Using Polar Opposite Energy to Heal
I have acquired a deep understanding that helps me all the time.
My understanding is, that just as much as a physically or emotionally traumatic event could change my life for the worse, a physically or emotionally healing event could change my life for the better.
A physically or emotionally traumatic event would make it more difficult for me to be present, I might not enjoy my connection to others as I had previously and it could be more difficult to experience bliss, relaxation and pleasure in my body.
A physically or emotionally healing event would make it easier for me, to be more present, I would enjoy my close connection to others and I would enjoy opening to even more comfort, bliss and pleasure in my body.
When I learned how to transform (or rewrite the conditioning from) physical or emotional trauma in my brain… trauma no longer was going on for years hurting my body, brain and soul, I had transformed it to something good for me.
I want to share it with you because I know you will enjoy helping someone you love transform a physical or emotional problem that has plagued them for years, to something wonderful.
During the exercise we will take the trauma energy, that is powerful and connect an energy that is the opposite but equally as powerful.
This is similar to uniting the energy of two polar opposites. In this process, we will be creating something stronger and more beautiful than we may even be able to imagine now.
When we are injured with emotional or physical trauma, we may lose volition, we may become confused, we may be frightened, we may be disoriented, our brain may be tired from thinking and we may feel we are more vulnerable. The loss of power and freedom are common for people that develop P.T.S.D., are indoctrinated into a cult or experience a physically debilitating injury to their body.
What is the polar opposite energy to something that disconnects us from our body and soul? I help my patients add a loving, caring and compassionate energy to the traumatic energy and the two energies together become something transformative. After the work a person has a deeper healing connection to their body and emotions, that enhance life greatly.
This deep connection to ourselves brings a birth of aliveness and strength, that only someone that has experienced healing after loss could experience. The deeper connection to self and the greater opening of our heart transform the loss. Perhaps this was not possible before the appreciation of what we lost and what we gained through love and rebirth after our loss.
Without the cold and dark winter, would spring’s blossoms smell as sweet?
Enlightenment begins when we look within. We ignite a fire to see more deeply within and we feel a connection to self that is also a connection to much more…eventually we experience and understand our personal development is also the key to our spiritual growth.
The following is an example of a physical transformation after a physically traumatic injury.
A patient that I had treated in the past, let us give him the name Jack Sr. came by and asked me if I would look at his son’s back and tell him if there was anything I could do to help Jack Jr.
Jack Sr. told me his son spent the previous weekend at the Dunes in southern Oregon, riding a Yamaha Banshee. Jack Jr. went with employees and friends and they brought their motor homes, their quads and four wheel drive racers with them to the dunes intending to spend the weekend riding and having fun.
Jack Sr. told me his son, Jack Jr. went up one of the dunes as fast as he could and flew off the top, expecting there would be another descending hill on the other side. There was nothing but a sheer fifty foot drop. Jack Jr. landed on his quad at least fifty feet below the place he launched from.
Jack Sr. told me his son went to the hospital immediately and has spent the last week in the hospital. Jack Sr. said the neurosurgeons, orthopedic surgeons and physiatrists told Jack Sr. that his son had 3 crushed vertebrae, 4 crushed discs and several broken vertebrae.
Jack Sr. said they wanted to put rods in his son’s back at first but some doctors told him the vertebrae were in so many pieces and there was a spondilolysthesis, an anterior slippage of a portion of his spine and then a lower portion was pulled back behind it. Jack Sr. said some doctors wanted to fuse his spine and told Jack Sr. they thought his son would always have a big lump in his back and would be bent forward, at the throracco-lumbar area, the site they wanted to stabilize. Jack Sr. told me they wanted to have some time, to figure it out.
Thirty minutes later, Jack Sr. was at my door with his son Jack Jr. Jack Jr. had a large hunch in his back and was bent forward so he looked like a prawn, he could not raise up to see my face, he was looking at my shoes. Jack Jr. bent forward in the middle of his back just below his ribs.
I palpated Jack Jr’s. injury’s. I told Jack Jr. that his broken bones were the result of the muscles in his back being torn and as they tore they broke the vertebrae by pulling them apart. As the muscles contracted powerfully the resistance to the weight of the impact caused tearing and after tearing each muscle, it would “guard” itself instantly from further injury by shortening and thickening. The muscles are stronger than bones so they would tear and break the bone it was attached to, before the muscle ripped apart. Jack you were not just smashing these bones you were tearing them apart because of the shearing energy that would have torn you apart.
I informed Jack Jr. that his torn muscles were a bigger problem than his broken bones. I told Jack Jr. that without our muscles directing our bones, we would be just a pile of bones….but when his muscles went back functioning in a healthy way, his bones would be the anchors they once were for his muscles and back. I told Jack Jr and Sr. we would need to work hard every day for hours, so the muscles could heal as fast as possible. I made sure Jack Jr. understood that the key was to not just relax the torn muscles and prevent further injury but to also heal the brain that got injured, so it would not continue to carry the trauma of the accident…a trauma that could and probably would give him lasting problems if not fixed.
I told Jack Jr. that I would be glad to help him heal and I hoped he would be able to do more than he could before the accident.
Jack Jr. told me the doctors told him not to expect to be able to do much in the future and he should understand that he will need to change his life to moderate the pain and prevent further injury, that could cripple him.
In two months Jack Jr. and I were working out on weights at a local gym. In four months we were working out very hard and Jack Jr. told me he could see his abs for the first time in his life. In five months Jack Jr. told me he was in, “by far the best shape of his life” and was so amazed because he never imagined he could look and feel so good. We would work out for two hours on weights and bike ride for two hours afterward every day.
Six months after the accident Jack Jr. asked me about riding quads again. I told him he was responsible for his body now and I knew he would take care of it and have fun ….and Jack Jr. did continue working out and did have fun riding quads that weekend and many weekends since.
How did Jack Jr. recover so quickly?
These are a rough outline of the steps. I hope these steps give you an idea about what it takes to give someone the polar opposite energy, in the same amount or greater so there can be a transforming experience as a result.
If you have any questions about physical or emotional trauma work please feel free to call or write me.
1) I connect with the patient and understand how much pain there is. Then I work to understand how much damage there is and what amount of time, every day….I will need to help the patient. My intention is about understanding that I need to hear the “crying” of a person’s body and soul. After I hear the crying I help the person hear their own body and soul as well. The next part of the first step, is to provide comfort to the extent that my energy and comfort more than offset the energy and pain of the trauma so a person feels wonderful because of my care.
2) I help the person connect to everything their body and emotions are saying and help them connect deeply with compassion and caring in the same manner I am, by participating in everything I do. I ask the patient to describe the feelings in their body at first and then after they are comfortable and capable of describing their pain, I ask them to breathe deeply as I comfort and relax their muscle ….and I ask them to breath right into that specific muscle. I have the person lovingly send consciousness, movement, healing, oxygen and blood to their muscle and feel it relax as we work, together every step of the way towards their health.
3) I consider the entire time someone is in physical or emotional pain, traumatizing. I not only work on the area that was hurt, I work on the person as a whole with the understanding that their entire body will want comfort and care, when just a part has been injured. I try to spend hours with someone every day that has had a serious traumatic episode, because the sooner they feel wonderful the sooner we can move to the following steps.
4) The next step after a person’s body and soul feels safe, because of my loving care, is to have them connect their focus to various areas of their body and continue the exercise of relaxing and breathing into the muscle, so that a wonderful awareness, consciousness and connection to that muscle is now available. My intention is for the patient to be able to move and relax each muscle separately and be able to connect and feel it move by itself and enjoy the change “that is happening to their brain and body. The new “consciousness” is an addition to their ability to have volition, presence, comfort and control, things they had taken from them but they will have in full measure very quickly.
5) The conditioning created by trauma, that gave us less volition and power… we transform and have more volition and power than we dreamed of, so we can open our heart safely and connect to our self more deeply.
One of the most healing things for our emotions and body is to allow someone to lovingly massage us for hours every day. After trauma, we are vulnerable and need comfort and care.
In general people have more difficulty receiving love than giving love, so it is empowering to receive love and care.
The next part of this step is giving someone some things to do themselves to feel wonderful. I show people how to use trigger points and massage their neck and stretch it and breathe into each muscle they want to relax while they do this. I feel the greatest healing comes from empowering someone to care about their own body, emotions and being.
6) We begin to do range of motion exercises, together and if possible some resistance exercises that will make us feel stronger afterward. I start working as their training partner, not their trainer or healer. As a person’s training partner, the work I do pushes them and the effort they put in pushes me and they see how much they push me and work harder …and have fun.
7) I use ultrasound, Chattanooga hydrocollator packs, Chattanooga ice packs, a physio-therapy G-5 massager as well as my own hands to help someone feel good physically and emotionally, so doing a small amount of exercise does not put more stress on someone, I make sure to remove the lactic acid and have the client feel wonderful before and after we work out together, so they feel better after they exercise. The bonus of feeling better after working out is again, added volition and a feeling of excitement about the future.
8) I continue working with a person until they can do more than I can working out. When my client is pushing me to keep up, I know it is time to let them fly and know I will surely see them again on this path.
I Change My Reality
I remember feeling betrayed by someone, that I didn’t really care that much about and I remember the intensity of negative feeling I had about the person. The person I was upset with, triggered something in me and I knew the way I felt was irrational.
I worked to “release” the irrational and uncomfortable feeling that had been triggered, from my soul and body and I did what was to become the exercise we are going to do today.
Doing this exercise I recognized the very powerful feeling was from no experience of my own but from a feeling I picked up from my father.
My father’s feeling of fear of caring about people came from caring about people and then being put in a concentration camp.
It was difficult to understand (before doing this exercise many years ago) that my father’s feelings from a concentration camp had become mine.
My father lost his family to the Nazi’s, it was a real event for him.
Each time my father told me about his feelings I empathized with them deeply and felt the change come over me as if it became night.
My father would also become cold and distant, or suddenly angry.
I remember my father driving away if I did not get in the car fast enough, leaving me in dangerous places when I was a very young child.
I also remember my father often telling me he hoped that someday I would look less like a monster and more human.
My father had horrible feelings and would tell me it was because of me.
When my father would push me away or become abusive to me, I would feel my father’s feeling,…just as if it were my own feeling inside me and feel how he felt about me while he had a toxic feeling….I felt the feeling my father had about me so deeply, it was at times the way I felt about myself.
The feeling my father had came into me and instead of feeling upset with my father, I felt ugly and bad in my body.
I was uncomfortable caring about myself because paying attention to myself brought up my father’s feelings about me, so I avoided thinking about myself.
When I had feelings of love because someone loved me, I would feel happy and then… I would suddenly feel strong emotions that were uncomfortable to feel. I would pretend not to have upsetting emotions but I could not stop feeling weird feelings that made no sense. I would end up pushing someone away to stop feeling uncomfortable, because I had no control of how bad I felt.
I did not realize it at the time but I was more comfortable with someone that did not pay attention to me, even though I wanted very much to feel loved.
Because I loved and needed my father and I was just a small child, I had no idea that my father was pushing me away for the same reason I would later push others away….because we felt uncomfortable when we felt our own emotions and feelings about ourselves.
My father was projecting feelings on me, that the years of abuse from Nazi guards created, feelings he tried to hide.
My father’s feelings, that came into me made me feel horrible, I was not able to look in the mirror without feeling a stomach ache, I was insecure and I imagined if I felt attractive, I would be happier.
