The Power of Being Real
Today we are going to learn a new exercise.
One part of the exercise will be used to rewrite the conditioning we have that creates physical guarding in our body, when we feel stress.
Another part of the exercise will be used to rewrite the conditioning that creates walls of avoidance or resistance to our being loved, to us caring about ourselves, or to us wanting the things that matter most to us.
The conditioning that causes us to guard ourselves physically and emotionally, was created to protect us from someone in our past.
People have few negative memories of a parent that was not emotionally mature enough to be unselfish and caring.
It would be very difficult for us to have memories of a parent that was not there with us, caring about us.
When we were very young, we saw everyone as part of us. If one of our parents did not enjoy seeing us and hearing us, or enjoy the responsibility of taking care of us, we did not see them as neglecting us.
As a baby if we were frightened or hurt and our parent did not comfort us, we did not see our parent as someone that was betraying the trust we had in them.
From birth we would cry to be cared for if we needed care. We smiled and laughed so that our parent would smile and laugh back, from infancy.
If our parent did not hold us, enjoy caring for our needs or enjoy spending time with us, we did not perceive our parent as being apathetic to us.
If a parent that did not comfort us when we needed them, got triggered by our crying, emotions, or desire for their attention… got distant and upset pushing us further away, we became frightened of them….and as we felt our parents feelings and energy in us, that feeling and energy conditioned us to fear our own emotions, to fear caring about our own needs and fear love.
When we become triggered now, we feel our parents energy in us and that “feeling of pushing away” is still creating guarding in our body and emotions instead of allowing us to feel safe and relaxed, when we care about something or feel loved.
This triggered energy in our parents was most likely something that happened to them and has been passed down for a while. The feeling or energy is triggered and we freeze like a bunny in a field, that realizes it is in danger moving. This “guarding and fear about caring too much” prevents us from moving forward to have the love of someone that would help us rewrite the feeling we have to not care about ourselves, or feel fear caring about someone else.
In the first stage of our experience of fear, our brain “freezes us in place” by creating guarding in our body and emotions, our brains resources are all transferred into thought as our brain activates the cingulate gyrus to hyperfocus.
Our “fight or flight” system is the second stage of fear. When our fight or flight system is engaged, it is because our brain has decided it is best not to stay frozen but instead to take control of our life and run or fight for our well being.
We were not able to run or fight as a young child, we had to stay and guard ourselves, so we were numb to our fear, hurt and anger….these very same “frozen feelings” are what we bring up when we are heard and loved now…
The reason we avoid, resist or become angry at someone that hears us, sees us and loves us, is because of the old conditioning of fear of loving someone that loves us and the feelings we never got to “feel” about someone that loved us and betrayed our trust.
Today we are going to move out of being stuck in the first stage of fear and add the “fight or flight” response or second stage of fear, to the folder that creates our physical and emotional guarding, as our new “enlightened response” ….and direct anger towards the person we never got angry at so that we stop guarding and feel comfortable opening our heart again.
Today we are going to get angry at the resistance, avoidance or hostility the person that created our conditioning had for our love. When we direct our anger at the person that created our conditioning, we tag the person that we are angry at and we add the feeling we are powerful and safe from them now, to the folder of our conditioning.
Now the folder that once contained information that gave us a response of guarding, has a “response” that is empowering as well as a perception of ourselves as assertive and capable.
Each time we rewrite something in the folder of our conditioning, it is less likely to be triggered. It does not take long doing the exercises before the old folder does not get triggered or open at all.
I see people that carry the conditioning from their past in their body and life. I feel the tightness, restriction of movement and pain they experience when I treat them.
When we are emotionally stressed we do not breathe deeply. Many people have to consciously focus on breathing deeply, because the guarding in their body does not allow them to naturally breathe deeply, without consciously focusing on breathing and relaxing.
We would “struggle” to float if we were too physically “guarded.” Being guarded tightens the muscles around our chest, shoulders, abdomen and neck, so it is almost impossible to expand our lungs deeply. If we are “guarded” we can’t inhale the amount of air required for us to become buoyant in the water, or to feel present and make others feel comfortable.
The conditioning that creates physical guarding, causes us to struggle with our life all the time.
Just as we learn to float one time and from then on, we are capable of floating anywhere….our fear and guarding from past conditioning will be rewritten non-verbally and we will have that comfort as our new way of being.
When the software we have from conditioning is triggered, we are in stage one of fear and our brain changes the way it works as well as starting a cascade of other events for our protection.
The triggered software alarms our autonomic nervous system to prepare for something bad to happen to us and we begin guarding in our muscles and shut down our emotions.
Our brain changes how it processes information when our old conditioning is triggered.
When our cingulate gyrus is activated, our brain looks to find a solution and will look for the cause of the problem until it finds a cause.
Because we are not capable of introspection when we are in stage one or stage two fear, when we are triggered, we do not realize that we are “transferring old fear, resistance and anger that has remained frozen in us” to someone willing to hear our emotions.
When we are triggered, we see our problem as being about someone else, not about us.
As we withdraw from our emotions, we disconnect from our deepest sense of self.
The perception of self-in relationship to others we have, is based a great deal on feeling our emotions and the emotions of others.
For us to feel loved, we have to feel emotions and not guard.
It is always very helpful to do the beginning exercises described in Empathic Healing Part 4.
Please watch the following short video.
We are “our own parent” now.
To be loving to ourselves and our body, without resistance. To care about what matters most to us and not avoid what matters. To seek comfort and not push it away. To enjoy all of our emotions comfortably. To feel good loving someone that loves us.
EXERCISE PREPARATION:
1) Have the person that created your conditioning in mind when you do the exercise. We are working on the contents of the file that our conditioning is in. Feeling comfortable with emotions we did not feel safe feeling and directing our anger towards the very person that we were afraid to be angry at, is what will allow us to change the conditioned response of “guarding” instead of feeling safe experiencing all of our emotions.
2) Have a plastic bat, something to hit with the plastic bat, a small trash can and Kleenex. We will feel some emotion we resist, avoid or become angry about. We will yell one of the suggested phrases associated with what we avoid feeling and as we yell as loud as possible, we will hit something with the plastic bat between 3 and 5 times.
Suggested phrases:
a) I fucking hate you
b) fuck you
c) you fucking ass hole
d) love me, fucking love me
e) take care of me, care for me
f) hear my feelings asshole
g) pay attention to me, hear and see me
h) be good to me and enjoy it you fucking jerk
i) make up one of your own phrases
3) After the exercise you will want to do something that gives you a feeling of being in your body and enjoying the experience. I suggest bike riding, getting a massage, sitting in a hot tub, doing some exercise or just going for a walk. When you are done bike riding or whatever you choose, please get something good to eat and watch some comedy or listen to some music you enjoy. It is best to have things prepared in advance so that you are able to feel bliss for as long as possible.
THE EXERCISE:
A) Find a place that you generally experience tightness and soreness in a muscle when you experience stress.
B) Push two fingers into the belly of the muscle, continue pushing until taking a full deep breath is difficult to do.
C) Keep trying to breathe and expand your lungs, while you push into the tight muscle.
D) Stop pushing into the muscle. Get the bat. Focus on the person that created your conditioning.and direct your anger towards them. Take a few deep breathes and yell and hit with the plastic bat for 3-5 hits while yelling.
E) Now lie down and completely relax from head to toe while continuing to breathe as slowly and deeply as possible. Do not think but instead feel your body relax as you breathe. Feel the area that was tight relax more and more with each breathe and feel your body lighten each time you exhale..
F) When you are relaxed get up and do whatever you planned, go bike riding or get a massage.
G) Enjoy feeling emotions or all kinds but try to be happy and have fun or sleep until eight hours has passed and the new feeling that it is safe to feel emotions is hardened and lasting in your brain.
SCHEDULE:
Please do this exercise once or twice a week for six weeks.
If you need any help please contact me.
Experiencing Our Real Life
Are we loving to ourselves and open to others loving us?
I believe we all understand what real love is, from the moment we are born.
Why would we cry when we needed someone or smile to see a smile in return, if we did not have an understanding of what real love was?
I believe we still have an understanding of what real love is. I also know that most of us were conditioned to believe that what someone was giving us was real love, when we were not loved.
Would we know if we were conditioned (or tricked) to believe we were getting what we wanted?
We want to be able to give ourselves everything we need and want because we want to be a better parent to ourselves.
Are we continuing to believe the abandonment, betrayal of trust or abuse we were conditioned to accept instead of love, is what we really want?
The exercises for the next six weeks are below.
Doing these exercises over the next six weeks will help us understand if we have repressed our own needs, wants and desires. They will also put us in touch with our true understanding of what we want to have being loving to ourselves.
As a great parent to ourselves we want to give ourselves everything we need and want, with love.
Please watch the video and see how easily we could have lost connection to what mattered most in our heart.
Someone asked me, “If I feel that abuse is love what is wrong with it?”
In neurologic tests on the brain, women that had been abused saw photos of men that were angry or violent and saw them smiling and happy. The same abused women saw photos of men smiling and calm… but they did not see happy men.
There are at least two things wrong with desire to see abuse as love. If we see abuse as love we no longer can see abuse. If we see abuse as love, we are now blind to real love as well.
During the next six weeks we will be restoring our own feelings.
As we become whole and connected to our emotions, we will be tearing down the barriers to loving ourselves. When we feel lovable and love ourselves, we will begin to be comfortable having someone really love us.
Exercise Set 2:
Please do the previous exercise, exercise 1 first before doing these. After you have done exercise 1 three different times, proceed to the next exercises.
Each exercise is to be done in the same manner we did the first exercise. We need a mat, plastic bat and something like a footstool to hit.
We get in position with bat in hand kneeling on the mat in front of the footstool and then follow the suggestions for each separate exercise below.
Please allow a full day of happiness after each exercise.
Please do not in any way engage a person you are upset with during this time, because of feelings brought up by the exercises.
We are awakening our own connection to self and rewriting conditioning. We want to rewrite our conditioning by “feeling comfortable experiencing our emotions and happy afterward” so we open our heart.
