Using Polar Opposite Energy to Heal
I have acquired a deep understanding that helps me all the time.
My understanding is, that just as much as a physically or emotionally traumatic event could change my life for the worse, a physically or emotionally healing event could change my life for the better.
A physically or emotionally traumatic event would make it more difficult for me to be present, I might not enjoy my connection to others as I had previously and it could be more difficult to experience bliss, relaxation and pleasure in my body.
A physically or emotionally healing event would make it easier for me, to be more present, I would enjoy my close connection to others and I would enjoy opening to even more comfort, bliss and pleasure in my body.
When I learned how to transform (or rewrite the conditioning from) physical or emotional trauma in my brain… trauma no longer was going on for years hurting my body, brain and soul, I had transformed it to something good for me.
I want to share it with you because I know you will enjoy helping someone you love transform a physical or emotional problem that has plagued them for years, to something wonderful.
During the exercise we will take the trauma energy, that is powerful and connect an energy that is the opposite but equally as powerful.
This is similar to uniting the energy of two polar opposites. In this process, we will be creating something stronger and more beautiful than we may even be able to imagine now.
When we are injured with emotional or physical trauma, we may lose volition, we may become confused, we may be frightened, we may be disoriented, our brain may be tired from thinking and we may feel we are more vulnerable. The loss of power and freedom are common for people that develop P.T.S.D., are indoctrinated into a cult or experience a physically debilitating injury to their body.
What is the polar opposite energy to something that disconnects us from our body and soul? I help my patients add a loving, caring and compassionate energy to the traumatic energy and the two energies together become something transformative. After the work a person has a deeper healing connection to their body and emotions, that enhance life greatly.
This deep connection to ourselves brings a birth of aliveness and strength, that only someone that has experienced healing after loss could experience. The deeper connection to self and the greater opening of our heart transform the loss. Perhaps this was not possible before the appreciation of what we lost and what we gained through love and rebirth after our loss.
Without the cold and dark winter, would spring’s blossoms smell as sweet?
Enlightenment begins when we look within. We ignite a fire to see more deeply within and we feel a connection to self that is also a connection to much more…eventually we experience and understand our personal development is also the key to our spiritual growth.
The following is an example of a physical transformation after a physically traumatic injury.
A patient that I had treated in the past, let us give him the name Jack Sr. came by and asked me if I would look at his son’s back and tell him if there was anything I could do to help Jack Jr.
Jack Sr. told me his son spent the previous weekend at the Dunes in southern Oregon, riding a Yamaha Banshee. Jack Jr. went with employees and friends and they brought their motor homes, their quads and four wheel drive racers with them to the dunes intending to spend the weekend riding and having fun.
Jack Sr. told me his son, Jack Jr. went up one of the dunes as fast as he could and flew off the top, expecting there would be another descending hill on the other side. There was nothing but a sheer fifty foot drop. Jack Jr. landed on his quad at least fifty feet below the place he launched from.
Jack Sr. told me his son went to the hospital immediately and has spent the last week in the hospital. Jack Sr. said the neurosurgeons, orthopedic surgeons and physiatrists told Jack Sr. that his son had 3 crushed vertebrae, 4 crushed discs and several broken vertebrae.
Jack Sr. said they wanted to put rods in his son’s back at first but some doctors told him the vertebrae were in so many pieces and there was a spondilolysthesis, an anterior slippage of a portion of his spine and then a lower portion was pulled back behind it. Jack Sr. said some doctors wanted to fuse his spine and told Jack Sr. they thought his son would always have a big lump in his back and would be bent forward, at the throracco-lumbar area, the site they wanted to stabilize. Jack Sr. told me they wanted to have some time, to figure it out.
Thirty minutes later, Jack Sr. was at my door with his son Jack Jr. Jack Jr. had a large hunch in his back and was bent forward so he looked like a prawn, he could not raise up to see my face, he was looking at my shoes. Jack Jr. bent forward in the middle of his back just below his ribs.
I palpated Jack Jr’s. injury’s. I told Jack Jr. that his broken bones were the result of the muscles in his back being torn and as they tore they broke the vertebrae by pulling them apart. As the muscles contracted powerfully the resistance to the weight of the impact caused tearing and after tearing each muscle, it would “guard” itself instantly from further injury by shortening and thickening. The muscles are stronger than bones so they would tear and break the bone it was attached to, before the muscle ripped apart. Jack you were not just smashing these bones you were tearing them apart because of the shearing energy that would have torn you apart.
I informed Jack Jr. that his torn muscles were a bigger problem than his broken bones. I told Jack Jr. that without our muscles directing our bones, we would be just a pile of bones….but when his muscles went back functioning in a healthy way, his bones would be the anchors they once were for his muscles and back. I told Jack Jr and Sr. we would need to work hard every day for hours, so the muscles could heal as fast as possible. I made sure Jack Jr. understood that the key was to not just relax the torn muscles and prevent further injury but to also heal the brain that got injured, so it would not continue to carry the trauma of the accident…a trauma that could and probably would give him lasting problems if not fixed.
I told Jack Jr. that I would be glad to help him heal and I hoped he would be able to do more than he could before the accident.
Jack Jr. told me the doctors told him not to expect to be able to do much in the future and he should understand that he will need to change his life to moderate the pain and prevent further injury, that could cripple him.
In two months Jack Jr. and I were working out on weights at a local gym. In four months we were working out very hard and Jack Jr. told me he could see his abs for the first time in his life. In five months Jack Jr. told me he was in, “by far the best shape of his life” and was so amazed because he never imagined he could look and feel so good. We would work out for two hours on weights and bike ride for two hours afterward every day.
Six months after the accident Jack Jr. asked me about riding quads again. I told him he was responsible for his body now and I knew he would take care of it and have fun ….and Jack Jr. did continue working out and did have fun riding quads that weekend and many weekends since.
How did Jack Jr. recover so quickly?
These are a rough outline of the steps. I hope these steps give you an idea about what it takes to give someone the polar opposite energy, in the same amount or greater so there can be a transforming experience as a result.
If you have any questions about physical or emotional trauma work please feel free to call or write me.
1) I connect with the patient and understand how much pain there is. Then I work to understand how much damage there is and what amount of time, every day….I will need to help the patient. My intention is about understanding that I need to hear the “crying” of a person’s body and soul. After I hear the crying I help the person hear their own body and soul as well. The next part of the first step, is to provide comfort to the extent that my energy and comfort more than offset the energy and pain of the trauma so a person feels wonderful because of my care.
2) I help the person connect to everything their body and emotions are saying and help them connect deeply with compassion and caring in the same manner I am, by participating in everything I do. I ask the patient to describe the feelings in their body at first and then after they are comfortable and capable of describing their pain, I ask them to breathe deeply as I comfort and relax their muscle ….and I ask them to breath right into that specific muscle. I have the person lovingly send consciousness, movement, healing, oxygen and blood to their muscle and feel it relax as we work, together every step of the way towards their health.
3) I consider the entire time someone is in physical or emotional pain, traumatizing. I not only work on the area that was hurt, I work on the person as a whole with the understanding that their entire body will want comfort and care, when just a part has been injured. I try to spend hours with someone every day that has had a serious traumatic episode, because the sooner they feel wonderful the sooner we can move to the following steps.
4) The next step after a person’s body and soul feels safe, because of my loving care, is to have them connect their focus to various areas of their body and continue the exercise of relaxing and breathing into the muscle, so that a wonderful awareness, consciousness and connection to that muscle is now available. My intention is for the patient to be able to move and relax each muscle separately and be able to connect and feel it move by itself and enjoy the change “that is happening to their brain and body. The new “consciousness” is an addition to their ability to have volition, presence, comfort and control, things they had taken from them but they will have in full measure very quickly.
5) The conditioning created by trauma, that gave us less volition and power… we transform and have more volition and power than we dreamed of, so we can open our heart safely and connect to our self more deeply.
One of the most healing things for our emotions and body is to allow someone to lovingly massage us for hours every day. After trauma, we are vulnerable and need comfort and care.
In general people have more difficulty receiving love than giving love, so it is empowering to receive love and care.
The next part of this step is giving someone some things to do themselves to feel wonderful. I show people how to use trigger points and massage their neck and stretch it and breathe into each muscle they want to relax while they do this. I feel the greatest healing comes from empowering someone to care about their own body, emotions and being.
6) We begin to do range of motion exercises, together and if possible some resistance exercises that will make us feel stronger afterward. I start working as their training partner, not their trainer or healer. As a person’s training partner, the work I do pushes them and the effort they put in pushes me and they see how much they push me and work harder …and have fun.
7) I use ultrasound, Chattanooga hydrocollator packs, Chattanooga ice packs, a physio-therapy G-5 massager as well as my own hands to help someone feel good physically and emotionally, so doing a small amount of exercise does not put more stress on someone, I make sure to remove the lactic acid and have the client feel wonderful before and after we work out together, so they feel better after they exercise. The bonus of feeling better after working out is again, added volition and a feeling of excitement about the future.
8) I continue working with a person until they can do more than I can working out. When my client is pushing me to keep up, I know it is time to let them fly and know I will surely see them again on this path.
The Power of Being Real
Today we are going to learn a new exercise.
One part of the exercise will be used to rewrite the conditioning we have that creates physical guarding in our body, when we feel stress.
Another part of the exercise will be used to rewrite the conditioning that creates walls of avoidance or resistance to our being loved, to us caring about ourselves, or to us wanting the things that matter most to us.
The conditioning that causes us to guard ourselves physically and emotionally, was created to protect us from someone in our past.
People have few negative memories of a parent that was not emotionally mature enough to be unselfish and caring.
It would be very difficult for us to have memories of a parent that was not there with us, caring about us.
When we were very young, we saw everyone as part of us. If one of our parents did not enjoy seeing us and hearing us, or enjoy the responsibility of taking care of us, we did not see them as neglecting us.
As a baby if we were frightened or hurt and our parent did not comfort us, we did not see our parent as someone that was betraying the trust we had in them.
From birth we would cry to be cared for if we needed care. We smiled and laughed so that our parent would smile and laugh back, from infancy.
If our parent did not hold us, enjoy caring for our needs or enjoy spending time with us, we did not perceive our parent as being apathetic to us.
If a parent that did not comfort us when we needed them, got triggered by our crying, emotions, or desire for their attention… got distant and upset pushing us further away, we became frightened of them….and as we felt our parents feelings and energy in us, that feeling and energy conditioned us to fear our own emotions, to fear caring about our own needs and fear love.
When we become triggered now, we feel our parents energy in us and that “feeling of pushing away” is still creating guarding in our body and emotions instead of allowing us to feel safe and relaxed, when we care about something or feel loved.
This triggered energy in our parents was most likely something that happened to them and has been passed down for a while. The feeling or energy is triggered and we freeze like a bunny in a field, that realizes it is in danger moving. This “guarding and fear about caring too much” prevents us from moving forward to have the love of someone that would help us rewrite the feeling we have to not care about ourselves, or feel fear caring about someone else.
In the first stage of our experience of fear, our brain “freezes us in place” by creating guarding in our body and emotions, our brains resources are all transferred into thought as our brain activates the cingulate gyrus to hyperfocus.
Our “fight or flight” system is the second stage of fear. When our fight or flight system is engaged, it is because our brain has decided it is best not to stay frozen but instead to take control of our life and run or fight for our well being.
