience and see them as judgmental. How we felt about ourselves (anxious) would be added to the value or meaning of what we felt was behind the eyes looking at us.
If we feel wonderful, relaxed and lovable before we went onstage, we would see the audience love us. Conditioning is the “preparation” added before we do something. The feeling we have inside us about ourselves is what we see in the eyes of others.
If we have a good objective experience of ourselves a few times, each experience will validate a new and enhanced automatic way of seeing ourselves. Just as when we learn to dance, we can have an experience of ourselves in any social situation or relationship that will allow us to be more comfortable and whole.
Seeing love in someone’s eyes now becomes what we prepare for automatically each time we see them or when we go onstage. We now have a new conditioned response and a new outcome because of it.
If we saw ourselves as unlovable or someone that had to accept mistreatment, we might have lived out a story similar to a tragedy. When we appreciate who we are and respect the beauty of our soul, we give ourselves the ability to rewrite our story and create the life we want.
Seeing the beauty of our soul is what this lesson and group is about. The 2nd group gives us the support of having a new experience of ourselves in any relationship we want to improve. The experience allows us to see the beauty of our soul in others eyes.
As we learn to appreciate the beauty of our soul, we develop the ability to also see beauty in the souls of others. When we see the beauty of a person’s soul it is wonderful to see how much they enjoy showing us all of the beauty they have. As we open our heart and connect to others in this way, we create an enhanced experience.
“Awakening to the Beauty of You” at New Awakenings Bookshop
As you know my work is about re-writing conditioning. There are times we can become conditioned to feel anxious in our lives. I find doing the exercises in these workshops is the quickest and easiest way to re-write the conditioning we have.
There is a difference between feeling good, which is symptomatic relief of feeling bad and feeling good automatically all the time. If we remove the cause of what made us not feel good, we feel good automatically all the time.
Many people are not aware they have conditioning because they just experience a reaction they believe to be appropriate.
To have conditioning that makes us less ourselves, not see our beauty, feel uncomfortable, experience shame and not have the life we possible could have is sad.
One of the steps towards enlightenment, is having the ability to see our own light. The curtains and drapes that prevented us from experiencing our true selves and seeing the reflection of our beauty in the world, are now easily torn asunder.
We are going to do an exercise to be ourselves again. First let us look at what conditioning is so we appreciate how it would happen to us and how we can re-write it.
A rat is conditioned by seeing a light and then receiving a shock, a light then a shock, a light and then a shock. After the shocks stop the rat prepares for the anxiety that will come after it sees the light and that is re-recorded as the light and the shock was over and over, each time it sees a light. The light then anxiety, the light then anxiety and now after the shocks are long gone, the rat is still apprehensive. We now have a timid rat.
Conditioning is “the automatic preparation that happens to us before something.” The anxiety was a preparation for a shock, now anxiety is the preparation for anxiety….which can happen to us.
When there is loss of a loved one: there is love, anxiety and sadness, love, anxiety and sadness and we become conditioned to feeling anxious as a preparation to losing someone. The interesting thing is the trigger for the “preparation of anxiety” is not loss but love. Love then anxiety, love then anxiety….this is the conditioned response.
The conditioning makes us feel anxious feeling love or being loved.
Love may seem like it is about someone else but it allows us to be more of who we are. The chemistry we have when we feel love, allows our brain to work with much more clarity and we are much more powerful. For us to have love (which is a different intention than finding love) we have to be comfortable.
Conditioning is a preparation. We are going to re-write the preparation we have that makes us feel anxious when we anticipate wonderful emotions. To do this, we want to anticipate receiving love and pleasure as the first step.
As we anticipate pleasure from a massage that is going to happen or anything else that would make us feel wonderful and happy, we want to breath deeply and surrender. We want to practice this, relaxing before receiving pleasure and then stay relaxed and surrender as we receive pleasure.
The next step is to feel emotions are pleasure and to add the same relaxation technique of breathing deeply and surrendering to the emotions we feel that are pleasant.
As we continue doing the exercise, we feel pleasant emotions and then great in our body, we feel pleasant emotions and then great in our body. We re-write the conditioning and now when we prepare for emotions, instead of feeling anxiety and shutting down, we prepare to feel wonderful in our body.
We can also become conditioned in a way that does not allow us to see our beauty. To awaken to our beauty we have to remove the conditioning that made us feel shame, inhibition or insecurity.
Just as losing someone can condition us to have anxiety about feeling love. We can become conditioned to have anxiety about feeling beautiful.
If we wanted to be seen as beautiful and became anxious, we wanted to be seen as beautiful and became anxious, we wanted to be seen as beautiful and became anxious, we may have become conditioned to feeling anxiety about feeling beautiful.
We now look at a group of people looking at us and become anxious. If someone wants us to touch and kiss us all over we become anxious. Any time we are self conscious we become anxious.
We will have someone care about us, “when we stop feeling anxious and can enjoy being seen, touched and loved.”
Our beauty comes from our soul. To experience the beauty of our soul is one of the greatest awakenings we can have.
In this workshop you will do a simple exercise that will “rewrite” the conditioning that has made you feel ashamed, prevented you from seeing your beauty, feeling self love, feeling like a goddess, enjoying someone adoring you and a myriad of other inhibitions.
Feeling beautiful is about much more than our appearance. During the workshop we will see how others look at us in an awakened and enlightened way….we will see how beautiful and lovable we are in their eyes. We will see how beautiful we are.
This way of seeing is just removing the conditioning that prevented us from seeing clearly. We will experience our beauty at the workshop and after. We will always see how beautiful and lovable we are automatically after that.