I did all kinds of things to feel better. I did bodybuilding and got a standing ovation at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium but would not take off my shirt afterward for pictures because it made me feel weird. I learned A Course in Miracles and even taught the class but it did nothing to help me, after twelve years of therapy I had lots of sessions of crying but still felt the same about myself, I won dance contests all over L.A. and was told I was attractive but I never felt I was attractive.
I did the following exercise out of desperation and it was a miracle how quickly and easily it worked. I instantly felt as though the feeling had been”taken off of me.” I felt better than someone telling me, “sorry that was not about you, I was in a bad mood and I was still upset from a fight I had before you got here,” but it was one million times more powerful.
The exercise works because the feeling inside us, is not something we should even have, it is like a big turd in us.
When we feel the feeling as a huge toxic feeling that belonged to someone else, that was put in us without our consent, we can also let the feeling go.
While we have the file open that the toxic feeling was in, we can also add information to the same file about the value and meaning of the toxic feeling that was not ours. We can add an understanding that the feeling was erroneous and harmful to us and not appropriate to our life. What we are doing is similar to editing a video tape about us and removing the other person we didn’t want in the video.
At the time we got the feeling it was something we picked up and used, to help us navigate in the real world. Now that we know this toxic feeling is not from our own experience but from a parents experience and makes our lives worse not better, we can reduce the significance of the feeling for us, so it does not alter our brain, autonomic nervous system, smooth muscles, blood pressure or perceptions.
When I let go of my father’s feelings in me, I also let go of what kept me from opening my heart. I am able to care about myself and I am able to feel someone’s love and feel safe too.
That is why I named this website “I change reality,” because I changed my reality when I worked on what was inside me and I know you are reading this because you will change your reality for the better too.
To be our authentic selves we want to remove feelings of sadness, insecurity, fear and anger that someone put in us, that are their feelings about themselves.
We are going to look at the deep feelings that other’s may call our “unconscious” but in reality, may just be someone”s feelings about themselves that we have operating in us. The feelings of someone else that have come into us, may be much more powerful than our own feelings and because they are so strong, they can change how we feel and behave.
The feelings that came into us from someone else, will not be “unconscious” for us after the exercise. We will be conscious of the feeling and aware of it as not our own, so we can stop reacting to it and ignore it. We will not react to the feeling after the exercise.
Normally an emotionally healthy parent or person that we depend on, would protect us from their toxic feelings.
The parent that hurts us emotionally, may feel insecure or angry but they should not have made us feel the same way they felt.
We were not insecure or afraid of being loved before someone’s toxic feelings about themselves came into us.
We took in feelings that we do not understand because they do not fit us.
Today we will remove these toxic feelings and experience our own authentic life.
How did we get conditioned to have the same feelings about ourselves our parents had about themselves?
Some cats are taught by their mother to be afraid of people even if they are being fed and cared for by people and it may be because their mother got hurt or abandoned by a person.
If a kitten goes to a person to be loved and the mother cat fears people, she will get upset with the kitten and hurt the kitten so the kitten becomes conditioned to feel fear when it goes to a person.
A kitten does not need to actually have an experience of a person that hurts the kitten for a kitten to be afraid if the parent cat puts their feelings in the kitten, they just identify with their parents feelings and become conditioned by them.
Most people that feel insecure, have no experience other than perhaps not being comforted by a parent, to feel fear of love.
If a parent or someone we trusted was upset about being hurt by someone they loved, their toxic feelings about themselves could easily be passed to us, particularly if they wanted us to empathize with them. Many people grow up to be just like their parents because of this, no matter what they do to be different.
When or if we feel a sudden overwhelming impulse of fear, insecurity, anger or any reaction that does not fit with who we are, it is usually because of someone’s powerful old toxic feelings, not our own.
If a reaction we had was because of an old experience it would not be as powerful as an old toxic feeling we adopted. If we had an old experience that created a reaction, we would remember the experience and understand where the feeling came from.
I am holding a feral cat I took in two weeks ago while I am writing this. The cat loves batting at things that move on the screen. I know the cat likes being held too because it purrs like crazy. We all deserve to experience how lovable we are.
Emotional and physical release exercise:
A) Emotional preparation:
If we feel some feeling that we believe, SOMEONE MADE US FEEL! and the feeling was not a conscious decision but it was a powerful reaction that HAPPENED TO US! This is a feeling we want to work on because we do not have “a conscious connection to an experience that created the feeling” or “an experience of it as our own from our memories of experiences.”
This powerful feeling that belonged to someone else and reactions that it creates in us can take control of our lives.
Because someone put the feeling in us, when we experience the feeling again it will feel as though someone else is making us feel this way!
This feeling that was someone’s toxic feeling and is now a part of us, is what we want to experience in this exercise so we are going to bring it up.
This feeling can be jealousy, anger, pushing love away, self destructiveness…we will do one today and we can do the exercise again for each one of these.
We are going to connect to the feeling that creates our reaction or sadness or depression and understand it on a gut level as not being ours! We are going to experience the feeling strongly and just as strongly we are going to understand and experience the feeling as something that belongs to someone else, that we regret feeling and do not ever again want to feel inside of us because it is not about us….and as we understand the feeling is making us sick, we are going to puke it out.
B) Preparation of area to do the exercise:
Get towels, a plastic bat, a mat to kneel on, something you can hit with the bat, a bucket and Kleenex.
C) Doing the exercise:
Step One:
We are going to scream, yell and hit something to get to both the toxic feeling we have as well as a feeling we are powerful up. We want the feeling of anger and power so we do not feel overwhelmed by the toxic feeling but have the strength to push it off and out of us.
Step Two:
We will hit something and get upset about the feeling being put in us and as we do we will feel the feeling more deeply. We can cry or scream as well at this time but keep it short it is not our feeling we are just bringing it up….
Step Three:
Start screaming “Get the fuck out of me! or Get the fuck off of me! or Fuck you take this back asshole! or This is not me it is not my fucking feeling!” and as you yell experience the feeling as something separate from you, something like feces or puke…
Now just make a noise and no words, focus on the feeling and push it up and out from your guts. Moan or make the sound you need to make as loud and long as you need to get the toxic feeling that belongs to someone else, out of you.
Step Four:
Get on your hands and knees over the bucket, yell and push the feeling that is sickening and not part of you out by squeezing deep in your guts and moving the feeling out towards your mouth while spitting into the bucket.
Continue pushing the feeling out of you until clear liquid comes out when spit and keep spitting and pushing until you puke a little into the bucket, if you can.
The entire exercise should take about 20 minutes, so this part of the exercise where you spit into a bucket and get the poison that was put into you back out, should take no more than 5 minutes.
Step Five:
When the feeling is completely out of you, relax and let go of it. Take a few deep breathes and feel your body lighten. Now go out and have a wonderful time.
You will experience nature or anything with a vibrancy and beauty that you could only experience being on drugs before.
Try not to have any negative experiences for the next eight hours, because on the microscopic level the new memory is hardening into a lasting memory….a memory of this feeling not being about you.
Step Six:
If the feeling comes up again do the exercise again.
The Power of Being Real
Today we are going to learn a new exercise.
One part of the exercise will be used to rewrite the conditioning we have that creates physical guarding in our body, when we feel stress.
Another part of the exercise will be used to rewrite the conditioning that creates walls of avoidance or resistance to our being loved, to us caring about ourselves, or to us wanting the things that matter most to us.
The conditioning that causes us to guard ourselves physically and emotionally, was created to protect us from someone in our past.
People have few negative memories of a parent that was not emotionally mature enough to be unselfish and caring.
It would be very difficult for us to have memories of a parent that was not there with us, caring about us.
When we were very young, we saw everyone as part of us. If one of our parents did not enjoy seeing us and hearing us, or enjoy the responsibility of taking care of us, we did not see them as neglecting us.
As a baby if we were frightened or hurt and our parent did not comfort us, we did not see our parent as someone that was betraying the trust we had in them.
From birth we would cry to be cared for if we needed care. We smiled and laughed so that our parent would smile and laugh back, from infancy.
If our parent did not hold us, enjoy caring for our needs or enjoy spending time with us, we did not perceive our parent as being apathetic to us.
If a parent that did not comfort us when we needed them, got triggered by our crying, emotions, or desire for their attention… got distant and upset pushing us further away, we became frightened of them….and as we felt our parents feelings and energy in us, that feeling and energy conditioned us to fear our own emotions, to fear caring about our own needs and fear love.
When we become triggered now, we feel our parents energy in us and that “feeling of pushing away” is still creating guarding in our body and emotions instead of allowing us to feel safe and relaxed, when we care about something or feel loved.
This triggered energy in our parents was most likely something that happened to them and has been passed down for a while. The feeling or energy is triggered and we freeze like a bunny in a field, that realizes it is in danger moving. This “guarding and fear about caring too much” prevents us from moving forward to have the love of someone that would help us rewrite the feeling we have to not care about ourselves, or feel fear caring about someone else.
In the first stage of our experience of fear, our brain “freezes us in place” by creating guarding in our body and emotions, our brains resources are all transferred into thought as our brain activates the cingulate gyrus to hyperfocus.
Our “fight or flight” system is the second stage of fear. When our fight or flight system is engaged, it is because our brain has decided it is best not to stay frozen but instead to take control of our life and run or fight for our well being.
We were not able to run or fight as a young child, we had to stay and guard ourselves, so we were numb to our fear, hurt and anger….these very same “frozen feelings” are what we bring up when we are heard and loved now…
The reason we avoid, resist or become angry at someone that hears us, sees us and loves us, is because of the old conditioning of fear of loving someone that loves us and the feelings we never got to “feel” about someone that loved us and betrayed our trust.
Today we are going to move out of being stuck in the first stage of fear and add the “fight or flight” response or second stage of fear, to the folder that creates our physical and emotional guarding, as our new “enlightened response” ….and direct anger towards the person we never got angry at so that we stop guarding and feel comfortable opening our heart again.
Today we are going to get angry at the resistance, avoidance or hostility the person that created our conditioning had for our love. When we direct our anger at the person that created our conditioning, we tag the person that we are angry at and we add the feeling we are powerful and safe from them now, to the folder of our conditioning.
Now the folder that once contained information that gave us a response of guarding, has a “response” that is empowering as well as a perception of ourselves as assertive and capable.
Each time we rewrite something in the folder of our conditioning, it is less likely to be triggered. It does not take long doing the exercises before the old folder does not get triggered or open at all.
I see people that carry the conditioning from their past in their body and life. I feel the tightness, restriction of movement and pain they experience when I treat them.
When we are emotionally stressed we do not breathe deeply. Many people have to consciously focus on breathing deeply, because the guarding in their body does not allow them to naturally breathe deeply, without consciously focusing on breathing and relaxing.
We would “struggle” to float if we were too physically “guarded.” Being guarded tightens the muscles around our chest, shoulders, abdomen and neck, so it is almost impossible to expand our lungs deeply. If we are “guarded” we can’t inhale the amount of air required for us to become buoyant in the water, or to feel present and make others feel comfortable.
The conditioning that creates physical guarding, causes us to struggle with our life all the time.
Just as we learn to float one time and from then on, we are capable of floating anywhere….our fear and guarding from past conditioning will be rewritten non-verbally and we will have that comfort as our new way of being.
When the software we have from conditioning is triggered, we are in stage one of fear and our brain changes the way it works as well as starting a cascade of other events for our protection.
The triggered software alarms our autonomic nervous system to prepare for something bad to happen to us and we begin guarding in our muscles and shut down our emotions.
Our brain changes how it processes information when our old conditioning is triggered.
When our cingulate gyrus is activated, our brain looks to find a solution and will look for the cause of the problem until it finds a cause.