We were not able to run or fight as a young child, we had to stay and guard ourselves, so we were numb to our fear, hurt and anger….these very same “frozen feelings” are what we bring up when we are heard and loved now…
The reason we avoid, resist or become angry at someone that hears us, sees us and loves us, is because of the old conditioning of fear of loving someone that loves us and the feelings we never got to “feel” about someone that loved us and betrayed our trust.
Today we are going to move out of being stuck in the first stage of fear and add the “fight or flight” response or second stage of fear, to the folder that creates our physical and emotional guarding, as our new “enlightened response” ….and direct anger towards the person we never got angry at so that we stop guarding and feel comfortable opening our heart again.
Today we are going to get angry at the resistance, avoidance or hostility the person that created our conditioning had for our love. When we direct our anger at the person that created our conditioning, we tag the person that we are angry at and we add the feeling we are powerful and safe from them now, to the folder of our conditioning.
Now the folder that once contained information that gave us a response of guarding, has a “response” that is empowering as well as a perception of ourselves as assertive and capable.
Each time we rewrite something in the folder of our conditioning, it is less likely to be triggered. It does not take long doing the exercises before the old folder does not get triggered or open at all.
I see people that carry the conditioning from their past in their body and life. I feel the tightness, restriction of movement and pain they experience when I treat them.
When we are emotionally stressed we do not breathe deeply. Many people have to consciously focus on breathing deeply, because the guarding in their body does not allow them to naturally breathe deeply, without consciously focusing on breathing and relaxing.
We would “struggle” to float if we were too physically “guarded.” Being guarded tightens the muscles around our chest, shoulders, abdomen and neck, so it is almost impossible to expand our lungs deeply. If we are “guarded” we can’t inhale the amount of air required for us to become buoyant in the water, or to feel present and make others feel comfortable.
The conditioning that creates physical guarding, causes us to struggle with our life all the time.
Just as we learn to float one time and from then on, we are capable of floating anywhere….our fear and guarding from past conditioning will be rewritten non-verbally and we will have that comfort as our new way of being.
When the software we have from conditioning is triggered, we are in stage one of fear and our brain changes the way it works as well as starting a cascade of other events for our protection.
The triggered software alarms our autonomic nervous system to prepare for something bad to happen to us and we begin guarding in our muscles and shut down our emotions.
Our brain changes how it processes information when our old conditioning is triggered.
When our cingulate gyrus is activated, our brain looks to find a solution and will look for the cause of the problem until it finds a cause.
Because we are not capable of introspection when we are in stage one or stage two fear, when we are triggered, we do not realize that we are “transferring old fear, resistance and anger that has remained frozen in us” to someone willing to hear our emotions.
When we are triggered, we see our problem as being about someone else, not about us.
As we withdraw from our emotions, we disconnect from our deepest sense of self.
The perception of self-in relationship to others we have, is based a great deal on feeling our emotions and the emotions of others.
For us to feel loved, we have to feel emotions and not guard.
It is always very helpful to do the beginning exercises described in Empathic Healing Part 4.
Please watch the following short video.
We are “our own parent” now.
To be loving to ourselves and our body, without resistance. To care about what matters most to us and not avoid what matters. To seek comfort and not push it away. To enjoy all of our emotions comfortably. To feel good loving someone that loves us.
EXERCISE PREPARATION:
1) Have the person that created your conditioning in mind when you do the exercise. We are working on the contents of the file that our conditioning is in. Feeling comfortable with emotions we did not feel safe feeling and directing our anger towards the very person that we were afraid to be angry at, is what will allow us to change the conditioned response of “guarding” instead of feeling safe experiencing all of our emotions.
2) Have a plastic bat, something to hit with the plastic bat, a small trash can and Kleenex. We will feel some emotion we resist, avoid or become angry about. We will yell one of the suggested phrases associated with what we avoid feeling and as we yell as loud as possible, we will hit something with the plastic bat between 3 and 5 times.
Suggested phrases:
a) I fucking hate you
b) fuck you
c) you fucking ass hole
d) love me, fucking love me
e) take care of me, care for me
f) hear my feelings asshole
g) pay attention to me, hear and see me
h) be good to me and enjoy it you fucking jerk
i) make up one of your own phrases
3) After the exercise you will want to do something that gives you a feeling of being in your body and enjoying the experience. I suggest bike riding, getting a massage, sitting in a hot tub, doing some exercise or just going for a walk. When you are done bike riding or whatever you choose, please get something good to eat and watch some comedy or listen to some music you enjoy. It is best to have things prepared in advance so that you are able to feel bliss for as long as possible.
THE EXERCISE:
A) Find a place that you generally experience tightness and soreness in a muscle when you experience stress.
B) Push two fingers into the belly of the muscle, continue pushing until taking a full deep breath is difficult to do.
C) Keep trying to breathe and expand your lungs, while you push into the tight muscle.
D) Stop pushing into the muscle. Get the bat. Focus on the person that created your conditioning.and direct your anger towards them. Take a few deep breathes and yell and hit with the plastic bat for 3-5 hits while yelling.
E) Now lie down and completely relax from head to toe while continuing to breathe as slowly and deeply as possible. Do not think but instead feel your body relax as you breathe. Feel the area that was tight relax more and more with each breathe and feel your body lighten each time you exhale..
F) When you are relaxed get up and do whatever you planned, go bike riding or get a massage.
G) Enjoy feeling emotions or all kinds but try to be happy and have fun or sleep until eight hours has passed and the new feeling that it is safe to feel emotions is hardened and lasting in your brain.
SCHEDULE:
Please do this exercise once or twice a week for six weeks.
If you need any help please contact me.
Experiencing Our Real Life
Are we loving to ourselves and open to others loving us?
I believe we all understand what real love is, from the moment we are born.
Why would we cry when we needed someone or smile to see a smile in return, if we did not have an understanding of what real love was?
I believe we still have an understanding of what real love is. I also know that most of us were conditioned to believe that what someone was giving us was real love, when we were not loved.
Would we know if we were conditioned (or tricked) to believe we were getting what we wanted?
We want to be able to give ourselves everything we need and want because we want to be a better parent to ourselves.
Are we continuing to believe the abandonment, betrayal of trust or abuse we were conditioned to accept instead of love, is what we really want?
The exercises for the next six weeks are below.
Doing these exercises over the next six weeks will help us understand if we have repressed our own needs, wants and desires. They will also put us in touch with our true understanding of what we want to have being loving to ourselves.
As a great parent to ourselves we want to give ourselves everything we need and want, with love.
Please watch the video and see how easily we could have lost connection to what mattered most in our heart.
Someone asked me, “If I feel that abuse is love what is wrong with it?”
In neurologic tests on the brain, women that had been abused saw photos of men that were angry or violent and saw them smiling and happy. The same abused women saw photos of men smiling and calm… but they did not see happy men.
There are at least two things wrong with desire to see abuse as love. If we see abuse as love we no longer can see abuse. If we see abuse as love, we are now blind to real love as well.
During the next six weeks we will be restoring our own feelings.
As we become whole and connected to our emotions, we will be tearing down the barriers to loving ourselves. When we feel lovable and love ourselves, we will begin to be comfortable having someone really love us.
Exercise Set 2:
Please do the previous exercise, exercise 1 first before doing these. After you have done exercise 1 three different times, proceed to the next exercises.
Each exercise is to be done in the same manner we did the first exercise. We need a mat, plastic bat and something like a footstool to hit.
We get in position with bat in hand kneeling on the mat in front of the footstool and then follow the suggestions for each separate exercise below.
Please allow a full day of happiness after each exercise.
Please do not in any way engage a person you are upset with during this time, because of feelings brought up by the exercises.
We are awakening our own connection to self and rewriting conditioning. We want to rewrite our conditioning by “feeling comfortable experiencing our emotions and happy afterward” so we open our heart.
We can always argue with someone later, right now we are giving ourselves the ability to feel our emotions deeply, there is nothing more important we can do until that has been accomplished.
Each exercise should not last more than five minutes. Please be sure to remember to do something that feels wonderful for your body, something that is good for your well being as well, such as exercise or receiving a massage.
We are empowering ourselves to be good to ourselves and have a different feeling about our emotions, one where we can have them and enjoy our life, not be afraid of them.
I am going to leave it up to you to decide what memory you will be upset about but only think about the memory and call up the feeling for a few seconds, do not allow the feeling to overwhelm you or shut you down.
After feeling the emotion, let go of all thought and feel deep anger in your body, then take the bat and attack the footstool yelling the words of each exercise.
After you hit the footstool and yell in anger a few times, please go sit down and feel as good as you can all over your body. When you have calmed down and feel good, please go do something wonderful for yourself.
We are just rewriting the conditioning that blocked our real feelings.
If you want later you can feel sadness and cry or yell but remember to just do a little and keep in mind that it was the past. Immediately after feeling emotions do something to be good to yourself and be happy or watch some comedy.
We want to set up a new pattern of allowing ourselves to feel all of our emotions but we want to be gentle with ourselves and not bring old feelings into our life now.
The exercises should be done one step at a time and only one a day. It may seem like we are doing very little but we are doing a great deal and will experience great results.
Exercise 1)
“Want me!”
This is the emotion and what we will yell when we hit the footstool, we want to be angry that we were not wanted as much as we should have been by someone.
Exercise 2)
“Love me!”
We want to be angry and tell someone “Love me!” Ultimately these are also for us to hear ourselves but we need to allow ourselves to be comfortable being angry at someone that could have loved us more, before we will feel comfortable loving ourselves.
Exercise 3)
“Hear me!”
We want to be angry at someone for not hearing us and doing what we needed them to do.
Exercise 4)
“See me!”
We want to be appreciated and enjoyed for who we really are, we want to be angry at someone that did not do that when we were told they loved us.
Exercise 5)
“Hold me!”
We want to feel angry at someone that we hoped would enjoy holding us.
Exercise 6)
“I am special!”
We want to be angry with someone that did not do what made us happy when we were little. We wanted to be supported in finding what made us happy and hoped it would make them happy to see us happy.
Please love yourself. Please forgive anything that was not loving to yourself that you did, we did our best at the time.
Namaste. I love you. <3
You pushed love down the stairs…
I grew up in San Francisco and when I was a kid, I would walk my wagon up a steep hill by my house and ride it down the middle of the street. I remember flying in the air when my wagon would hit bumps. There were moments I achieved weightlessness. Floating or flying, whatever it was, it was wonderful.
I remember flying far out of my wagon on some bumps. Sometimes I would leave the wagon completely and land on the road.
As children, we all got hurt playing. We got up if we fell down, wiped the dirt out of our hands and kept playing.
I got hurt learning to ride my bike too. I bet you got hurt learning to ride your bike. We get hurt many times growing up but getting hurt playing never changed how we felt about ourselves.
When the people that we trusted to love us, hurt us, it did change the way we felt about ourselves. Most people do not stop playing because they got hurt playing, they stopped playing because they were hurt emotionally.
If we became numb during the time someone hurt us, we may not remember why we stopped playing. Come with me and I will show you how we can find a connection to the playful part of us, once again.
When we are infants, we are unable to take care of ourselves and need our parents to take care of us. We focus on our parent’s emotions and happiness more than our own, because we need them for our care.
Betrayal, trauma or neglect hurt us emotionally, we get upset…and when we experience our emotions of sadness or upset, if our emotions make the person that is hurting our feelings more upset and they hurt us more…it is natural for us to stop having emotions, in order to be less abused… Denying our emotions is how we quickly lose our connection to “self” and soon, we stop playing fearlessly.
Connected to our own feelings about ourselves is where we are strongest.