The new experience we have of ourselves will allow us to see the real beauty in others as well. This workshop gives us a permanent “enhancement in clarity”. Now we experience ourselves in a way that will allow us to see our beauty reflected in the world.
This is a video of the end of another workshop. Each one is as unique as we are.
Please come to the workshop at New Awakenings
Saturday, July 28 2012, 3:00pm – 5:00pm
For more information you can also call me at 360-953-7408.
Confident IV the first exercise
In a previous blog titled “Who Am I” I said, “The good news is we can change anything we want and become who we want, without having to go into the past. Because our brain is designed to grow and be whole, what we do in the present is the best vehicle for developing and enhancing our brain.”
Today we are going to learn a beginning exercise that will help us to be the confident, present and compassionate person we hope to be. This exercise will also give us the ability to start changing our reality.
The first thing a person needs to be able to open their heart, is a feeling of safety within themselves.
This feeling of safety will give someone a feeling of well being and presence as well. This feeling will also allow someone to feel pleasure opening their heart without being stressed.
What gives an infant the feeling of confidence are a few things, 1) object permanence (parents that are always there when needed), 2) touch (feeling wanted), 3) having someone hear us when we cry, responding to our feelings (feeling heard) and 4) having someone smile when we smile (feeling seen).
To have those feelings….of feeling taken care of, of being wanted, of feeling heard and being seen for who we are, we want to do the following exercise:
If we are not living with our parents and they are not taking care of us, we are our own parents and we have control of what happens to us.
1) The first part of the exercise is for us to accept and understand that we are now our own parents. We make the decisions about what we have in our life.
The most important part of the first step is for us to willingly take responsibility for the most important things for our life, in a loving caring way.
Object permanence comes from someone being responsible for taking care of us…our needs and wants. As we take the responsibility for giving ourselves the things that matter most and make sure all of our dreams are heard more seriously, we give ourselves more object permanence (this makes us feel deep safety and well being).
2) The second part of the exercise is to treat ourselves as a sweet child that has real needs that are physical, emotional and creative. We want to listen to and hear all the needs we have. We must not ignore any of our feelings. We also want to see ourselves as capable and lovable. Feeling heard and seen in this way also gives us a feeling of object permanence and well being.
3) The third part of the exercise pulls the first and second parts together into action. For our health and well being, we are going to get massaged several times in the next couple weeks.
We give the child within the touch we need for survival. The “non-verbal” understanding of touch is important. Our limbic system (the place in our brain that is the lens we use to see ourselves as safe) understands this non-verbal language. We can use this new experience to rewrite unresolved feelings we may have. How it feels in our body to be wanted and loved is powerful.
If we take responsibility for “getting a massage”, we are in essence giving the child within the caring loving touch so many people do not receive from other things. The more wonderful loving feelings we take responsibility for giving ourselves, the better we will feel.
As we take responsibility for the care of our needs, the need to be touched, heard, seen, wanted and loved, we develop a sense of safety, trust, presence and well being that allows us to feel a deep safety and confidence that nothing else can give us.
As we feel more safety and well being, we soon feel joy opening our heart.
There are many more things we can do to grow and have a wonderful life.
If you have any questions please feel free to write me Bob@ichangereality.com or call me at 360-953-7408
How do I know when I am creating crap?
How do I know when my energy is creating crap?
Today another in the series of stories about how great people can create shit for themselves and not know what is going on.
As always, people write about their problems and I give them a solution.
The “secret” to helping people?
1) People that have problems are seldom checking how they “feel” inside of their body.
2) Feeling bad in our body can create an energy that creates crap.
3) Taking responsibility for how we feel in our body is important.
4) Understanding how to rewrite how we feel inside our body before we enter a situation, can change our energy and what happens in the situation in the future.
We have more power than we know.
The story this week, (the names have been changed to protect the innocent).
Jim came to me and asked me to help him and his wife. Jim said his wife did things to sabotage him. He said Leslie was always angry with him. Jim added that his wife was so upset and distant they only fought and she recently told him she was thinking of moving out.
Leslie, Jim’s wife, told me Jim came home in a foul mood and would bark at her and the kids. Leslie said they feared Jim and did not know what to do.
Solution:
I told Jim to park the car in the driveway and before he went in the house honk the horn and then do an exercise. The exercise was to relax all over his body from head to toe while breathing deeply. The next step was, to remember how he felt in his body on his honeymoon and create that feeling, the feeling he had about how beautiful and wonderful he was, in his body again. The next step was for him to remember how he felt in his body when he was with his wife on their honeymoon. I told him to feel more and more relaxed in his body with each breathe and when he felt wonderful to get out of the car. Last I told him as he walked towards the front door to breathe deeply and feel loved and desired inside his body, when he felt how lovable he was in his body, to go in the door and find his wife.
I told Leslie that when she heard Jim’s car horn honk, to just relax and breathe deeply. Relax from head to toe completely so she felt wonderful in her body. I told her to remember how she felt in her body when she was walking down the aisle, on her wedding day. I told Leslie to create the feeling she had in her body once again as she felt so beautiful, to feel special, strong, desirable, sexy and alive. Last I told her to remember how she felt in her body when Jim looked at her on the altar and when he carried her across the threshold and to create that feeling in her body more and more as she took longer and deeper breathes. I told Leslie to stay in bed and keep feeling this in her body and to enjoy the feeling in her body.
I told them both to do this exercise every day for a week. In three days they called me and told me they were on their honeymoon again every night.
Jim called me a month later and thanked me, he said they were happier than ever, they were both very much in love. Jim said he was bringing flowers home and loving it.
Jim asked me why they were having problems before and I said “who gives a shit, you won’t anymore.”
To be continued in the next blog….