We can always argue with someone later, right now we are giving ourselves the ability to feel our emotions deeply, there is nothing more important we can do until that has been accomplished.
Each exercise should not last more than five minutes. Please be sure to remember to do something that feels wonderful for your body, something that is good for your well being as well, such as exercise or receiving a massage.
We are empowering ourselves to be good to ourselves and have a different feeling about our emotions, one where we can have them and enjoy our life, not be afraid of them.
I am going to leave it up to you to decide what memory you will be upset about but only think about the memory and call up the feeling for a few seconds, do not allow the feeling to overwhelm you or shut you down.
After feeling the emotion, let go of all thought and feel deep anger in your body, then take the bat and attack the footstool yelling the words of each exercise.
After you hit the footstool and yell in anger a few times, please go sit down and feel as good as you can all over your body. When you have calmed down and feel good, please go do something wonderful for yourself.
We are just rewriting the conditioning that blocked our real feelings.
If you want later you can feel sadness and cry or yell but remember to just do a little and keep in mind that it was the past. Immediately after feeling emotions do something to be good to yourself and be happy or watch some comedy.
We want to set up a new pattern of allowing ourselves to feel all of our emotions but we want to be gentle with ourselves and not bring old feelings into our life now.
The exercises should be done one step at a time and only one a day. It may seem like we are doing very little but we are doing a great deal and will experience great results.
Exercise 1)
“Want me!”
This is the emotion and what we will yell when we hit the footstool, we want to be angry that we were not wanted as much as we should have been by someone.
Exercise 2)
“Love me!”
We want to be angry and tell someone “Love me!” Ultimately these are also for us to hear ourselves but we need to allow ourselves to be comfortable being angry at someone that could have loved us more, before we will feel comfortable loving ourselves.
Exercise 3)
“Hear me!”
We want to be angry at someone for not hearing us and doing what we needed them to do.
Exercise 4)
“See me!”
We want to be appreciated and enjoyed for who we really are, we want to be angry at someone that did not do that when we were told they loved us.
Exercise 5)
“Hold me!”
We want to feel angry at someone that we hoped would enjoy holding us.
Exercise 6)
“I am special!”
We want to be angry with someone that did not do what made us happy when we were little. We wanted to be supported in finding what made us happy and hoped it would make them happy to see us happy.
Please love yourself. Please forgive anything that was not loving to yourself that you did, we did our best at the time.
Namaste. I love you. <3
Uncovering Our True Self
We are complex beings that are capable of wondrous things.
One of the most beautiful things we have the ability to experience, is feeling love.
In this chapter of Empathic healing, we are going to discuss what some of the most common barriers to feeling loved may be. We will then do an exercise that will help us remove the barriers to love.
It is important for us to understand how powerful conditioning that we are not conscious of, can be in shaping our lives. If we were once conditioned by fear to withdraw from, or suppress our emotions, that old conditioning will still create guarding inside of us now… and alert our autonomic nervous system to protect us.
If we have been conditioned to fear emotional intimacy, the old conditioning is initiating physiological responses, perceptions and ultimately making decisions for us. The distress and anxiety we feel when someone wants emotional intimacy is because of this old conditioning.
It is difficult to separate the conditioned responses associated with feeling emotionally vulnerable and what we may think is the normal way to feel about someone.
Our reactions may seem like correct emotional responses but the conditioning to feel fear when loved, will have control over our lives.
Today, we will rewrite some of the conditioning we have that creates a negative physiological response to emotional intimacy. Afterward we will be able to experience relaxation, better sleep, creativity, and a connection to our emotions and feelings without fear.
Old fears create our nightmares….and our fears influence how we feel about ourselves. These old fears can creep into the stories we have about our lives that see played out in the daytime, if we do not remove erroneous fear.
Our brain wants us to see our fear and understand it as something that was our past….our old fears are what make us feel distressed and immobilized.
Today we will do an exercise that takes a few minutes and we will feel safe from that moment on, experiencing our emotions.
We will feel our emotions and feel wonderful afterwards.
If we face our worst fear, get angry at the person that created the fear and afterwards feel great, we will rewrite the conditioning that tells us to be afraid to feel angry at that person we fear most.
At the end of feeling angry we need to also feel good, so that we “prepare to feel good” automatically when we experience emotions of anger or sadness towards the person that hurt us. After we experience feeling what we are most afraid to feel, we no longer have conditioning to “be afraid to feel emotions.” This exercise will allow us to experience much more of the depth and width of life, without fear.
After the exercise today, we can continue to allow ourselves to emotionally and physically experience emotions about our past. Please always remember to feel good before and after going back to the past to feel emotions.
As we experience all of our emotional truth, a deeper sense of well being, presence, confidence and authenticity to emerge within us. This new sense of self will give us the strength to enjoy the experience of real love, vulnerability and enhanced states of ecstasy.
The first stage of fear is when we feel paralyzed by fear because we are in our head trying to find out what the cause of the problem is and what we need to do. If we are conditioned to be afraid of deep emotions, we will feel fear when we feel emotionally vulnerable, we will also connect the feeling of fear we are conditioned to feel, to someone in the present.
If the cause of our fear is conditioning that also prevented us from feeling deep anger or sadness towards the person that hurt us, feeling that anger or sadness now and tagging the person that caused that intense fear a long time ago, will put a face on our fear.
Now that there is a face on our fear and we have felt our fear…. and felt safe afterwards, we no longer have the conditioned response to feel fear feeling these old emotions.
We may feel unsafe feeling vulnerable or in love but the feeling of wanting to trust someone, is so much better than wanting to hurt someone before they hurt us or feeling upset by someone that cares….
Putting a face on our fear also allows us to feel safe relaxing, so we stop having anxiety, sleep better and are much healthier.
We have more control of our life when we connect to both the intellectual and emotional aspects of our brain.
The exercise:
Get a mat and put it on the ground.
Get a plastic bat.
Get something like a footstool you can hit with the plastic bat.
Get on your knees on the mat and be in front of the footstool. Grab the bat with both hands.
Think of the person you were most frightened by. If that person was someone that frightened you when you were a child, then remember them. If the person that frightened you was someone after childhood, then focus on that person….you know, the one who never listened to you when you were upset.
Now feel how you were frightened by them for perhaps ten to thirty seconds and before you go numb….go into your emotions and get as angry as you possibly can! Now hit the footstool with the bat and yell, “I hate you! (or whatever)” as loud and as you can. Hit the footstool perhaps 5 or 6 times and yell during that, then take a deep breath, feel proud of yourself, happy and get up and relax and you are done.
Do not dwell on anything or go into your head but instead do something to feel good and be in your body. Go for a bike ride, get a massage, take a hot bath or dance. The important part is to just not think but feel great physically.
Do this exercise three times and try to do it within two weeks. The exercise should take less than five minutes each time, so you will have put fifteen minutes of intense work into this to remove the conditioned response.
You should feel better within a few days.
You pushed love down the stairs…
I grew up in San Francisco and when I was a kid, I would walk my wagon up a steep hill by my house and ride it down the middle of the street. I remember flying in the air when my wagon would hit bumps. There were moments I achieved weightlessness. Floating or flying, whatever it was, it was wonderful.
I remember flying far out of my wagon on some bumps. Sometimes I would leave the wagon completely and land on the road.
As children, we all got hurt playing. We got up if we fell down, wiped the dirt out of our hands and kept playing.
I got hurt learning to ride my bike too. I bet you got hurt learning to ride your bike. We get hurt many times growing up but getting hurt playing never changed how we felt about ourselves.
When the people that we trusted to love us, hurt us, it did change the way we felt about ourselves. Most people do not stop playing because they got hurt playing, they stopped playing because they were hurt emotionally.
If we became numb during the time someone hurt us, we may not remember why we stopped playing. Come with me and I will show you how we can find a connection to the playful part of us, once again.
When we are infants, we are unable to take care of ourselves and need our parents to take care of us. We focus on our parent’s emotions and happiness more than our own, because we need them for our care.
Betrayal, trauma or neglect hurt us emotionally, we get upset…and when we experience our emotions of sadness or upset, if our emotions make the person that is hurting our feelings more upset and they hurt us more…it is natural for us to stop having emotions, in order to be less abused… Denying our emotions is how we quickly lose our connection to “self” and soon, we stop playing fearlessly.
Connected to our own feelings about ourselves is where we are strongest.
The feelings of someone we bond with become a part of how we feel about ourselves. It is sad, but becoming numb actually makes the feelings of insecurity we have, hard to experience and understand as not our own feelings but the feelings someone else had that was in my opinion a jerk.
These are feelings someone conditioned us to have about ourselves. We were conditioned to become numb when they got emotionally upset about being hurt by someone. When we were numb, it was easy to condition us to accept their feelings about us, instead of our own.
Each time they lied to us and promised us love and took love instead, we had a dissonance occur in our brain that was created by our caring more about them than they did for us. This dissonance in our brain made us infatuated with the pursuit of their attention and love. This pursuit, of the admiration and attention of someone that does not love us, is the foundation for narcissism. The feelings of insecurity we have from someone that hurt us, is more about them and less about us. Each minute we get back up and fight to get our life and emotions back, the insecurities we have, just like realizing a nightmare was just a bad dream…disappear forever.
We were happy playful kids. We took on the feelings of the person that hurt us and bonded with them because we did not have our own feelings and emotions.
Understanding our insecurities are not about us is important. Our insecurities are like weeds that someone else planted and have nothing to do with us.
The insecurity weeds grow larger each time we listen to someone that tells us to abandon our emotions. Our emotions are the beautiful flowers that grow in our garden, when we care about them.
Re- connecting to our true self is like finding our garden, we have to hear and experience all of our emotions. We were not comfortable having the emotions that created our aliveness but we need to reconnect to them now. When we have compassion for our heart, we open the well that waters the garden and we bloom again.
When we love someone that loves us, we see who we are. We stop being worried about what others think and we enjoy what we are doing.
Narcissists are everywhere now, it is important for our ability to re-connect with our self, that we avoid them.
Humans are not able to be introspective without emotions. As a narcissist, a person is not able to realize they do not have much empathy for others they want in their lives.