The feelings of someone we bond with become a part of how we feel about ourselves. It is sad, but becoming numb actually makes the feelings of insecurity we have, hard to experience and understand as not our own feelings but the feelings someone else had that was in my opinion a jerk.
These are feelings someone conditioned us to have about ourselves. We were conditioned to become numb when they got emotionally upset about being hurt by someone. When we were numb, it was easy to condition us to accept their feelings about us, instead of our own.
Each time they lied to us and promised us love and took love instead, we had a dissonance occur in our brain that was created by our caring more about them than they did for us. This dissonance in our brain made us infatuated with the pursuit of their attention and love. This pursuit, of the admiration and attention of someone that does not love us, is the foundation for narcissism. The feelings of insecurity we have from someone that hurt us, is more about them and less about us. Each minute we get back up and fight to get our life and emotions back, the insecurities we have, just like realizing a nightmare was just a bad dream…disappear forever.
We were happy playful kids. We took on the feelings of the person that hurt us and bonded with them because we did not have our own feelings and emotions.
Understanding our insecurities are not about us is important. Our insecurities are like weeds that someone else planted and have nothing to do with us.
The insecurity weeds grow larger each time we listen to someone that tells us to abandon our emotions. Our emotions are the beautiful flowers that grow in our garden, when we care about them.
Re- connecting to our true self is like finding our garden, we have to hear and experience all of our emotions. We were not comfortable having the emotions that created our aliveness but we need to reconnect to them now. When we have compassion for our heart, we open the well that waters the garden and we bloom again.
When we love someone that loves us, we see who we are. We stop being worried about what others think and we enjoy what we are doing.
Narcissists are everywhere now, it is important for our ability to re-connect with our self, that we avoid them.
Humans are not able to be introspective without emotions. As a narcissist, a person is not able to realize they do not have much empathy for others they want in their lives.
Narcissists can speak of love and tell you they love you. Narcissists have dramatic swings of feelings about themselves because “feeling admired” is far from connecting to the real child/person within.
If we bond with a narcissist and we become numb, we risk losing the ability to connect to our emotions and become our authentic selves.
(Here is where we push love down the stairs…)
I was emotionally hurt a long time ago and because of that I began studying A Course in Miracles and Neuro Linguistic Programming. After doing N.L.P. for a while, I became a narcissist. It was great not to feel sad but I did not notice I was not feeling many emotions at all.
I did a lot of work to feel my emotions again and I am proud to say I understand how much better life is feeling all my emotions. I am no longer a narcissist and would be glad to help anyone that wants help re-connecting to their authentic self.
Yesterday on a new age radio network, I was listening to a very popular author. She was taking calls from listeners and helping them with the problems they had.
The woman that called in wanted to know, “Why do I keep chasing after people that hurt me?”
The author told the person, “You need to stop caring so much about people in your life and become selfish. You deserve to be happy.”
We do not need to become selfish, or narcissists to be happy.
When we are whole and connected to our emotions, we are able to be happy and love others.
I am sad to hear so many people telling others to do something that would only bring symptomatic relief and then bring the caller back needing more.
To remove the cause of a problem, I would ask more questions of the caller. If I understood more, I could empower the caller to remove the cause of their problems themselves.
There are maps that allow people to return to the connection they once had with themselves. Each map is unique because our path is our life. It is wonderful to show someone how he or she can create a wonderful re-bonding experience himself or herself.
It is only through love that we can heal our broken heart.
In loving our children, we see our own beauty. The person that runs into our arms with love is the mirror we want to have.
The love we have for the person that loves us, will allow us to see how much we are like the person we love and we will bond to the feeling they have about us.
When we have bonding experiences with souls that reflect how lovable and wanted we are, we will once again play with abandon.
Narcissist The Exercise for Healing
Video “Part One”will help us understand how a narcissist persona began and how it changes us.
Video “Part Two” is the exercise for healing ourselves. When we open our heart, have a way to automatically love ourselves the way others do and become real as a result…we can see our beauty with a new clarity and the beauty of others as well.
I love you.
Photo @ by Zack Milstein
Video Part One
Video Part Two
You are a narcissist
Let us discuss some of the ways we became a narcissist. We can then discuss how being a narcissist alters us. In the next blog, I will tell you how we can become real again.
We wanted something and acted differently so we could get it, the act continued and developed into a persona. The narcissist persona is software that remains separate from “who we are” because it does not connect to our emotions.
If our narcissist persona gets enough of what it wants, we become grandiose. Grandiosity is an addictive high.
I remember a long time ago when I was first starting junior high school, the people that were bullies suddenly had a following. When the bully made fun of someone, everyone laughed. The kids that were picked on and laughed at the most… seemed to be staying around the bully more than I would want to be. If someone was around a bully for a while, it appeared his or her values changed.
I have seen a person laugh at a strangers comment. The sound of forced enthusiasm and laughter that came after an insult… did not make the moment funny, it was sad.
I asked someone why she thought the man was laughing so hard. She told me it was a reaction to fear. I then asked her if she did that. “If I stop and think about it, yes I do that all the time.”
I think I first noticed I was becoming a narcissist early in grammar school. I realized the easiest way to get good grades was to figure out what the teacher wanted and do that.
I enjoyed caring about what I did but… if I did not focus on pleasing the teacher, I would not get the same admiration or the same grades.
I could feel the difference between doing things I cared about and doing things to receive admiration. I was slowly developing a persona that was phony but enjoyed the results very much.
How early do we first learn narcissism? I often watch parents that are more interested in receiving admiration from strangers than paying attention to their children.
If our parent was not able to enjoy the pleasure of watching us explore, play and eventually find what we loved, we may have paid more attention to our parent’s feelings then they paid to ours. If we emulated our parent to get attention, it may have been the beginning of our development of a narcissistic persona.
How does being a narcissist change us? Adding a new persona is like adding a new home that is in a different location as the one we currently have. The two homes are separate and not connected. Each time we change “where we are coming from” our perceptions, values and thoughts change, because these c0me with us wherever we go.
When we change who we are and live in our narcissist persona, the values and thoughts we have are different but we may not be aware they are. We are not self aware when we are a narcissist because we are not connected to our own feelings and emotions.
A client told me, “When I was a narcissist I understood a man that wanted me for sex but a man that wanted to love me made me uncomfortable. I was not aware that I was not feeling emotions in social situations. I was aware that I wanted to be loved and that the men I picked were not able to love me but what was happening did not make sense.”
The narcissist wants to feel they are superior and the more they compare themselves to others the more of a feeling of insecurity they develop. In addition, each moment we are not ourselves we give our inner child a feeling they are not good enough. Because we are not in touch with our feelings as much when we are a narcissist, it is difficult to see that our narcissism is the cause of our insecurity.
In the movie The Lord of the Rings, we can see the change in someone when they have the ring. With the ring, a person would feel wonderful or powerful and this is a similar addiction to grandiosity.
Just as a person wearing the ring could become confused, a narcissist is confused about their life because they do not realize that the intention they create when they are a narcissist is different from the intention they have when they feel emotions and want much more.
The truth is both the ring and narcissism take possession of someone over time. Narcissism is like a toupee that we become used to wearing, we are reluctant to get rid of it because we believe we are better with it.
The part of us that feels emotions has different values, perceptions and thoughts than our narcissist. Our narcissist makes decisions for us all the time and we wind up living with them. The narcissist part of us does not have the emotional ability to learn from past mistakes.
I hope you use this understanding to your advantage. We may find ourselves with people the narcissist likes because they admire the narcissist. Only the part of us that is real and feels emotions can tell a person that loves us from one that has another feeling about us.
In the next section, I will give exact steps to heal and overcome narcissism.
Step 4 Treats for Your Brain
Thank you for spending this time with me. I want to share a secret with you. I hope you like it.
Most people presume our brain creates the most dopamine when we achieve a goal. Our brain does not operate with a big dopamine reward on success, we release dopamine during the process of what we are doing. The process is more important to our brain.
During a challenge that we are emotionally invested in and find exciting, the most dopamine of all is released.
People that feel vulnerable, tenuous, fearful, depressed and confused… feel confident, strong, excited, alive, happy and clear with more dopamine. How can we produce more?
Why is dopamine important for us? Many of us have felt and acted passive or as a victim. We may have wanted to be assertive but it did not feel natural for us. We may have created things that we did not like when we were feeling this way. I am sure our perceptions as well as feelings seemed automatic or ingrained.
The truth is many of us have been conditioned to be passive. The same conditioning that made us passive often gave us rewards for doing what someone else wanted.
Many of us were never allowed to explore what excited us emotionally as well. We did not have someone enthusiastically watching and supporting us as we found what we enjoyed. If that is the case, then we probably lack familiarity with the process of self-discovery and the enjoyment of pursuing what makes us emotionally excited.
Being passive may have been what we needed to do before but…we are our own parent now!
We are going to have much more and it will be easy. How do we become excited and happy about our life and have the neuro-transmitters to keep us that way?
We can start small and find more and more things that matter to us. Let us use getting a puppy for example.
A large factor in how much dopamine we produce is the amount of emotional interest we have in what we are doing. When we feel love for what we do, the amount of dopamine released increases a great deal.
If we are in a dog park, we see dogs and all the sensory information about the dogs is there for us (in our fusiform gyrus). When we see our dog, our limbic system adds the emotional information “this is your dog”!
Because there is emotional information attached, the volume on the sensory information goes way up. We are able to experience our dog much more clearly (because of increased dopamine as well). This happens with people we care about too.
As we are good to ourselves, we want to be stimulated emotionally and create a process of challenging and exciting our brain so we release dopamine and feel the benefits of having other wonderful neurotransmitters produced so we can use our brain fully and become as enlightened as possible.
Many people think sexual attraction stimulates our brain and some enjoy the excitement of sexual images for excitement. In tests we can see that sexual stimulation alone will produce only increased male and female hormones (testosterone and estrogen) and nitric oxide and although these do invigorate and stimulate us, they do not help us produce more dopamine.
When we care about someone, have emotional feelings for them and feel attracted to them, we produce male and female hormones as well as a cocktail of neurotransmitters including epinephrine, nor-epinephrine, dopamine, serotonin and phenylethlaminen (PEA).
When we feel love we also produce oxytocin and vasopresin. These allow us to be excited and relaxed at the same time. Our neurotransmitters are being released to help us create and pro-create and we are much more capable when our brain chemistry is this great.
One of the problems people have in relationships that prevents them from having this great chemistry, is that people are not able to be assertive in a relationship and ask for what they want, if they have not had someone that wanted them to be that way before. Do we have a hard time feeling comfortable being assertive because we have never been comfortable telling someone how to please us?
One thing we can do to help people that care about us is teach them how to make us wonderfully happy. If we are with our partner we can show them on their ear what we like, or their neck… It is a fact that people that care get excited when we do. Women that are married to men on erectile dysfunction medication describe wonderful enhancement to their sexual desires and abilities when their husband desires them again. It appears that a man’s excitement is very sexually stimulating for his partner. It is important for us to feel comfortable helping the person that loves us, make us happy because they will be happier too.
We can enjoy trying new things to find what is wonderful for us. Most of all feeling comfortable asking someone nicely for something they may feel wonderful about doing for us, might be just what they were hoping for too. When we become excited about our life, our reality and the reality of everyone around us, is enhanced gently and easily for the best.
Emotions Add Color to the World
After asking people for many years when they first started using self-help, I realized that most people started using self help after being hurt emotionally.
From my own experience, the first time I used self help was to numb my emotions.