Can we alter the lens in our brain to see the beauty within
How can I see the beauty within me
I would get a new suit, haircut, a tan or loose 10 pounds and could see with my eyes, I looked better.
I stopped reacting with jealousy, made a person that was unable to even stand, walk and I could not look in the mirror and see myself as more handsome.
We instantly and automatically get a feeling about what we look at.
I was much more attracted to people that were wonderful inside, I was able to add that value and meaning to what I saw… I wondered why I wasn’t able to see that when I looked at myself?
I developed this exercise after years of research about how our brain works, so we could see ourselves and our beauty, automatically all the time.
The Beauty Within
CEREBROLOGY EXERCISE: SEE WITH YOUR EYES HOW ATTRACTIVE YOU ARE
Step One
The exercise begins, we start by standing 6-10 feet from a mirror and to the side so we can not see our image. Next we walk up to the mirror but not so we can see ourselves and just before the mirror we stop and close our eyes.
Next we take a few deep breaths and relax.
If we are more relaxed after a few breathes, it may be because we have some apprehension.
If we were to look in the mirror when we are apprehensive, we add the feeling of apprehension to what we see.
After we assess how we feel we go back to where we started several feet away from the mirror.
————————————
Step Two
We do what we did to begin with again, we walk towards the mirror and stop to assess how we feel. We do the relaxation exercise again and assess how we feel. We continue doing this exercise of just walking up to the mirror, until we can go to the mirror and find ourselves automatically relaxed when we get there.
————————————————————————————–
Step Three
The next step is similar but we add one more thing.
We walk up again and close our eyes before we look at our image. We do a self check to see if we feel beautiful in our body before we look at ourselves.
How we feel about ourselves inside our body is added to the picture we see and if we do not have a feeling we are beautiful we will not see ourselves as beautiful.
We do a self check after arriving at the mirror with our eyes closed, if we do not feel beautiful in our body, we allow ourselves to feel beautiful in our body and then we return to the starting place a few feet away from the mirror.
——————————————————————-
Step Four
We repeat this step until we are able to walk up to the mirror with our eyes closed and feel beautiful in our body.
When we are able to walk up to the mirror and have a feeling that allows us to feel beautiful, we open our eyes and see our real beauty.
We do the exercise a couple times to reinforce the visual understanding.
A new science and practice of healing emerges, Cerebrology
Cerebrology, the door to a fresh new loving way of healing has opened…
What has been used in the past, to help people grow and what were the origins?
Let us look at where we have been..
Considered one of the largest influences on hypnotherapy, Milton Erickson has been a big influence on self-help. Richard Bandler and John Grinder who created Neuro Linguistic Programming, used Milton Erickson’s help to create N.L.P.
Milton Erickson’s ideas about an “unconscious” were different than Freud’s beliefs. Milton Erickson’s “unconscious” was a complicated explanation of a theoretical system that was a philosophy not neuroscience.
The impressive sounding “unconscious”, gave the impression of a scientific discipline but does not explain brain function. Milton Erickson stated, “In all my techniques, almost all, there is confusion.” Even that sentence is confusing.
In our past, we have seen healer-patient relationships that gave great power to the healer. One reason for the disparity in power was that the language used was not simple, understandable or consumer friendly.
Cerebrology is new, scientific and does something in our brain to help us grow
We have the ability to improve the bad reactions we have.
Recently there have been experiments on animals and humans to rewrite memory. The method is described as “re consolidation of memory”.
The memory that was re consolidated or rewritten was not a verbal memory. The work was done on the amygdala, the section of our brain associated with emotional learning. Our amygdala is part of our automatic brain, what I call our operating system.
In recent years, additional studies have replicated Nader’s studies in other mammals, and they have even extended the idea to humans. In 2009, neuropsychologists confirmed that if you activate a person’s fear, the traumatic memories associated with it can, for a brief period, be altered. The key is to provide complete safety during the reconsolidation window-which, in humans opens up minutes after a memory is recalled. The window lasts up to six hours, but then slams shut until the next time the memory is recalled.
When we put a memory into play, it is destabilized, flexible and vulnerable or ready to be permanently rewritten, adding the new information we add to it. This technique is what you are about to learn.
How can the new science of Cerebrology be an effective tool in self-help to improve what happens in our brain?
I want self-help to be user friendly, easily understood and it should have a basis in neuroscience that can be explained simply as well. I believe this type of self help will empower people and allow them the tools they need to grow and be more themselves.
Let me give you some of those tools today.
We need to understand where our reactions and perceptions come from so we can understand why this works so effectively on our brain.
How we react can come from conditioning but most of the time our reactions come from affect. Affect is something we learned before we were verbal, when we empathized with our parents, emulated the relationship they had with others and modeled the feelings our parents had about themselves.
Just as we watch someone dance and feel the feeling in our body, later this feeling is what gives us the ability to do the same dance. This is the way we learned affect before we were verbal.
Learning affect takes place the same way in animals and is what makes the difference between a feral cat and one that is comfortable sitting in our lap. The part of our brain that makes one person react differently than another or have a different self image than another, does not understand verbal language any more than a cat does.
Now we need to understand how to do the work of Cerebrology, to improve the reactions in our brain. Here is an example
I am proud to say Cerebrology exercises give people what they need to open their curtains and drapes, so they can see by their own light.
I believe people want to love themselves unconditionally and with this new science it is easy to achieve.
I predict that people will be attractive because of the beauty within.
I have already worked with people that have made this happen.
An example of an exercise that makes us able to see the beauty within, is the exercise for a better self image. It helps a person find exactly what it is that is impeding them from feeling their beauty and allows them to automatically see their beauty all the time.
