Using Polar Opposite Energy to Heal
I have acquired a deep understanding that helps me all the time.
My understanding is, that just as much as a physically or emotionally traumatic event could change my life for the worse, a physically or emotionally healing event could change my life for the better.
A physically or emotionally traumatic event would make it more difficult for me to be present, I might not enjoy my connection to others as I had previously and it could be more difficult to experience bliss, relaxation and pleasure in my body.
A physically or emotionally healing event would make it easier for me, to be more present, I would enjoy my close connection to others and I would enjoy opening to even more comfort, bliss and pleasure in my body.
When I learned how to transform (or rewrite the conditioning from) physical or emotional trauma in my brain… trauma no longer was going on for years hurting my body, brain and soul, I had transformed it to something good for me.
I want to share it with you because I know you will enjoy helping someone you love transform a physical or emotional problem that has plagued them for years, to something wonderful.
During the exercise we will take the trauma energy, that is powerful and connect an energy that is the opposite but equally as powerful.
This is similar to uniting the energy of two polar opposites. In this process, we will be creating something stronger and more beautiful than we may even be able to imagine now.
When we are injured with emotional or physical trauma, we may lose volition, we may become confused, we may be frightened, we may be disoriented, our brain may be tired from thinking and we may feel we are more vulnerable. The loss of power and freedom are common for people that develop P.T.S.D., are indoctrinated into a cult or experience a physically debilitating injury to their body.
What is the polar opposite energy to something that disconnects us from our body and soul? I help my patients add a loving, caring and compassionate energy to the traumatic energy and the two energies together become something transformative. After the work a person has a deeper healing connection to their body and emotions, that enhance life greatly.
This deep connection to ourselves brings a birth of aliveness and strength, that only someone that has experienced healing after loss could experience. The deeper connection to self and the greater opening of our heart transform the loss. Perhaps this was not possible before the appreciation of what we lost and what we gained through love and rebirth after our loss.
Without the cold and dark winter, would spring’s blossoms smell as sweet?
Enlightenment begins when we look within. We ignite a fire to see more deeply within and we feel a connection to self that is also a connection to much more…eventually we experience and understand our personal development is also the key to our spiritual growth.
The following is an example of a physical transformation after a physically traumatic injury.
A patient that I had treated in the past, let us give him the name Jack Sr. came by and asked me if I would look at his son’s back and tell him if there was anything I could do to help Jack Jr.
Jack Sr. told me his son spent the previous weekend at the Dunes in southern Oregon, riding a Yamaha Banshee. Jack Jr. went with employees and friends and they brought their motor homes, their quads and four wheel drive racers with them to the dunes intending to spend the weekend riding and having fun.
Jack Sr. told me his son, Jack Jr. went up one of the dunes as fast as he could and flew off the top, expecting there would be another descending hill on the other side. There was nothing but a sheer fifty foot drop. Jack Jr. landed on his quad at least fifty feet below the place he launched from.
Jack Sr. told me his son went to the hospital immediately and has spent the last week in the hospital. Jack Sr. said the neurosurgeons, orthopedic surgeons and physiatrists told Jack Sr. that his son had 3 crushed vertebrae, 4 crushed discs and several broken vertebrae.
Jack Sr. said they wanted to put rods in his son’s back at first but some doctors told him the vertebrae were in so many pieces and there was a spondilolysthesis, an anterior slippage of a portion of his spine and then a lower portion was pulled back behind it. Jack Sr. said some doctors wanted to fuse his spine and told Jack Sr. they thought his son would always have a big lump in his back and would be bent forward, at the throracco-lumbar area, the site they wanted to stabilize. Jack Sr. told me they wanted to have some time, to figure it out.
Thirty minutes later, Jack Sr. was at my door with his son Jack Jr. Jack Jr. had a large hunch in his back and was bent forward so he looked like a prawn, he could not raise up to see my face, he was looking at my shoes. Jack Jr. bent forward in the middle of his back just below his ribs.
I palpated Jack Jr’s. injury’s. I told Jack Jr. that his broken bones were the result of the muscles in his back being torn and as they tore they broke the vertebrae by pulling them apart. As the muscles contracted powerfully the resistance to the weight of the impact caused tearing and after tearing each muscle, it would “guard” itself instantly from further injury by shortening and thickening. The muscles are stronger than bones so they would tear and break the bone it was attached to, before the muscle ripped apart. Jack you were not just smashing these bones you were tearing them apart because of the shearing energy that would have torn you apart.
I informed Jack Jr. that his torn muscles were a bigger problem than his broken bones. I told Jack Jr. that without our muscles directing our bones, we would be just a pile of bones….but when his muscles went back functioning in a healthy way, his bones would be the anchors they once were for his muscles and back. I told Jack Jr and Sr. we would need to work hard every day for hours, so the muscles could heal as fast as possible. I made sure Jack Jr. understood that the key was to not just relax the torn muscles and prevent further injury but to also heal the brain that got injured, so it would not continue to carry the trauma of the accident…a trauma that could and probably would give him lasting problems if not fixed.
I told Jack Jr. that I would be glad to help him heal and I hoped he would be able to do more than he could before the accident.
Jack Jr. told me the doctors told him not to expect to be able to do much in the future and he should understand that he will need to change his life to moderate the pain and prevent further injury, that could cripple him.
In two months Jack Jr. and I were working out on weights at a local gym. In four months we were working out very hard and Jack Jr. told me he could see his abs for the first time in his life. In five months Jack Jr. told me he was in, “by far the best shape of his life” and was so amazed because he never imagined he could look and feel so good. We would work out for two hours on weights and bike ride for two hours afterward every day.