Because we are not capable of introspection when we are in stage one or stage two fear, when we are triggered, we do not realize that we are “transferring old fear, resistance and anger that has remained frozen in us” to someone willing to hear our emotions.
When we are triggered, we see our problem as being about someone else, not about us.
As we withdraw from our emotions, we disconnect from our deepest sense of self.
The perception of self-in relationship to others we have, is based a great deal on feeling our emotions and the emotions of others.
For us to feel loved, we have to feel emotions and not guard.
It is always very helpful to do the beginning exercises described in Empathic Healing Part 4.
Please watch the following short video.
We are “our own parent” now.
To be loving to ourselves and our body, without resistance. To care about what matters most to us and not avoid what matters. To seek comfort and not push it away. To enjoy all of our emotions comfortably. To feel good loving someone that loves us.
EXERCISE PREPARATION:
1) Have the person that created your conditioning in mind when you do the exercise. We are working on the contents of the file that our conditioning is in. Feeling comfortable with emotions we did not feel safe feeling and directing our anger towards the very person that we were afraid to be angry at, is what will allow us to change the conditioned response of “guarding” instead of feeling safe experiencing all of our emotions.
2) Have a plastic bat, something to hit with the plastic bat, a small trash can and Kleenex. We will feel some emotion we resist, avoid or become angry about. We will yell one of the suggested phrases associated with what we avoid feeling and as we yell as loud as possible, we will hit something with the plastic bat between 3 and 5 times.
Suggested phrases:
a) I fucking hate you
b) fuck you
c) you fucking ass hole
d) love me, fucking love me
e) take care of me, care for me
f) hear my feelings asshole
g) pay attention to me, hear and see me
h) be good to me and enjoy it you fucking jerk
i) make up one of your own phrases
3) After the exercise you will want to do something that gives you a feeling of being in your body and enjoying the experience. I suggest bike riding, getting a massage, sitting in a hot tub, doing some exercise or just going for a walk. When you are done bike riding or whatever you choose, please get something good to eat and watch some comedy or listen to some music you enjoy. It is best to have things prepared in advance so that you are able to feel bliss for as long as possible.
THE EXERCISE:
A) Find a place that you generally experience tightness and soreness in a muscle when you experience stress.
B) Push two fingers into the belly of the muscle, continue pushing until taking a full deep breath is difficult to do.
C) Keep trying to breathe and expand your lungs, while you push into the tight muscle.
D) Stop pushing into the muscle. Get the bat. Focus on the person that created your conditioning.and direct your anger towards them. Take a few deep breathes and yell and hit with the plastic bat for 3-5 hits while yelling.
E) Now lie down and completely relax from head to toe while continuing to breathe as slowly and deeply as possible. Do not think but instead feel your body relax as you breathe. Feel the area that was tight relax more and more with each breathe and feel your body lighten each time you exhale..
F) When you are relaxed get up and do whatever you planned, go bike riding or get a massage.
G) Enjoy feeling emotions or all kinds but try to be happy and have fun or sleep until eight hours has passed and the new feeling that it is safe to feel emotions is hardened and lasting in your brain.
SCHEDULE:
Please do this exercise once or twice a week for six weeks.
If you need any help please contact me.
Experiencing Our Real Life
Are we loving to ourselves and open to others loving us?
I believe we all understand what real love is, from the moment we are born.
Why would we cry when we needed someone or smile to see a smile in return, if we did not have an understanding of what real love was?
I believe we still have an understanding of what real love is. I also know that most of us were conditioned to believe that what someone was giving us was real love, when we were not loved.
Would we know if we were conditioned (or tricked) to believe we were getting what we wanted?
We want to be able to give ourselves everything we need and want because we want to be a better parent to ourselves.
Are we continuing to believe the abandonment, betrayal of trust or abuse we were conditioned to accept instead of love, is what we really want?
The exercises for the next six weeks are below.
Doing these exercises over the next six weeks will help us understand if we have repressed our own needs, wants and desires. They will also put us in touch with our true understanding of what we want to have being loving to ourselves.
As a great parent to ourselves we want to give ourselves everything we need and want, with love.
Please watch the video and see how easily we could have lost connection to what mattered most in our heart.
Someone asked me, “If I feel that abuse is love what is wrong with it?”
In neurologic tests on the brain, women that had been abused saw photos of men that were angry or violent and saw them smiling and happy. The same abused women saw photos of men smiling and calm… but they did not see happy men.
There are at least two things wrong with desire to see abuse as love. If we see abuse as love we no longer can see abuse. If we see abuse as love, we are now blind to real love as well.
During the next six weeks we will be restoring our own feelings.
As we become whole and connected to our emotions, we will be tearing down the barriers to loving ourselves. When we feel lovable and love ourselves, we will begin to be comfortable having someone really love us.
Exercise Set 2:
Please do the previous exercise, exercise 1 first before doing these. After you have done exercise 1 three different times, proceed to the next exercises.
Each exercise is to be done in the same manner we did the first exercise. We need a mat, plastic bat and something like a footstool to hit.
We get in position with bat in hand kneeling on the mat in front of the footstool and then follow the suggestions for each separate exercise below.
Please allow a full day of happiness after each exercise.
Please do not in any way engage a person you are upset with during this time, because of feelings brought up by the exercises.
We are awakening our own connection to self and rewriting conditioning. We want to rewrite our conditioning by “feeling comfortable experiencing our emotions and happy afterward” so we open our heart.
We can always argue with someone later, right now we are giving ourselves the ability to feel our emotions deeply, there is nothing more important we can do until that has been accomplished.
Each exercise should not last more than five minutes. Please be sure to remember to do something that feels wonderful for your body, something that is good for your well being as well, such as exercise or receiving a massage.
We are empowering ourselves to be good to ourselves and have a different feeling about our emotions, one where we can have them and enjoy our life, not be afraid of them.
I am going to leave it up to you to decide what memory you will be upset about but only think about the memory and call up the feeling for a few seconds, do not allow the feeling to overwhelm you or shut you down.
After feeling the emotion, let go of all thought and feel deep anger in your body, then take the bat and attack the footstool yelling the words of each exercise.
After you hit the footstool and yell in anger a few times, please go sit down and feel as good as you can all over your body. When you have calmed down and feel good, please go do something wonderful for yourself.
We are just rewriting the conditioning that blocked our real feelings.
If you want later you can feel sadness and cry or yell but remember to just do a little and keep in mind that it was the past. Immediately after feeling emotions do something to be good to yourself and be happy or watch some comedy.
We want to set up a new pattern of allowing ourselves to feel all of our emotions but we want to be gentle with ourselves and not bring old feelings into our life now.
The exercises should be done one step at a time and only one a day. It may seem like we are doing very little but we are doing a great deal and will experience great results.
Exercise 1)
“Want me!”
This is the emotion and what we will yell when we hit the footstool, we want to be angry that we were not wanted as much as we should have been by someone.
Exercise 2)
“Love me!”
We want to be angry and tell someone “Love me!” Ultimately these are also for us to hear ourselves but we need to allow ourselves to be comfortable being angry at someone that could have loved us more, before we will feel comfortable loving ourselves.
Exercise 3)
“Hear me!”
We want to be angry at someone for not hearing us and doing what we needed them to do.
Exercise 4)
“See me!”
We want to be appreciated and enjoyed for who we really are, we want to be angry at someone that did not do that when we were told they loved us.
Exercise 5)
“Hold me!”
We want to feel angry at someone that we hoped would enjoy holding us.
Exercise 6)
“I am special!”
We want to be angry with someone that did not do what made us happy when we were little. We wanted to be supported in finding what made us happy and hoped it would make them happy to see us happy.
Please love yourself. Please forgive anything that was not loving to yourself that you did, we did our best at the time.
Namaste. I love you. <3
Uncovering Our True Self
We are complex beings that are capable of wondrous things.
One of the most beautiful things we have the ability to experience, is feeling love.
In this chapter of Empathic healing, we are going to discuss what some of the most common barriers to feeling loved may be. We will then do an exercise that will help us remove the barriers to love.
It is important for us to understand how powerful conditioning that we are not conscious of, can be in shaping our lives. If we were once conditioned by fear to withdraw from, or suppress our emotions, that old conditioning will still create guarding inside of us now… and alert our autonomic nervous system to protect us.
If we have been conditioned to fear emotional intimacy, the old conditioning is initiating physiological responses, perceptions and ultimately making decisions for us. The distress and anxiety we feel when someone wants emotional intimacy is because of this old conditioning.
It is difficult to separate the conditioned responses associated with feeling emotionally vulnerable and what we may think is the normal way to feel about someone.
Our reactions may seem like correct emotional responses but the conditioning to feel fear when loved, will have control over our lives.
Today, we will rewrite some of the conditioning we have that creates a negative physiological response to emotional intimacy. Afterward we will be able to experience relaxation, better sleep, creativity, and a connection to our emotions and feelings without fear.
Old fears create our nightmares….and our fears influence how we feel about ourselves. These old fears can creep into the stories we have about our lives that see played out in the daytime, if we do not remove erroneous fear.
Our brain wants us to see our fear and understand it as something that was our past….our old fears are what make us feel distressed and immobilized.
Today we will do an exercise that takes a few minutes and we will feel safe from that moment on, experiencing our emotions.
We will feel our emotions and feel wonderful afterwards.
If we face our worst fear, get angry at the person that created the fear and afterwards feel great, we will rewrite the conditioning that tells us to be afraid to feel angry at that person we fear most.
At the end of feeling angry we need to also feel good, so that we “prepare to feel good” automatically when we experience emotions of anger or sadness towards the person that hurt us. After we experience feeling what we are most afraid to feel, we no longer have conditioning to “be afraid to feel emotions.” This exercise will allow us to experience much more of the depth and width of life, without fear.
After the exercise today, we can continue to allow ourselves to emotionally and physically experience emotions about our past. Please always remember to feel good before and after going back to the past to feel emotions.
As we experience all of our emotional truth, a deeper sense of well being, presence, confidence and authenticity to emerge within us. This new sense of self will give us the strength to enjoy the experience of real love, vulnerability and enhanced states of ecstasy.
The first stage of fear is when we feel paralyzed by fear because we are in our head trying to find out what the cause of the problem is and what we need to do. If we are conditioned to be afraid of deep emotions, we will feel fear when we feel emotionally vulnerable, we will also connect the feeling of fear we are conditioned to feel, to someone in the present.
If the cause of our fear is conditioning that also prevented us from feeling deep anger or sadness towards the person that hurt us, feeling that anger or sadness now and tagging the person that caused that intense fear a long time ago, will put a face on our fear.
Now that there is a face on our fear and we have felt our fear…. and felt safe afterwards, we no longer have the conditioned response to feel fear feeling these old emotions.
We may feel unsafe feeling vulnerable or in love but the feeling of wanting to trust someone, is so much better than wanting to hurt someone before they hurt us or feeling upset by someone that cares….
Putting a face on our fear also allows us to feel safe relaxing, so we stop having anxiety, sleep better and are much healthier.
We have more control of our life when we connect to both the intellectual and emotional aspects of our brain.
The exercise:
Get a mat and put it on the ground.
Get a plastic bat.
Get something like a footstool you can hit with the plastic bat.
Get on your knees on the mat and be in front of the footstool. Grab the bat with both hands.
Think of the person you were most frightened by. If that person was someone that frightened you when you were a child, then remember them. If the person that frightened you was someone after childhood, then focus on that person….you know, the one who never listened to you when you were upset.