Narcissists can speak of love and tell you they love you. Narcissists have dramatic swings of feelings about themselves because “feeling admired” is far from connecting to the real child/person within.
If we bond with a narcissist and we become numb, we risk losing the ability to connect to our emotions and become our authentic selves.
(Here is where we push love down the stairs…)
I was emotionally hurt a long time ago and because of that I began studying A Course in Miracles and Neuro Linguistic Programming. After doing N.L.P. for a while, I became a narcissist. It was great not to feel sad but I did not notice I was not feeling many emotions at all.
I did a lot of work to feel my emotions again and I am proud to say I understand how much better life is feeling all my emotions. I am no longer a narcissist and would be glad to help anyone that wants help re-connecting to their authentic self.
Yesterday on a new age radio network, I was listening to a very popular author. She was taking calls from listeners and helping them with the problems they had.
The woman that called in wanted to know, “Why do I keep chasing after people that hurt me?”
The author told the person, “You need to stop caring so much about people in your life and become selfish. You deserve to be happy.”
We do not need to become selfish, or narcissists to be happy.
When we are whole and connected to our emotions, we are able to be happy and love others.
I am sad to hear so many people telling others to do something that would only bring symptomatic relief and then bring the caller back needing more.
To remove the cause of a problem, I would ask more questions of the caller. If I understood more, I could empower the caller to remove the cause of their problems themselves.
There are maps that allow people to return to the connection they once had with themselves. Each map is unique because our path is our life. It is wonderful to show someone how he or she can create a wonderful re-bonding experience himself or herself.
It is only through love that we can heal our broken heart.
In loving our children, we see our own beauty. The person that runs into our arms with love is the mirror we want to have.
The love we have for the person that loves us, will allow us to see how much we are like the person we love and we will bond to the feeling they have about us.
When we have bonding experiences with souls that reflect how lovable and wanted we are, we will once again play with abandon.
You are a narcissist
Let us discuss some of the ways we became a narcissist. We can then discuss how being a narcissist alters us. In the next blog, I will tell you how we can become real again.
We wanted something and acted differently so we could get it, the act continued and developed into a persona. The narcissist persona is software that remains separate from “who we are” because it does not connect to our emotions.
If our narcissist persona gets enough of what it wants, we become grandiose. Grandiosity is an addictive high.
I remember a long time ago when I was first starting junior high school, the people that were bullies suddenly had a following. When the bully made fun of someone, everyone laughed. The kids that were picked on and laughed at the most… seemed to be staying around the bully more than I would want to be. If someone was around a bully for a while, it appeared his or her values changed.
I have seen a person laugh at a strangers comment. The sound of forced enthusiasm and laughter that came after an insult… did not make the moment funny, it was sad.
I asked someone why she thought the man was laughing so hard. She told me it was a reaction to fear. I then asked her if she did that. “If I stop and think about it, yes I do that all the time.”
I think I first noticed I was becoming a narcissist early in grammar school. I realized the easiest way to get good grades was to figure out what the teacher wanted and do that.
I enjoyed caring about what I did but… if I did not focus on pleasing the teacher, I would not get the same admiration or the same grades.
I could feel the difference between doing things I cared about and doing things to receive admiration. I was slowly developing a persona that was phony but enjoyed the results very much.
How early do we first learn narcissism? I often watch parents that are more interested in receiving admiration from strangers than paying attention to their children.
If our parent was not able to enjoy the pleasure of watching us explore, play and eventually find what we loved, we may have paid more attention to our parent’s feelings then they paid to ours. If we emulated our parent to get attention, it may have been the beginning of our development of a narcissistic persona.
How does being a narcissist change us? Adding a new persona is like adding a new home that is in a different location as the one we currently have. The two homes are separate and not connected. Each time we change “where we are coming from” our perceptions, values and thoughts change, because these c0me with us wherever we go.
When we change who we are and live in our narcissist persona, the values and thoughts we have are different but we may not be aware they are. We are not self aware when we are a narcissist because we are not connected to our own feelings and emotions.
A client told me, “When I was a narcissist I understood a man that wanted me for sex but a man that wanted to love me made me uncomfortable. I was not aware that I was not feeling emotions in social situations. I was aware that I wanted to be loved and that the men I picked were not able to love me but what was happening did not make sense.”
The narcissist wants to feel they are superior and the more they compare themselves to others the more of a feeling of insecurity they develop. In addition, each moment we are not ourselves we give our inner child a feeling they are not good enough. Because we are not in touch with our feelings as much when we are a narcissist, it is difficult to see that our narcissism is the cause of our insecurity.
In the movie The Lord of the Rings, we can see the change in someone when they have the ring. With the ring, a person would feel wonderful or powerful and this is a similar addiction to grandiosity.
Just as a person wearing the ring could become confused, a narcissist is confused about their life because they do not realize that the intention they create when they are a narcissist is different from the intention they have when they feel emotions and want much more.
The truth is both the ring and narcissism take possession of someone over time. Narcissism is like a toupee that we become used to wearing, we are reluctant to get rid of it because we believe we are better with it.
The part of us that feels emotions has different values, perceptions and thoughts than our narcissist. Our narcissist makes decisions for us all the time and we wind up living with them. The narcissist part of us does not have the emotional ability to learn from past mistakes.
I hope you use this understanding to your advantage. We may find ourselves with people the narcissist likes because they admire the narcissist. Only the part of us that is real and feels emotions can tell a person that loves us from one that has another feeling about us.
In the next section, I will give exact steps to heal and overcome narcissism.
Step 4 Treats for Your Brain
Thank you for spending this time with me. I want to share a secret with you. I hope you like it.
Most people presume our brain creates the most dopamine when we achieve a goal. Our brain does not operate with a big dopamine reward on success, we release dopamine during the process of what we are doing. The process is more important to our brain.
During a challenge that we are emotionally invested in and find exciting, the most dopamine of all is released.
People that feel vulnerable, tenuous, fearful, depressed and confused… feel confident, strong, excited, alive, happy and clear with more dopamine. How can we produce more?
Why is dopamine important for us? Many of us have felt and acted passive or as a victim. We may have wanted to be assertive but it did not feel natural for us. We may have created things that we did not like when we were feeling this way. I am sure our perceptions as well as feelings seemed automatic or ingrained.
The truth is many of us have been conditioned to be passive. The same conditioning that made us passive often gave us rewards for doing what someone else wanted.
Many of us were never allowed to explore what excited us emotionally as well. We did not have someone enthusiastically watching and supporting us as we found what we enjoyed. If that is the case, then we probably lack familiarity with the process of self-discovery and the enjoyment of pursuing what makes us emotionally excited.
Being passive may have been what we needed to do before but…we are our own parent now!
We are going to have much more and it will be easy. How do we become excited and happy about our life and have the neuro-transmitters to keep us that way?
We can start small and find more and more things that matter to us. Let us use getting a puppy for example.
A large factor in how much dopamine we produce is the amount of emotional interest we have in what we are doing. When we feel love for what we do, the amount of dopamine released increases a great deal.
If we are in a dog park, we see dogs and all the sensory information about the dogs is there for us (in our fusiform gyrus). When we see our dog, our limbic system adds the emotional information “this is your dog”!
Because there is emotional information attached, the volume on the sensory information goes way up. We are able to experience our dog much more clearly (because of increased dopamine as well). This happens with people we care about too.
As we are good to ourselves, we want to be stimulated emotionally and create a process of challenging and exciting our brain so we release dopamine and feel the benefits of having other wonderful neurotransmitters produced so we can use our brain fully and become as enlightened as possible.
Many people think sexual attraction stimulates our brain and some enjoy the excitement of sexual images for excitement. In tests we can see that sexual stimulation alone will produce only increased male and female hormones (testosterone and estrogen) and nitric oxide and although these do invigorate and stimulate us, they do not help us produce more dopamine.
When we care about someone, have emotional feelings for them and feel attracted to them, we produce male and female hormones as well as a cocktail of neurotransmitters including epinephrine, nor-epinephrine, dopamine, serotonin and phenylethlaminen (PEA).
When we feel love we also produce oxytocin and vasopresin. These allow us to be excited and relaxed at the same time. Our neurotransmitters are being released to help us create and pro-create and we are much more capable when our brain chemistry is this great.
One of the problems people have in relationships that prevents them from having this great chemistry, is that people are not able to be assertive in a relationship and ask for what they want, if they have not had someone that wanted them to be that way before. Do we have a hard time feeling comfortable being assertive because we have never been comfortable telling someone how to please us?
One thing we can do to help people that care about us is teach them how to make us wonderfully happy. If we are with our partner we can show them on their ear what we like, or their neck… It is a fact that people that care get excited when we do. Women that are married to men on erectile dysfunction medication describe wonderful enhancement to their sexual desires and abilities when their husband desires them again. It appears that a man’s excitement is very sexually stimulating for his partner. It is important for us to feel comfortable helping the person that loves us, make us happy because they will be happier too.
We can enjoy trying new things to find what is wonderful for us. Most of all feeling comfortable asking someone nicely for something they may feel wonderful about doing for us, might be just what they were hoping for too. When we become excited about our life, our reality and the reality of everyone around us, is enhanced gently and easily for the best.
Emotions Add Color to the World
After asking people for many years when they first started using self-help, I realized that most people started using self help after being hurt emotionally.
From my own experience, the first time I used self help was to numb my emotions.
When I was doing self help a long time ago I saw that many used self help to have a cool image as well.
There are so many people concerned with image that I declare “Style to have officially won over substance.” Someone cool seems preferable to a warm heart.
The emotional work I have done the last 20 years, is very different from other types of self help. My work is about allowing people to open their heart and experience all of their emotions so they can be themselves and grow.
Is love something we hold as sacred? Is love an idea or a feeling in our heart? Is just loving anyone special for us or is loving someone that loves us in return, that is sacred to us? Do we experience the joy of love for someone even when we are not with them and does this shape our being?
When we open our heart to another, we feel how they genuinely feel about us. If the person we love becomes numb, we no longer have our playmate to have fun with. It is easy to close our heart and hard to open it again.