Six months after the accident Jack Jr. asked me about riding quads again. I told him he was responsible for his body now and I knew he would take care of it and have fun ….and Jack Jr. did continue working out and did have fun riding quads that weekend and many weekends since.
How did Jack Jr. recover so quickly?
These are a rough outline of the steps. I hope these steps give you an idea about what it takes to give someone the polar opposite energy, in the same amount or greater so there can be a transforming experience as a result.
If you have any questions about physical or emotional trauma work please feel free to call or write me.
1) I connect with the patient and understand how much pain there is. Then I work to understand how much damage there is and what amount of time, every day….I will need to help the patient. My intention is about understanding that I need to hear the “crying” of a person’s body and soul. After I hear the crying I help the person hear their own body and soul as well. The next part of the first step, is to provide comfort to the extent that my energy and comfort more than offset the energy and pain of the trauma so a person feels wonderful because of my care.
2) I help the person connect to everything their body and emotions are saying and help them connect deeply with compassion and caring in the same manner I am, by participating in everything I do. I ask the patient to describe the feelings in their body at first and then after they are comfortable and capable of describing their pain, I ask them to breathe deeply as I comfort and relax their muscle ….and I ask them to breath right into that specific muscle. I have the person lovingly send consciousness, movement, healing, oxygen and blood to their muscle and feel it relax as we work, together every step of the way towards their health.
3) I consider the entire time someone is in physical or emotional pain, traumatizing. I not only work on the area that was hurt, I work on the person as a whole with the understanding that their entire body will want comfort and care, when just a part has been injured. I try to spend hours with someone every day that has had a serious traumatic episode, because the sooner they feel wonderful the sooner we can move to the following steps.
4) The next step after a person’s body and soul feels safe, because of my loving care, is to have them connect their focus to various areas of their body and continue the exercise of relaxing and breathing into the muscle, so that a wonderful awareness, consciousness and connection to that muscle is now available. My intention is for the patient to be able to move and relax each muscle separately and be able to connect and feel it move by itself and enjoy the change “that is happening to their brain and body. The new “consciousness” is an addition to their ability to have volition, presence, comfort and control, things they had taken from them but they will have in full measure very quickly.
5) The conditioning created by trauma, that gave us less volition and power… we transform and have more volition and power than we dreamed of, so we can open our heart safely and connect to our self more deeply.
One of the most healing things for our emotions and body is to allow someone to lovingly massage us for hours every day. After trauma, we are vulnerable and need comfort and care.
In general people have more difficulty receiving love than giving love, so it is empowering to receive love and care.
The next part of this step is giving someone some things to do themselves to feel wonderful. I show people how to use trigger points and massage their neck and stretch it and breathe into each muscle they want to relax while they do this. I feel the greatest healing comes from empowering someone to care about their own body, emotions and being.
6) We begin to do range of motion exercises, together and if possible some resistance exercises that will make us feel stronger afterward. I start working as their training partner, not their trainer or healer. As a person’s training partner, the work I do pushes them and the effort they put in pushes me and they see how much they push me and work harder …and have fun.
7) I use ultrasound, Chattanooga hydrocollator packs, Chattanooga ice packs, a physio-therapy G-5 massager as well as my own hands to help someone feel good physically and emotionally, so doing a small amount of exercise does not put more stress on someone, I make sure to remove the lactic acid and have the client feel wonderful before and after we work out together, so they feel better after they exercise. The bonus of feeling better after working out is again, added volition and a feeling of excitement about the future.
8) I continue working with a person until they can do more than I can working out. When my client is pushing me to keep up, I know it is time to let them fly and know I will surely see them again on this path.
I Change My Reality
I remember feeling betrayed by someone, that I didn’t really care that much about and I remember the intensity of negative feeling I had about the person. The person I was upset with, triggered something in me and I knew the way I felt was irrational.
I worked to “release” the irrational and uncomfortable feeling that had been triggered, from my soul and body and I did what was to become the exercise we are going to do today.
Doing this exercise I recognized the very powerful feeling was from no experience of my own but from a feeling I picked up from my father.
My father’s feeling of fear of caring about people came from caring about people and then being put in a concentration camp.
It was difficult to understand (before doing this exercise many years ago) that my father’s feelings from a concentration camp had become mine.
My father lost his family to the Nazi’s, it was a real event for him.
Each time my father told me about his feelings I empathized with them deeply and felt the change come over me as if it became night.
My father would also become cold and distant, or suddenly angry.
I remember my father driving away if I did not get in the car fast enough, leaving me in dangerous places when I was a very young child.
I also remember my father often telling me he hoped that someday I would look less like a monster and more human.
My father had horrible feelings and would tell me it was because of me.
When my father would push me away or become abusive to me, I would feel my father’s feeling,…just as if it were my own feeling inside me and feel how he felt about me while he had a toxic feeling….I felt the feeling my father had about me so deeply, it was at times the way I felt about myself.
The feeling my father had came into me and instead of feeling upset with my father, I felt ugly and bad in my body.
I was uncomfortable caring about myself because paying attention to myself brought up my father’s feelings about me, so I avoided thinking about myself.
When I had feelings of love because someone loved me, I would feel happy and then… I would suddenly feel strong emotions that were uncomfortable to feel. I would pretend not to have upsetting emotions but I could not stop feeling weird feelings that made no sense. I would end up pushing someone away to stop feeling uncomfortable, because I had no control of how bad I felt.
I did not realize it at the time but I was more comfortable with someone that did not pay attention to me, even though I wanted very much to feel loved.