THE EXERCISE: SEE WITH YOUR EYES HOW ATTRACTIVE YOU ARE
Step One
The exercise begins, we start by standing 6-10 feet from a mirror and to the side so we can not see our image. Next we walk up to the mirror but not so we can see ourselves and just before the mirror we stop and close our eyes.
Next we take a few deep breaths and relax.
If we are more relaxed after a few breathes, it may be because we have some apprehension.
If we were to look in the mirror when we are apprehensive, we add the feeling of apprehension to what we see.
After we assess how we feel we go back to where we started several feet away from the mirror.
————————————
Step Two
We do what we did to begin with again, we walk towards the mirror and stop to assess how we feel. We do the relaxation exercise again and assess how we feel. We continue doing this exercise of just walking up to the mirror, until we can go to the mirror and find ourselves automatically relaxed when we get there.
————————————————————————————–
Step Three
The next step is similar but we add one more thing.
We walk up again and close our eyes before we look at our image. We do a self check to see if we feel beautiful in our body before we look at ourselves.
How we feel about ourselves inside our body is added to the picture we see and if we do not have a feeling we are beautiful we will not see ourselves as beautiful.
We do a self check after arriving at the mirror with our eyes closed, if we do not feel beautiful in our body, we allow ourselves to feel beautiful in our body and then we return to the starting place a few feet away from the mirror.
——————————————————————-
Step Four
We repeat this step until we are able to walk up to the mirror with our eyes closed and feel beautiful in our body.
When we are able to walk up to the mirror and have a feeling that allows us to feel beautiful, we open our eyes and discover our real beauty.
We do the exercise a couple times to reinforce the visual understanding.
——————————————
The Next Step
We then do the next exercise, which involves seeing ourselves as beautiful in someone’s eyes.
————————
What Have We Done To Improve Our Brain and Why Can We See Our Beauty?
Let us discuss what we are doing.
As if it was a nightmare, we allow ourselves to experience this automatic feeling that prepares us before we see ourselves.
We then understand that like a nightmare the feeling we automatically have that is preparing us, is giving us a distorted image of ourselves.
Next we let the feeling we have that is erroneous go, as we bring in the feeling we are beautiful and have it prepare us for the experience of seeing our image in the mirror. The beautiful feeling is “recondensed” and is rewriting the old memory or affect. Now the automatic feeling we have that comes up before we look in the mirror is that we are beautiful and this feeling is the one preparing us, so we SEE our true beauty.
We are able to permanently improve the feeling we automatically have. We do what is necessary to find the exact automatic preparation that inhibits us from having an experience of ourselves that has clarity. When we connect to the automatic preparation that gives us the altered perception or reaction, we can let go of the preparation or rewrite it.
It is simple, we put the information we want, in the file it belongs in. This technique is similar in some ways to just feeling good but the little extra is worth it.
Harvard psychiatrist Dr. Roger Pitman likened reconsolidation to a file in an office cabinet; if you want to adjust the contents, first you have to retrieve the file. But you can only make changes when it is opened.
Improving how we automatically prepare or react is important, the future will tell us just how important it is.
What is real growth?
If we can automatically feel better about ourselves when we wear something new, how can we create a feeling like wearing a new outfit that is automatic and is lasting as well?
What creates the automatic adjustments in the lens we use to view everything?
The special challenge I had when I was looking for something to help me with my personal growth was that I believed if the growth I was getting was real, it would help me with my reactions and improve my self-perceptions.
I wanted growth that was inside of me, I wanted to be myself and not have to stop and think to be a better person.
I wanted to feel handsome all the time and be able to see that in the eyes of those looking at me, without having to be concerned about my appearance. I wanted my inner beauty to be something I could see as well.
I wanted to be good to the people that cared about me. I wanted to be present and calm when there were stressful situations not just when it was easy to be that way. The times I had problems were times that I had reactions that took over my thoughts.
Reactions and perceptions are so powerful they command our thoughts and like a nightmare, the feeling we have alters us and our ideas. If we wake up from a nightmare and someone tells us, “that was just a dream” it still feels real. When we feel differently later on, we can see it was just a dream easily.
The same part of our brain that creates our nightmares, also alters the lens we use to give us our perceptions. The same information in this part of our brain that is creating nightmares, is also the fuel for our reactions. This automatic part of us can have fears or perceptions that are erroneous.
The Dalai Lama said, “Eliminate the negative or dark forces from our emotions and there is enlightenment.”
What can change the meaning and value of what we see, are the automatic tunings or adjustments that happen to the lens we use to view everything.
The lens we use gives us the perceptions we have. We all have our own unique way of experiencing others, the world and ourselves.
How we instantly and automatically prepare, tunes or controls the lens we use.
The information that directs our preparations tells us when we should react (another way we prepare), it creates the mood we are in (another way we are prepared), it tells us how we should feel about ourselves and our appearance in relation to our situation (another way we prepare), it controls how guarded or tense we are in our body (another way we prepare), the emotions and feelings we have (another way we prepare) and all of these influence the lens we use.
This is information we learned primarily before we were verbal. We learned it emulating what we empathized (pre-motor pathway). This is something we saw and felt our parents do as they prepared for all the situations they were in.
If we were able to make permanent improvements in the information that created our preparations, we could improve how we feel about our appearance and the improvement would automatically happen, we would have the same feeling we did with a new outfit on and that wonderful feeling about how beautiful or handsome we were would be lasting.
We could also eliminate reactions that we did not want to have. We could stop being jealous.
We could alter the amount of reward we automatically gave ourselves and what feeling we wanted that reward to be, so we could unconditionally love ourselves automatically and when we loved ourselves that way we could easily do that for others as well.
The preparations we have that are automatically happening to us, are altering the lens we use to give us our perception of our self and as we bring clarity to the lens we see not just our own beauty but the beauty in others as well.