If we hold love sacred, we must be able to experience the emotion of real love.
If we are not helping people open their hearts, how are we helping the world?
Self help is commonly used to mask emotional pain. This way of dealing with emotions only brings symptomatic relief.
Self help should make us more capable of experiencing all of our feelings, perceptions, reactions and emotions so we can find what the cause of our problems is. We need to learn to love ourselves. Love is an emotion.
We can not stop just a few emotions, we stop all emotions including the experience of love when we try to stop feeling any emotions.
I find people are less interested in removing the real cause of their problems, when they have symptomatic relief. Some of the same techniques that are used to make people stop feeling emotions that are used in mind control, are commonly used in self help. These only assist people in disconnecting from their lives.
To be our authentic selves and use our entire brain, we need to feel emotions. Emotions are essential to being who we are. We understand others through their emotions, as they understand us through our emotions or numbness as well.
Most of us experience more of what is important for our growth while we are feeling love than at any other time. Love gives us the incentive to grow.
People that have stopped feeling because they have been hurt, experience the addition of depth and color when they are able to feel emotions again.
Step 3- Emotions Add Color to the World, is about us allowing ourselves to have all of our emotions and be comfortable and not afraid of them.
We do not go back to the past to dredge up emotions. We try to become comfortable feeling any emotions we have not allowed ourselves to feel.
The more we allow ourselves to feel comfortable and safe with the emotions we have, the less fear we have of feeling emotions. People that feel their sadness or hurt in a gentle and compassionate way are able to feel love again because they are not too afraid of pain to open their heart.
In group 3 we do not discuss personal information. We do allow people to have the emotions or feelings that seem to them to be too much for them to experience alone. We give support and love to those brave enough to experience the fear and emotion that has stopped them from having the love we all want to enjoy.
Step Two Seeing the Beauty of Our Soul
How do we grow as a person so that we can experience our beauty reflected in the world we see? One of the important steps in the process is to develop an appreciation for the beauty of our soul.
When we are able to experience the beauty our soul has, we are able to open our heart much more. As we open our heart we turn up the volume on all of our senses and experience much more.
“How” we see ourselves is important for our growth. In particle physics, you may have learned that “how” we observe an object changes it. If we are only able to see light in the form of a particle, light will become a particle. When we are only able to see light in the form of a wave, light will become a wave.
How we observe something in particle physics changes it. “How” we observe ourselves changes us as well.
If we put on a new outfit, we feel wonderful. When we feel wonderful, we experience ourselves in a way that allows us to be more ourselves. Who we are when we are more ourselves, allows us to create experiences we would not have, if we were not feeling whole.
What creates the way we “see” ourselves? Our brain works as a unit for many tasks but not all tasks. Some areas of our brain have specific duties. One area of our brain adjusts our pupil size and another area has the ability to analyze information the information our eye receives about the spectrum of light. This area of our brain adds the value of color to an object.
Another area of our brain adds the emotional value others have for us. “How” we see ourselves, is an emotional value we place on ourselves. “How” we see ourselves may be different in each relationship we have. How we see ourselves also changes the outcome of each relationship we have.
Our brain is primarily a social tool for us to interact with others. The part of our brain that ascribes the value or meaning of the facial expressions of others, does this for us instantly. In the same instant, the same area of our brain will change how we feel in relationship to someone’s facial expressions. We also understand what we may expect as an outcome of this relationship in the same way.
We learned “how” to feel about ourselves from our early experiences. The part of our brain that “sees” us, does not understand language.
Step number 2 is about seeing the beauty of our soul. We will be doing exercises that allow us to rewrite the conditioned way we see ourselves in various relationships. The exercises give us an experience that allows us to see the beauty of our soul reflected in the eyes of everyone we have a relationship with.
We learn to dance, float or ride a bike and have a new experience of ourselves that allows us to see ourselves differently. “How” we now see ourselves has been enhanced because of a new experience of ourselves. The way we get updates in our brain so we can see ourselves in a new way is not from words or ideas but from a new experience of our self.
How does seeing our self in an enhanced way improve our life in an objective way? When we are interviewed for a job, our job is to move a person’s feelings about us towards our goal of offering us the job. If how we see ourselves is as a wonderful person, the person interviewing us will instantly understand how we feel. If we do not feel comfortable, the person interviewing us will understand this too, without us saying a word.
If we ran out onto a stage because we were late and the audience lights were on so we could see the audience, we would look into the eyes of the audience and see them as judgmental. How we felt about ourselves (anxious) would be added to the value or meaning of what we felt was behind the eyes looking at us.
If we feel wonderful, relaxed and lovable before we went onstage, we would see the audience love us. Conditioning is the “preparation” added before we do something. The feeling we have inside us about ourselves is what we see in the eyes of others.
If we have a good objective experience of ourselves a few times, each experience will validate a new and enhanced automatic way of seeing ourselves. Just as when we learn to dance, we can have an experience of ourselves in any social situation or relationship that will allow us to be more comfortable and whole.
Seeing love in someone’s eyes now becomes what we prepare for automatically each time we see them or when we go onstage. We now have a new conditioned response and a new outcome because of it.
If we saw ourselves as unlovable or someone that had to accept mistreatment, we might have lived out a story similar to a tragedy. When we appreciate who we are and respect the beauty of our soul, we give ourselves the ability to rewrite our story and create the life we want.
Seeing the beauty of our soul is what this lesson and group is about. The 2nd group gives us the support of having a new experience of ourselves in any relationship we want to improve. The experience allows us to see the beauty of our soul in others eyes.
As we learn to appreciate the beauty of our soul, we develop the ability to also see beauty in the souls of others. When we see the beauty of a person’s soul it is wonderful to see how much they enjoy showing us all of the beauty they have. As we open our heart and connect to others in this way, we create an enhanced experience.
The Seven Step Program
The 7 step program:
1) It’s my life
2) My soul is beautiful
3) Emotions add color to the world
4) Teaching my brain to reward me
5) Creating feelings in others
6) Opening my heart to create what I want
7) Relationships
Each step and peer support group will enhance our experience of life.
Step 1 – “It’s my life”
A person entering the group accepts that they are now “their own parent” and have the responsibility of giving themselves the love and happiness, they always wanted to have.
We take responsibility for hearing and seeing who we are. This means that we honor our feelings.When we cry inside, we hear it and do something about it. When we are our own parent and hear our inner child, we feel heard. When we listen we become more alive.
When we laugh and are happy, we reward ourselves by being proud we were good to our inner child. In this way we feel seen for who we are. We become more confident and whole each time we reward what makes us happy.
By being there all the time for our inner child, we re-pattern our early bonding experience. Because of this we have an enhanced experience of ourselves in the world.
As we feel ourselves as a caring and loving parent that is always there, we develop object permanence. Object permanence is the grounded feeling people want. We feel safe, at home and wanted no matter where we are.
The group allows members to talk about the new relationship they have with themselves and how they are parenting their inner child. We support each other as loving and compassionate parents that are learning more all the time.
This first step in opening our heart, is wonderful when we have support for the work we do.
Confident IV the first exercise
In a previous blog titled “Who Am I” I said, “The good news is we can change anything we want and become who we want, without having to go into the past. Because our brain is designed to grow and be whole, what we do in the present is the best vehicle for developing and enhancing our brain.”
Today we are going to learn a beginning exercise that will help us to be the confident, present and compassionate person we hope to be. This exercise will also give us the ability to start changing our reality.
The first thing a person needs to be able to open their heart, is a feeling of safety within themselves.
This feeling of safety will give someone a feeling of well being and presence as well. This feeling will also allow someone to feel pleasure opening their heart without being stressed.
What gives an infant the feeling of confidence are a few things, 1) object permanence (parents that are always there when needed), 2) touch (feeling wanted), 3) having someone hear us when we cry, responding to our feelings (feeling heard) and 4) having someone smile when we smile (feeling seen).
To have those feelings….of feeling taken care of, of being wanted, of feeling heard and being seen for who we are, we want to do the following exercise:
If we are not living with our parents and they are not taking care of us, we are our own parents and we have control of what happens to us.
1) The first part of the exercise is for us to accept and understand that we are now our own parents. We make the decisions about what we have in our life.
The most important part of the first step is for us to willingly take responsibility for the most important things for our life, in a loving caring way.
Object permanence comes from someone being responsible for taking care of us…our needs and wants. As we take the responsibility for giving ourselves the things that matter most and make sure all of our dreams are heard more seriously, we give ourselves more object permanence (this makes us feel deep safety and well being).
2) The second part of the exercise is to treat ourselves as a sweet child that has real needs that are physical, emotional and creative. We want to listen to and hear all the needs we have. We must not ignore any of our feelings. We also want to see ourselves as capable and lovable. Feeling heard and seen in this way also gives us a feeling of object permanence and well being.
3) The third part of the exercise pulls the first and second parts together into action. For our health and well being, we are going to get massaged several times in the next couple weeks.
We give the child within the touch we need for survival. The “non-verbal” understanding of touch is important. Our limbic system (the place in our brain that is the lens we use to see ourselves as safe) understands this non-verbal language. We can use this new experience to rewrite unresolved feelings we may have. How it feels in our body to be wanted and loved is powerful.
If we take responsibility for “getting a massage”, we are in essence giving the child within the caring loving touch so many people do not receive from other things. The more wonderful loving feelings we take responsibility for giving ourselves, the better we will feel.
As we take responsibility for the care of our needs, the need to be touched, heard, seen, wanted and loved, we develop a sense of safety, trust, presence and well being that allows us to feel a deep safety and confidence that nothing else can give us.
As we feel more safety and well being, we soon feel joy opening our heart.
There are many more things we can do to grow and have a wonderful life.
If you have any questions please feel free to write me Bob@ichangereality.com or call me at 360-953-7408
Confident part II
Most of us never think of ourselves as timid or confident. What is the difference between someone timid and someone confident?
In my opinion the difference between someone timid and someone confident is this: A timid person is uncomfortable and wants to stop feeling that way. A confident person has the ability to connect to what is going on inside of themselves and feel comfortable being vulnerable.