Because I loved and needed my father and I was just a small child, I had no idea that my father was pushing me away for the same reason I would later push others away….because we felt uncomfortable when we felt our own emotions and feelings about ourselves.
My father was projecting feelings on me, that the years of abuse from Nazi guards created, feelings he tried to hide.
My father’s feelings, that came into me made me feel horrible, I was not able to look in the mirror without feeling a stomach ache, I was insecure and I imagined if I felt attractive, I would be happier.
I did all kinds of things to feel better. I did bodybuilding and got a standing ovation at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium but would not take off my shirt afterward for pictures because it made me feel weird. I learned A Course in Miracles and even taught the class but it did nothing to help me, after twelve years of therapy I had lots of sessions of crying but still felt the same about myself, I won dance contests all over L.A. and was told I was attractive but I never felt I was attractive.
I did the following exercise out of desperation and it was a miracle how quickly and easily it worked. I instantly felt as though the feeling had been”taken off of me.” I felt better than someone telling me, “sorry that was not about you, I was in a bad mood and I was still upset from a fight I had before you got here,” but it was one million times more powerful.
The exercise works because the feeling inside us, is not something we should even have, it is like a big turd in us.
When we feel the feeling as a huge toxic feeling that belonged to someone else, that was put in us without our consent, we can also let the feeling go.
While we have the file open that the toxic feeling was in, we can also add information to the same file about the value and meaning of the toxic feeling that was not ours. We can add an understanding that the feeling was erroneous and harmful to us and not appropriate to our life. What we are doing is similar to editing a video tape about us and removing the other person we didn’t want in the video.
At the time we got the feeling it was something we picked up and used, to help us navigate in the real world. Now that we know this toxic feeling is not from our own experience but from a parents experience and makes our lives worse not better, we can reduce the significance of the feeling for us, so it does not alter our brain, autonomic nervous system, smooth muscles, blood pressure or perceptions.
When I let go of my father’s feelings in me, I also let go of what kept me from opening my heart. I am able to care about myself and I am able to feel someone’s love and feel safe too.
That is why I named this website “I change reality,” because I changed my reality when I worked on what was inside me and I know you are reading this because you will change your reality for the better too.
To be our authentic selves we want to remove feelings of sadness, insecurity, fear and anger that someone put in us, that are their feelings about themselves.
We are going to look at the deep feelings that other’s may call our “unconscious” but in reality, may just be someone”s feelings about themselves that we have operating in us. The feelings of someone else that have come into us, may be much more powerful than our own feelings and because they are so strong, they can change how we feel and behave.
The feelings that came into us from someone else, will not be “unconscious” for us after the exercise. We will be conscious of the feeling and aware of it as not our own, so we can stop reacting to it and ignore it. We will not react to the feeling after the exercise.
Normally an emotionally healthy parent or person that we depend on, would protect us from their toxic feelings.
The parent that hurts us emotionally, may feel insecure or angry but they should not have made us feel the same way they felt.
We were not insecure or afraid of being loved before someone’s toxic feelings about themselves came into us.
We took in feelings that we do not understand because they do not fit us.
Today we will remove these toxic feelings and experience our own authentic life.
How did we get conditioned to have the same feelings about ourselves our parents had about themselves?
Some cats are taught by their mother to be afraid of people even if they are being fed and cared for by people and it may be because their mother got hurt or abandoned by a person.
If a kitten goes to a person to be loved and the mother cat fears people, she will get upset with the kitten and hurt the kitten so the kitten becomes conditioned to feel fear when it goes to a person.
A kitten does not need to actually have an experience of a person that hurts the kitten for a kitten to be afraid if the parent cat puts their feelings in the kitten, they just identify with their parents feelings and become conditioned by them.
Most people that feel insecure, have no experience other than perhaps not being comforted by a parent, to feel fear of love.
If a parent or someone we trusted was upset about being hurt by someone they loved, their toxic feelings about themselves could easily be passed to us, particularly if they wanted us to empathize with them. Many people grow up to be just like their parents because of this, no matter what they do to be different.
When or if we feel a sudden overwhelming impulse of fear, insecurity, anger or any reaction that does not fit with who we are, it is usually because of someone’s powerful old toxic feelings, not our own.
If a reaction we had was because of an old experience it would not be as powerful as an old toxic feeling we adopted. If we had an old experience that created a reaction, we would remember the experience and understand where the feeling came from.
I am holding a feral cat I took in two weeks ago while I am writing this. The cat loves batting at things that move on the screen. I know the cat likes being held too because it purrs like crazy. We all deserve to experience how lovable we are.
Emotional and physical release exercise:
A) Emotional preparation:
If we feel some feeling that we believe, SOMEONE MADE US FEEL! and the feeling was not a conscious decision but it was a powerful reaction that HAPPENED TO US! This is a feeling we want to work on because we do not have “a conscious connection to an experience that created the feeling” or “an experience of it as our own from our memories of experiences.”
This powerful feeling that belonged to someone else and reactions that it creates in us can take control of our lives.
Because someone put the feeling in us, when we experience the feeling again it will feel as though someone else is making us feel this way!
This feeling that was someone’s toxic feeling and is now a part of us, is what we want to experience in this exercise so we are going to bring it up.
This feeling can be jealousy, anger, pushing love away, self destructiveness…we will do one today and we can do the exercise again for each one of these.
We are going to connect to the feeling that creates our reaction or sadness or depression and understand it on a gut level as not being ours! We are going to experience the feeling strongly and just as strongly we are going to understand and experience the feeling as something that belongs to someone else, that we regret feeling and do not ever again want to feel inside of us because it is not about us….and as we understand the feeling is making us sick, we are going to puke it out.