When we are able to add meaning to what we see by choice, we can see the beauty within.
When we have information in our operating system that creates good feelings automatically for us before we look in the mirror… we see our own beauty when we look at ourselves and we experience an automatic clarity that allows us to see the beauty in others.
How we experience something is more important than what we think about it because the way we experience ourselves or someone else, can give us options of better experiences.
Enlightenment is removing the darkness to revel our light. Everything is illuminated from within.
A little light can remove a lot of darkness. Please recommend this to others.
The Wizard of Oz gave people the most valuable thing of all, he gave them what was missing so they could be more themselves.
I want to give what is missing so we can be more ourselves as well.
I would love to share this exercise, it helped me to add something that was missing so I could be more myself and have real growth. There are many more exercises like this on this website. Please enjoy them.
What prevents me from unconditionally loving myself?
Click on the above exercise.
Unconditionally loving myself.
Click on the above exercise.
Healing ourselves and others with Cerebrology
If you are a healer of any kind, I would be glad to help you learn this new science and system of Cerebrology.
There are new discoveries that improve how we live. These advancements are happening faster all the time, the internet, software, apps for our phone.
The new advancements in understanding how our brain works, allow us to create new more effective ways of healing and personal growth.
The “unconscious mind” was in Freud’s opinion, the repository of socially unacceptable ideas, wishes or desires, traumatic memories and painful emotions put out of the mind by the mechanism of psychological repression.
Most healers still refer to this system of understanding our brain. Freud’s system is one hundred years old. There is no part of our mind that is a closet. No part of our brain is unconscious, less conscious or subconscious.
There are various functions that our brain performs. We can think verbally. We can move as we like.
There are also automatic functions our brain performs so we can think about the beautiful person we are dancing with.
The lens that gives us a feeling about their beauty is automatic, the way our heart races as we see their pupils dilate, the automatic sense of movement we feel as we hear the music, the emotions the music elitists within us…all of this is created instantly by the automatic part of our brain I call our “operating system”.
This part of our brain does not understand words but it does much more work than our verbal mind and it does the work so fast words would be too slow.
Our brain uses the pre-verbal language that we learned empathizing with how our parents felt about themselves in various situations. We used this same language to communicate with our body when we emulated and imitated them. The new science and system I use called Cerebrology, allows us to use this same pre-verbal language called affect, to connect to our “operating system” and re-write the feelings we empathized our parents having.
We can connect to a specific feeling we now have about ourselves and replace it with a feeling that we have consciously chosen.The improvement is in the pre-verbal language our operating system uses to instantly direct all the automatic things that go on behind the scenes of what we are thinking about.
If you would like to add the work I offer on this website, to your healing practice or just to help a friend, I would be more than happy to teach or show you to make that easy.
Email me at Bob@ichangereality.com
I hope it will be a welcome new addition to the wonderful healing you are already doing.
There are many ways to heal but they all begin in our heart. I hope this exercise gives you a little more strength in your healing practice my friend.
I belong, the exercise.
Click on the above exercise.
Thank you for all you do.
A new science for our brain?
How can we re-write affect and conditioning?
If we walked thru a blue door ten times and someone slapped us each time, we would develop an apprehension about going thru blue doors. We might be able to go thru any other color but when we went thru the blue ones, we would be apprehensive. Each time we went thru a blue door we would re-record the apprehensive feeling no matter how much we tried not to.
Some people that want us to be “present”, tell us to “think” in some way so that we can relax and be “present”. It may be possible to think and be present while we are relaxing but going thru that blue door requires all of our focus to relax a little. In real life situations, such as an argument, an unexpected stress or too many things happening at once… these “blue doors” happen without giving notice. When we go thru the blue doors that occur in real life, we do not do so well. The way we automatically prepare before we go thru the blue door is an instant and automatic reaction.
If we went thru the blue door just one time and had a wonderful surprise, (for each of us it might be something different that would make us happy) and found that surprise, we would not be reluctant to go thru that blue door again. We would not have the bad reaction again because the feeling we re-recorded about the door had happiness and when we saw a blue door that feeling would be the one we automatically brought up.
Our lives have many blue doors, they hold us back from the life we could have if we could open them. The most powerful blue doors were created when we empathized with the way our parents felt about themselves when we were not yet verbal. We emulated the way they felt just the way we emulated how they walked. How they felt about themselves, came in thru the pre-motor pathway in our brain and is now how we automatically prepare for our blue doors.
The conditioning and successful removal of conditioning experiments, have been done on non-verbal animals. There have been no successful experiments with humans using a verbal process to remove conditioning. The part of our brain that is conditioned does not understand language.
The part of our brain that controls our reactions is something I call our “operating system” and it is not our subconscious or unconscious. I refer to this part of our brain as our operating system, because like the operating system of a computer, it controls many things without us having to think or do anything and it works 24 hours a day.
The limbic system, the pre-motor area and pre-frontal areas of our brain play a major role in automatically preparing us, this is what our operating system does. Our operating system creates our reactions, not our verbal mind. This part of our brain actually directs our thinking much more than our thinking could direct it.
This new science gives us the opportunity to feel good about all of our blue doors. Now “how” we prepare for our blue doors is better, instantly and automatically, so we can create a better experience.
The exercises on this site use this new science and system. We use the same pre-verbal motor memories to find the blue door we want to feel differently about and then we use this same language to create a better feeling about our blue door. The new feeling is recorded and now each time we go thru the blue door the feeling we have is re-recorded not the old feeling. We instantly and automatically have the reactions, perceptions and feelings we want to have to create the experience we should have.
Use this simple exercise to overcome jealousy permanently.