Now feel how you were frightened by them for perhaps ten to thirty seconds and before you go numb….go into your emotions and get as angry as you possibly can! Now hit the footstool with the bat and yell, “I hate you! (or whatever)” as loud and as you can. Hit the footstool perhaps 5 or 6 times and yell during that, then take a deep breath, feel proud of yourself, happy and get up and relax and you are done.
Do not dwell on anything or go into your head but instead do something to feel good and be in your body. Go for a bike ride, get a massage, take a hot bath or dance. The important part is to just not think but feel great physically.
Do this exercise three times and try to do it within two weeks. The exercise should take less than five minutes each time, so you will have put fifteen minutes of intense work into this to remove the conditioned response.
You should feel better within a few days.
You pushed love down the stairs…
I grew up in San Francisco and when I was a kid, I would walk my wagon up a steep hill by my house and ride it down the middle of the street. I remember flying in the air when my wagon would hit bumps. There were moments I achieved weightlessness. Floating or flying, whatever it was, it was wonderful.
I remember flying far out of my wagon on some bumps. Sometimes I would leave the wagon completely and land on the road.
As children, we all got hurt playing. We got up if we fell down, wiped the dirt out of our hands and kept playing.
I got hurt learning to ride my bike too. I bet you got hurt learning to ride your bike. We get hurt many times growing up but getting hurt playing never changed how we felt about ourselves.
When the people that we trusted to love us, hurt us, it did change the way we felt about ourselves. Most people do not stop playing because they got hurt playing, they stopped playing because they were hurt emotionally.
If we became numb during the time someone hurt us, we may not remember why we stopped playing. Come with me and I will show you how we can find a connection to the playful part of us, once again.
When we are infants, we are unable to take care of ourselves and need our parents to take care of us. We focus on our parent’s emotions and happiness more than our own, because we need them for our care.
Betrayal, trauma or neglect hurt us emotionally, we get upset…and when we experience our emotions of sadness or upset, if our emotions make the person that is hurting our feelings more upset and they hurt us more…it is natural for us to stop having emotions, in order to be less abused… Denying our emotions is how we quickly lose our connection to “self” and soon, we stop playing fearlessly.
Connected to our own feelings about ourselves is where we are strongest.
The feelings of someone we bond with become a part of how we feel about ourselves. It is sad, but becoming numb actually makes the feelings of insecurity we have, hard to experience and understand as not our own feelings but the feelings someone else had that was in my opinion a jerk.
These are feelings someone conditioned us to have about ourselves. We were conditioned to become numb when they got emotionally upset about being hurt by someone. When we were numb, it was easy to condition us to accept their feelings about us, instead of our own.
Each time they lied to us and promised us love and took love instead, we had a dissonance occur in our brain that was created by our caring more about them than they did for us. This dissonance in our brain made us infatuated with the pursuit of their attention and love. This pursuit, of the admiration and attention of someone that does not love us, is the foundation for narcissism. The feelings of insecurity we have from someone that hurt us, is more about them and less about us. Each minute we get back up and fight to get our life and emotions back, the insecurities we have, just like realizing a nightmare was just a bad dream…disappear forever.
We were happy playful kids. We took on the feelings of the person that hurt us and bonded with them because we did not have our own feelings and emotions.
Understanding our insecurities are not about us is important. Our insecurities are like weeds that someone else planted and have nothing to do with us.
The insecurity weeds grow larger each time we listen to someone that tells us to abandon our emotions. Our emotions are the beautiful flowers that grow in our garden, when we care about them.
Re- connecting to our true self is like finding our garden, we have to hear and experience all of our emotions. We were not comfortable having the emotions that created our aliveness but we need to reconnect to them now. When we have compassion for our heart, we open the well that waters the garden and we bloom again.
When we love someone that loves us, we see who we are. We stop being worried about what others think and we enjoy what we are doing.
Narcissists are everywhere now, it is important for our ability to re-connect with our self, that we avoid them.
Humans are not able to be introspective without emotions. As a narcissist, a person is not able to realize they do not have much empathy for others they want in their lives.
Narcissists can speak of love and tell you they love you. Narcissists have dramatic swings of feelings about themselves because “feeling admired” is far from connecting to the real child/person within.
If we bond with a narcissist and we become numb, we risk losing the ability to connect to our emotions and become our authentic selves.
(Here is where we push love down the stairs…)
I was emotionally hurt a long time ago and because of that I began studying A Course in Miracles and Neuro Linguistic Programming. After doing N.L.P. for a while, I became a narcissist. It was great not to feel sad but I did not notice I was not feeling many emotions at all.
I did a lot of work to feel my emotions again and I am proud to say I understand how much better life is feeling all my emotions. I am no longer a narcissist and would be glad to help anyone that wants help re-connecting to their authentic self.
Yesterday on a new age radio network, I was listening to a very popular author. She was taking calls from listeners and helping them with the problems they had.
The woman that called in wanted to know, “Why do I keep chasing after people that hurt me?”
The author told the person, “You need to stop caring so much about people in your life and become selfish. You deserve to be happy.”
We do not need to become selfish, or narcissists to be happy.
When we are whole and connected to our emotions, we are able to be happy and love others.
I am sad to hear so many people telling others to do something that would only bring symptomatic relief and then bring the caller back needing more.
To remove the cause of a problem, I would ask more questions of the caller. If I understood more, I could empower the caller to remove the cause of their problems themselves.
There are maps that allow people to return to the connection they once had with themselves. Each map is unique because our path is our life. It is wonderful to show someone how he or she can create a wonderful re-bonding experience himself or herself.
It is only through love that we can heal our broken heart.
In loving our children, we see our own beauty. The person that runs into our arms with love is the mirror we want to have.
The love we have for the person that loves us, will allow us to see how much we are like the person we love and we will bond to the feeling they have about us.
When we have bonding experiences with souls that reflect how lovable and wanted we are, we will once again play with abandon.
Narcissist The Exercise for Healing
Video “Part One”will help us understand how a narcissist persona began and how it changes us.
Video “Part Two” is the exercise for healing ourselves. When we open our heart, have a way to automatically love ourselves the way others do and become real as a result…we can see our beauty with a new clarity and the beauty of others as well.
I love you.
Photo @ by Zack Milstein
Video Part One
Video Part Two
Step 4 Treats for Your Brain
Thank you for spending this time with me. I want to share a secret with you. I hope you like it.
Most people presume our brain creates the most dopamine when we achieve a goal. Our brain does not operate with a big dopamine reward on success, we release dopamine during the process of what we are doing. The process is more important to our brain.
During a challenge that we are emotionally invested in and find exciting, the most dopamine of all is released.
People that feel vulnerable, tenuous, fearful, depressed and confused… feel confident, strong, excited, alive, happy and clear with more dopamine. How can we produce more?
Why is dopamine important for us? Many of us have felt and acted passive or as a victim. We may have wanted to be assertive but it did not feel natural for us. We may have created things that we did not like when we were feeling this way. I am sure our perceptions as well as feelings seemed automatic or ingrained.
The truth is many of us have been conditioned to be passive. The same conditioning that made us passive often gave us rewards for doing what someone else wanted.
Many of us were never allowed to explore what excited us emotionally as well. We did not have someone enthusiastically watching and supporting us as we found what we enjoyed. If that is the case, then we probably lack familiarity with the process of self-discovery and the enjoyment of pursuing what makes us emotionally excited.
Being passive may have been what we needed to do before but…we are our own parent now!
We are going to have much more and it will be easy. How do we become excited and happy about our life and have the neuro-transmitters to keep us that way?
We can start small and find more and more things that matter to us. Let us use getting a puppy for example.
A large factor in how much dopamine we produce is the amount of emotional interest we have in what we are doing. When we feel love for what we do, the amount of dopamine released increases a great deal.
If we are in a dog park, we see dogs and all the sensory information about the dogs is there for us (in our fusiform gyrus). When we see our dog, our limbic system adds the emotional information “this is your dog”!
Because there is emotional information attached, the volume on the sensory information goes way up. We are able to experience our dog much more clearly (because of increased dopamine as well). This happens with people we care about too.
As we are good to ourselves, we want to be stimulated emotionally and create a process of challenging and exciting our brain so we release dopamine and feel the benefits of having other wonderful neurotransmitters produced so we can use our brain fully and become as enlightened as possible.
Many people think sexual attraction stimulates our brain and some enjoy the excitement of sexual images for excitement. In tests we can see that sexual stimulation alone will produce only increased male and female hormones (testosterone and estrogen) and nitric oxide and although these do invigorate and stimulate us, they do not help us produce more dopamine.
When we care about someone, have emotional feelings for them and feel attracted to them, we produce male and female hormones as well as a cocktail of neurotransmitters including epinephrine, nor-epinephrine, dopamine, serotonin and phenylethlaminen (PEA).
When we feel love we also produce oxytocin and vasopresin. These allow us to be excited and relaxed at the same time. Our neurotransmitters are being released to help us create and pro-create and we are much more capable when our brain chemistry is this great.
One of the problems people have in relationships that prevents them from having this great chemistry, is that people are not able to be assertive in a relationship and ask for what they want, if they have not had someone that wanted them to be that way before. Do we have a hard time feeling comfortable being assertive because we have never been comfortable telling someone how to please us?
One thing we can do to help people that care about us is teach them how to make us wonderfully happy. If we are with our partner we can show them on their ear what we like, or their neck… It is a fact that people that care get excited when we do. Women that are married to men on erectile dysfunction medication describe wonderful enhancement to their sexual desires and abilities when their husband desires them again. It appears that a man’s excitement is very sexually stimulating for his partner. It is important for us to feel comfortable helping the person that loves us, make us happy because they will be happier too.
We can enjoy trying new things to find what is wonderful for us. Most of all feeling comfortable asking someone nicely for something they may feel wonderful about doing for us, might be just what they were hoping for too. When we become excited about our life, our reality and the reality of everyone around us, is enhanced gently and easily for the best.
Emotions Add Color to the World
After asking people for many years when they first started using self-help, I realized that most people started using self help after being hurt emotionally.
From my own experience, the first time I used self help was to numb my emotions.
When I was doing self help a long time ago I saw that many used self help to have a cool image as well.
There are so many people concerned with image that I declare “Style to have officially won over substance.” Someone cool seems preferable to a warm heart.
The emotional work I have done the last 20 years, is very different from other types of self help. My work is about allowing people to open their heart and experience all of their emotions so they can be themselves and grow.
Is love something we hold as sacred? Is love an idea or a feeling in our heart? Is just loving anyone special for us or is loving someone that loves us in return, that is sacred to us? Do we experience the joy of love for someone even when we are not with them and does this shape our being?
When we open our heart to another, we feel how they genuinely feel about us. If the person we love becomes numb, we no longer have our playmate to have fun with. It is easy to close our heart and hard to open it again.
If we hold love sacred, we must be able to experience the emotion of real love.
If we are not helping people open their hearts, how are we helping the world?
Self help is commonly used to mask emotional pain. This way of dealing with emotions only brings symptomatic relief.
Self help should make us more capable of experiencing all of our feelings, perceptions, reactions and emotions so we can find what the cause of our problems is. We need to learn to love ourselves. Love is an emotion.
We can not stop just a few emotions, we stop all emotions including the experience of love when we try to stop feeling any emotions.
I find people are less interested in removing the real cause of their problems, when they have symptomatic relief. Some of the same techniques that are used to make people stop feeling emotions that are used in mind control, are commonly used in self help. These only assist people in disconnecting from their lives.