B) Preparation of area to do the exercise:
Get towels, a plastic bat, a mat to kneel on, something you can hit with the bat, a bucket and Kleenex.
C) Doing the exercise:
Step One:
We are going to scream, yell and hit something to get to both the toxic feeling we have as well as a feeling we are powerful up. We want the feeling of anger and power so we do not feel overwhelmed by the toxic feeling but have the strength to push it off and out of us.
Step Two:
We will hit something and get upset about the feeling being put in us and as we do we will feel the feeling more deeply. We can cry or scream as well at this time but keep it short it is not our feeling we are just bringing it up….
Step Three:
Start screaming “Get the fuck out of me! or Get the fuck off of me! or Fuck you take this back asshole! or This is not me it is not my fucking feeling!” and as you yell experience the feeling as something separate from you, something like feces or puke…
Now just make a noise and no words, focus on the feeling and push it up and out from your guts. Moan or make the sound you need to make as loud and long as you need to get the toxic feeling that belongs to someone else, out of you.
Step Four:
Get on your hands and knees over the bucket, yell and push the feeling that is sickening and not part of you out by squeezing deep in your guts and moving the feeling out towards your mouth while spitting into the bucket.
Continue pushing the feeling out of you until clear liquid comes out when spit and keep spitting and pushing until you puke a little into the bucket, if you can.
The entire exercise should take about 20 minutes, so this part of the exercise where you spit into a bucket and get the poison that was put into you back out, should take no more than 5 minutes.
Step Five:
When the feeling is completely out of you, relax and let go of it. Take a few deep breathes and feel your body lighten. Now go out and have a wonderful time.
You will experience nature or anything with a vibrancy and beauty that you could only experience being on drugs before.
Try not to have any negative experiences for the next eight hours, because on the microscopic level the new memory is hardening into a lasting memory….a memory of this feeling not being about you.
Step Six:
If the feeling comes up again do the exercise again.
Experiencing Our Real Life
Are we loving to ourselves and open to others loving us?
I believe we all understand what real love is, from the moment we are born.
Why would we cry when we needed someone or smile to see a smile in return, if we did not have an understanding of what real love was?
I believe we still have an understanding of what real love is. I also know that most of us were conditioned to believe that what someone was giving us was real love, when we were not loved.
Would we know if we were conditioned (or tricked) to believe we were getting what we wanted?
We want to be able to give ourselves everything we need and want because we want to be a better parent to ourselves.
Are we continuing to believe the abandonment, betrayal of trust or abuse we were conditioned to accept instead of love, is what we really want?
The exercises for the next six weeks are below.
Doing these exercises over the next six weeks will help us understand if we have repressed our own needs, wants and desires. They will also put us in touch with our true understanding of what we want to have being loving to ourselves.
As a great parent to ourselves we want to give ourselves everything we need and want, with love.
Please watch the video and see how easily we could have lost connection to what mattered most in our heart.
Someone asked me, “If I feel that abuse is love what is wrong with it?”
In neurologic tests on the brain, women that had been abused saw photos of men that were angry or violent and saw them smiling and happy. The same abused women saw photos of men smiling and calm… but they did not see happy men.
There are at least two things wrong with desire to see abuse as love. If we see abuse as love we no longer can see abuse. If we see abuse as love, we are now blind to real love as well.
During the next six weeks we will be restoring our own feelings.
As we become whole and connected to our emotions, we will be tearing down the barriers to loving ourselves. When we feel lovable and love ourselves, we will begin to be comfortable having someone really love us.
Exercise Set 2:
Please do the previous exercise, exercise 1 first before doing these. After you have done exercise 1 three different times, proceed to the next exercises.
Each exercise is to be done in the same manner we did the first exercise. We need a mat, plastic bat and something like a footstool to hit.
We get in position with bat in hand kneeling on the mat in front of the footstool and then follow the suggestions for each separate exercise below.
Please allow a full day of happiness after each exercise.
Please do not in any way engage a person you are upset with during this time, because of feelings brought up by the exercises.
We are awakening our own connection to self and rewriting conditioning. We want to rewrite our conditioning by “feeling comfortable experiencing our emotions and happy afterward” so we open our heart.
We can always argue with someone later, right now we are giving ourselves the ability to feel our emotions deeply, there is nothing more important we can do until that has been accomplished.
Each exercise should not last more than five minutes. Please be sure to remember to do something that feels wonderful for your body, something that is good for your well being as well, such as exercise or receiving a massage.
We are empowering ourselves to be good to ourselves and have a different feeling about our emotions, one where we can have them and enjoy our life, not be afraid of them.
I am going to leave it up to you to decide what memory you will be upset about but only think about the memory and call up the feeling for a few seconds, do not allow the feeling to overwhelm you or shut you down.
After feeling the emotion, let go of all thought and feel deep anger in your body, then take the bat and attack the footstool yelling the words of each exercise.
After you hit the footstool and yell in anger a few times, please go sit down and feel as good as you can all over your body. When you have calmed down and feel good, please go do something wonderful for yourself.
We are just rewriting the conditioning that blocked our real feelings.
If you want later you can feel sadness and cry or yell but remember to just do a little and keep in mind that it was the past. Immediately after feeling emotions do something to be good to yourself and be happy or watch some comedy.
We want to set up a new pattern of allowing ourselves to feel all of our emotions but we want to be gentle with ourselves and not bring old feelings into our life now.
The exercises should be done one step at a time and only one a day. It may seem like we are doing very little but we are doing a great deal and will experience great results.
Exercise 1)
“Want me!”