When I was doing self help a long time ago I saw that many used self help to have a cool image as well.
There are so many people concerned with image that I declare “Style to have officially won over substance.” Someone cool seems preferable to a warm heart.
The emotional work I have done the last 20 years, is very different from other types of self help. My work is about allowing people to open their heart and experience all of their emotions so they can be themselves and grow.
Is love something we hold as sacred? Is love an idea or a feeling in our heart? Is just loving anyone special for us or is loving someone that loves us in return, that is sacred to us? Do we experience the joy of love for someone even when we are not with them and does this shape our being?
When we open our heart to another, we feel how they genuinely feel about us. If the person we love becomes numb, we no longer have our playmate to have fun with. It is easy to close our heart and hard to open it again.
If we hold love sacred, we must be able to experience the emotion of real love.
If we are not helping people open their hearts, how are we helping the world?
Self help is commonly used to mask emotional pain. This way of dealing with emotions only brings symptomatic relief.
Self help should make us more capable of experiencing all of our feelings, perceptions, reactions and emotions so we can find what the cause of our problems is. We need to learn to love ourselves. Love is an emotion.
We can not stop just a few emotions, we stop all emotions including the experience of love when we try to stop feeling any emotions.
I find people are less interested in removing the real cause of their problems, when they have symptomatic relief. Some of the same techniques that are used to make people stop feeling emotions that are used in mind control, are commonly used in self help. These only assist people in disconnecting from their lives.
To be our authentic selves and use our entire brain, we need to feel emotions. Emotions are essential to being who we are. We understand others through their emotions, as they understand us through our emotions or numbness as well.
Most of us experience more of what is important for our growth while we are feeling love than at any other time. Love gives us the incentive to grow.
People that have stopped feeling because they have been hurt, experience the addition of depth and color when they are able to feel emotions again.
Step 3- Emotions Add Color to the World, is about us allowing ourselves to have all of our emotions and be comfortable and not afraid of them.
We do not go back to the past to dredge up emotions. We try to become comfortable feeling any emotions we have not allowed ourselves to feel.
The more we allow ourselves to feel comfortable and safe with the emotions we have, the less fear we have of feeling emotions. People that feel their sadness or hurt in a gentle and compassionate way are able to feel love again because they are not too afraid of pain to open their heart.
In group 3 we do not discuss personal information. We do allow people to have the emotions or feelings that seem to them to be too much for them to experience alone. We give support and love to those brave enough to experience the fear and emotion that has stopped them from having the love we all want to enjoy.
Step Two Seeing the Beauty of Our Soul
How do we grow as a person so that we can experience our beauty reflected in the world we see? One of the important steps in the process is to develop an appreciation for the beauty of our soul.
When we are able to experience the beauty our soul has, we are able to open our heart much more. As we open our heart we turn up the volume on all of our senses and experience much more.
“How” we see ourselves is important for our growth. In particle physics, you may have learned that “how” we observe an object changes it. If we are only able to see light in the form of a particle, light will become a particle. When we are only able to see light in the form of a wave, light will become a wave.
How we observe something in particle physics changes it. “How” we observe ourselves changes us as well.
If we put on a new outfit, we feel wonderful. When we feel wonderful, we experience ourselves in a way that allows us to be more ourselves. Who we are when we are more ourselves, allows us to create experiences we would not have, if we were not feeling whole.
What creates the way we “see” ourselves? Our brain works as a unit for many tasks but not all tasks. Some areas of our brain have specific duties. One area of our brain adjusts our pupil size and another area has the ability to analyze information the information our eye receives about the spectrum of light. This area of our brain adds the value of color to an object.
Another area of our brain adds the emotional value others have for us. “How” we see ourselves, is an emotional value we place on ourselves. “How” we see ourselves may be different in each relationship we have. How we see ourselves also changes the outcome of each relationship we have.
Our brain is primarily a social tool for us to interact with others. The part of our brain that ascribes the value or meaning of the facial expressions of others, does this for us instantly. In the same instant, the same area of our brain will change how we feel in relationship to someone’s facial expressions. We also understand what we may expect as an outcome of this relationship in the same way.
We learned “how” to feel about ourselves from our early experiences. The part of our brain that “sees” us, does not understand language.
Step number 2 is about seeing the beauty of our soul. We will be doing exercises that allow us to rewrite the conditioned way we see ourselves in various relationships. The exercises give us an experience that allows us to see the beauty of our soul reflected in the eyes of everyone we have a relationship with.
We learn to dance, float or ride a bike and have a new experience of ourselves that allows us to see ourselves differently. “How” we now see ourselves has been enhanced because of a new experience of ourselves. The way we get updates in our brain so we can see ourselves in a new way is not from words or ideas but from a new experience of our self.
How does seeing our self in an enhanced way improve our life in an objective way? When we are interviewed for a job, our job is to move a person’s feelings about us towards our goal of offering us the job. If how we see ourselves is as a wonderful person, the person interviewing us will instantly understand how we feel. If we do not feel comfortable, the person interviewing us will understand this too, without us saying a word.
If we ran out onto a stage because we were late and the audience lights were on so we could see the audience, we would look into the eyes of the audience and see them as judgmental. How we felt about ourselves (anxious) would be added to the value or meaning of what we felt was behind the eyes looking at us.
If we feel wonderful, relaxed and lovable before we went onstage, we would see the audience love us. Conditioning is the “preparation” added before we do something. The feeling we have inside us about ourselves is what we see in the eyes of others.
If we have a good objective experience of ourselves a few times, each experience will validate a new and enhanced automatic way of seeing ourselves. Just as when we learn to dance, we can have an experience of ourselves in any social situation or relationship that will allow us to be more comfortable and whole.
Seeing love in someone’s eyes now becomes what we prepare for automatically each time we see them or when we go onstage. We now have a new conditioned response and a new outcome because of it.
If we saw ourselves as unlovable or someone that had to accept mistreatment, we might have lived out a story similar to a tragedy. When we appreciate who we are and respect the beauty of our soul, we give ourselves the ability to rewrite our story and create the life we want.
Seeing the beauty of our soul is what this lesson and group is about. The 2nd group gives us the support of having a new experience of ourselves in any relationship we want to improve. The experience allows us to see the beauty of our soul in others eyes.
As we learn to appreciate the beauty of our soul, we develop the ability to also see beauty in the souls of others. When we see the beauty of a person’s soul it is wonderful to see how much they enjoy showing us all of the beauty they have. As we open our heart and connect to others in this way, we create an enhanced experience.
The Seven Step Program
The 7 step program:
1) It’s my life
2) My soul is beautiful
3) Emotions add color to the world
4) Teaching my brain to reward me
5) Creating feelings in others
6) Opening my heart to create what I want
7) Relationships
Each step and peer support group will enhance our experience of life.
Step 1 – “It’s my life”
A person entering the group accepts that they are now “their own parent” and have the responsibility of giving themselves the love and happiness, they always wanted to have.
We take responsibility for hearing and seeing who we are. This means that we honor our feelings.When we cry inside, we hear it and do something about it. When we are our own parent and hear our inner child, we feel heard. When we listen we become more alive.
When we laugh and are happy, we reward ourselves by being proud we were good to our inner child. In this way we feel seen for who we are. We become more confident and whole each time we reward what makes us happy.
By being there all the time for our inner child, we re-pattern our early bonding experience. Because of this we have an enhanced experience of ourselves in the world.
As we feel ourselves as a caring and loving parent that is always there, we develop object permanence. Object permanence is the grounded feeling people want. We feel safe, at home and wanted no matter where we are.
The group allows members to talk about the new relationship they have with themselves and how they are parenting their inner child. We support each other as loving and compassionate parents that are learning more all the time.
This first step in opening our heart, is wonderful when we have support for the work we do.
Faith in Yourself
My work is about bringing clarity to our brain, perceptions and life. I want to empower people to have the choice to be well or create the things they want most. I want people to be able to create those with their own power.
Most people do not understand how much power we have to create health or the things we want to enjoy. At least 40% of the healing we get from most medications is from the placebo effect.
I think it is important as a first step for us to understand how we create things in our life. This video shows what part of our brain is making decisions for us and creating the theme to our life.
Many people are not aware of how much our brain creates automatically for us. One of these things is our health. Our body normally heals itself.
Our brain is not our mind and it operates differently than people have been told our mind works. Our brain is who we are and we change our brain each time we have a new way of experiencing ourselves. Our brain is made to be easily updated with new and improved information about ourselves, so that we can function better in the world. We see this when we learn how to float or ride a bike, our brain is updated and how we experience ourselves or the world is enhanced.
“Who we are” is important because how we feel about ourselves and the world is intimately connected to what our brain creates as far as our well being, relationships, happiness, health and creativity. We can become more and more of the author of our story as we become more aware of how much health or happiness we normally should have when we are not stressed.
If we want to be well or create great things, I believe it is important to understand how much the emotional part of our brain, the non-verbal part of us….is involved in creating what happens in our life. When we have a good feeling about ourselves we have the best opportunity to create the things we want.
We do not need to give our power away. We can heal ourselves.
The power of our brain to create is evident in placebo and nocebo. Placebo means what we create for our good. Nocebo means what we create that hurts us. The part of our brain that creates with placebo or nocebo, is not the part of our brain that uses language, it is the non-verbal part of our brain.
This non-verbal part of our brain controls our reactions, emotions, perceptions and health. This part of our brain is “who” we are and makes more decisions than most people realize.
Modern neuro-science has produced data that shows the brain initiating motor movements without necessarily engaging the “executive module” that is responsible for our sense of self-awareness and volition.
This “influence of suggestion in modifying and directing muscular movement, independently of volition” was given the label idel-motor action by the psychologist/physiologist William B. Carpenter in 1852.
What this means to me is, that in order to test something impartially we would have to use something that could find results in a double blind study (which means how we feel does not influence the results.)
If I believe something to be true, my findings will support my sense if I use a test that is not scientific.
When people have been tested doing muscle testing, using double blind studies giving their patients artificial sweetener (with an unlabeled bottle and a drop on the tongue) or fructose (with an unlabeled bottle and a drop on the tongue), the tests to see if they could muscle test to find which unmarked bottle had which substance have been shown to have no scientific value.
Only when someone knows what they are looking for does the test in muscle testing support their findings.
Using an inaccurate test to support a belief we may have about what someone’s problem is caused by, may create a problem for a person they did not have.
Nocebo effects are powerful, just the same percentage of change happens to us when we hear of the negative effects of something as when we hear the possible positive effects. As in placebo, 40% or more of the time people told of the possible side effects and not told of what healing may come, develop an illness when given sugar pills. Our brain is very powerful.
I want to empower people to create their own health by removing the cause of their problems.
I have been told by many people that this will not work, people are not ready to stop being submissive.
Yesterday someone told me that healers healed people with their energy. I replied by telling them, “I had that belief once. I used to just touch people to heal them and I did wonderful things. Now I help people find what the cause to their problems are and what they could do to remove the cause themselves. When I touched people to heal them it did bring symptomatic relief and sometimes that lasted a while. Giving people the ability to have the option of growing and as a result of their growth, removing the cause of what created problems…also gave them an understanding of how to create good things.”
To empower someone gives them more and more because they have the clarity of brain, perceptions and life to become the author of their own story.
Confident part II
Most of us never think of ourselves as timid or confident. What is the difference between someone timid and someone confident?
In my opinion the difference between someone timid and someone confident is this: A timid person is uncomfortable and wants to stop feeling that way. A confident person has the ability to connect to what is going on inside of themselves and feel comfortable being vulnerable.