To be our authentic selves and use our entire brain, we need to feel emotions. Emotions are essential to being who we are. We understand others through their emotions, as they understand us through our emotions or numbness as well.
Most of us experience more of what is important for our growth while we are feeling love than at any other time. Love gives us the incentive to grow.
People that have stopped feeling because they have been hurt, experience the addition of depth and color when they are able to feel emotions again.
Step 3- Emotions Add Color to the World, is about us allowing ourselves to have all of our emotions and be comfortable and not afraid of them.
We do not go back to the past to dredge up emotions. We try to become comfortable feeling any emotions we have not allowed ourselves to feel.
The more we allow ourselves to feel comfortable and safe with the emotions we have, the less fear we have of feeling emotions. People that feel their sadness or hurt in a gentle and compassionate way are able to feel love again because they are not too afraid of pain to open their heart.
In group 3 we do not discuss personal information. We do allow people to have the emotions or feelings that seem to them to be too much for them to experience alone. We give support and love to those brave enough to experience the fear and emotion that has stopped them from having the love we all want to enjoy.
The Seven Step Program
The 7 step program:
1) It’s my life
2) My soul is beautiful
3) Emotions add color to the world
4) Teaching my brain to reward me
5) Creating feelings in others
6) Opening my heart to create what I want
7) Relationships
Each step and peer support group will enhance our experience of life.
Step 1 – “It’s my life”
A person entering the group accepts that they are now “their own parent” and have the responsibility of giving themselves the love and happiness, they always wanted to have.
We take responsibility for hearing and seeing who we are. This means that we honor our feelings.When we cry inside, we hear it and do something about it. When we are our own parent and hear our inner child, we feel heard. When we listen we become more alive.
When we laugh and are happy, we reward ourselves by being proud we were good to our inner child. In this way we feel seen for who we are. We become more confident and whole each time we reward what makes us happy.
By being there all the time for our inner child, we re-pattern our early bonding experience. Because of this we have an enhanced experience of ourselves in the world.
As we feel ourselves as a caring and loving parent that is always there, we develop object permanence. Object permanence is the grounded feeling people want. We feel safe, at home and wanted no matter where we are.
The group allows members to talk about the new relationship they have with themselves and how they are parenting their inner child. We support each other as loving and compassionate parents that are learning more all the time.
This first step in opening our heart, is wonderful when we have support for the work we do.
“Awakening to the Beauty of You” at New Awakenings Bookshop
As you know my work is about re-writing conditioning. There are times we can become conditioned to feel anxious in our lives. I find doing the exercises in these workshops is the quickest and easiest way to re-write the conditioning we have.
There is a difference between feeling good, which is symptomatic relief of feeling bad and feeling good automatically all the time. If we remove the cause of what made us not feel good, we feel good automatically all the time.
Many people are not aware they have conditioning because they just experience a reaction they believe to be appropriate.
To have conditioning that makes us less ourselves, not see our beauty, feel uncomfortable, experience shame and not have the life we possible could have is sad.
One of the steps towards enlightenment, is having the ability to see our own light. The curtains and drapes that prevented us from experiencing our true selves and seeing the reflection of our beauty in the world, are now easily torn asunder.
We are going to do an exercise to be ourselves again. First let us look at what conditioning is so we appreciate how it would happen to us and how we can re-write it.
A rat is conditioned by seeing a light and then receiving a shock, a light then a shock, a light and then a shock. After the shocks stop the rat prepares for the anxiety that will come after it sees the light and that is re-recorded as the light and the shock was over and over, each time it sees a light. The light then anxiety, the light then anxiety and now after the shocks are long gone, the rat is still apprehensive. We now have a timid rat.
Conditioning is “the automatic preparation that happens to us before something.” The anxiety was a preparation for a shock, now anxiety is the preparation for anxiety….which can happen to us.
When there is loss of a loved one: there is love, anxiety and sadness, love, anxiety and sadness and we become conditioned to feeling anxious as a preparation to losing someone. The interesting thing is the trigger for the “preparation of anxiety” is not loss but love. Love then anxiety, love then anxiety….this is the conditioned response.
The conditioning makes us feel anxious feeling love or being loved.
Love may seem like it is about someone else but it allows us to be more of who we are. The chemistry we have when we feel love, allows our brain to work with much more clarity and we are much more powerful. For us to have love (which is a different intention than finding love) we have to be comfortable.
Conditioning is a preparation. We are going to re-write the preparation we have that makes us feel anxious when we anticipate wonderful emotions. To do this, we want to anticipate receiving love and pleasure as the first step.
As we anticipate pleasure from a massage that is going to happen or anything else that would make us feel wonderful and happy, we want to breath deeply and surrender. We want to practice this, relaxing before receiving pleasure and then stay relaxed and surrender as we receive pleasure.
The next step is to feel emotions are pleasure and to add the same relaxation technique of breathing deeply and surrendering to the emotions we feel that are pleasant.
As we continue doing the exercise, we feel pleasant emotions and then great in our body, we feel pleasant emotions and then great in our body. We re-write the conditioning and now when we prepare for emotions, instead of feeling anxiety and shutting down, we prepare to feel wonderful in our body.
We can also become conditioned in a way that does not allow us to see our beauty. To awaken to our beauty we have to remove the conditioning that made us feel shame, inhibition or insecurity.
Just as losing someone can condition us to have anxiety about feeling love. We can become conditioned to have anxiety about feeling beautiful.
If we wanted to be seen as beautiful and became anxious, we wanted to be seen as beautiful and became anxious, we wanted to be seen as beautiful and became anxious, we may have become conditioned to feeling anxiety about feeling beautiful.
We now look at a group of people looking at us and become anxious. If someone wants us to touch and kiss us all over we become anxious. Any time we are self conscious we become anxious.
We will have someone care about us, “when we stop feeling anxious and can enjoy being seen, touched and loved.”
Our beauty comes from our soul. To experience the beauty of our soul is one of the greatest awakenings we can have.
In this workshop you will do a simple exercise that will “rewrite” the conditioning that has made you feel ashamed, prevented you from seeing your beauty, feeling self love, feeling like a goddess, enjoying someone adoring you and a myriad of other inhibitions.
Feeling beautiful is about much more than our appearance. During the workshop we will see how others look at us in an awakened and enlightened way….we will see how beautiful and lovable we are in their eyes. We will see how beautiful we are.
This way of seeing is just removing the conditioning that prevented us from seeing clearly. We will experience our beauty at the workshop and after. We will always see how beautiful and lovable we are automatically after that.
The new experience we have of ourselves will allow us to see the real beauty in others as well. This workshop gives us a permanent “enhancement in clarity”. Now we experience ourselves in a way that will allow us to see our beauty reflected in the world.
This is a video of the end of another workshop. Each one is as unique as we are.
Please come to the workshop at New Awakenings
Saturday, July 28 2012, 3:00pm – 5:00pm
For more information you can also call me at 360-953-7408.
Confident IV the first exercise
In a previous blog titled “Who Am I” I said, “The good news is we can change anything we want and become who we want, without having to go into the past. Because our brain is designed to grow and be whole, what we do in the present is the best vehicle for developing and enhancing our brain.”
Today we are going to learn a beginning exercise that will help us to be the confident, present and compassionate person we hope to be. This exercise will also give us the ability to start changing our reality.
The first thing a person needs to be able to open their heart, is a feeling of safety within themselves.
This feeling of safety will give someone a feeling of well being and presence as well. This feeling will also allow someone to feel pleasure opening their heart without being stressed.
What gives an infant the feeling of confidence are a few things, 1) object permanence (parents that are always there when needed), 2) touch (feeling wanted), 3) having someone hear us when we cry, responding to our feelings (feeling heard) and 4) having someone smile when we smile (feeling seen).
To have those feelings….of feeling taken care of, of being wanted, of feeling heard and being seen for who we are, we want to do the following exercise:
If we are not living with our parents and they are not taking care of us, we are our own parents and we have control of what happens to us.
1) The first part of the exercise is for us to accept and understand that we are now our own parents. We make the decisions about what we have in our life.
The most important part of the first step is for us to willingly take responsibility for the most important things for our life, in a loving caring way.
Object permanence comes from someone being responsible for taking care of us…our needs and wants. As we take the responsibility for giving ourselves the things that matter most and make sure all of our dreams are heard more seriously, we give ourselves more object permanence (this makes us feel deep safety and well being).
2) The second part of the exercise is to treat ourselves as a sweet child that has real needs that are physical, emotional and creative. We want to listen to and hear all the needs we have. We must not ignore any of our feelings. We also want to see ourselves as capable and lovable. Feeling heard and seen in this way also gives us a feeling of object permanence and well being.
3) The third part of the exercise pulls the first and second parts together into action. For our health and well being, we are going to get massaged several times in the next couple weeks.
We give the child within the touch we need for survival. The “non-verbal” understanding of touch is important. Our limbic system (the place in our brain that is the lens we use to see ourselves as safe) understands this non-verbal language. We can use this new experience to rewrite unresolved feelings we may have. How it feels in our body to be wanted and loved is powerful.
If we take responsibility for “getting a massage”, we are in essence giving the child within the caring loving touch so many people do not receive from other things. The more wonderful loving feelings we take responsibility for giving ourselves, the better we will feel.
As we take responsibility for the care of our needs, the need to be touched, heard, seen, wanted and loved, we develop a sense of safety, trust, presence and well being that allows us to feel a deep safety and confidence that nothing else can give us.
As we feel more safety and well being, we soon feel joy opening our heart.
There are many more things we can do to grow and have a wonderful life.
If you have any questions please feel free to write me Bob@ichangereality.com or call me at 360-953-7408
Confident part II
Most of us never think of ourselves as timid or confident. What is the difference between someone timid and someone confident?
In my opinion the difference between someone timid and someone confident is this: A timid person is uncomfortable and wants to stop feeling that way. A confident person has the ability to connect to what is going on inside of themselves and feel comfortable being vulnerable.
A timid person does not feel comfortable being more vulnerable. A confident person relishes the naked joy of their emotional vulnerability and is capable of being proud of themselves for growing.
A timid person is not comfortable experiencing their own feelings and emotions. A confident person experiences all of their feelings and emotions and is able to be vulnerable, open and grow from the lessons they learn.
People can see what is happening outside of themselves and want that to change. People discuss intent with me and ask me how to change intent so they may have happiness. When discussing intent, I tell people that we create things because we are comfortable having something, not because we want something we have not had.
I tell people that have relationships that leave them feeling empty to become comfortable experiencing their own feelings as a first step. After we experience our feelings it is possible for us to give ourselves the feelings we want to get from others. When we love ourselves, the universe will send us help.
A timid person wants to stop feeling uncomfortable. They enjoy making someone feel good, they want to be wanted and needed.
A narcissist is also a timid person. This timid person has traded the need to be loved in for a need to be admired. A narcissist has given up on being themselves, they have the idea that they can be more successful being what others want.
When we think being someone different will make us what people want, being comfortable with who we are…which is the “road to confidence”… just gets further away.
A sociopath is someone that is also a timid person. A sociopath enjoys having control of others and believes power is what is respected and wanted. Sociopaths enjoy using other timid people to feel more powerful.
All timid people are, “looking into someone’s eyes to feel good about themselves.”
With some practice experiencing all of our own feelings, we can understand what situations give us reactions that make us feel uncomfortable. When we are feeling uncomfortable we are not likely to enjoy feeling vulnerable.
I can easily rewrite a preparation to a situation that creates a reaction that makes someone feel uncomfortable. After we rewrite the preparation to the situation that made someone uncomfortable, we have rewritten the conditioning associated with the experience.