This is the emotion and what we will yell when we hit the footstool, we want to be angry that we were not wanted as much as we should have been by someone.
Exercise 2)
“Love me!”
We want to be angry and tell someone “Love me!” Ultimately these are also for us to hear ourselves but we need to allow ourselves to be comfortable being angry at someone that could have loved us more, before we will feel comfortable loving ourselves.
Exercise 3)
“Hear me!”
We want to be angry at someone for not hearing us and doing what we needed them to do.
Exercise 4)
“See me!”
We want to be appreciated and enjoyed for who we really are, we want to be angry at someone that did not do that when we were told they loved us.
Exercise 5)
“Hold me!”
We want to feel angry at someone that we hoped would enjoy holding us.
Exercise 6)
“I am special!”
We want to be angry with someone that did not do what made us happy when we were little. We wanted to be supported in finding what made us happy and hoped it would make them happy to see us happy.
Please love yourself. Please forgive anything that was not loving to yourself that you did, we did our best at the time.
Namaste. I love you. <3
Uncovering Our True Self
We are complex beings that are capable of wondrous things.
One of the most beautiful things we have the ability to experience, is feeling love.
In this chapter of Empathic healing, we are going to discuss what some of the most common barriers to feeling loved may be. We will then do an exercise that will help us remove the barriers to love.
It is important for us to understand how powerful conditioning that we are not conscious of, can be in shaping our lives. If we were once conditioned by fear to withdraw from, or suppress our emotions, that old conditioning will still create guarding inside of us now… and alert our autonomic nervous system to protect us.
If we have been conditioned to fear emotional intimacy, the old conditioning is initiating physiological responses, perceptions and ultimately making decisions for us. The distress and anxiety we feel when someone wants emotional intimacy is because of this old conditioning.
It is difficult to separate the conditioned responses associated with feeling emotionally vulnerable and what we may think is the normal way to feel about someone.
Our reactions may seem like correct emotional responses but the conditioning to feel fear when loved, will have control over our lives.
Today, we will rewrite some of the conditioning we have that creates a negative physiological response to emotional intimacy. Afterward we will be able to experience relaxation, better sleep, creativity, and a connection to our emotions and feelings without fear.
Old fears create our nightmares….and our fears influence how we feel about ourselves. These old fears can creep into the stories we have about our lives that see played out in the daytime, if we do not remove erroneous fear.
Our brain wants us to see our fear and understand it as something that was our past….our old fears are what make us feel distressed and immobilized.
Today we will do an exercise that takes a few minutes and we will feel safe from that moment on, experiencing our emotions.
We will feel our emotions and feel wonderful afterwards.
If we face our worst fear, get angry at the person that created the fear and afterwards feel great, we will rewrite the conditioning that tells us to be afraid to feel angry at that person we fear most.
At the end of feeling angry we need to also feel good, so that we “prepare to feel good” automatically when we experience emotions of anger or sadness towards the person that hurt us. After we experience feeling what we are most afraid to feel, we no longer have conditioning to “be afraid to feel emotions.” This exercise will allow us to experience much more of the depth and width of life, without fear.
After the exercise today, we can continue to allow ourselves to emotionally and physically experience emotions about our past. Please always remember to feel good before and after going back to the past to feel emotions.
As we experience all of our emotional truth, a deeper sense of well being, presence, confidence and authenticity to emerge within us. This new sense of self will give us the strength to enjoy the experience of real love, vulnerability and enhanced states of ecstasy.
The first stage of fear is when we feel paralyzed by fear because we are in our head trying to find out what the cause of the problem is and what we need to do. If we are conditioned to be afraid of deep emotions, we will feel fear when we feel emotionally vulnerable, we will also connect the feeling of fear we are conditioned to feel, to someone in the present.
If the cause of our fear is conditioning that also prevented us from feeling deep anger or sadness towards the person that hurt us, feeling that anger or sadness now and tagging the person that caused that intense fear a long time ago, will put a face on our fear.
Now that there is a face on our fear and we have felt our fear…. and felt safe afterwards, we no longer have the conditioned response to feel fear feeling these old emotions.
We may feel unsafe feeling vulnerable or in love but the feeling of wanting to trust someone, is so much better than wanting to hurt someone before they hurt us or feeling upset by someone that cares….
Putting a face on our fear also allows us to feel safe relaxing, so we stop having anxiety, sleep better and are much healthier.
We have more control of our life when we connect to both the intellectual and emotional aspects of our brain.
The exercise:
Get a mat and put it on the ground.
Get a plastic bat.
Get something like a footstool you can hit with the plastic bat.
Get on your knees on the mat and be in front of the footstool. Grab the bat with both hands.
Think of the person you were most frightened by. If that person was someone that frightened you when you were a child, then remember them. If the person that frightened you was someone after childhood, then focus on that person….you know, the one who never listened to you when you were upset.
Now feel how you were frightened by them for perhaps ten to thirty seconds and before you go numb….go into your emotions and get as angry as you possibly can! Now hit the footstool with the bat and yell, “I hate you! (or whatever)” as loud and as you can. Hit the footstool perhaps 5 or 6 times and yell during that, then take a deep breath, feel proud of yourself, happy and get up and relax and you are done.
Do not dwell on anything or go into your head but instead do something to feel good and be in your body. Go for a bike ride, get a massage, take a hot bath or dance. The important part is to just not think but feel great physically.
Do this exercise three times and try to do it within two weeks. The exercise should take less than five minutes each time, so you will have put fifteen minutes of intense work into this to remove the conditioned response.
You should feel better within a few days.