A timid person does not feel comfortable being more vulnerable. A confident person relishes the naked joy of their emotional vulnerability and is capable of being proud of themselves for growing.
A timid person is not comfortable experiencing their own feelings and emotions. A confident person experiences all of their feelings and emotions and is able to be vulnerable, open and grow from the lessons they learn.
People can see what is happening outside of themselves and want that to change. People discuss intent with me and ask me how to change intent so they may have happiness. When discussing intent, I tell people that we create things because we are comfortable having something, not because we want something we have not had.
I tell people that have relationships that leave them feeling empty to become comfortable experiencing their own feelings as a first step. After we experience our feelings it is possible for us to give ourselves the feelings we want to get from others. When we love ourselves, the universe will send us help.
A timid person wants to stop feeling uncomfortable. They enjoy making someone feel good, they want to be wanted and needed.
A narcissist is also a timid person. This timid person has traded the need to be loved in for a need to be admired. A narcissist has given up on being themselves, they have the idea that they can be more successful being what others want.
When we think being someone different will make us what people want, being comfortable with who we are…which is the “road to confidence”… just gets further away.
A sociopath is someone that is also a timid person. A sociopath enjoys having control of others and believes power is what is respected and wanted. Sociopaths enjoy using other timid people to feel more powerful.
All timid people are, “looking into someone’s eyes to feel good about themselves.”
With some practice experiencing all of our own feelings, we can understand what situations give us reactions that make us feel uncomfortable. When we are feeling uncomfortable we are not likely to enjoy feeling vulnerable.
I can easily rewrite a preparation to a situation that creates a reaction that makes someone feel uncomfortable. After we rewrite the preparation to the situation that made someone uncomfortable, we have rewritten the conditioning associated with the experience.
When we have rewritten the conditioning, a person can feel vulnerable and comfortable or wonderful. This ability gives someone a new experience of themselves and allows someone to have a much greater option of wonderful experiences. It is the same as if we learn to float…we now experience the water, ourselves and being vulnerable in a comfortable and wonderful new way. It is important to feel comfortable and wonderful being vulnerable in as many social situations as possible because our brain was created to be social.
When we grow in this way, we make it possible to rewrite the story that is the theme of our life. We can become confident at our core and have fun growing, being and creating.
I am going to give some exercises in part 4 that are easy and lasting that will help us to become happy, confident and capable of creating what will be wonderful.
Email me or call me if I can help you personally with anything. Bob@ichangereality.com or 360-953-7408.
Confident
In this and other future blogs, we will be discussing many things Cerebrology® is successful in treating.
One basic premise we use in Cerebrology® is, if we can cause our own problems….we can also grow and not be the cause of our problems.
If we can create illness, lack of love or unhappiness, we can also create health, love and happiness by understanding how we are creating our problem and removing the cause, not by just treating the symptoms.
There are many physical, personal and emotional problems we can successfully treat and fix with Cerebrology®. Everyone that learns Cerebrology®, will have an understanding of how to diagnose and treat any problem that we create ourselves.
In this blog we will discuss the concept that, no matter when in the past we learned something that creates problems, we can understand how to quickly and easily find a way to remove the cause now. We do not need to look back to go forward.
I am going to use an example that is a part of the core of our being, to show when and how we can acquire a problem. In the next blog, I am going to use the example to show that we still have to treat the problem as it presents itself now.
One of the causes of many problems are the reactions people have. When discussing reactions there are two important factors: what we react to and how we react. How we react to things is a large part of “who” we are at our core.
Today, we are going to discuss two different core “types” that are based on the way someone reacts. The reason we are going to discuss these two core types is because they can have a component that was learned even before we were born.
Two of the many ways of reacting to things are “timid” (which we may understand as passive-aggressive) and “confident” (which is assertive).
At any time during our life, we can be forced to have deference (submission to someone, when the wellbeing and happiness of another becomes more important than our own) to someone who has taken our volition (free will, ability to make decisions for our needs). In this situation we begin to care for the feelings of the person who took our volition and put their needs and desires before our own.
In many cases neglect is used to create deference. Neglect as a form of abuse is often invisible to us.
If we are “helpless” and in need the goodwill of the person we are submitting to, we add another bonding experience. This experience is similar to an infant’s caring more about the mother’s well being more than its own. The mother is able to give the infant what it needs and the infant’s job is to have the mother love it.
We may respect, admire, feel we need and be attracted to the person who we want to have care for us. Unfortunately people that experience this new bonding, may have desires that are “upside down”. People who have not had someone love them and have only wanted to love someone else may want more.
The trauma of an experience that pushes someone to bond from fear, can add a “timid” component to their being. The “timid” person is comfortable being passive and caring for someone they have deference for. The timid person will also become hyper-vigilant in comfortable and emotionally intimate situations, feeling annoyed, irritable or even smothered by love. A timid person can be prone to getting stuck in the first stage of fear, frozen in place and obsessing on ideas. A confident person will go to the first stage of fear and look to find what is wrong outside of themselves. The confident person then goes to the second stage where the fight or flight system comes in and they take action to change the situation or they calm down enough to be self examining and relax. The second stage allows us to “experience” the feeling of being in our body and not just in our head.
In mice that have a timid mother the offspring are timid as well. In mice that have a confident mother the offspring are confident as well.
In experiments when a timid mother’s fetus is placed in a confident mother and the baby is raised by the confident mother, the mouse will be confident.
If a confident mother’s fetus is placed in a timid mother and the baby mouse is raised by the timid mother, the mouse will become timid.
If our mother was timid or confident, we understood how she felt about herself in various situations and we felt the same about ourselves. This non-verbal way of learning and mirroring is automatic.
We see how deeply a part of our core a timid or confident reaction is for us. Understanding all of the history of how we acquired our reactions, does not rewrite or change the reactions.
Treating the problem of being timid (the symptoms) with verbal motivational messages is not going to help us change the reactions that alter our self perception and reality either. The information we use to give us our self-image was learned from non-verbal cues, that came in through our visual motor pathways.
The limbic system of our brain, is much like the operating system of a computer and it does not use the same language we use in verbal thoughts. The limbic system stores our memories as emotions and feelings about our self in various experiences. The visual experience we now have is sent to the limbic system to gauge its value or meaning for us. How we automatically prepare will add the textural feelings and enhancements of perceptions and emotions, that create our experience. The preparations we have determine our reactions and whether we are “timid” or “confident,” how we experience things will be different. How we perceive ourselves emotionally will change the options of experiences we have. These options can make all the difference in the world.
To have clarity and become confident…not have hyper-vigilant reactions or desires to be in inappropriate situations, we will need to rewrite our “timid” conditioning so we can be confident and create more of what we want.
In the next blog, we will discuss how to identify and rewrite this non-verbal information… that creates a “timid” persona… quickly, easily and permanently using Cerebrology®.
I would like you to know this is not something that is just an idea but rather something I understand from doing over 15 years of regressive psychotherapy as well as 10 years of primal therapy very far back into womb feelings. I experienced my mothers feelings while I was in the womb as well as during infancy and I have done my own work. I am offering something that has been a labor of love and I have been doing Cerebrology® work on myself and others for over 20 years.
If you have any questions please send an email to Bob@ichangereality.com or call me at 360-953-7408. We can make the world a much better place, all we have to do is open our heart.
May you be washed by love as you go from strength to strength. <3
What Do We Want
What we think we want and what we create may be different. I often hear people say, “I have only been with people that were.. (something they say they did not want) and I want to be with someone that is loving.”
I could sense that they had a powerful motivation that was creating this. I would tell the person, “If we are not aware of what things we feel motivated to “resolve” we may not be aware of what powerful unresolved feelings can do to alter the theme of our story.” I tell people “Our intent to create what we imagine love to be, if it has an element of desire to have something we have not had, is creating something that gives us something we can not have. The having something we can not have, is what we are creating.”
Many people have had bonding issues and because this is a basic need, it is important for us to understand. Not having complete wonderful bonding can give us lots of problems in our life, I can help you to resolve them easily if you do have them. The feelings of not feeling safe, not feeling we can have or own something, the feeling we do not have the ability to create a good life, the feeling we will have obstacles… are just some of the problems.
An infant smiles at their parent and if their parent smiles, they feel a sense of comfort and bonding, they feel their emotions are echoed and mirrored and they are seen. People that did not experience this response because their mother was too self involved or emotionally unavailable, may still be wanting to resolve the emptiness. An infant cries and their parent runs to hold them and take care of their needs, this infant feels a sense of comfort and safety. To have our needs met as an infant, we understand a feeling of being able to get our needs met in this world. Some people are working to resolve this as well.
An infant also needs a sense they have “object permanence” someone that is there always for them. Object permanence allows us to invest in ourselves and have the desire to create dreams of things we want. The sense of security we receive from having the sense there is permanence in our life, gives us the ability to create a safe life, have the things we want and also feel that any obstacles or problems will leave in time.
In their search for “re-bonding” many people recreate the same situation that left them needing resolution, “A parent they ache and long for that is not there, so the ache grows.” When the person working on unresolved issues does get to be with the person they ache for, there is a “honeymoon period”. In order for them to feel what they imagine to be love, they want to “ache and long for someone again”… and this pattern is what creates many different relationships with no object permanence, instead of one relationship that returns love.
When I work with someone I help them resolve these issues very quickly by teaching them how it would feel to have received this love as a feeling in their body and how to give this feeling to themselves. This gives a person real power.
When we understand we are our own parent now and only we can now resolve our unresolved issues, we begin to have control of our lives. We can love ourselves and respond to all of our needs all the time and we can depend on ourselves. It is alright to want to have someone that is always there, we have them if we learn to appreciate ourselves and be sensitive to our needs.
I teach people what loving themselves feels like and then I teach them how to reward themselves with automatic rewards in their brain for giving themselves a deeply connected, safe and comfortable life.
What is keeping us from having the love we want? When we resolve what we missed by healing our heart, we will be motivated to create real love with desire and passion, not longing.