When we have rewritten the conditioning, a person can feel vulnerable and comfortable or wonderful. This ability gives someone a new experience of themselves and allows someone to have a much greater option of wonderful experiences. It is the same as if we learn to float…we now experience the water, ourselves and being vulnerable in a comfortable and wonderful new way. It is important to feel comfortable and wonderful being vulnerable in as many social situations as possible because our brain was created to be social.
When we grow in this way, we make it possible to rewrite the story that is the theme of our life. We can become confident at our core and have fun growing, being and creating.
I am going to give some exercises in part 4 that are easy and lasting that will help us to become happy, confident and capable of creating what will be wonderful.
Email me or call me if I can help you personally with anything. Bob@ichangereality.com or 360-953-7408.
Confident
In this and other future blogs, we will be discussing many things Cerebrology® is successful in treating.
One basic premise we use in Cerebrology® is, if we can cause our own problems….we can also grow and not be the cause of our problems.
If we can create illness, lack of love or unhappiness, we can also create health, love and happiness by understanding how we are creating our problem and removing the cause, not by just treating the symptoms.
There are many physical, personal and emotional problems we can successfully treat and fix with Cerebrology®. Everyone that learns Cerebrology®, will have an understanding of how to diagnose and treat any problem that we create ourselves.
In this blog we will discuss the concept that, no matter when in the past we learned something that creates problems, we can understand how to quickly and easily find a way to remove the cause now. We do not need to look back to go forward.
I am going to use an example that is a part of the core of our being, to show when and how we can acquire a problem. In the next blog, I am going to use the example to show that we still have to treat the problem as it presents itself now.
One of the causes of many problems are the reactions people have. When discussing reactions there are two important factors: what we react to and how we react. How we react to things is a large part of “who” we are at our core.
Today, we are going to discuss two different core “types” that are based on the way someone reacts. The reason we are going to discuss these two core types is because they can have a component that was learned even before we were born.
Two of the many ways of reacting to things are “timid” (which we may understand as passive-aggressive) and “confident” (which is assertive).
At any time during our life, we can be forced to have deference (submission to someone, when the wellbeing and happiness of another becomes more important than our own) to someone who has taken our volition (free will, ability to make decisions for our needs). In this situation we begin to care for the feelings of the person who took our volition and put their needs and desires before our own.
In many cases neglect is used to create deference. Neglect as a form of abuse is often invisible to us.
If we are “helpless” and in need the goodwill of the person we are submitting to, we add another bonding experience. This experience is similar to an infant’s caring more about the mother’s well being more than its own. The mother is able to give the infant what it needs and the infant’s job is to have the mother love it.
We may respect, admire, feel we need and be attracted to the person who we want to have care for us. Unfortunately people that experience this new bonding, may have desires that are “upside down”. People who have not had someone love them and have only wanted to love someone else may want more.
The trauma of an experience that pushes someone to bond from fear, can add a “timid” component to their being. The “timid” person is comfortable being passive and caring for someone they have deference for. The timid person will also become hyper-vigilant in comfortable and emotionally intimate situations, feeling annoyed, irritable or even smothered by love. A timid person can be prone to getting stuck in the first stage of fear, frozen in place and obsessing on ideas. A confident person will go to the first stage of fear and look to find what is wrong outside of themselves. The confident person then goes to the second stage where the fight or flight system comes in and they take action to change the situation or they calm down enough to be self examining and relax. The second stage allows us to “experience” the feeling of being in our body and not just in our head.
In mice that have a timid mother the offspring are timid as well. In mice that have a confident mother the offspring are confident as well.
In experiments when a timid mother’s fetus is placed in a confident mother and the baby is raised by the confident mother, the mouse will be confident.
If a confident mother’s fetus is placed in a timid mother and the baby mouse is raised by the timid mother, the mouse will become timid.
If our mother was timid or confident, we understood how she felt about herself in various situations and we felt the same about ourselves. This non-verbal way of learning and mirroring is automatic.
We see how deeply a part of our core a timid or confident reaction is for us. Understanding all of the history of how we acquired our reactions, does not rewrite or change the reactions.
Treating the problem of being timid (the symptoms) with verbal motivational messages is not going to help us change the reactions that alter our self perception and reality either. The information we use to give us our self-image was learned from non-verbal cues, that came in through our visual motor pathways.
The limbic system of our brain, is much like the operating system of a computer and it does not use the same language we use in verbal thoughts. The limbic system stores our memories as emotions and feelings about our self in various experiences. The visual experience we now have is sent to the limbic system to gauge its value or meaning for us. How we automatically prepare will add the textural feelings and enhancements of perceptions and emotions, that create our experience. The preparations we have determine our reactions and whether we are “timid” or “confident,” how we experience things will be different. How we perceive ourselves emotionally will change the options of experiences we have. These options can make all the difference in the world.
To have clarity and become confident…not have hyper-vigilant reactions or desires to be in inappropriate situations, we will need to rewrite our “timid” conditioning so we can be confident and create more of what we want.
In the next blog, we will discuss how to identify and rewrite this non-verbal information… that creates a “timid” persona… quickly, easily and permanently using Cerebrology®.
I would like you to know this is not something that is just an idea but rather something I understand from doing over 15 years of regressive psychotherapy as well as 10 years of primal therapy very far back into womb feelings. I experienced my mothers feelings while I was in the womb as well as during infancy and I have done my own work. I am offering something that has been a labor of love and I have been doing Cerebrology® work on myself and others for over 20 years.
If you have any questions please send an email to Bob@ichangereality.com or call me at 360-953-7408. We can make the world a much better place, all we have to do is open our heart.
May you be washed by love as you go from strength to strength. <3
What Do We Want
What we think we want and what we create may be different. I often hear people say, “I have only been with people that were.. (something they say they did not want) and I want to be with someone that is loving.”
I could sense that they had a powerful motivation that was creating this. I would tell the person, “If we are not aware of what things we feel motivated to “resolve” we may not be aware of what powerful unresolved feelings can do to alter the theme of our story.” I tell people “Our intent to create what we imagine love to be, if it has an element of desire to have something we have not had, is creating something that gives us something we can not have. The having something we can not have, is what we are creating.”
Many people have had bonding issues and because this is a basic need, it is important for us to understand. Not having complete wonderful bonding can give us lots of problems in our life, I can help you to resolve them easily if you do have them. The feelings of not feeling safe, not feeling we can have or own something, the feeling we do not have the ability to create a good life, the feeling we will have obstacles… are just some of the problems.
An infant smiles at their parent and if their parent smiles, they feel a sense of comfort and bonding, they feel their emotions are echoed and mirrored and they are seen. People that did not experience this response because their mother was too self involved or emotionally unavailable, may still be wanting to resolve the emptiness. An infant cries and their parent runs to hold them and take care of their needs, this infant feels a sense of comfort and safety. To have our needs met as an infant, we understand a feeling of being able to get our needs met in this world. Some people are working to resolve this as well.
An infant also needs a sense they have “object permanence” someone that is there always for them. Object permanence allows us to invest in ourselves and have the desire to create dreams of things we want. The sense of security we receive from having the sense there is permanence in our life, gives us the ability to create a safe life, have the things we want and also feel that any obstacles or problems will leave in time.
In their search for “re-bonding” many people recreate the same situation that left them needing resolution, “A parent they ache and long for that is not there, so the ache grows.” When the person working on unresolved issues does get to be with the person they ache for, there is a “honeymoon period”. In order for them to feel what they imagine to be love, they want to “ache and long for someone again”… and this pattern is what creates many different relationships with no object permanence, instead of one relationship that returns love.
When I work with someone I help them resolve these issues very quickly by teaching them how it would feel to have received this love as a feeling in their body and how to give this feeling to themselves. This gives a person real power.
When we understand we are our own parent now and only we can now resolve our unresolved issues, we begin to have control of our lives. We can love ourselves and respond to all of our needs all the time and we can depend on ourselves. It is alright to want to have someone that is always there, we have them if we learn to appreciate ourselves and be sensitive to our needs.
I teach people what loving themselves feels like and then I teach them how to reward themselves with automatic rewards in their brain for giving themselves a deeply connected, safe and comfortable life.
What is keeping us from having the love we want? When we resolve what we missed by healing our heart, we will be motivated to create real love with desire and passion, not longing.
This song at the end says “Before you came into my life, I MISSED YOU SO BAD, I MISSED YOU SO BAD, I MISSED YOU SO SO BAD.” If we feel this emptyness is love and we want to feel love, we may be creating this instead of real love. The feeling of wanting someone we admire, respect, love, desire, enjoy playing with, have fun talking to, listen to, work together with and create a life with, is much more than feeling empty inside and wanting sex.
Hunger makes the best sauce, when we miss someone we have and love, it is amazing how much more we appreciate every moment with them. Spend a week taking turns kissing each others body all over before you go to sleep (no more just kissing). There are ways to enhance feelings, so you can eat your cake and have it too!
If there is some insecurity, fear, inhibition, reactions that are erroneous, hyper-vigilance, jealousy, repetitive self destructive patterns, unrequited love, emotional angst, unresolved anger, perceptual problems that make it difficult to have clarity being with men or women, a loss of ability to feel safe, feeling blocked, depression, object possession difficulties, anxiety, disassociation or trance habituation, anger management or problems with creativity, please call me at 360-953-7408 or message me, Robert Milstein on Facebook. I want to help you see what is possible when the curtains have been opened and you see by your light.
May love run to you as the river becomes one with the sea.
Who Am I
When someone asks us, who we are what do we say? Do we tell them the ideas we have about our image?
Are the ideas we have who we are? We can change ideas in a moment but to develop empathy, character or compassion may take years, why?
An idea is a thought and thoughts are changed by us all the time, in a moment. Empathy, character and compassion speak of how we have developed ourselves, they come from an ongoing experience of an emotional understanding that over time has changed our brain.
As we use our brain we develop neural pathways. What we do to stimulate our brain, changes the map of our brain. As we direct traffic to specific areas of our brain, we enhance the complexity of our brain in those areas. A person that uses his hands to touch and heal people, will have a much thicker and more complex area of their brain associated with touch, similar to someone that is blind and uses braille.
From using our brain to practice a sport, we can in time just watch the sport and our muscles will grow. If we spend time stimulating ourselves with visual sexual images, we may look at people and instead of seeing who they are, we may look to find something that will give us a stimulating chemical experience in our brain. As we focus on an obsession, we heat up our cingulate gyrus and unless we do something to stop hyper focusing and cool it off, such as doing something physical when we obsess… the obsession will become larger and larger. When we practice associating our senses with our emotions, we develop pathways that promote creative skills, “What light through yonder window breaks, it is the east and Juliet is the sun.”, is a combination of sensory, emotional and thinking skill use.
From not directing much traffic to an area, the complexity of our brain in that area diminishes. If we suppress our emotions, we may not be able to understand how others are feeling. As the map of our brain is changed, who we are is changed.
The good new is we can change anything we want and become who we want, without having to go into the past….. because our brain is designed to grow and be whole, what we do in the present….is the best vehicle for developing and enhancing our brain so we can enjoy the full use of it, in a balanced way.
I have a theory I call my “cow field theory”of growth. The path cows use in a field has no grass growing upon it. If we take the cows out of the field for long enough, the grass will grow back on the path the cows created. If we put a heard of cows into that field, in time they will eventually knock down the grass from the old path and it will be their new path. The new path is now what brings the cows home.
As we developed interests, enjoyed our passions and grew from experiences, we developed paths in our brain like the cows in a field do. Old paths can be revisited and new paths can be developed.