You pushed love down the stairs…
I grew up in San Francisco and when I was a kid, I would walk my wagon up a steep hill by my house and ride it down the middle of the street. I remember flying in the air when my wagon would hit bumps. There were moments I achieved weightlessness. Floating or flying, whatever it was, it was wonderful.
I remember flying far out of my wagon on some bumps. Sometimes I would leave the wagon completely and land on the road.
As children, we all got hurt playing. We got up if we fell down, wiped the dirt out of our hands and kept playing.
I got hurt learning to ride my bike too. I bet you got hurt learning to ride your bike. We get hurt many times growing up but getting hurt playing never changed how we felt about ourselves.
When the people that we trusted to love us, hurt us, it did change the way we felt about ourselves. Most people do not stop playing because they got hurt playing, they stopped playing because they were hurt emotionally.
If we became numb during the time someone hurt us, we may not remember why we stopped playing. Come with me and I will show you how we can find a connection to the playful part of us, once again.
When we are infants, we are unable to take care of ourselves and need our parents to take care of us. We focus on our parent’s emotions and happiness more than our own, because we need them for our care.
Betrayal, trauma or neglect hurt us emotionally, we get upset…and when we experience our emotions of sadness or upset, if our emotions make the person that is hurting our feelings more upset and they hurt us more…it is natural for us to stop having emotions, in order to be less abused… Denying our emotions is how we quickly lose our connection to “self” and soon, we stop playing fearlessly.
Connected to our own feelings about ourselves is where we are strongest.
The feelings of someone we bond with become a part of how we feel about ourselves. It is sad, but becoming numb actually makes the feelings of insecurity we have, hard to experience and understand as not our own feelings but the feelings someone else had that was in my opinion a jerk.
These are feelings someone conditioned us to have about ourselves. We were conditioned to become numb when they got emotionally upset about being hurt by someone. When we were numb, it was easy to condition us to accept their feelings about us, instead of our own.
Each time they lied to us and promised us love and took love instead, we had a dissonance occur in our brain that was created by our caring more about them than they did for us. This dissonance in our brain made us infatuated with the pursuit of their attention and love. This pursuit, of the admiration and attention of someone that does not love us, is the foundation for narcissism. The feelings of insecurity we have from someone that hurt us, is more about them and less about us. Each minute we get back up and fight to get our life and emotions back, the insecurities we have, just like realizing a nightmare was just a bad dream…disappear forever.
We were happy playful kids. We took on the feelings of the person that hurt us and bonded with them because we did not have our own feelings and emotions.
Understanding our insecurities are not about us is important. Our insecurities are like weeds that someone else planted and have nothing to do with us.
The insecurity weeds grow larger each time we listen to someone that tells us to abandon our emotions. Our emotions are the beautiful flowers that grow in our garden, when we care about them.
Re- connecting to our true self is like finding our garden, we have to hear and experience all of our emotions. We were not comfortable having the emotions that created our aliveness but we need to reconnect to them now. When we have compassion for our heart, we open the well that waters the garden and we bloom again.
When we love someone that loves us, we see who we are. We stop being worried about what others think and we enjoy what we are doing.
Narcissists are everywhere now, it is important for our ability to re-connect with our self, that we avoid them.
Humans are not able to be introspective without emotions. As a narcissist, a person is not able to realize they do not have much empathy for others they want in their lives.
Narcissists can speak of love and tell you they love you. Narcissists have dramatic swings of feelings about themselves because “feeling admired” is far from connecting to the real child/person within.
If we bond with a narcissist and we become numb, we risk losing the ability to connect to our emotions and become our authentic selves.
(Here is where we push love down the stairs…)
I was emotionally hurt a long time ago and because of that I began studying A Course in Miracles and Neuro Linguistic Programming. After doing N.L.P. for a while, I became a narcissist. It was great not to feel sad but I did not notice I was not feeling many emotions at all.
I did a lot of work to feel my emotions again and I am proud to say I understand how much better life is feeling all my emotions. I am no longer a narcissist and would be glad to help anyone that wants help re-connecting to their authentic self.
Yesterday on a new age radio network, I was listening to a very popular author. She was taking calls from listeners and helping them with the problems they had.
The woman that called in wanted to know, “Why do I keep chasing after people that hurt me?”
The author told the person, “You need to stop caring so much about people in your life and become selfish. You deserve to be happy.”
We do not need to become selfish, or narcissists to be happy.
When we are whole and connected to our emotions, we are able to be happy and love others.
I am sad to hear so many people telling others to do something that would only bring symptomatic relief and then bring the caller back needing more.
To remove the cause of a problem, I would ask more questions of the caller. If I understood more, I could empower the caller to remove the cause of their problems themselves.
There are maps that allow people to return to the connection they once had with themselves. Each map is unique because our path is our life. It is wonderful to show someone how he or she can create a wonderful re-bonding experience himself or herself.
It is only through love that we can heal our broken heart.
In loving our children, we see our own beauty. The person that runs into our arms with love is the mirror we want to have.
The love we have for the person that loves us, will allow us to see how much we are like the person we love and we will bond to the feeling they have about us.
When we have bonding experiences with souls that reflect how lovable and wanted we are, we will once again play with abandon.
Narcissist The Exercise for Healing
Video “Part One”will help us understand how a narcissist persona began and how it changes us.
Video “Part Two” is the exercise for healing ourselves. When we open our heart, have a way to automatically love ourselves the way others do and become real as a result…we can see our beauty with a new clarity and the beauty of others as well.
I love you.
Photo @ by Zack Milstein
Video Part One
Video Part Two
You are a narcissist
Let us discuss some of the ways we became a narcissist. We can then discuss how being a narcissist alters us. In the next blog, I will tell you how we can become real again.