A timid person does not feel comfortable being more vulnerable. A confident person relishes the naked joy of their emotional vulnerability and is capable of being proud of themselves for growing.
A timid person is not comfortable experiencing their own feelings and emotions. A confident person experiences all of their feelings and emotions and is able to be vulnerable, open and grow from the lessons they learn.
People can see what is happening outside of themselves and want that to change. People discuss intent with me and ask me how to change intent so they may have happiness. When discussing intent, I tell people that we create things because we are comfortable having something, not because we want something we have not had.
I tell people that have relationships that leave them feeling empty to become comfortable experiencing their own feelings as a first step. After we experience our feelings it is possible for us to give ourselves the feelings we want to get from others. When we love ourselves, the universe will send us help.
A timid person wants to stop feeling uncomfortable. They enjoy making someone feel good, they want to be wanted and needed.
A narcissist is also a timid person. This timid person has traded the need to be loved in for a need to be admired. A narcissist has given up on being themselves, they have the idea that they can be more successful being what others want.
When we think being someone different will make us what people want, being comfortable with who we are…which is the “road to confidence”… just gets further away.
A sociopath is someone that is also a timid person. A sociopath enjoys having control of others and believes power is what is respected and wanted. Sociopaths enjoy using other timid people to feel more powerful.
All timid people are, “looking into someone’s eyes to feel good about themselves.”
With some practice experiencing all of our own feelings, we can understand what situations give us reactions that make us feel uncomfortable. When we are feeling uncomfortable we are not likely to enjoy feeling vulnerable.
I can easily rewrite a preparation to a situation that creates a reaction that makes someone feel uncomfortable. After we rewrite the preparation to the situation that made someone uncomfortable, we have rewritten the conditioning associated with the experience.
When we have rewritten the conditioning, a person can feel vulnerable and comfortable or wonderful. This ability gives someone a new experience of themselves and allows someone to have a much greater option of wonderful experiences. It is the same as if we learn to float…we now experience the water, ourselves and being vulnerable in a comfortable and wonderful new way. It is important to feel comfortable and wonderful being vulnerable in as many social situations as possible because our brain was created to be social.
When we grow in this way, we make it possible to rewrite the story that is the theme of our life. We can become confident at our core and have fun growing, being and creating.
I am going to give some exercises in part 4 that are easy and lasting that will help us to become happy, confident and capable of creating what will be wonderful.
Email me or call me if I can help you personally with anything. Bob@ichangereality.com or 360-953-7408.
Confident
In this and other future blogs, we will be discussing many things Cerebrology® is successful in treating.
One basic premise we use in Cerebrology® is, if we can cause our own problems….we can also grow and not be the cause of our problems.
If we can create illness, lack of love or unhappiness, we can also create health, love and happiness by understanding how we are creating our problem and removing the cause, not by just treating the symptoms.
There are many physical, personal and emotional problems we can successfully treat and fix with Cerebrology®. Everyone that learns Cerebrology®, will have an understanding of how to diagnose and treat any problem that we create ourselves.
In this blog we will discuss the concept that, no matter when in the past we learned something that creates problems, we can understand how to quickly and easily find a way to remove the cause now. We do not need to look back to go forward.
I am going to use an example that is a part of the core of our being, to show when and how we can acquire a problem. In the next blog, I am going to use the example to show that we still have to treat the problem as it presents itself now.
One of the causes of many problems are the reactions people have. When discussing reactions there are two important factors: what we react to and how we react. How we react to things is a large part of “who” we are at our core.
Today, we are going to discuss two different core “types” that are based on the way someone reacts. The reason we are going to discuss these two core types is because they can have a component that was learned even before we were born.
Two of the many ways of reacting to things are “timid” (which we may understand as passive-aggressive) and “confident” (which is assertive).
At any time during our life, we can be forced to have deference (submission to someone, when the wellbeing and happiness of another becomes more important than our own) to someone who has taken our volition (free will, ability to make decisions for our needs). In this situation we begin to care for the feelings of the person who took our volition and put their needs and desires before our own.
In many cases neglect is used to create deference. Neglect as a form of abuse is often invisible to us.
If we are “helpless” and in need the goodwill of the person we are submitting to, we add another bonding experience. This experience is similar to an infant’s caring more about the mother’s well being more than its own. The mother is able to give the infant what it needs and the infant’s job is to have the mother love it.
We may respect, admire, feel we need and be attracted to the person who we want to have care for us. Unfortunately people that experience this new bonding, may have desires that are “upside down”. People who have not had someone love them and have only wanted to love someone else may want more.
The trauma of an experience that pushes someone to bond from fear, can add a “timid” component to their being. The “timid” person is comfortable being passive and caring for someone they have deference for. The timid person will also become hyper-vigilant in comfortable and emotionally intimate situations, feeling annoyed, irritable or even smothered by love. A timid person can be prone to getting stuck in the first stage of fear, frozen in place and obsessing on ideas. A confident person will go to the first stage of fear and look to find what is wrong outside of themselves. The confident person then goes to the second stage where the fight or flight system comes in and they take action to change the situation or they calm down enough to be self examining and relax. The second stage allows us to “experience” the feeling of being in our body and not just in our head.
In mice that have a timid mother the offspring are timid as well. In mice that have a confident mother the offspring are confident as well.
In experiments when a timid mother’s fetus is placed in a confident mother and the baby is raised by the confident mother, the mouse will be confident.
If a confident mother’s fetus is placed in a timid mother and the baby mouse is raised by the timid mother, the mouse will become timid.
If our mother was timid or confident, we understood how she felt about herself in various situations and we felt the same about ourselves. This non-verbal way of learning and mirroring is automatic.
We see how deeply a part of our core a timid or confident reaction is for us. Understanding all of the history of how we acquired our reactions, does not rewrite or change the reactions.
Treating the problem of being timid (the symptoms) with verbal motivational messages is not going to help us change the reactions that alter our self perception and reality either. The information we use to give us our self-image was learned from non-verbal cues, that came in through our visual motor pathways.
The limbic system of our brain, is much like the operating system of a computer and it does not use the same language we use in verbal thoughts. The limbic system stores our memories as emotions and feelings about our self in various experiences. The visual experience we now have is sent to the limbic system to gauge its value or meaning for us. How we automatically prepare will add the textural feelings and enhancements of perceptions and emotions, that create our experience. The preparations we have determine our reactions and whether we are “timid” or “confident,” how we experience things will be different. How we perceive ourselves emotionally will change the options of experiences we have. These options can make all the difference in the world.
To have clarity and become confident…not have hyper-vigilant reactions or desires to be in inappropriate situations, we will need to rewrite our “timid” conditioning so we can be confident and create more of what we want.
In the next blog, we will discuss how to identify and rewrite this non-verbal information… that creates a “timid” persona… quickly, easily and permanently using Cerebrology®.
I would like you to know this is not something that is just an idea but rather something I understand from doing over 15 years of regressive psychotherapy as well as 10 years of primal therapy very far back into womb feelings. I experienced my mothers feelings while I was in the womb as well as during infancy and I have done my own work. I am offering something that has been a labor of love and I have been doing Cerebrology® work on myself and others for over 20 years.
If you have any questions please send an email to Bob@ichangereality.com or call me at 360-953-7408. We can make the world a much better place, all we have to do is open our heart.
May you be washed by love as you go from strength to strength. <3
What Do We Want
What we think we want and what we create may be different. I often hear people say, “I have only been with people that were.. (something they say they did not want) and I want to be with someone that is loving.”
I could sense that they had a powerful motivation that was creating this. I would tell the person, “If we are not aware of what things we feel motivated to “resolve” we may not be aware of what powerful unresolved feelings can do to alter the theme of our story.” I tell people “Our intent to create what we imagine love to be, if it has an element of desire to have something we have not had, is creating something that gives us something we can not have. The having something we can not have, is what we are creating.”
Many people have had bonding issues and because this is a basic need, it is important for us to understand. Not having complete wonderful bonding can give us lots of problems in our life, I can help you to resolve them easily if you do have them. The feelings of not feeling safe, not feeling we can have or own something, the feeling we do not have the ability to create a good life, the feeling we will have obstacles… are just some of the problems.
An infant smiles at their parent and if their parent smiles, they feel a sense of comfort and bonding, they feel their emotions are echoed and mirrored and they are seen. People that did not experience this response because their mother was too self involved or emotionally unavailable, may still be wanting to resolve the emptiness. An infant cries and their parent runs to hold them and take care of their needs, this infant feels a sense of comfort and safety. To have our needs met as an infant, we understand a feeling of being able to get our needs met in this world. Some people are working to resolve this as well.
An infant also needs a sense they have “object permanence” someone that is there always for them. Object permanence allows us to invest in ourselves and have the desire to create dreams of things we want. The sense of security we receive from having the sense there is permanence in our life, gives us the ability to create a safe life, have the things we want and also feel that any obstacles or problems will leave in time.
In their search for “re-bonding” many people recreate the same situation that left them needing resolution, “A parent they ache and long for that is not there, so the ache grows.” When the person working on unresolved issues does get to be with the person they ache for, there is a “honeymoon period”. In order for them to feel what they imagine to be love, they want to “ache and long for someone again”… and this pattern is what creates many different relationships with no object permanence, instead of one relationship that returns love.
When I work with someone I help them resolve these issues very quickly by teaching them how it would feel to have received this love as a feeling in their body and how to give this feeling to themselves. This gives a person real power.
When we understand we are our own parent now and only we can now resolve our unresolved issues, we begin to have control of our lives. We can love ourselves and respond to all of our needs all the time and we can depend on ourselves. It is alright to want to have someone that is always there, we have them if we learn to appreciate ourselves and be sensitive to our needs.
I teach people what loving themselves feels like and then I teach them how to reward themselves with automatic rewards in their brain for giving themselves a deeply connected, safe and comfortable life.
What is keeping us from having the love we want? When we resolve what we missed by healing our heart, we will be motivated to create real love with desire and passion, not longing.
This song at the end says “Before you came into my life, I MISSED YOU SO BAD, I MISSED YOU SO BAD, I MISSED YOU SO SO BAD.” If we feel this emptyness is love and we want to feel love, we may be creating this instead of real love. The feeling of wanting someone we admire, respect, love, desire, enjoy playing with, have fun talking to, listen to, work together with and create a life with, is much more than feeling empty inside and wanting sex.
Hunger makes the best sauce, when we miss someone we have and love, it is amazing how much more we appreciate every moment with them. Spend a week taking turns kissing each others body all over before you go to sleep (no more just kissing). There are ways to enhance feelings, so you can eat your cake and have it too!
If there is some insecurity, fear, inhibition, reactions that are erroneous, hyper-vigilance, jealousy, repetitive self destructive patterns, unrequited love, emotional angst, unresolved anger, perceptual problems that make it difficult to have clarity being with men or women, a loss of ability to feel safe, feeling blocked, depression, object possession difficulties, anxiety, disassociation or trance habituation, anger management or problems with creativity, please call me at 360-953-7408 or message me, Robert Milstein on Facebook. I want to help you see what is possible when the curtains have been opened and you see by your light.
May love run to you as the river becomes one with the sea.
Who Am I
When someone asks us, who we are what do we say? Do we tell them the ideas we have about our image?
Are the ideas we have who we are? We can change ideas in a moment but to develop empathy, character or compassion may take years, why?