This song at the end says “Before you came into my life, I MISSED YOU SO BAD, I MISSED YOU SO BAD, I MISSED YOU SO SO BAD.” If we feel this emptyness is love and we want to feel love, we may be creating this instead of real love. The feeling of wanting someone we admire, respect, love, desire, enjoy playing with, have fun talking to, listen to, work together with and create a life with, is much more than feeling empty inside and wanting sex.
Hunger makes the best sauce, when we miss someone we have and love, it is amazing how much more we appreciate every moment with them. Spend a week taking turns kissing each others body all over before you go to sleep (no more just kissing). There are ways to enhance feelings, so you can eat your cake and have it too!
If there is some insecurity, fear, inhibition, reactions that are erroneous, hyper-vigilance, jealousy, repetitive self destructive patterns, unrequited love, emotional angst, unresolved anger, perceptual problems that make it difficult to have clarity being with men or women, a loss of ability to feel safe, feeling blocked, depression, object possession difficulties, anxiety, disassociation or trance habituation, anger management or problems with creativity, please call me at 360-953-7408 or message me, Robert Milstein on Facebook. I want to help you see what is possible when the curtains have been opened and you see by your light.
May love run to you as the river becomes one with the sea.
Who Am I
When someone asks us, who we are what do we say? Do we tell them the ideas we have about our image?
Are the ideas we have who we are? We can change ideas in a moment but to develop empathy, character or compassion may take years, why?
An idea is a thought and thoughts are changed by us all the time, in a moment. Empathy, character and compassion speak of how we have developed ourselves, they come from an ongoing experience of an emotional understanding that over time has changed our brain.
As we use our brain we develop neural pathways. What we do to stimulate our brain, changes the map of our brain. As we direct traffic to specific areas of our brain, we enhance the complexity of our brain in those areas. A person that uses his hands to touch and heal people, will have a much thicker and more complex area of their brain associated with touch, similar to someone that is blind and uses braille.
From using our brain to practice a sport, we can in time just watch the sport and our muscles will grow. If we spend time stimulating ourselves with visual sexual images, we may look at people and instead of seeing who they are, we may look to find something that will give us a stimulating chemical experience in our brain. As we focus on an obsession, we heat up our cingulate gyrus and unless we do something to stop hyper focusing and cool it off, such as doing something physical when we obsess… the obsession will become larger and larger. When we practice associating our senses with our emotions, we develop pathways that promote creative skills, “What light through yonder window breaks, it is the east and Juliet is the sun.”, is a combination of sensory, emotional and thinking skill use.
From not directing much traffic to an area, the complexity of our brain in that area diminishes. If we suppress our emotions, we may not be able to understand how others are feeling. As the map of our brain is changed, who we are is changed.
The good new is we can change anything we want and become who we want, without having to go into the past….. because our brain is designed to grow and be whole, what we do in the present….is the best vehicle for developing and enhancing our brain so we can enjoy the full use of it, in a balanced way.
I have a theory I call my “cow field theory”of growth. The path cows use in a field has no grass growing upon it. If we take the cows out of the field for long enough, the grass will grow back on the path the cows created. If we put a heard of cows into that field, in time they will eventually knock down the grass from the old path and it will be their new path. The new path is now what brings the cows home.
As we developed interests, enjoyed our passions and grew from experiences, we developed paths in our brain like the cows in a field do. Old paths can be revisited and new paths can be developed.
Many of the paths we developed, were a result of some foundational understandings we had about ourselves. These “understandings” could have been helpful in our pursuit of developing a life that was wonderful. Some “understandings” people have about themselves, prevent them from having much of a life. If a person has a self image that prevents them from feeling confident and relaxed, insecurities that inhibit them from doing the things that have meaning to them, fears of being hurt that prevent them from experiencing love or feelings of shame that do not allow them to experience the intimacy and joy of being vulnerable, all of these can now easily be permanently rewritten so that new paths can be created.
If there is some insecurity, fear, inhibition, reaction, jealousy or anxiety that is limiting your life, please call me at 360-953-7408 or message me, Robert Milstein on Facebook. I want to help you see what is possible when the curtains have been opened and you see by your light.
Real Beauty
There are all kinds of people out there, that want to go from sickness to wellness, from a bad relationship to a better relationship, from confusion to clarity that haven’t been able to map out exactly where to go, or what to do to make those journeys possible. When we want to go somewhere new, it is nice to have the all the directions and information we need to get to where we want to go.
Creating is about more than having a desire. To have the healing, love or clarity we want, we must understand how to gently find and remove the blocks and barriers within ourselves that are built against creating what we desire.
On our journey we go to the See Your Beauty workshop and we gently and lovingly remove the blocks and barriers we have. We open our heart, feel lovable, beautiful, powerful, more ourselves, alive, uninhibited, authentic, creative, loving, present and soon we have such clarity, we discover it was opening our heart that set us free.
The See Your Beauty workshop is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between travelers on the same path or journey. When we are able to be present with our own blocks and barriers, we are able to be present with a fellow traveler as they remove their own barriers.
People say, “Someone has to be ready to grow.” I have found, we are all ready for “growth” when it is enjoyable, wonderful and real. People do understand they should be loving to themselves, they do not understand how to rewrite the conditioning that created the barrier that prevented them from feeling love for themselves all the time.
See Your Beauty, is about much more than our appearance; it can be about removing shame, removing insecurities, removing inhibitions, removing reactions that create stress or discomfort for us and rewriting our body image, too. The exercises we use in this workshop will rewrite non-verbal information in our brain to give us a lasting enhancement in clarity. Loving ourselves in this way gently removes the blocks and barriers we have to allow us to be loved. accept healing, and create.
The lasting enhancement in clarity we receive from the workshop will enable us to see our beauty in the eyes of others, see love in their eyes and see our own beauty when we look in the mirror.
We bring flowers when something beautiful happens inside of us. Our heart opens and we see only the beauty that already exists. Beauty is in us, all we do is open our heart, the world mirrors us.
See Your Beauty Workshop
The first two exercises we use rewrite the conditioning that inhibits us from being able to see our beauty in the eyes of others.
The video is showing the last exercise, getting up and seeing our beauty and the love others have for us, in their eyes.
We look forward to seeing you at the next workshop.
Feeling beautiful is about much more than our appearance, it can be about removing shame, removing conditioning that creates inhibitions, allowing ourselves to see and feel what loving ourselves is all about and seeing others see how beautiful and lovable we are whenever we look into their eyes. It is a permanent enhancement in the clarity we have in the lens we use to see our reality with.
It is nice to know there is an easy exercise we can do to rewrite the conditioning that has prevented us from seeing our beauty and feeling loveable and love for ourselves so quickly and permanently. Just as we learned to float and had a better experience in the water, we can have a better experience with ourselves and others in our life.
When we love ourselves it creates so much clarity, we instantly have power and presence. When we see our beauty we are able to see more of the beauty in others and our world as well. As we see our beauty we realize our world is just a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. Feeling lovable reveals more of who we truly are, so we lose our inhibitions and open our heart.
I hope to see you at a workshop soon.
No more drama, the end of narcissism
I have been an empathic healer for many years and I have felt what has created pain in our hearts. I have wished there was more love and less narcissism.
If you have wished that there was more love and less narcissism, you will be happy to know we are going to make that happen. The problem has been that there was no easy way for people to love themselves in the past.
People would tell me, “Love yourself” but if I knew what that meant or knew how to love myself, I am sure I would have done it.
I knew the world I saw, was just a reflection of how I saw myself but it was difficult to change the conditioning that created my self image and insecurity.
There is so much pain in the world. The pain is mostly in our hearts. The pain can cast a shadow on our light. We all have a need to be loved.
It is possible to gently and lovingly recondition ourselves so we automatically see how beautiful and lovable we are. To see how beautiful and lovable we are, is the beginning of experiencing ourselves in a way that is loving.
When we have conditioning that creates an insecurity, it may motivate us powerfully. Understanding that there is something we need to heal, is a beginning. Masking our pain or trying to ignore it does not help, we need to shine our light on this pain because it is the only way to remove this attachment.
Until the insecurity is rewritten, it is a shadow that has an energy that creates a great deal of our story.
How did I go from insecure to narcissist? How does this process happen for people?
We may have wanted attention and love from someone that withheld it. They may have also conditioned us to feel we can get their admiration doing what pleased them.
The real problem begins when we feel compelled to “think differently or act differently” than who we are, to get admiration. To be popular in the eyes of others may be something we feel a desire to do. We may feel the admiration we see in others eyes will heal the insecurity we have but being someone other than who we are only makes our pain grow.
We do not need to look for something “outside” of ourselves to be someone different, to remove our insecurities. We do not want to be different than who we are ever. We want to be ourselves and find out how to love ourselves.
There is no substitute for healing and loving ourselves. The child within us is still there waiting to be seen and heard, we must allow them to play and reward them for their happiness.
When we are not ourselves and we act differently than who we are….if we love the self we create and are more comfortable being this phoney person…..we have become a narcissist.
For a short time in my life I became a narcissist. I examined how I was thinking and tried to have beautiful thoughts but I was not real..I did not hurt anyone but myself. There are narcissists that hurt others. Most of the hurt is because narcissism perpetuates a system that creates separations, not love..
Until I rewrote my insecurities, I tried many different ways to “be different” to be more attractive to others (and myself). Some things I did to be admired made me feel good for a while. It was always harder to see that I was unkind to myself if I enjoyed success for being phoney.
I was telling myself I was not O.K. the way I was. The reason people “sabotage” things, is because we need to be loving to ourselves and we want to be loved for who we are, mostly by ourselves.
After I rewrote my insecurities I was able to love myself. I was able to look into my own eyes and give myself rewards. I did not need to look into another person’s eyes for admiration, to feel good.
I was no longer the Tin Man, Scare Crow or Cowardly Lion chasing after some wizard to make me whole. I was more myself than ever and it became clear that the yellow brick roads I had spent my life on, were not my path.
It is amazing how much the world we see reflects how we experience ourselves. Everything is illuminated from within. The attraction others have for us…is just a reflection of our relationship with our self.
I wrote this because if I was not able to be honest about myself, I would not be able to heal anyone else.
What is attractive is the beauty within.
I love you.