We wanted something and acted differently so we could get it, the act continued and developed into a persona. The narcissist persona is software that remains separate from “who we are” because it does not connect to our emotions.
If our narcissist persona gets enough of what it wants, we become grandiose. Grandiosity is an addictive high.
I remember a long time ago when I was first starting junior high school, the people that were bullies suddenly had a following. When the bully made fun of someone, everyone laughed. The kids that were picked on and laughed at the most… seemed to be staying around the bully more than I would want to be. If someone was around a bully for a while, it appeared his or her values changed.
I have seen a person laugh at a strangers comment. The sound of forced enthusiasm and laughter that came after an insult… did not make the moment funny, it was sad.
I asked someone why she thought the man was laughing so hard. She told me it was a reaction to fear. I then asked her if she did that. “If I stop and think about it, yes I do that all the time.”
I think I first noticed I was becoming a narcissist early in grammar school. I realized the easiest way to get good grades was to figure out what the teacher wanted and do that.
I enjoyed caring about what I did but… if I did not focus on pleasing the teacher, I would not get the same admiration or the same grades.
I could feel the difference between doing things I cared about and doing things to receive admiration. I was slowly developing a persona that was phony but enjoyed the results very much.
How early do we first learn narcissism? I often watch parents that are more interested in receiving admiration from strangers than paying attention to their children.
If our parent was not able to enjoy the pleasure of watching us explore, play and eventually find what we loved, we may have paid more attention to our parent’s feelings then they paid to ours. If we emulated our parent to get attention, it may have been the beginning of our development of a narcissistic persona.
How does being a narcissist change us? Adding a new persona is like adding a new home that is in a different location as the one we currently have. The two homes are separate and not connected. Each time we change “where we are coming from” our perceptions, values and thoughts change, because these c0me with us wherever we go.
When we change who we are and live in our narcissist persona, the values and thoughts we have are different but we may not be aware they are. We are not self aware when we are a narcissist because we are not connected to our own feelings and emotions.
A client told me, “When I was a narcissist I understood a man that wanted me for sex but a man that wanted to love me made me uncomfortable. I was not aware that I was not feeling emotions in social situations. I was aware that I wanted to be loved and that the men I picked were not able to love me but what was happening did not make sense.”
The narcissist wants to feel they are superior and the more they compare themselves to others the more of a feeling of insecurity they develop. In addition, each moment we are not ourselves we give our inner child a feeling they are not good enough. Because we are not in touch with our feelings as much when we are a narcissist, it is difficult to see that our narcissism is the cause of our insecurity.
In the movie The Lord of the Rings, we can see the change in someone when they have the ring. With the ring, a person would feel wonderful or powerful and this is a similar addiction to grandiosity.
Just as a person wearing the ring could become confused, a narcissist is confused about their life because they do not realize that the intention they create when they are a narcissist is different from the intention they have when they feel emotions and want much more.
The truth is both the ring and narcissism take possession of someone over time. Narcissism is like a toupee that we become used to wearing, we are reluctant to get rid of it because we believe we are better with it.
The part of us that feels emotions has different values, perceptions and thoughts than our narcissist. Our narcissist makes decisions for us all the time and we wind up living with them. The narcissist part of us does not have the emotional ability to learn from past mistakes.
I hope you use this understanding to your advantage. We may find ourselves with people the narcissist likes because they admire the narcissist. Only the part of us that is real and feels emotions can tell a person that loves us from one that has another feeling about us.
In the next section, I will give exact steps to heal and overcome narcissism.
Step 4 Treats for Your Brain
Thank you for spending this time with me. I want to share a secret with you. I hope you like it.
Most people presume our brain creates the most dopamine when we achieve a goal. Our brain does not operate with a big dopamine reward on success, we release dopamine during the process of what we are doing. The process is more important to our brain.
During a challenge that we are emotionally invested in and find exciting, the most dopamine of all is released.
People that feel vulnerable, tenuous, fearful, depressed and confused… feel confident, strong, excited, alive, happy and clear with more dopamine. How can we produce more?
Why is dopamine important for us? Many of us have felt and acted passive or as a victim. We may have wanted to be assertive but it did not feel natural for us. We may have created things that we did not like when we were feeling this way. I am sure our perceptions as well as feelings seemed automatic or ingrained.
The truth is many of us have been conditioned to be passive. The same conditioning that made us passive often gave us rewards for doing what someone else wanted.
Many of us were never allowed to explore what excited us emotionally as well. We did not have someone enthusiastically watching and supporting us as we found what we enjoyed. If that is the case, then we probably lack familiarity with the process of self-discovery and the enjoyment of pursuing what makes us emotionally excited.
Being passive may have been what we needed to do before but…we are our own parent now!
We are going to have much more and it will be easy. How do we become excited and happy about our life and have the neuro-transmitters to keep us that way?
We can start small and find more and more things that matter to us. Let us use getting a puppy for example.
A large factor in how much dopamine we produce is the amount of emotional interest we have in what we are doing. When we feel love for what we do, the amount of dopamine released increases a great deal.
If we are in a dog park, we see dogs and all the sensory information about the dogs is there for us (in our fusiform gyrus). When we see our dog, our limbic system adds the emotional information “this is your dog”!
Because there is emotional information attached, the volume on the sensory information goes way up. We are able to experience our dog much more clearly (because of increased dopamine as well). This happens with people we care about too.
As we are good to ourselves, we want to be stimulated emotionally and create a process of challenging and exciting our brain so we release dopamine and feel the benefits of having other wonderful neurotransmitters produced so we can use our brain fully and become as enlightened as possible.