An idea is a thought and thoughts are changed by us all the time, in a moment. Empathy, character and compassion speak of how we have developed ourselves, they come from an ongoing experience of an emotional understanding that over time has changed our brain.
As we use our brain we develop neural pathways. What we do to stimulate our brain, changes the map of our brain. As we direct traffic to specific areas of our brain, we enhance the complexity of our brain in those areas. A person that uses his hands to touch and heal people, will have a much thicker and more complex area of their brain associated with touch, similar to someone that is blind and uses braille.
From using our brain to practice a sport, we can in time just watch the sport and our muscles will grow. If we spend time stimulating ourselves with visual sexual images, we may look at people and instead of seeing who they are, we may look to find something that will give us a stimulating chemical experience in our brain. As we focus on an obsession, we heat up our cingulate gyrus and unless we do something to stop hyper focusing and cool it off, such as doing something physical when we obsess… the obsession will become larger and larger. When we practice associating our senses with our emotions, we develop pathways that promote creative skills, “What light through yonder window breaks, it is the east and Juliet is the sun.”, is a combination of sensory, emotional and thinking skill use.
From not directing much traffic to an area, the complexity of our brain in that area diminishes. If we suppress our emotions, we may not be able to understand how others are feeling. As the map of our brain is changed, who we are is changed.
The good new is we can change anything we want and become who we want, without having to go into the past….. because our brain is designed to grow and be whole, what we do in the present….is the best vehicle for developing and enhancing our brain so we can enjoy the full use of it, in a balanced way.
I have a theory I call my “cow field theory”of growth. The path cows use in a field has no grass growing upon it. If we take the cows out of the field for long enough, the grass will grow back on the path the cows created. If we put a heard of cows into that field, in time they will eventually knock down the grass from the old path and it will be their new path. The new path is now what brings the cows home.
As we developed interests, enjoyed our passions and grew from experiences, we developed paths in our brain like the cows in a field do. Old paths can be revisited and new paths can be developed.
Many of the paths we developed, were a result of some foundational understandings we had about ourselves. These “understandings” could have been helpful in our pursuit of developing a life that was wonderful. Some “understandings” people have about themselves, prevent them from having much of a life. If a person has a self image that prevents them from feeling confident and relaxed, insecurities that inhibit them from doing the things that have meaning to them, fears of being hurt that prevent them from experiencing love or feelings of shame that do not allow them to experience the intimacy and joy of being vulnerable, all of these can now easily be permanently rewritten so that new paths can be created.
If there is some insecurity, fear, inhibition, reaction, jealousy or anxiety that is limiting your life, please call me at 360-953-7408 or message me, Robert Milstein on Facebook. I want to help you see what is possible when the curtains have been opened and you see by your light.
Consciousness and Love
To simplify things for discussion, let us say there are four levels of consciousness that humans possess.
The first level is “I do this and this happens.” It gives a person an understanding of how to get things. Many people grow up in homes where people are masters at playing with their own feelings or the feelings of others to get what they want. People in this situation often hide their own feelings. They may become masters at reading or manipulating the feelings of others but they lack the ability to put themselves in the place of others, so they do not have the abilities to read others using empathy.
People that have excessive canalization ( in psychology, formation in the central nervous system of new pathways by repeated passage of nerve impulses.), of their brain towards thinking the world is just about cause and effect relationships may become unscrupulous.
The second level of consciousness is when we realize there are long-term effects of our actions. People become self-examining in this phase of consciousness. When we realize that getting what we wanted now, has made it hard to get what we wanted most of all, we are able to see more than just, “I do this and I get that.”
The third level of consciousness is where we develop empathy. Empathy requires a great deal of us caring about someone that cares about us, to be able to perceive subtle non-verbally expressed feelings. When we love another and put ourselves in the other’s place, we develop the feeling part of our brain. The more we care about another person’s feelings the more we develop this non-verbal part of our brain, through empathy.
When we have developed this non-verbal part of our brain and have the third level of consciousness, we are able to enter our own feelings to discover the inner world of not only one other person but of all others. The more we care, the more we develop this extra sense.
In the fourth level of consciousness we understand that how we experience ourselves, will alter our experience. We understand that when we develop an appreciation for “who we are” we are able to relax, welcome love, welcome attention and be much more connected to another person.
When we experience this level of connection, we are able to feel how our subtle feelings automatically influence others that are not even aware we are changing reality.
When we have this level of consciousness, we are able to feel our own blocks to healing, having love or creating beauty and release them. We are also able to enter our own feelings to discover the inner world of another person to help them understand what their own blocks to healing, creating love or creating beauty in their life are and help them discover their path to releasing them as well.
When someone asks me, “What is real growth”, I tell him or her that doing our own work to develop empathy is the beginning. Understanding and developing the non-verbal part of our brain will open up a richness and depth of understandings that makes us so much more ourselves and complete.
There is no way we should do without all of our senses and both having empathy for others as well as ourselves is a sense we only benefit from. The enlightened experience of working with our thoughts and emotions can open a beautiful new world, once we get used to the idea.
I worked hard to grow and it took conscious effort to do it. I had to understand what feelings I had about myself were doing to alter my reality. I understood that the automatic non-verbal feelings I had were what created the theme to my story. In order to create with intent, I had to understand how to rewrite these themes.
“To love and be loved in return” real love is the best resource for growth.
See Your Beauty Workshop
The first two exercises we use rewrite the conditioning that inhibits us from being able to see our beauty in the eyes of others.
The video is showing the last exercise, getting up and seeing our beauty and the love others have for us, in their eyes.
We look forward to seeing you at the next workshop.
Feeling beautiful is about much more than our appearance, it can be about removing shame, removing conditioning that creates inhibitions, allowing ourselves to see and feel what loving ourselves is all about and seeing others see how beautiful and lovable we are whenever we look into their eyes. It is a permanent enhancement in the clarity we have in the lens we use to see our reality with.
It is nice to know there is an easy exercise we can do to rewrite the conditioning that has prevented us from seeing our beauty and feeling loveable and love for ourselves so quickly and permanently. Just as we learned to float and had a better experience in the water, we can have a better experience with ourselves and others in our life.
When we love ourselves it creates so much clarity, we instantly have power and presence. When we see our beauty we are able to see more of the beauty in others and our world as well. As we see our beauty we realize our world is just a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. Feeling lovable reveals more of who we truly are, so we lose our inhibitions and open our heart.
I hope to see you at a workshop soon.
Being a great parent.
I had an abusive father. I forgave him because he was in a concentration camp.
I had some “lower vibrations”, reactions and self perceptions that would create discomfort in my body in some situations. There were times I just felt irritable, upset or was not happy about playing.
I knew someday I would be a parent as well so I wanted to remove these problems. I did a lot of things to find something that worked.
Many things made my problems worse, going back in my memories through psychotherapy was one that made things worse. Each time we visit a memory, we re-record the memory. I was going back to find the cause of my problems. I would try to feel feelings I had during situations where “I was so frightened, I pushed my feelings aside” in my early childhood. When I would visit the memory I would add whatever feeling I imagined I was supposed to have at the time that was repressed and not released. Most of the time, I was taking an old memory and adding strong new emotions. If these old memories were that influential, adding powerful emotions of fear, sadness, loss, grief and anger would have made more problems.
What was causing my problems was, I was bringing the feelings of a small helpless hurt child, that had little control of their life to my current reality. These small helpless child feelings were added to how I felt about myself now. I was feeling these emotions after the psychotherapy sessions and they added color to everything I saw. I had the self perception of a little frightened boy and the more I did that the more I was creating problems.
The good thing was I could see how our perceptions could change our reality. My problem was I was feeling like a frightened little boy somewhere inside already. How could I remove the feeling I had?
How can we remove the bad feelings we have? Neuroscientist Joseph LeDoux says:
Joseph continues, “People tend to think that our memories are just sitting in our brains, like some sort of file in a computer hard drive. But researchers now say that’s all wrong. Our memories aren’t static, they’re constantly changing, because each time we recall a memory, we rebuild it from scratch.”
I contend it is something different than “memories” that create our reactions. I believe we learned reactions in a different way than we learned memories. We may have memories that happened at the same time we were learning to have the reaction but it is not necessary to have the memory come up to work on the reaction. We have most of our reactions because of our conditioning.
We do have to bring up the file that holds the conditioning in it, to change the contents of the file but we can do this with the conditioning as it presents itself in the here and now.
The conditioning may have been created by a “lower vibration” and in the way we would bring a “higher vibration to the lower vibration to heal it”, we will do the same and I will tell you how down the page a bit.
In experiments, a class of students was asked to nod and smile if their instructor went to the left and shake their head “no” and frown if their instructor went to the right. In just a few minutes in most cases, the instructor would have his left shoulder on the left wall for the entire lecture. When asked why the instructor put his shoulder on the wall, they would say it was because they wanted to. When the instructor was told of the experiment they would argue and not accept that they were so easily conditioned.
I was not only hurt by my father by his behavior, I was conditioned to be like him.
I understand no one that has been abused wants to be like their abuser. This is not a decision we choose to make.
In the previous blog I wrote, “It is not what we are looking at but what we see that matters.” I also wrote, “When we are ready… what we are looking for, we will see it.”
Congratulations, this was not an accident, we are both here because it was something we were destined to do when we chose to bring in the light.
Most conditioning is just preparing us. The conditioning we received from an abusive parent is preparing us, for them.
This automatic preparation usually happens to us as we come home.
Much like a buzzer before a shock to a mouse as they are being conditioned, coming home to an abusive parent or having our parent come home, is what we automatically prepare for.
If we do feel irritable when we are home, it is because the preparation the conditioning creates in our body is making us guard and tighten automatically. This is much of the cause of depression, fear, irritability, stress and aches and pains.
Because of the conditioning from an old erroneous fear, we automatically may feel difficulty relaxing. We are this way now, while we are home with the people we love.
That is why our parents were irritable too.
Why can’t we just stop this feeling of irritability with good feelings?
Because our brains are designed to stop introspection and focus on threats when we feel fear, we are unable to be self-examining when we feel fear. The second reason is because there is no real fear, people are not looking for the signs of fear in their body, just being home.
Striking changes happen in the brains of people that experience fear. The first response we have to fear is a change that could help us find a solution to a problem. Our brain raises our heartbeat and prepares us by shutting down our midbrain, sharpening our brains attention to help it look for threats.During this process, much like an animal that is frozen still, we are only looking outside of ourselves to find what has created this fear. Our sophisticated brain is unable to look inwards to see if we are the cause, all the intellect we have is focused on finding a real or even imagined cause for the fear.
Because of conditioning and the fear it creates, our brains can be prone to misfiring when we are focused outside of ourselves looking for the cause of our fears.
Our amygdala and periaqueductal grey parts of our brain are ancient and date back hundreds of millions of years. This system developed to keep us safe.
This is why, no matter how much we love someone, we are unable to over-ride the irritability with something better at the time we are experiencing this deep old powerful energy. I have heard many people have justifications for their anger and it was because this old conditioning altered their perceptions.
Yesterday I wrote, “Dominant vibrations that over-ride any other vibration we have, alter our thoughts. Our thoughts become an afterthought to support these dominant vibrations. Dominant vibrations can over-ride the beliefs or other vibrations we have, our perceptions are shaped by these as well.”
We have all had pain. It is time for us to let go of the justification for things we have had no control of.
As we choose to not just look but see, the most important step, is to see that we are our own parent now.
The child within us wants to play, be loud, create a mess or do things just to experience them. If our parent was not able to have fun and be happy at home, chances are this is true about us as well.