Click on the above exercise
What we see (and how to improve it)
We look at the world and see how we feel. When we feel better everything looks better. When we feel safe we can fall in love.
The world is in love with us and reveals its beauty when we are able to feel our own beauty.
When we feel we are not safe and we are safe, we see without our light.
I want to go to a survivalist meeting and sell “I told you it was the end!” t shirts. I have an idea how much money is being made off of people because they have fear.
I see the cults take advantage of people with fear. They sell motivation and empowerment but then transform people to be comfortable dissociating so they can be even more submissive. Being comfortable being submissive does not make a person present, have clarity or become empowered.
Being relaxed in safe situations is the first step towards not feeling fear. Removing fear allows us to be present and have a feeling of well being that brings colors to our palate. The following exercises are easy to do and will give us what we need to be authentic, present and have the clarity we want.
Please do not do these exercises if you are not assertive enough to feel how important your needs are. If you are not sure if you neglect your own needs, please do the “Making it safe for my inner child.” exercise on this website before the feeling safe exercise. The exercise is about feeling safe in a safe environment and we must be able to create a safe environment for ourselves to do this.
Am I able to feel safe when I am safe?
Click on the above exercise.
———————————————————-
Rewriting what prepared me for something bad to happen in a safe situation.
Click on the above exercise.
When you feel wonderful, you will see how wonderful the world is. Everything is illuminated from within.
What heals our heart
Do we want to open our heart and have the passion for life we felt when we were young?
When I was going to Chiropractic College, many instructors told me….”Eighty percent of the time the body heals itself, ten percent of the time we do something to help heal the body, ten percent of the time we do something that makes the healing process take longer.”
We heal over time physically, emotionally and spiritually. The more we understand that we did the healing the more empowered we become.
As we take more responsibility for our lives and give less power to others, we become more aware that “empowered” is about taking our power back.
We want to become strong and healthy in every way. If we were hurt emotionally and someone “helped” us by telling us how to “think” correctly, we may have been helped to stop feeling.
We may know that we have to open our heart again if we are going to feel passion and if we have the courage to live a life where there is pain, there is also a lot of joy.
Exercise your body, exercise your spirit and please, get some exercise for your heart…
Sometimes to truly become whole, we have to be vulnerable. Please try the following exercise, we will see if we have the strength to love again.
Finding what makes it difficult to open my heart.
Click on the above exercise.
Improving how I feel about myself, so I can open my heart again.
Click on the above exercise.
These exercises are not just for romantic love they are to open our heart to the people we care about.
Do we sometimes feel like we are lying to ourself and everyone else?
Do we want to put on an act or do we want to grow as a person?
see more expressions
I have to be real as the first step. The second step is accepting whatever that is. The rest is cake.
“My inner child doesn’t play well with other kids”
Real change, whether it is feeling safe, feeling beautiful or enlightenment is something that happens to us automatically.
You are in the right place. You are here.
We need to automatically reward ourselves with the feelings we want to have, for being authentic no matter what we do. This is the first step towards real growth, not being phoney.
To increase our self respect, we are going to do an exercise to love ourselves unconditionally and then another exercise to enhance our self respect.
Am I unconditionally loving to myself?
Click on the above exercise.
———————————————————-
Unconditionally loving who I am so I can be more myself
Click on the above exercise.
—————————————————————
Self respect exercise.
Click on the above exercise.
Take out- Drive thru enlightenment
Something warm to bring home
We do self checks to understand how we are feeling from everything else that happened during the day, before we walk in the front door.
There are times we bring a feeling of tension from an entire day into our home and are not aware of it.
How can we be responsible for our part in our experience if we are not aware of what we bring to it?
We are going to first feel the tension we have in our body as we get in the driveway and next we are going to completely let go of all of our tension and go into our home with a wonderful energy.
After we do this exercise in the driveway a couple times, we will enjoy walking in our front door much more and our family look forward to us coming home to be with them much more.
We will have a better experience of our reality by just taking a few minutes to relax before we go in the door.
The following exercise was made because it helped me.
Click on the above exercise
Want to enjoy being more creative
We can remove what prevents us from being more creative
If we are going to look deep inside and express some universal truth that others will be moved by, we have to be able to let go and open ourselves up.
As we let go of the things that prevent or inhibit us from being authentic, we reveal more of ourselves and open a well from which our creativity can flow.
When we remove what inhibits our creativity, we become playful, open our heart to take risks and whenever we do something from our heart we are more creative. When we open our heart we are also able to fulfill our dreams that have meaning.
Adding something is like writing with ink, the ink and the paper are not one, so the addition is not permanent. When we engrave something it is a permanent change, because this is a change within itself. When we remove what has blocked our heart, we have a change within us that is permanent and who we are is revealed.
What is preventing me from doing things I would love
Click on the above exercise
Removing the blocks to my opening up to create
Click on the above exercise
Would you like to have control of your reactions?
Becoming enlightened takes more than having good thoughts or feelings.
When we work on our brain, we can grow and permanently improve something about ourselves, whether it is to feel safe, feel beautiful or become enlightened, we want the change to be real.
When we are able to feel what we wanted automatically, we know we have grown.
I am introducing something called Cerebrology. It is a new science about our brain.
Cerebrology uses natural non-verbal techniques to enhance the way we prepare automatically. Our reactions, emotions and perceptions are all just automatic preparations done in the non-verbal part of our brain.
When we enhance the information we have that instantly and automatically prepare us, we can permanently improve many things and become more “ourselves”.
One of the things Cerebrology can improve for us, is the reaction of jealousy. We can permanently remove jealousy because it is a reaction and not a conscious thought.
This simple five minute exercise will rewrite the affect that creates the automatic feeling of jealousy.
I hope you enjoy it.