Many of the paths we developed, were a result of some foundational understandings we had about ourselves. These “understandings” could have been helpful in our pursuit of developing a life that was wonderful. Some “understandings” people have about themselves, prevent them from having much of a life. If a person has a self image that prevents them from feeling confident and relaxed, insecurities that inhibit them from doing the things that have meaning to them, fears of being hurt that prevent them from experiencing love or feelings of shame that do not allow them to experience the intimacy and joy of being vulnerable, all of these can now easily be permanently rewritten so that new paths can be created.
If there is some insecurity, fear, inhibition, reaction, jealousy or anxiety that is limiting your life, please call me at 360-953-7408 or message me, Robert Milstein on Facebook. I want to help you see what is possible when the curtains have been opened and you see by your light.
Emotions for Presence and a Higher Consciousness
What is it that turns up our senses and gives us presence when we are entering different situations? I remember walking by roses many times and they were nice but I was not amazed by them, nor do I remember stopping to smell them.
There have been times when I was sad, I would walk by roses and barely remember them as background. I barely could distinguish them from everything else. There are also times that I have been in love, walked by roses and been swept away with their beautiful smell and appearance. I would enjoy each moment and be more present than ever just being near the rose bush. I would notice the aphids and ladybugs, the thorns, the various amounts of blossoming and how each blossom no matter little or much it had opened had a different beauty. I would even notice how beautiful and fragrant the petals on the ground were. I would enjoy every moment and remember that I wanted to share this beauty with the person I loved.
Why was I able to be so much more present and aware of my senses, when I was in love? What happened that made it so I was not even aware of my senses when I was sad?
The information about the rose, the sight, the feeling of the petal, the sound of the breeze in the leaves and the fragrance of the rose are gathered together in our fusiform gyrus. From the fusiform gyrus the information is then sent to our limbic system and to the amygdala.
The amygdala adds value and meaning, to what we see, which is a way of preparing us. Is this a danger, is this something wonderful, is this something we run from, is this something we rush to? All of this is determined by the value and meaning our amygdala puts on what we look at. It is essentially the difference between looking and seeing.
There are many things that will have a different value and meaning to us, depending on how we experience ourselves at that particular moment. How we experience ourselves is determined by the amygdala as well.
This may seem complicated but it is essential to understanding how we experience the world. How we experience ourselves influences our experience of other sensory things. The emotional value and meaning we place on ourselves, “how we feel about ourselves and see ourselves”….will alter the lens we use to see the world.
The world changes depending on how we feel. We do not see others as they are, we see them as we are. When we have clarity we are able to distinguish between good and bad people. This clarity is an awakening.
When we have an emotional loving feeling about ourselves, we are able to experience much more. When we “feel” love for ourselves, we reward ourselves with a feeling of aliveness and presence, which heightens our perceptions and allows us to see with much more clarity. We are able to not only look at the rose but experience all of its beauty. We are also able to distinguish what is not good for us as well.
When we have healthy feelings about ourselves, we have the ability to be present and conscious.
The value and meaning the amygdala puts on what we sense, in this case a rose, will determine what happens in our brain. For those of us that want to be present, open our heart or be enlightened, what happens automatically in our brain is very important.
If we are worried, the limbic system reroutes our energy and attention to our cingulate gyrus where we focus our thoughts. In this way our brain is helping us find out what we are worrying about. At this time we do not send much information to our amygdala, we do not add value and meaning to things that do not involve our safety and a rose has little meaning to us at this time.
If we are trying to suppress our emotions by thinking instead of feeling, the meaning of a rose is very little as well.
If we feel love, we are deeply opening our emotions, or as we say “our heart” and a rose is something we see, want, share and enjoy.
With love, the emotional value of the rose cascades as a waterfall into our autonomic nervous system, the sympathetic stimulation opens our pupils and how much value and meaning the rose now has to us, can be measured by a galvanic skin response.
When we are in love, we see a rose and think of the person we want to share the rose with, we release neurotransmitters, dopamine and norepinephrine. These neurotransmitters give us a feeling of excitement and heightened perception. If we have been with the person we love long enough to have a bond, we will release endorphins and enkephalins, as we hold the rose and feel the love. The endorphins and enkephalins are powerful natural narcotics that give us a sense of comfort, safety and well being. If we share a rose with someone we share love with, we may release a neurotransmitter called serotonin, this neurotransmitter will give us a feeling of oneness.
The emotional value and meaning we add to sensory information, can bring great clarity to our lens. Our senses and thoughts are a component of perception, the emotions we have are the anchor that make what we see memorable.
Opening Our Heart to Become Enlightened
What knowledge have we ever learned that is more important than what we have felt in our heart to be true?
In the past science taught that the human brain was larger because we used it to think. The last few years of research have shown that the structure and function of the brain are most highly optimized during social competence; our brain is more of a social organ than a thinking one. Our brain is optimized when we open our heart.
Most of this research has gone unnoticed by those that would be users of this information and it will be many years before this new research will be taught in schools.
How we use our brain changes it, physically. Use dependent plasticity of the brain determines that intensive use of a particular area of the brain will make it have more neuronal networks, over time these networks or freeways of energy, become more complex, denser and thicker.
From a lack of use over time… a loss of neuronal activity, there is a loss of the networks or freeways that move the information. The brain changes physically and from lack of use the area of the brain then becomes less and less complex. In time we have difficulty because we have impaired functioning in that area of our brain.
In essence, the brain takes the form of how it is used. Optimally we want to have all of our senses and abilities available to use in our brain.
What is clear because the brain is primarily a psychosocial organ is that to become more “conscious” we need to use all of our brain, the thinking part as well as the emotional feeling part.
When these two parts of our brain work together, thoughts and emotions, we are able to use our brain at its highest and most remarkable levels.
Because of patterns of use, thinking about our thoughts, feeling pleasure but not developing the emotional part of our brain, many people are missing a great part of life. We want to be able to see and feel, listen to music and dance and think rationally as well as understand things intuitively.
There is an ancient Chinese proverb, “Not where you have mastery, should you exert yourself further but there where mastery has still yet to appear.”
What is the difference between a person with funny bones and a person that says funny lines? The person with funny bones is able to understand and feel their emotions. The person with funny bones is also able to understand when others have a common experience of these emotions as well. The comic with funny bones is able to relate non-verbal information about the experience that adds much more than words could add.
Children laugh 400 times a day, an average adult laughs 15 times a day, how did we lose 385 laughs a day? When we are young, the road of information from our emotional centers to our verbal mind is like an 8 lane freeway…we are feeling and happy.
As we learn over time to be in our “thinking brain” the canalization (term for neural highway of information) of information coming from our emotional centers to our “verbal brain” is diminished. When we learn to suppress our emotions, the freeway of emotion becomes a small road and some people even lose touch with their emotions.
When we have suppressed feelings long enough, we still have reactions and emotions; we are just not as conscious, of what our emotions and feelings are. What was once an area that brought us so much laughter and love, now primarily only alerts us to fear.
Many people try to find a spiritual path where they do not have to face themselves but where they can still liberate themselves. In truth, that is impossible. We have to be honest with ourselves. We have to see our gut, our real shit, our most undesirable parts ~ Chogyam Trungpa Rinoche
Our brain is able to change and we are able to regain the connection to our emotions with hard work and determination, over time. When we are capable of compassion, we are able to understand real creativity.
The person with a great connection to their feelings and others feelings as well, can have an understanding of a common truth. Creativity is born of a psychosocial understanding and when we are using our brain at full capacity, we are most capable of creating something that resonates with all of us.
Those that develop an understanding of what effect their emotions, reactions, perceptions and creations have on others, discover they are able to laugh a lot more too.
See Your Beauty Workshop
The first two exercises we use rewrite the conditioning that inhibits us from being able to see our beauty in the eyes of others.
The video is showing the last exercise, getting up and seeing our beauty and the love others have for us, in their eyes.
We look forward to seeing you at the next workshop.
Feeling beautiful is about much more than our appearance, it can be about removing shame, removing conditioning that creates inhibitions, allowing ourselves to see and feel what loving ourselves is all about and seeing others see how beautiful and lovable we are whenever we look into their eyes. It is a permanent enhancement in the clarity we have in the lens we use to see our reality with.
It is nice to know there is an easy exercise we can do to rewrite the conditioning that has prevented us from seeing our beauty and feeling loveable and love for ourselves so quickly and permanently. Just as we learned to float and had a better experience in the water, we can have a better experience with ourselves and others in our life.
When we love ourselves it creates so much clarity, we instantly have power and presence. When we see our beauty we are able to see more of the beauty in others and our world as well. As we see our beauty we realize our world is just a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. Feeling lovable reveals more of who we truly are, so we lose our inhibitions and open our heart.
I hope to see you at a workshop soon.
What is real growth?
If we can automatically feel better about ourselves when we wear something new, how can we create a feeling like wearing a new outfit that is automatic and is lasting as well?
What creates the automatic adjustments in the lens we use to view everything?
The special challenge I had when I was looking for something to help me with my personal growth was that I believed if the growth I was getting was real, it would help me with my reactions and improve my self-perceptions.
I wanted growth that was inside of me, I wanted to be myself and not have to stop and think to be a better person.
I wanted to feel handsome all the time and be able to see that in the eyes of those looking at me, without having to be concerned about my appearance. I wanted my inner beauty to be something I could see as well.
I wanted to be good to the people that cared about me. I wanted to be present and calm when there were stressful situations not just when it was easy to be that way. The times I had problems were times that I had reactions that took over my thoughts.
Reactions and perceptions are so powerful they command our thoughts and like a nightmare, the feeling we have alters us and our ideas. If we wake up from a nightmare and someone tells us, “that was just a dream” it still feels real. When we feel differently later on, we can see it was just a dream easily.
The same part of our brain that creates our nightmares, also alters the lens we use to give us our perceptions. The same information in this part of our brain that is creating nightmares, is also the fuel for our reactions. This automatic part of us can have fears or perceptions that are erroneous.
The Dalai Lama said, “Eliminate the negative or dark forces from our emotions and there is enlightenment.”
What can change the meaning and value of what we see, are the automatic tunings or adjustments that happen to the lens we use to view everything.
The lens we use gives us the perceptions we have. We all have our own unique way of experiencing others, the world and ourselves.
How we instantly and automatically prepare, tunes or controls the lens we use.
The information that directs our preparations tells us when we should react (another way we prepare), it creates the mood we are in (another way we are prepared), it tells us how we should feel about ourselves and our appearance in relation to our situation (another way we prepare), it controls how guarded or tense we are in our body (another way we prepare), the emotions and feelings we have (another way we prepare) and all of these influence the lens we use.
This is information we learned primarily before we were verbal. We learned it emulating what we empathized (pre-motor pathway). This is something we saw and felt our parents do as they prepared for all the situations they were in.
If we were able to make permanent improvements in the information that created our preparations, we could improve how we feel about our appearance and the improvement would automatically happen, we would have the same feeling we did with a new outfit on and that wonderful feeling about how beautiful or handsome we were would be lasting.
We could also eliminate reactions that we did not want to have. We could stop being jealous.
We could alter the amount of reward we automatically gave ourselves and what feeling we wanted that reward to be, so we could unconditionally love ourselves automatically and when we loved ourselves that way we could easily do that for others as well.
The preparations we have that are automatically happening to us, are altering the lens we use to give us our perception of our self and as we bring clarity to the lens we see not just our own beauty but the beauty in others as well.
When we are able to add meaning to what we see by choice, we can see the beauty within.