We can do two things at once. We can remove the conditioning of fear we feel in our body as guarding that will make us feel irritable when children play and….let our inner child have a little fun and play at the same time!
We must find a way to play. It may be hard to find something we like but we must do something for fun and then, we must reward ourselves. This is a beginning. We must reward just having fun as much as we can. The reward we give ourselves for having fun should be a similar feeling to the one we give ourselves for accomplishing something others admire, we should allow ourselves to feel more alive and uninhibited.
The next step is to play at home and enjoy ourselves, this may be hard but it is essential. It can be anything that we like as a hobby or would be just fun to do but it should be something we actively do.
The last step is to rewrite or remove the conditioning we have that makes us irritable with children or loved ones. We want to be our inner child and play with the people we love. If we can we want to be the same age as our children and join them in what they do. This will re-parent us and recondition the way we feel about ourselves when we are with our children.
We want to play with the adults we love as our inner child of any age and enjoy wonderful mysteries adults can explore that make us happy. When we feel a childlike love with no irritability, that is recorded in our home, it will give us new and more relevant conditioning for us to have reactions with. When we play and have fun, the automatic preparation we have in our body will give us a chemistry of wonderful feelings, hormones and brain stimulants that are exceptionally healing and healthy for us.
I wanted to tell you this because I had to learn how to love myself this way, even though my mother loved me, I still had conditioning that was not allowing me to be free.
My son means the world to me. I am sure your children are the love and joy of your life, as well.
I hope this helps make loving ourselves and our children, fun.
I dedicate this to my Mother and Grandmother.
I love you.
Creating Love
What is the secret to love?
I can tell you the secret to love but even more than tell you I can show you.
The way we are conditioned to feel about ourselves, can create something dreamy or destroy the things that mean the most. When we feel confident, have a good body image, have pride in ourselves, feel lovable, feel creative and excited about our life… we are present, attractive, happy and capable of opening our heart as well as the hearts of those around us.
My father was in a concentration camp, a work camp for seven years and the experience gave him some conditioning of fear, to seek approval and admiration. When I was a young boy my father would tell me I looked like a monster, he would say he did this for my own good so I would work on looking normal.
From the time I was young, no matter how I looked I had feelings of insecurity that made it hard to be confident or happy. I was chased by demons that pushed me to seek admiration. After many years of work, which also helped me to understand how to help others, I was able to rewrite that conditioning and feel handsome. I am now able to see the beauty in others and have an experience of life, that is no less than a different reality.
What opens our heart is the ability to feel vulnerable and feel safe doing that. When we feel good about ourselves, we want to play and open our heart.
Everything is illuminated from within and when we open our heart our light shines so brightly we see flowers and enjoy the beauty of things right in front of us that we did not see before.
The best way to get the conditioning that gives us confidence, a good body image and pride, is to attend one of my “I see my beauty” workshops this year. These workshops give a permanent enhancement to the conditioning we have in our brain. This program in our brain, instantly and automatically gives us the feeling we have about ourselves when we are with others. How we prepare inside automatically when we are with someone, is how we are and we can create love in our life by enhancing how we are, more than what we think or do.
Learning to float improves the way we feel, when we see a swimming pool of water and enhances how we feel about ourselves in the water. When we relax enough to fill our lungs with air and become buoyant, something wonderful happens and we change. From the moment we float on, we stop struggling and play, “how we now are” instantly and automatically prepares us for the water in a better way.
The same thing happens for us during the workshop, we have an experience during the workshop that changes us and enhances how we feel about ourselves when we look into the mirror or the eyes of others. From the moment we take the workshop on, our life is less of a struggle and more enjoyable. We no longer look into someone’s eyes to judge how we should feel about ourselves, we look into someones eyes and show them what is possible.
The workshop “I see my beauty” gives us an experience that permanently improves the perception we have of ourselves. After the workshop, we see others look at us because we are beautiful and lovable. We see our beauty in others eyes instantly and automatically. Just as learning to float is permanent, the way we feel about ourselves with others will have a permanent improvement as well.
How we now are, allows us to open up, like having a new outfit on we are more ourselves, more alive and less inhibited. The comfort and feeling of well being this creates allows us to be relaxed and present. The preparation that happens inside of us allows us to see the beauty in others as well, so we create a better experience for everyone around us. We become a larger person because this is real growth.
The secret to a great relationship, is being capable of opening our heart to create more for ourselves and others. I recommend taking my workshop with someone you care about, so you both feel wonderful about yourselves. When people are comfortable opening their hearts, creating something wonderful just naturally happens.
Success
I remember someone saying “If we could enjoy our work with the enthusiasm we play sports with, we would be very successful.” We change the percentages in our favor when we see challenges instead of obstacles.If you or your employees are looking for ways to be more successful, the first step to take is clearing the lens we use, so we can see our goals as small challenges and enjoy each one of them.
Jack Nicklaus, the wonderful golfer was asked what his secret to success was. He said, “I think that winning at golf is just about luck but I notice I get luckier the more I practice.” I understood from listening to people that were successful what the ingredients for success were but having the feeling they had, was what gave the ingredients flavor.
Seeing challenges instead of obstacles is something that comes from deep inside us. I wanted to have the sense of play and wonder that I saw on the faces of those that had the courage to live a life they dreamed of. I wanted to be as enthusiastic about everything I did, as Jack Nicklaus was about playing golf.
Rewriting the conditioning I had that automatically made me see obstacles instead of challenges, was essential to my success because without those barriers, I had incredible power. I did some easy exercises that permanently tore down my invisible walls, walls that kept me from reaching my goals.
We do not need someone to cheer us on, we need to know how to permanently remove the conditioning we have that limits us. Cerebrology training is now providing workshops that will quickly, easily and permanently allow us to rewrite the old limiting conditioning we have.
When we feel a passion for our work, we automatically see each step towards our goal as a challenge that we enjoy. We can work the way we play at sports, put our all into what we do and do it without fear. Having the natural ability to enjoy challenges, opens new doors for us.
In earlier blogs I shared some stories about conditioning. In one story they conditioned a rat by playing a sound and then shocking the rat. When the rat heard the sound it “prepared” for a shock even after there were no more shocks. In another story about a rat being conditioned, they turned on a light and then gave the rat a shock, so when the rat saw the light come on it “prepared” for a shock even when they stopped the shocks
As we begin to do something the conditioning we have “prepares” us. Going to the mirror is like the sound or the light for the rat that was conditioned. Our conditioning “prepares” us, what we see is the feeling we have about ourselves.
If we are conditioned to feel unattractive, before we look in the mirror we feel unattractive and we add this value to what we see.If we are conditioned to feel comfortable and beautiful in our body, we feel that before we look at our reflection and we add this feeling about ourselves to the image we see. This conditioning automatically changes how we see ourselves as well as how we appear.
A previous blog had a story about monkeys that got sprayed with cold water when any of the monkeys tried to go towards a ladder that had bananas on top of it. The experimenters took one of the monkeys out that got conditioned this way and replaced it with another monkey. They stopped spraying the monkeys before they put the new monkey in the cage. When the new monkey went towards the ladder the conditioned monkeys conditioned the new monkey not to go to the ladder by stopping him.This monkey became conditioned to stop other monkeys from going towards the ladder in this way.
One by one, each of the monkeys conditioned by water were replaced by a new monkey that was conditioned not to go towards the ladder by the other monkeys. Eventually these monkeys had children and their offspring did not have to be conditioned in this way, they learned from their parents by imitation and understood the feeling their parents had about the ladder.
This is similar to what has happened to all of us in some way, we have been in many ways conditioned to have invisible walls that prevent us from reaching our goals We are automatically “preparing” for obstacles instead of seeing challenges because of this.
Cerebrology trainings use “muscle memory” to rewrite this old conditioning, so we can remove these invisible walls. The fun workshops give us a permanent clarity and strength that allows us to climb up and get what we want.
No more reason to fear love
The secret is out…how we change reality in relationships.
Relationships that people do not care about seem to have fewer problems than relationships with people that are very deeply in love. Today we are going to change reality. We are going to understand why people in love have a harder time in relationships and then understand how to fix the problem so that love will give us what we want. Help me change reality, so that having all the passion, romance and love we desire, is simply not a problem for us anymore.
Some people only have problems when they are in love. They feel fear and they get angry or run, people want to be loved and love but are afraid.
The reason people are having problems when they are in love is simple. The problem is because of the way our brain works. Let us look at how our brain works to create our problems in love and then we can discuss the cure afterward.
When people ask me what makes a relationship work, I always tell them “the secret” is the magic we have when we enjoy ourselves and do not have fear.
When we are in love, we can have a feeling much like floating in a pool, where we enjoy the experience of the relationship and as the water would lift us, the relationship supports us and we are lifted to a new experience that adds to our life. When we are in love we can also have a feeling of fear, the fear creates a struggle for us and we feel the relationship makes us stressed.
There are few things that make us feel this much fear, since we have not been prey for animals for a long time.
Striking changes happen in the brains of people that experience fear. The first response we have to fear is a change that could help us find a solution to a problem. Our brain raises our heartbeat and prepares us by shutting down our midbrain, sharpening our brains attention to help it look for threats.During this process, much like an animal that is frozen still, we are only looking outside of ourselves to find what has created this fear. Our sophisticated brain is unable to look inwards to see if we are the cause, all the intellect we have is focused on finding a real or even imagined cause for the fear.
Because of conditioning and the fear it creates, our brains can be prone to misfiring when we are focused outside of ourselves looking for the cause of our fears. This is particularly true about love, I have watched people in love quickly destroy a relationship over some small issue and see them later with someone that was abusive to them without noticing it.
A group of monkeys were conditioned by getting hosed with cold water when even one of them tried to go up a ladder to get bananas. All of the monkeys were then conditioned so well they would stop another monkey that tried to go up the ladder. The next step was to remove one of the conditioned monkeys and replace it with a monkey that was not conditioned. When the monkey went for the bananas the other monkeys stopped it, conditioning it to be afraid to go near the ladder.
One by one the monkeys conditioned with the hose were removed and replaced by a new monkey the group conditioned. the group would condition the new monkey by themselves even though they were not getting sprayed with a hose. This went on until there were none of the originally conditioned monkeys left. They passed down conditioning to not go on a ladder in the same way people that have been conditioned to fear love pass down their conditioning.
Because our brains are designed to stop introspection and focus on threats when we feel fear, the thoughts we have that are an afterthought to fear could focus on threats that are only imagined and create more fear because we are unable to be self-examining at this time.
The next or second response is as we feel more fear from a real or imagined threat, the forebrains grip on the midbrain loosens. Now the midbrain becomes active, orchestrating quick responses that are fight or flight. This amount of fear shuts down our slower and more deliberative forebrain, where we have been thinking much more than we normally do. This is no time for thinking, we now get in an argument or leave.
If we have had a problem because of fear we felt when we were in love and we either fought with someone or ran, that is normally what our brain would do. It is not possible to change the process unless we remove the conditioning.
If words could create conditioning I am sure they could remove conditioning but that is not how we work. Our amygdala and periaqueductal grey parts of our brain are ancient and date back hundreds of millions of years. This system developed to keep us safe. There are ways here at Cerebrology to rewrite all of this conditioning quickly and easily, so now you understand what the cure is.
We are not in real danger feeling vulnerable when we feel love, if we have been conditioned this way, our brain is going to react as if there was a real danger for us. If we are going to change reality, only removing this conditioning can change the automatic reaction and response.