Click on the above exercise.
Self Help
Einstein said, to have a solution to a problem, we have to have a different mind than the one that created the problem.
If we could bring clarity to the automatic part of our mind, we would create a “new mind”. This new mind would improve how we experienced everything. Our perceptions, feelings, emotions and preparations are all automatic and now they provide us with experiences to validate the clarity we have deep inside.
As we add clarity to the automatic part of us, we instantly prepare for a new way of experiencing ourselves and life. How we experience ourselves and life, will change what we experience.
When we remove the curtains and open the blinds, we can find what we have been looking for. We are not adding thoughts, ideas or conditioning that would make us less ourselves. This is something totally new. Here we are able to remove erroneous affect and conditioning that inhibited us, made us anxious, approval seeking, fearful and depressed.
Now we can see who we really are. Being our true selves allows us to naturally be confident, strong and creative. We are spontaneous and funny not phony. This type of clarity allows us to illuminate much more…enlightenment is just an extension of this.
It may be easy to see the difference between the feral cat outside and the one happily curled up in our lap. They both have a very different experience of their lives because of the affect they learned from their parents. How does affect actually effect us? How does it alter our experience?
Affect is really just a term for the process of having empathy for our parents feelings and after feeling them in our own body, we emulate those same feelings and as we do they become our own.
Our brain will prepare us for a particular relationship or situation, using the non-verbal information it has about what our role is in a relationship and what it should prepare us for. Our brains automatic preparation creates our reactions and adds value and meaning to what we see, this is how perceptions are created.
We do not need to “overcome limiting beliefs” to have clarity, our brain is not controlled by beliefs or words. Beliefs are a way of expressing how we feel, not a way of creating changes in how we feel about ourselves. If the way our automatic brain or “operating system” feels about us in a relationship is positive, we will be relaxed, present, alive, energized and whole automatically.
If we have a good relationship with the water because we can float, we are automatically relaxed and excited when we see the water. We are able to breathe deeply and expand our lungs, experience ourselves as being lifted by the water and have a great time. We will also have a wonderful experience of everyone around us.
Being relaxed enough to be in the present is the same, when we rewrite or remove an erroneous self image, body image, a feeling of shame or discomfort in a situation, so we feel confident, we are able to feel relaxed and excited automatically all the time. The simple exercise to remove and rewrite the erroneous information is a natural process will improve how we feel about ourselves and this will allow us to experience things that are only possible when we feel the way we should.
How we feel about our safety, appearance, creativity, lovability, well being, character, how we are heard, desired, how much reward we deserve and more, all alter the way we prepare and because of that, they alter the experiences we have.
Enlightenment is not just about being relaxed. Enlightenment is about having clear perceptions. Perceptions that allow us to experience better experiences.
The way we feel about ourselves is instant and automatic. We create our theme and story, before we consciously think about it. Just as in our dreams, the feelings we have deep inside about our self, alter what we see visually.
That is why we are here. Our perceptions, reactions, emotions, feelings, energy, presence, vitality, creativity, warmth, openness, bliss and laughter all are automatic. These form the foundation of who we are and the essence of what others may describe as our soul. Who we are is how we experience our life.
As we rewrite erroneous information, we essentially remove illusions about ourselves that prepared us for something bad. As we remove the illusions, we have a clarity that gives us a new and better life. When we have clarity in this way, how we perceive things allows us to have a better experience.
Enlightenment is just a state of clarity that allows us to perceive and enjoy much more, effortlessly.
Change Reality
We change our reality or experience when we alter how we may experience something. How we experience things is controlled automatically. We can improve this now.
Have you ever found a new outfit you felt wonderful in? We go out in the new outfit and have a wonderful time. The experience is objectively better. Wearing a new outfit will change what we experience because the way we experience ourselves is better.
How we experience ourselves when we are on our honeymoon is improved as well. When we allow ourselves to, “how” we experience ourselves can improve our ability to create a better experience.
What we expect to happen alters the way we automatically prepare, this preparation changes “how” we experience. The result of altering how we experience is we have a different experience.
If we are prepared to find people looking at us because we are beautiful, we will see that in everyone’s eyes and we will change our experience.
If we prepare to have our love see us as their dream lover, we will see that in their eyes and we will change our experience.
A person that feels self conscious about their appearance, automatically prepares themselves for the experience of people seeing them as unattractive, without thinking. The ability to perceive that someone is attracted to them, is missing. The option of the experience of feeling attractive to someone else is not something they prepare for, so how they experience themselves is reflected in their experience as well, they do not look to see people smiling at them.
People that are not looking for a smile are altering their experience.
In particle physics Anton Zeilinger has shown, that when individual photons are shot towards two slits or openings, what happens depends on how we are able to experience the event.
If we do not photograph the photons after coming thru two slits in some object, the photons form a pattern behind the two slits they go thru and appear on a register behind the slits, in the same manner waves of light would appear. They are in a broad pattern resembling a spectrum of light. The photons are “waving” at us.
If we do photograph the photons after coming thru two slits in some object, the photons form a pattern behind the two slits they go thru and appear on a register behind the slits, in the same manner particles of light would appear. They are only in a two slit pattern. The photons “change” because we are prepared to experience them “smiling” at us, because we are prepared to have a different experience, we alter the experience or “change reality”.
How we are able to experience something, what we are prepared to be able to experience, will give us alternate experiences.
What holds true in particle physics, holds true for us in our lives.
How we prepared to experience an event will give us an alternate experience.