Make a wish from your heart.
The video is showing the last exercise, getting up and seeing our beauty and the love others have for us, in their eyes.
Feeling beautiful is about much more than our appearance, it can be about removing shame, removing affect or inhibitions, allowing ourselves to remove the conditioning of fear and more.
We can have a better experience. Just as we learned to float and had a better experience in the water, we can have a better experience with others and there is more.
Body, Mind, Spirit Expo
Cerebrology and the new science of non-verbally enhancing our brain
We will be doing a workshop on Nov. 5th. The workshop will give everyone that participates the ability to have the experience of seeing their beauty.
This way of experiencing ourselves is lasting. Just as we would learn to float and have a different feeling about ourselves in the water that was lasting, we reproduce a natural process of growth and it is lasting as well.
The way we see ourselves as more beautiful when we have a new outfit on or are on our honeymoon… is because we are adding a good feeling to the picture we see and we may not be aware of what we normally add.
Some of us add a bad feeling when we are in public and a new outfit allows us to be distracted enough to feel the way we naturally should. If we ever have felt we were handsome or beautiful, we should feel that all the time. How we experience ourselves changes everything we experience.
The group exercise will last 40 min. It may only be possible to have the first few rows do the exercise standing so please come early.
Can we alter the lens in our brain to see the beauty within
How can I see the beauty within me
I would get a new suit, haircut, a tan or loose 10 pounds and could see with my eyes, I looked better.
I stopped reacting with jealousy, made a person that was unable to even stand, walk and I could not look in the mirror and see myself as more handsome.
We instantly and automatically get a feeling about what we look at.
I was much more attracted to people that were wonderful inside, I was able to add that value and meaning to what I saw… I wondered why I wasn’t able to see that when I looked at myself?
I developed this exercise after years of research about how our brain works, so we could see ourselves and our beauty, automatically all the time.
The Beauty Within
CEREBROLOGY EXERCISE: SEE WITH YOUR EYES HOW ATTRACTIVE YOU ARE
Step One
The exercise begins, we start by standing 6-10 feet from a mirror and to the side so we can not see our image. Next we walk up to the mirror but not so we can see ourselves and just before the mirror we stop and close our eyes.
Next we take a few deep breaths and relax.
If we are more relaxed after a few breathes, it may be because we have some apprehension.
If we were to look in the mirror when we are apprehensive, we add the feeling of apprehension to what we see.
After we assess how we feel we go back to where we started several feet away from the mirror.
————————————
Step Two
We do what we did to begin with again, we walk towards the mirror and stop to assess how we feel. We do the relaxation exercise again and assess how we feel. We continue doing this exercise of just walking up to the mirror, until we can go to the mirror and find ourselves automatically relaxed when we get there.
————————————————————————————–
Step Three
The next step is similar but we add one more thing.
We walk up again and close our eyes before we look at our image. We do a self check to see if we feel beautiful in our body before we look at ourselves.
How we feel about ourselves inside our body is added to the picture we see and if we do not have a feeling we are beautiful we will not see ourselves as beautiful.
We do a self check after arriving at the mirror with our eyes closed, if we do not feel beautiful in our body, we allow ourselves to feel beautiful in our body and then we return to the starting place a few feet away from the mirror.
——————————————————————-
Step Four
We repeat this step until we are able to walk up to the mirror with our eyes closed and feel beautiful in our body.
When we are able to walk up to the mirror and have a feeling that allows us to feel beautiful, we open our eyes and see our real beauty.
We do the exercise a couple times to reinforce the visual understanding.
A new science and practice of healing emerges, Cerebrology
Cerebrology, the door to a fresh new loving way of healing has opened…
What has been used in the past, to help people grow and what were the origins?
Let us look at where we have been..
Considered one of the largest influences on hypnotherapy, Milton Erickson has been a big influence on self-help. Richard Bandler and John Grinder who created Neuro Linguistic Programming, used Milton Erickson’s help to create N.L.P.
Milton Erickson’s ideas about an “unconscious” were different than Freud’s beliefs. Milton Erickson’s “unconscious” was a complicated explanation of a theoretical system that was a philosophy not neuroscience.
The impressive sounding “unconscious”, gave the impression of a scientific discipline but does not explain brain function. Milton Erickson stated, “In all my techniques, almost all, there is confusion.” Even that sentence is confusing.
In our past, we have seen healer-patient relationships that gave great power to the healer. One reason for the disparity in power was that the language used was not simple, understandable or consumer friendly.
Cerebrology is new, scientific and does something in our brain to help us grow
We have the ability to improve the bad reactions we have.
Recently there have been experiments on animals and humans to rewrite memory. The method is described as “re consolidation of memory”.
The memory that was re consolidated or rewritten was not a verbal memory. The work was done on the amygdala, the section of our brain associated with emotional learning. Our amygdala is part of our automatic brain, what I call our operating system.
In recent years, additional studies have replicated Nader’s studies in other mammals, and they have even extended the idea to humans. In 2009, neuropsychologists confirmed that if you activate a person’s fear, the traumatic memories associated with it can, for a brief period, be altered. The key is to provide complete safety during the reconsolidation window-which, in humans opens up minutes after a memory is recalled. The window lasts up to six hours, but then slams shut until the next time the memory is recalled.
When we put a memory into play, it is destabilized, flexible and vulnerable or ready to be permanently rewritten, adding the new information we add to it. This technique is what you are about to learn.
How can the new science of Cerebrology be an effective tool in self-help to improve what happens in our brain?
I want self-help to be user friendly, easily understood and it should have a basis in neuroscience that can be explained simply as well. I believe this type of self help will empower people and allow them the tools they need to grow and be more themselves.
Let me give you some of those tools today.
We need to understand where our reactions and perceptions come from so we can understand why this works so effectively on our brain.
How we react can come from conditioning but most of the time our reactions come from affect. Affect is something we learned before we were verbal, when we empathized with our parents, emulated the relationship they had with others and modeled the feelings our parents had about themselves.
Just as we watch someone dance and feel the feeling in our body, later this feeling is what gives us the ability to do the same dance. This is the way we learned affect before we were verbal.
Learning affect takes place the same way in animals and is what makes the difference between a feral cat and one that is comfortable sitting in our lap. The part of our brain that makes one person react differently than another or have a different self image than another, does not understand verbal language any more than a cat does.
Now we need to understand how to do the work of Cerebrology, to improve the reactions in our brain. Here is an example
I am proud to say Cerebrology exercises give people what they need to open their curtains and drapes, so they can see by their own light.
I believe people want to love themselves unconditionally and with this new science it is easy to achieve.
I predict that people will be attractive because of the beauty within.
I have already worked with people that have made this happen.
An example of an exercise that makes us able to see the beauty within, is the exercise for a better self image. It helps a person find exactly what it is that is impeding them from feeling their beauty and allows them to automatically see their beauty all the time.
THE EXERCISE: SEE WITH YOUR EYES HOW ATTRACTIVE YOU ARE
Step One
The exercise begins, we start by standing 6-10 feet from a mirror and to the side so we can not see our image. Next we walk up to the mirror but not so we can see ourselves and just before the mirror we stop and close our eyes.
Next we take a few deep breaths and relax.
If we are more relaxed after a few breathes, it may be because we have some apprehension.
If we were to look in the mirror when we are apprehensive, we add the feeling of apprehension to what we see.
After we assess how we feel we go back to where we started several feet away from the mirror.
————————————
Step Two
We do what we did to begin with again, we walk towards the mirror and stop to assess how we feel. We do the relaxation exercise again and assess how we feel. We continue doing this exercise of just walking up to the mirror, until we can go to the mirror and find ourselves automatically relaxed when we get there.
————————————————————————————–
Step Three
The next step is similar but we add one more thing.
We walk up again and close our eyes before we look at our image. We do a self check to see if we feel beautiful in our body before we look at ourselves.
How we feel about ourselves inside our body is added to the picture we see and if we do not have a feeling we are beautiful we will not see ourselves as beautiful.
We do a self check after arriving at the mirror with our eyes closed, if we do not feel beautiful in our body, we allow ourselves to feel beautiful in our body and then we return to the starting place a few feet away from the mirror.
——————————————————————-
Step Four
We repeat this step until we are able to walk up to the mirror with our eyes closed and feel beautiful in our body.
When we are able to walk up to the mirror and have a feeling that allows us to feel beautiful, we open our eyes and discover our real beauty.
We do the exercise a couple times to reinforce the visual understanding.
——————————————
The Next Step
We then do the next exercise, which involves seeing ourselves as beautiful in someone’s eyes.
————————
What Have We Done To Improve Our Brain and Why Can We See Our Beauty?
Let us discuss what we are doing.
As if it was a nightmare, we allow ourselves to experience this automatic feeling that prepares us before we see ourselves.
We then understand that like a nightmare the feeling we automatically have that is preparing us, is giving us a distorted image of ourselves.
Next we let the feeling we have that is erroneous go, as we bring in the feeling we are beautiful and have it prepare us for the experience of seeing our image in the mirror. The beautiful feeling is “recondensed” and is rewriting the old memory or affect. Now the automatic feeling we have that comes up before we look in the mirror is that we are beautiful and this feeling is the one preparing us, so we SEE our true beauty.
We are able to permanently improve the feeling we automatically have. We do what is necessary to find the exact automatic preparation that inhibits us from having an experience of ourselves that has clarity. When we connect to the automatic preparation that gives us the altered perception or reaction, we can let go of the preparation or rewrite it.
It is simple, we put the information we want, in the file it belongs in. This technique is similar in some ways to just feeling good but the little extra is worth it.
Harvard psychiatrist Dr. Roger Pitman likened reconsolidation to a file in an office cabinet; if you want to adjust the contents, first you have to retrieve the file. But you can only make changes when it is opened.
Improving how we automatically prepare or react is important, the future will tell us just how important it is.
Overcoming overwhelming sadness
Overcoming overwhelming sadness without becoming depressed, phoney or thinking it was our love that hurt us.
Let me begin by saying that this is not going to be any nonsense about how to think or what ideas you should have. Telling someone what to think when they are hurt is ridiculous.