What makes a relationship work? If we were learning to float in a pool, as we relaxed deeply enough to open our lungs and have enough air to float, we would be automatically using a natural process of re-conditioning that takes place all the time as we learn any physical skill.
Because of the conditioning we receive from parents before we are even verbal, which is called affect, many people have conditioned fears about love. The way our brain works is to focus “outside” of us when we initially feel fear, to look for the cause, if the cause is from conditioning we will not be able to recognize that… because our brain will not be able to look inside when it is afraid, it does not work that way it is protecting us. The protection system of the brain is the same as in animals and is in control of directing our thoughts. Even if the fear is imagined we feel it and will find that the person we feel fear around is the cause.When we feel enough fear we stop thinking and either fight or run.
Our feeling about being in love is the same as learning to float in a pool. We rewrite the preparation that creates the fear, so we can breathe deeply, relax and experience the new perceptions we have. The struggle is gone and we can be safe no matter how deep we go in.
There are exercises here at Cerebrology that use natural techniques to give us a great feeling about love in much the same way learning to float gives us a great feeling about the water.
There is no real need to feel fear about love any more than a need to fear being in a pool. I hope you enjoy the exercises we have available to remove the conditioning that creates fear about love permanently. Together we can change reality.
Cerebrology has brain enhancements
To be a professional athlete one must practice doing things correctly, so the reactions are automatic.
Professional athletes practice their skills so much they are able to see the ball much better and they can have the reactions they want to have happen automatically.
Because of this practice, an athlete can think much more clearly during a crucial situation. In fact a professional athlete can think about many things all very calmly as they react to a situation they have practiced.
I have heard the term “muscle memory” attributed to what happens that allows an athlete to react in a way that is exactly what they practiced. It is an automatic reaction that does have something to do with our muscles because of the way we learned it.
Something comes into our vision and then comes thru the pre-motor pathway of our brain, allowing us to feel it as we see it.
All of the ways we learn to have a feeling about how we should relate to something are of this nature, we see someone do something and we feel it in our body, then we are able to experience the feeling as we do it.
It has been proven that people can grow muscle and even improve their game watching sports.
As we then spend some time making the imagined experience a real one for us by practicing the good habits we watched, it becomes a part of us, we do not have to think about it.
All things in life are similar, sports, dancing or even social situations are all about how we automatically react and better experiences are from practicing something correctly.
All sports are won or lost because of the preparation. I have heard boxers say, “I know what happens in the ring is all about what happened in the gym the last four months, its too late if I have to learn in action.”
I hope you have not had the experience of having a bad coach. A bad coach is someone that has not prepared us so that what we are about to do has become automatic. Instead the bad coach tells us what to “think” during the event.
If we want to have wonderful natural reactions to life’s situations, we want to include Cerebrology in our life. Cerebrology is training our body just as we would in any sport to have the type of “muscle memory” that will make us successful.
I was telling someone about how some people do not realize until they experience relaxing in the water, how wonderful and supported they are by the water when they relax enough to open their lungs deeply and breathe enough air to be lighted up and carried by the water. When we learn this “muscle memory” of relaxing and being supported, we relax and stop our struggle not just in the water but everywhere.
The important thing for most of us is not how we react in sports but how we react to all the little things in life.
Cerebrology is for those of us that want to be more ourselves and present and not examine our thoughts, just be real and have fun.
How does our brain effect reality, what are examples in physics
What is the real secret? Cerebrology can enhance our intent; our intent is an automatic non-verbal part of us.
You may think of intent as who we are or our soul. Other verbal or non-verbal enhancements we may do are only temporary because they are not stored in the permanent files our brain automatically uses and so they do not affect our intent.
When you read my blog called “What Controls our Brain“, I am sure you saw that the non-verbal part of our brain, where our intent is located, controlled how we automatically prepared, which in turn altered our perception, reactions, emotions and body. In this blog was also an experiment that showed that up to 7 seconds before we “think” we make a decision to use our left or right hand to touch something our non-verbal brain and its “intent” has already made the decision. This shows that our thoughts are a mere afterthought to our intent.
Because Cerebrology opens and rewrites non-verbal information we use in specific files that produce what becomes our intent, we are able to create improvements in what happens. Some people have called the results from brain enhancement metaphysics but it is just brain enhancement and physics.
In his article, “Heart Rate Differences between Targets and Nontargets in Intuitive Tasks” Tressoldi reports the results of two experiments, aimed at investigating pre-stimuli heart rate changes. In the experiment a statistical significance (error risk) of p=0,015 was obtained while in the second experiment p reached 0,001. These results support the hypothesis that the heart rate reacts before the stimulus takes place (Tressoldi and coll., 2005).
In 2003, Spottiswoodie and May in Cognitive Science Laboratory replicated the Biermnan and Radin (1997) experiments that show an increase in skin conductance 2-3 seconds before emotional stimuli are presented. Spottiswoodie and May replicated these results with a statistical significance of p=0, 0005, and performed controls in order to exclude all possible artifacts and alternate explanations. These results support the hypothesis that the autonomic nervous system reacts in advance to stimuli (Spottiswoodie and May 2003).
In 1979 the PEAR (Princeton Engineering Anomalies Research) laboratory was established under the direction of Robert Jahn, Dean of the University’s School of Engineering and Applied Sciences. The purpose of this laboratory was to replicate and study the results obtained by a student, which showed anomalous mind/machine interactions when using REG systems (Random Event Generator). PEAR and a consortium of other universities have replicated these results. The anomalous mind/machine interaction which is observed is very simple: REG systems produce ultra-precise Gaussian distributions, but when a subject tries to distort these distributions only by the expression of his intentionality, statistically significant deviations are observed. Even more fascinating is the fact that those distributions which have been produced before the subjects expression of intentionality show an amplified effect. The statistical significance of these amplifications is p<0,00000001 (Jahn, 2005). These experiments show that living systems constantly seem to be engaged in anticipation and show that intent can influence matter.
I look forward to more discussions of how our brain automatically changes our reality. Thank you for joining me.
How can we stop the “worry circuit”?
Welcome back to another in the series of blogs about how our brain automatically alters our story and reality.
In our brain there is an actual “worry circuit” that is there to help us focus on genuine risks and gives us cause to feel concern so we do something to reduce the risk of a real problem for us.
The worry circuit automatically alters our focus and thoughts, that is its purpose.
If our early conditioning gave us lots of reasons to worry, our perspective may be that we are vulnerable to things happening “to us”.
If we were conditioned to worry too much, it is generally because we learned an affect of fear or apprehension that may not have had a basis in reality. This is an affect we picked up from a parent that had anxiety and fear. Conditioned fear is passed down easily. It is time we got rid of this fear so other generations can live a better life.
The problem for us is that if our conditioned fear makes us worry, we feel vulnerable and experience our life as a nightmare. Sometimes we feel fear and do not know why, as in a nightmare where something is chasing us that we are unable to see.
When we are awake we look for what is causing our fear and often continue looking until we find something. The problem for us is we add “how we feel about something” to what we see to get the value and meaning it has for us. If we are anxious we may be irritable, tense, in pain from guarding in our body and more without being in touch with how we feel. If we add how we feel to how we feel about someone, when we are anxious….yikes. Even if we are at the effect of an illusion, we do not know this is happening. Our brain does not like to focus our attention on how we feel inside when we are on alert.
The worry circuit is supposed to help us focus, not feel vulnerable. When we feel things are happening to us, instead of feeling we have challenges we enjoy, the theme to our life becomes similar to Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Dorothy, the Tin Man, Scarecrow and Cowardly Lion all were paralyzed by fear and felt vulnerable, not capable.
The place that creates this feeling of vulnerability is very powerful, the neural traffic from this part of our brain to our verbal brain is like a super highway and the neural traffic from our verbal brain to the operating system of the brain is like a small country road. Our thoughts are an afterthought to the feelings the operating system of our brain creates within us.
When we rewrite the non-verbal information that creates our fears, we move the nightmare we live, our illusions and anxiety is gone. The “worry circuit” can now operate the way it was intended, to help us focus for something short term to get it accomplished.
Addendum to the above:
In a situation where someone has O.C.D. it is helpful to both rewrite how they feel about themselves in the situation, as well as have something positive to accomplish instead of worrying, so the circuit can calm down.This usually involves finding a hobby to do instead of repetitive behavior.
How much does fear alter our relationships?
Learning how we automatically create our unique experience and story, has to include how we change our reality.
What happens in our brain alters how we experience ourselves, this changes our “frequency” and we create a different reality.
Let me give you an example of someone that would automatically change the way he experienced himself and would instantly change his reality when he did.
I recently had an old acquaintance over, lets call him Greg (not his real name it is Ted j/k). Greg is someone that is and has been very involved in his spiritual and personal growth for a long time, he even likes to write affirmations.
Greg told me that he had grown a lot since I last saw him. Greg said, “I just went thru a divorce and I learned a lot about myself. I can say goodby to what was my past because I was honest with myself and took responsibility for being with women that created problems for me.”
Greg said he had been in psychological counseling for quite a while and after the divorce he realized that his problems with women were because of an aunt that was very bossy.
“Greg how often did you see this aunt?”
“Not much but when the counselor asked me to remember the first time I felt the “feeling that I could not stand being around a woman”, I remembered it was because of my aunt.”
“So your first memory of this feeling was with your aunt and you were not around her much?”
“Yes, I just saw my aunt a few times but the memory of the feeling was there.”
“You told me in the past your father was wonderful to strangers and was horrible to your mother, sister and yourself. Do you remember telling me how your father would get away from your mom as much as he could and yell at her the rest of the time?”
Greg replied “Yes I remember.”
“Is it possible Greg, that you might have been conditioned from being around your father when he was abusive to your mother and apathetic about making her happy. Greg is it possible you empathized and emulated your fathers feelings? Is it possible you felt the way your father did, when you were with your aunt?”
“No Bob, I do not feel I could be like my father, I hate him.”
“Greg when you are with the women that you have this feeling with, do you feel as though you are up to your neck in water and you are struggling, so you have to get out or away?”
“Yes.” Greg said.
“Do you feel you need to leave them or yell to get control so you can stop the feeling?”
“Yes” Greg said.
I then told Greg that I had exercises that could remove conditioning. “Just as we struggled with the water before we learned to float and can relax and enjoy the water now, you can learn to relax and float in a relationship and enjoy it.”
Greg said, “That would be great for someone that had problems Bob. I had problems because of the type of women I chose to be with and I am happy to say my problems are gone now that I have forgiven my aunt!”
Greg added, “When one door shuts, another door opens. If someone loves you they accept you as you are. Real love is not about expectations but about respecting me for who I am.”
I asked Greg, “Greg why do you think the women you have been with in relationships were upset with you and why did they leave you?”
Greg said, “I know most women trade sex for feeling wanted. I am going to find women that are not all about expectations. I am looking forward not backward Bob.”
I told Greg, “I wonder if some people think they can only have an experience of intimacy when they feel they have control in a relationship? Greg you know the person that cares the least controls the relationship, right?”
Greg smiled and left.
The conditioning people have can prevent them from having intimacy. It does not allow them to have a wonderful relationship.
Greg is living out a story that was written for him by many generations of fear being passed down.
In a world that does not experience loving and being loved, the reality is altered to… “controlling or being controlled” and love does not live there.
I see people wandering empty inside just trying to feel good about who they are, afraid to have something real.
I have exercises that remove the darkness of the conditioning that alters a persons reality so that they are not able to feel the joy of loving and being loved, permanently. The exercises are free.