Looking for a smile gives someone the option of having a smile, people are not smiling at buildings they smile at people looking for a smile. Just as in particle physics, what we are prepared to experience, alters the way we may experience someone or something and changes the options of experience we have. A person that feels beautiful, gives others the option of smiling at them because they are looking for it and when they see a smile, they imagine the other person smiled because they are beautiful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXp413NynFk
Enlightenment and the Brain
I remember reading One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, in high school. I wondered at the time if Ken Kesey was thinking that he made Randal P. Mc Murphy Christ like? McMurphy seemed to be a type of messiah to me. McMurphy wanted people that were unconscious to wake up and thirst for life. The subsequent destruction of McMurphy from lobotomy by the hands of the unconscious psychiatrists, gave me a renewed appreciation of the rare and wonderful opportunity we have to really be alive. When Chief Bromden saw what happened to McMurphy and threw the marble water base thru the window to escape, I realized I wanted to break out and feel more alive as well.
I knew the gift of being alive was precious and that there were people that were robbing us of our aliveness. I remember thinking at the time that I hoped the consciousness raising dreams we had in the 60’s and 70’s would amount to something, I hoped there would be less cruelty, more caring and I also hoped there would be a definitive way for everyone to do something to have more clarity and become more alive. There were lots of things that could hit us and knock us down, and very few things that did much at all to help us become more alive, more ourselves, or enlightened. Lobotomy was something very common at the time. One man stood against this wrong and has never been given thanks, his name is Dr. Robert Grimm. Dr. Grimm “changed reality” when he wrote and made a bill into law in the 1960’s, that made lobotomy illegal in Oregon. It was the first law of its kind and this made it possible for others to do the same in other states as well.
How Dr. Grimm Inspired This Project
I met Dr. Grimm and asked his advice about the work I was doing, he was essential in helping me create a website that would give people more clarity, aliveness and enlightenment, a reality. Dr. Robert Grimm inspired me by telling me how important what I was doing was, he told me that helping people become themselves again was wonderful, he wanted me to make the work focus on enlightenment, because it was better for people to reach towards improvement than to focus on problems. Dr. Grimm told me to make it understandable and available to everyone.
Dr. Grimm is someone I look up to and admire because he is the most loving and gentle man and yet he fought to make the world a better place. When I spoke to Dr. Grimm, he told me he felt that both lobotomies and electro-shock therapy were being used to make the jobs of people working in mental health easier, not for the best interest of the patient. He said it was only natural that someone would say they felt better after being tortured, so they would not have to endure the experience again. Dr. Grimm is someone I personally admire as a man of intellect, compassion and courage. He is the most gentle person and yet he fought a courageous battle to make the lives of everyone better. Freedom of thought and emotion is something we all benefited from because of Dr. Grimm. Our culture is not just shaped by how we treat the privileged but by how we treat those that are suffering. Dr. Grimm told me he felt it was less than human to remove the personality of a person by doing damage to them. “We are complex beings and we sometimes require time, understanding and compassion to heal.” Dr. Grimm told me that when discussing lobotomies with people that used them, he asked them if they were a specific treatment for something? He said he would tell the person doing lobotomies, with as much care and love he could, that removing a persons personality in order to remove their problem, could not be a specific treatment for anything. Dr Grimm said, “We all start wanting to make a difference and help, a human being’s mind is complex, helping them requires work and patience. To heal someone we must first have empathy, it may be hard or frustrating but most of all we have to remember not to do harm.”
Dr. Robert Grimm has had many wonderful accomplishments during his life. Dr. Grimm did research on how vehicular accidents were doing soft tissue damage to a person’s inner ear. The inner ear damage, sometimes made a person use their eyes and thinking mind to keep their balance. This made a person have difficulty thinking as clearly after an accident.
Dr. Grimm was afflicted with Polio from a very young age. He told me he thought one of his best tools was the scooter he needed to use. “I see people that have suffered a great deal, in my practice. I am able to feel compassion and work to help them but I think my disability has given them hope, that they may also have productive lives after what has happened to them.” Dr. Grimm is a humble man, he is a genius, a family man, a healer, a bird lover and a true hero.
Recently Dr. Grimm partially retired. One day when I was at his home discussing my work, I told Dr. Grimm how much his input and caring meant to the work. I told Dr. Grimm I felt that without him the work would not be possible. I asked him if it would be alright if I gave him credit for the work as well. Dr. Grimm was very excited and said he was honored. I came to him when the website was almost finished and made a video of him talking about ending lobotomies. Dr. Grimm said he would love to look at how I presented the work on the website and added he would only accept credit if he could see how he could be helpful by perhaps writing something on the website. That day his computer was working very slowly. Dr. Grimm said he would be glad to look at the website later and he went on to say how much it meant to him. I was so moved to have him want to share in this. I called Dr. Grimm the next afternoon to see if I could bring by some bird feeders I picked up for him, he said he was leaving in the morning to go to Eastern Washington, bird watching, I told him I would make sure he would be able to see what the website looked like when he got back. My friend and mentor, the man I have admired most in my life, Dr. Robert Grimm, passed on the trip.
I would like to say thank you to Dr. Grimm for making the ichangereality site possible. Dr. Robert Grimm fought to lift life’s height to a finer fire.
Five-Minute Excersizes to increase Clarity and Remove Negative Conditioning
The exercises are five minutes long and each one will help us to first recognize an erroneous affect that automatically alters the way we prepare for something, in a way that would give us a bad experience. The next step is a five minute exercise to rewrite the affect or conditioning that is erroneous for us. The exercises that rewrite affect and conditioning work on the non-verbal part of our mind, our limbic system or what I call our “operating system” because it prepares us automatically and gives value and meaning to our perceptions. This work is something entirely new, fresh and original and it gives us clarity, it does not add anything. The work will make us more ourselves, not like someone else.
Dr. Robert Grimm—and all of you that fight for our freedom—thank you.
Bob Milstein