When we have information in our operating system that creates good feelings automatically for us before we look in the mirror… we see our own beauty when we look at ourselves and we experience an automatic clarity that allows us to see the beauty in others.
How we experience something is more important than what we think about it because the way we experience ourselves or someone else, can give us options of better experiences.
Enlightenment is removing the darkness to revel our light. Everything is illuminated from within.
A little light can remove a lot of darkness. Please recommend this to others.
The Wizard of Oz gave people the most valuable thing of all, he gave them what was missing so they could be more themselves.
I want to give what is missing so we can be more ourselves as well.
I would love to share this exercise, it helped me to add something that was missing so I could be more myself and have real growth. There are many more exercises like this on this website. Please enjoy them.
What prevents me from unconditionally loving myself?
Click on the above exercise.
Unconditionally loving myself.
Click on the above exercise.
A new science for our brain?
How can we re-write affect and conditioning?
If we walked thru a blue door ten times and someone slapped us each time, we would develop an apprehension about going thru blue doors. We might be able to go thru any other color but when we went thru the blue ones, we would be apprehensive. Each time we went thru a blue door we would re-record the apprehensive feeling no matter how much we tried not to.
Some people that want us to be “present”, tell us to “think” in some way so that we can relax and be “present”. It may be possible to think and be present while we are relaxing but going thru that blue door requires all of our focus to relax a little. In real life situations, such as an argument, an unexpected stress or too many things happening at once… these “blue doors” happen without giving notice. When we go thru the blue doors that occur in real life, we do not do so well. The way we automatically prepare before we go thru the blue door is an instant and automatic reaction.
If we went thru the blue door just one time and had a wonderful surprise, (for each of us it might be something different that would make us happy) and found that surprise, we would not be reluctant to go thru that blue door again. We would not have the bad reaction again because the feeling we re-recorded about the door had happiness and when we saw a blue door that feeling would be the one we automatically brought up.
Our lives have many blue doors, they hold us back from the life we could have if we could open them. The most powerful blue doors were created when we empathized with the way our parents felt about themselves when we were not yet verbal. We emulated the way they felt just the way we emulated how they walked. How they felt about themselves, came in thru the pre-motor pathway in our brain and is now how we automatically prepare for our blue doors.
The conditioning and successful removal of conditioning experiments, have been done on non-verbal animals. There have been no successful experiments with humans using a verbal process to remove conditioning. The part of our brain that is conditioned does not understand language.
The part of our brain that controls our reactions is something I call our “operating system” and it is not our subconscious or unconscious. I refer to this part of our brain as our operating system, because like the operating system of a computer, it controls many things without us having to think or do anything and it works 24 hours a day.
The limbic system, the pre-motor area and pre-frontal areas of our brain play a major role in automatically preparing us, this is what our operating system does. Our operating system creates our reactions, not our verbal mind. This part of our brain actually directs our thinking much more than our thinking could direct it.
This new science gives us the opportunity to feel good about all of our blue doors. Now “how” we prepare for our blue doors is better, instantly and automatically, so we can create a better experience.
The exercises on this site use this new science and system. We use the same pre-verbal motor memories to find the blue door we want to feel differently about and then we use this same language to create a better feeling about our blue door. The new feeling is recorded and now each time we go thru the blue door the feeling we have is re-recorded not the old feeling. We instantly and automatically have the reactions, perceptions and feelings we want to have to create the experience we should have.
Use this simple exercise to overcome jealousy permanently.
Click on the above exercise
What we see (and how to improve it)
We look at the world and see how we feel. When we feel better everything looks better. When we feel safe we can fall in love.
The world is in love with us and reveals its beauty when we are able to feel our own beauty.
When we feel we are not safe and we are safe, we see without our light.
I want to go to a survivalist meeting and sell “I told you it was the end!” t shirts. I have an idea how much money is being made off of people because they have fear.
I see the cults take advantage of people with fear. They sell motivation and empowerment but then transform people to be comfortable dissociating so they can be even more submissive. Being comfortable being submissive does not make a person present, have clarity or become empowered.
Being relaxed in safe situations is the first step towards not feeling fear. Removing fear allows us to be present and have a feeling of well being that brings colors to our palate. The following exercises are easy to do and will give us what we need to be authentic, present and have the clarity we want.
Please do not do these exercises if you are not assertive enough to feel how important your needs are. If you are not sure if you neglect your own needs, please do the “Making it safe for my inner child.” exercise on this website before the feeling safe exercise. The exercise is about feeling safe in a safe environment and we must be able to create a safe environment for ourselves to do this.
Am I able to feel safe when I am safe?
Click on the above exercise.
———————————————————-
Rewriting what prepared me for something bad to happen in a safe situation.
Click on the above exercise.
When you feel wonderful, you will see how wonderful the world is. Everything is illuminated from within.
What heals our heart
Do we want to open our heart and have the passion for life we felt when we were young?
When I was going to Chiropractic College, many instructors told me….”Eighty percent of the time the body heals itself, ten percent of the time we do something to help heal the body, ten percent of the time we do something that makes the healing process take longer.”
We heal over time physically, emotionally and spiritually. The more we understand that we did the healing the more empowered we become.
As we take more responsibility for our lives and give less power to others, we become more aware that “empowered” is about taking our power back.
We want to become strong and healthy in every way. If we were hurt emotionally and someone “helped” us by telling us how to “think” correctly, we may have been helped to stop feeling.
We may know that we have to open our heart again if we are going to feel passion and if we have the courage to live a life where there is pain, there is also a lot of joy.
Exercise your body, exercise your spirit and please, get some exercise for your heart…
Sometimes to truly become whole, we have to be vulnerable. Please try the following exercise, we will see if we have the strength to love again.
Finding what makes it difficult to open my heart.
Click on the above exercise.
Improving how I feel about myself, so I can open my heart again.
Click on the above exercise.
These exercises are not just for romantic love they are to open our heart to the people we care about.
What instantly and automatically give us our self image, no matter what we are thinking about?
How do we create our self image?
What does the term “affect” mean?
Our brain uses a language called “affect”, a non-verbal language, to create our self image. This is similar to what happens in the background of our computer.
Each operating system a computer uses whether the operating system is Windows, Linux, Android or OS X Lion for Apple, has a language that tells it “what to do”.
It is not possible to fix or change the operating system of our brain, if we do not understand the language or code it uses and speak to it using that language.
Our operating system learned most of its information, before we became verbal. The language our operating system uses is, non-verbal and is called affect.
The operating system in our brain uses affect to alter the lens we use to give us our perceptions.
Try this….next time you go to look in the mirror, stop before you do. Feel how your body feels inside, take a few deep breathes and relax all over. If you feel much more relaxed, your “affect” added some apprehension to the way you felt before you saw your reflection. If we felt apprehensive, our affect altered our lens so we could not see our image with clarity.
The added apprehension adds something to what we see when we look in the mirror. The feeling it gives us does not make us look and see ourselves as beautiful.
Before you look at yourself, change the “affect.”
Think of yourself and how you felt the last time you had a new outfit on, or think of how you felt on your honeymoon. Feel how beautiful you felt in your body and let the idea go. Now open your eyes and see how beautiful you are.
“Affect” instantly and automatically changes our perceptions. This website is all about rewriting “affect”. This creates a permanent improvement in our self image.
You are in the right place. I am not aware of anything else that rewrites affect, at this time. You are welcome to enjoy all of the free exercises to improve our affect.
How do I feel about my appearance?
Click on the above exercise.
I feel beautiful automatically all the time….(I don’t need a new outfit!)
Click on the above exercise.
Take out- Drive thru enlightenment
Something warm to bring home
We do self checks to understand how we are feeling from everything else that happened during the day, before we walk in the front door.
There are times we bring a feeling of tension from an entire day into our home and are not aware of it.
How can we be responsible for our part in our experience if we are not aware of what we bring to it?
We are going to first feel the tension we have in our body as we get in the driveway and next we are going to completely let go of all of our tension and go into our home with a wonderful energy.
After we do this exercise in the driveway a couple times, we will enjoy walking in our front door much more and our family look forward to us coming home to be with them much more.
We will have a better experience of our reality by just taking a few minutes to relax before we go in the door.
The following exercise was made because it helped me.
Click on the above exercise
Self Help
Einstein said, to have a solution to a problem, we have to have a different mind than the one that created the problem.
If we could bring clarity to the automatic part of our mind, we would create a “new mind”. This new mind would improve how we experienced everything. Our perceptions, feelings, emotions and preparations are all automatic and now they provide us with experiences to validate the clarity we have deep inside.
As we add clarity to the automatic part of us, we instantly prepare for a new way of experiencing ourselves and life. How we experience ourselves and life, will change what we experience.
When we remove the curtains and open the blinds, we can find what we have been looking for. We are not adding thoughts, ideas or conditioning that would make us less ourselves. This is something totally new. Here we are able to remove erroneous affect and conditioning that inhibited us, made us anxious, approval seeking, fearful and depressed.
Now we can see who we really are. Being our true selves allows us to naturally be confident, strong and creative. We are spontaneous and funny not phony. This type of clarity allows us to illuminate much more…enlightenment is just an extension of this.
It may be easy to see the difference between the feral cat outside and the one happily curled up in our lap. They both have a very different experience of their lives because of the affect they learned from their parents. How does affect actually effect us? How does it alter our experience?
Affect is really just a term for the process of having empathy for our parents feelings and after feeling them in our own body, we emulate those same feelings and as we do they become our own.
Our brain will prepare us for a particular relationship or situation, using the non-verbal information it has about what our role is in a relationship and what it should prepare us for. Our brains automatic preparation creates our reactions and adds value and meaning to what we see, this is how perceptions are created.
We do not need to “overcome limiting beliefs” to have clarity, our brain is not controlled by beliefs or words. Beliefs are a way of expressing how we feel, not a way of creating changes in how we feel about ourselves. If the way our automatic brain or “operating system” feels about us in a relationship is positive, we will be relaxed, present, alive, energized and whole automatically.
If we have a good relationship with the water because we can float, we are automatically relaxed and excited when we see the water. We are able to breathe deeply and expand our lungs, experience ourselves as being lifted by the water and have a great time. We will also have a wonderful experience of everyone around us.
Being relaxed enough to be in the present is the same, when we rewrite or remove an erroneous self image, body image, a feeling of shame or discomfort in a situation, so we feel confident, we are able to feel relaxed and excited automatically all the time. The simple exercise to remove and rewrite the erroneous information is a natural process will improve how we feel about ourselves and this will allow us to experience things that are only possible when we feel the way we should.
How we feel about our safety, appearance, creativity, lovability, well being, character, how we are heard, desired, how much reward we deserve and more, all alter the way we prepare and because of that, they alter the experiences we have.
Enlightenment is not just about being relaxed. Enlightenment is about having clear perceptions. Perceptions that allow us to experience better experiences.
The way we feel about ourselves is instant and automatic. We create our theme and story, before we consciously think about it. Just as in our dreams, the feelings we have deep inside about our self, alter what we see visually.
That is why we are here. Our perceptions, reactions, emotions, feelings, energy, presence, vitality, creativity, warmth, openness, bliss and laughter all are automatic. These form the foundation of who we are and the essence of what others may describe as our soul. Who we are is how we experience our life.
As we rewrite erroneous information, we essentially remove illusions about ourselves that prepared us for something bad. As we remove the illusions, we have a clarity that gives us a new and better life. When we have clarity in this way, how we perceive things allows us to have a better experience.
Enlightenment is just a state of clarity that allows us to perceive and enjoy much more, effortlessly.