This is about growing during grief or loss. Growth is something that improves the chemistry in our brain. If we have a healthy chemistry in our brain during loss we can experience sadness but also see our light shine so we can see our way out of the darkness.
In part one of this work, we have exercises for the loss and sadness we feel from the end of a relationship or from the end of a career or job.
There is loss in relationships, a parent passes or someone we love leaves us. We have the opportunity to grow by allowing ourselves to continue to feel the way we did about ourselves because we were loved.
We should feel good to spite the people that were not good to us and if someone was good to us, we should feel good in memory of them. In either case, we have the opportunity to understand that we have the power to make ourselves feel good. When we understand we can and should feel wonderful even though we miss someone and are sad, we learn to turn on our light and a little light removes a lot of darkness.
This exercise is to help us have a better brain chemistry and feel our power during sadness.
Feeling good about myself.
Click on the above exercise.
The next type of loss is of career. There are times we do not succeed at what we are doing. If we are doing something because we admire ourselves for doing it but do not enjoy what we are doing, we may not make it work. There are things I thought would be a great achievement for me but when I found out they were phoney I was not able to do them. I would be sad because I had wanted to feel good from the success and did not know how to get that feeling otherwise. When I learned how to unconditionally love myself, I was able to give myself rewards for being honest and real. I was able to work hard at things that were outside of “the box” and give myself rewards because I was proud no matter what anyone else thought.
There are times we do enjoy something and just lose our job because of slow business. How do we give ourselves the rewards we got when we were working hard so we could have a good brain chemistry and not get depressed, petty or irritable? We have to learn how to reward ourselves all the time so we have the ability to do more and overcome tough times.
The following exercise will help us to grow from the difficulty and become more of a person we will respect and admire.
Can we give ourselves permission to feel good?
Click on the above exercise.
Giving ourselves the feelings we need, to have the strength to grow
Click on the above exercise.
Do we sometimes feel like we are lying to ourself and everyone else?
Do we want to put on an act or do we want to grow as a person?
see more expressions
I have to be real as the first step. The second step is accepting whatever that is. The rest is cake.
“My inner child doesn’t play well with other kids”
Real change, whether it is feeling safe, feeling beautiful or enlightenment is something that happens to us automatically.
You are in the right place. You are here.
We need to automatically reward ourselves with the feelings we want to have, for being authentic no matter what we do. This is the first step towards real growth, not being phoney.
To increase our self respect, we are going to do an exercise to love ourselves unconditionally and then another exercise to enhance our self respect.
Am I unconditionally loving to myself?
Click on the above exercise.
———————————————————-
Unconditionally loving who I am so I can be more myself
Click on the above exercise.
—————————————————————
Self respect exercise.
Click on the above exercise.
Want to enjoy being more creative
We can remove what prevents us from being more creative
If we are going to look deep inside and express some universal truth that others will be moved by, we have to be able to let go and open ourselves up.
As we let go of the things that prevent or inhibit us from being authentic, we reveal more of ourselves and open a well from which our creativity can flow.
When we remove what inhibits our creativity, we become playful, open our heart to take risks and whenever we do something from our heart we are more creative. When we open our heart we are also able to fulfill our dreams that have meaning.
Adding something is like writing with ink, the ink and the paper are not one, so the addition is not permanent. When we engrave something it is a permanent change, because this is a change within itself. When we remove what has blocked our heart, we have a change within us that is permanent and who we are is revealed.
What is preventing me from doing things I would love
Click on the above exercise
Removing the blocks to my opening up to create
Click on the above exercise
What is different about Drive-thru enlighenment?
We can rewrite memory, so how does that help us to be authentic and enlightened automatically all the time?
The research that has been done that gives us reason to believe we can rewrite memory, was research done to rewrite conditioning in animals. The research unconditioned animals.
How we are able to rewrite memory is that each time a memory is reviewed, we actually are rerecording the memory. Each time we bring up a memory, it stops being a memory and exists as information we are currently using.
When we are playing the memory, it is possible to edit it and then rerecord it. Each time we retrieve a memory we edit it somewhat.
The way animals were unconditioned was to use a drug, so that they did not feel anything that automatically prepared them.
For sake of ease of discussion let us say that whatever memory the animal had of the situation they were conditioned in, made them feel tense or anxious in their body and normally that was rerecorded each time.
Now the animals were given a drug that made them unable to rerecord the feeling of being tense or anxious in that same situation. They were unable to feel tense or anxious so the memory of the situation was now rerecorded without those feelings.
The next time the memory of the situation came up, they did not act tense or anxious.
In Europe they have been testing various drugs on humans to help them to stop having bad feelings associated with memories. The scientists doing this research believe these bad memories are the cause of emotional problems that the subjects taking the test report.
When subjects had a drug given to them to eliminate the feeling associated with the memory, the memory seems to disappear as well.
Losing memories and not having significant improvement in the emotional health and well being have made the progress of these drug tests slower than hoped for.
I personally feel the tests on animals were worthwhile in showing that we can rewrite conditioning. The animals did not need to recall their past to become unconditioned.
There are many chemicals we naturally create inside ourselves, that feel wonderful, relieve anxiety, make us feel beautiful and would easily give us the ability to rewrite the old tapes we have that condition us.
Rewriting something that prepares us so that we have a better feeling about ourselves, is something that happens naturally all the time. We rewrote the way we prepared ourselves and perceived what our relationship with the water was about, when we learned how to float.
The part of the brain that gets conditioned and unconditioned, is the same in animals and humans, it is the area we are going to do our exercises on. This part of of our brain is non-verbal.
The part of our brain we are discussing, for sake of ease of understanding let us call it our operating system…our operating system receives sensory information before our conscious mind.
When we walk thru the woods and jump, we may not know why but we automatically look back and we see it is perhaps a hose or a snake…we can then decide. Our operating system prepared us, because it receives input before we actually see the object in our mind.
We are prepared and ready for things before we could possibly think about them.
There are many pathways of information from our operating system to our verbal mind. There are many less pathways of information from our verbal mind to our operating system.
The information from our operating system is like the sound of an eight lane freeway and the information from our verbal mind is like a small road. The freeway sound overpowers the road and our thoughts are dominated by what is loudest.
We automatically and instantly prepare because of old tapes, if we want to be the authentic version of ourselves, love ourselves unconditionally, feel beautiful, lovable, present and enlightened, it is easy when we know how to rewrite the old tapes.
Our operating system is the part of our brain that is the lens we use to give us the value and meaning we attach to the objects we see. Without this added value, we would not have a feeling about anything we looked at.
The way we perceive ourselves, feel about ourselves or even imagine others view us, is something our operating system instantly and automatically gives us.
The way we see ourselves and feel about ourselves alters the way we feel about others as well.
If what prepares us for what is going to happen in a relationship, tells us we are vulnerable, incapable, ineffectual, or unattractive, it will have an effect on how we are able to experience ourselves and others.
The way we experience ourselves in a relationship changes our relationship.
The experiences we will enjoy, will improve when the way we experience ourselves does.
When we rewrite the erroneous information we have in our operating system, that is similar to the conditioning the animal had before it’s “memory” was rewritten…we will possess the clarity to have a better experience in all relationships.
The experiences we have reinforce the information we have on these old tapes.
If anyone would like to rewrite what may prevent them from automatically feeling unconditional love for themselves, or what prevents them from being the authentic version of who they are….anyone is welcome to enjoy the exercises on this website or contact me for more information.
What is different about Drive-thru enlightenment? …it”s easier to do than other stuff.
Love heals
The greatest thing, you will ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return.
Most of us are looking for an opportunity to have a feeling of oneness in a relationship.
The incredible feeling of oneness is something we shared with our parents before we were verbal.
When we were very young, we had empathy for our parents. We understood how they felt about themselves in relation to other people.
We imitated the way our parents felt and how they prepared for things and as it became a part of us, it was our “affect” now, not just our parents. Animals learn this the same way.
When we are in love and feel a oneness with another person once again, we have an opportunity to find clarity and resolution.
We can use the chemistry that our love creates within us to rewrite any erroneous affect we got from our parents.
When we are with a person we want to feel this oneness with, we release neurotransmitters, dopamine and nor epinephrine. These give us a feeling of excitement and heightened perception.
The more we are together with the person we feel one with, the more we release endorphins and enkephalins, these powerful natural narcotics give us a sense of comfort, safety and well being.
The feeling of oneness we have may come from the neurotransmitter serotonin. The important thing for us is that these give us the opportunity to rewrite things very easily.
We have the opportunity to re-write many things that we keep looking to resolve. Love is a powerful healing tool when we consciously use it to bring us enlightenment.
As we slip into this feeling of oneness, we can easily resolve our issues.
When we rewrite the old information, we are free to have wonderful feelings about ourselves all the time.
How we feel about ourselves alters how everyone else will feel about us, automatically.
——————————————–
How are we able to rewrite affect, is it like a memory?
In experiments rats were first conditioned by getting a shock after hearing a horn.
Then just the horn sound was made without a shock and the rats continued to panic, a sign they had become conditioned.
The rats were unconditioned by using a drug that made them feel no emotion or fear. The sound of the horn was played when they were drugged and there was no reaction.
After the drug wore off the horn was again sounded and there was again no reaction from the rats.
What prepares us to react is a memory of a feeling. This memory is something like a file we open when we need information about a situation.
The memory is a solid thing like concrete before we access it.
As we review the file of the memory, it is no longer a “cement like physical thing” because it is being used, it is not a “memory” but rather a current item we are playing in our mind.
Because the “memory” is now a current event of thought, it is open to being rewritten or rerecorded with whatever new information we want to add to it.
When we are done thinking about the rerecording or what we edited after reviewing, it again becomes a solid object in the brain as it is being stored.
We edit memory each time we visit it.
———————————————————————-
There are many types of touch. Please be careful to match the type of touch to the healing that is desired.
Recognizing what prepares me so I am not feeling comfortable or beautiful with a loving touch.
Click on the above exercise.
Rewriting what prepares me, so I am comfortable, feel beautiful and happy when I receive a loving touch.
Click on the above exercise.