Many people think sexual attraction stimulates our brain and some enjoy the excitement of sexual images for excitement. In tests we can see that sexual stimulation alone will produce only increased male and female hormones (testosterone and estrogen) and nitric oxide and although these do invigorate and stimulate us, they do not help us produce more dopamine.
When we care about someone, have emotional feelings for them and feel attracted to them, we produce male and female hormones as well as a cocktail of neurotransmitters including epinephrine, nor-epinephrine, dopamine, serotonin and phenylethlaminen (PEA).
When we feel love we also produce oxytocin and vasopresin. These allow us to be excited and relaxed at the same time. Our neurotransmitters are being released to help us create and pro-create and we are much more capable when our brain chemistry is this great.
One of the problems people have in relationships that prevents them from having this great chemistry, is that people are not able to be assertive in a relationship and ask for what they want, if they have not had someone that wanted them to be that way before. Do we have a hard time feeling comfortable being assertive because we have never been comfortable telling someone how to please us?
One thing we can do to help people that care about us is teach them how to make us wonderfully happy. If we are with our partner we can show them on their ear what we like, or their neck… It is a fact that people that care get excited when we do. Women that are married to men on erectile dysfunction medication describe wonderful enhancement to their sexual desires and abilities when their husband desires them again. It appears that a man’s excitement is very sexually stimulating for his partner. It is important for us to feel comfortable helping the person that loves us, make us happy because they will be happier too.
We can enjoy trying new things to find what is wonderful for us. Most of all feeling comfortable asking someone nicely for something they may feel wonderful about doing for us, might be just what they were hoping for too. When we become excited about our life, our reality and the reality of everyone around us, is enhanced gently and easily for the best.
Emotions Add Color to the World
After asking people for many years when they first started using self-help, I realized that most people started using self help after being hurt emotionally.
From my own experience, the first time I used self help was to numb my emotions.
When I was doing self help a long time ago I saw that many used self help to have a cool image as well.
There are so many people concerned with image that I declare “Style to have officially won over substance.” Someone cool seems preferable to a warm heart.
The emotional work I have done the last 20 years, is very different from other types of self help. My work is about allowing people to open their heart and experience all of their emotions so they can be themselves and grow.
Is love something we hold as sacred? Is love an idea or a feeling in our heart? Is just loving anyone special for us or is loving someone that loves us in return, that is sacred to us? Do we experience the joy of love for someone even when we are not with them and does this shape our being?
When we open our heart to another, we feel how they genuinely feel about us. If the person we love becomes numb, we no longer have our playmate to have fun with. It is easy to close our heart and hard to open it again.
If we hold love sacred, we must be able to experience the emotion of real love.
If we are not helping people open their hearts, how are we helping the world?
Self help is commonly used to mask emotional pain. This way of dealing with emotions only brings symptomatic relief.
Self help should make us more capable of experiencing all of our feelings, perceptions, reactions and emotions so we can find what the cause of our problems is. We need to learn to love ourselves. Love is an emotion.
We can not stop just a few emotions, we stop all emotions including the experience of love when we try to stop feeling any emotions.
I find people are less interested in removing the real cause of their problems, when they have symptomatic relief. Some of the same techniques that are used to make people stop feeling emotions that are used in mind control, are commonly used in self help. These only assist people in disconnecting from their lives.
To be our authentic selves and use our entire brain, we need to feel emotions. Emotions are essential to being who we are. We understand others through their emotions, as they understand us through our emotions or numbness as well.
Most of us experience more of what is important for our growth while we are feeling love than at any other time. Love gives us the incentive to grow.
People that have stopped feeling because they have been hurt, experience the addition of depth and color when they are able to feel emotions again.
Step 3- Emotions Add Color to the World, is about us allowing ourselves to have all of our emotions and be comfortable and not afraid of them.
We do not go back to the past to dredge up emotions. We try to become comfortable feeling any emotions we have not allowed ourselves to feel.
The more we allow ourselves to feel comfortable and safe with the emotions we have, the less fear we have of feeling emotions. People that feel their sadness or hurt in a gentle and compassionate way are able to feel love again because they are not too afraid of pain to open their heart.
In group 3 we do not discuss personal information. We do allow people to have the emotions or feelings that seem to them to be too much for them to experience alone. We give support and love to those brave enough to experience the fear and emotion that has stopped them from having the love we all want to enjoy.
Step Two Seeing the Beauty of Our Soul
How do we grow as a person so that we can experience our beauty reflected in the world we see? One of the important steps in the process is to develop an appreciation for the beauty of our soul.
When we are able to experience the beauty our soul has, we are able to open our heart much more. As we open our heart we turn up the volume on all of our senses and experience much more.
“How” we see ourselves is important for our growth. In particle physics, you may have learned that “how” we observe an object changes it. If we are only able to see light in the form of a particle, light will become a particle. When we are only able to see light in the form of a wave, light will become a wave.
How we observe something in particle physics changes it. “How” we observe ourselves changes us as well.
If we put on a new outfit, we feel wonderful. When we feel wonderful, we experience ourselves in a way that allows us to be more ourselves. Who we are when we are more ourselves, allows us to create experiences we would not have, if we were not feeling whole.
What creates the way we “see” ourselves? Our brain works as a unit for many tasks but not all tasks. Some areas of our brain have specific duties. One area of our brain adjusts our pupil size and another area has the ability to analyze information the information our eye receives about the spectrum of light. This area of our brain adds the value of color to an object.
Another area of our brain adds the emotional value others have for us. “How” we see ourselves, is an emotional value we place on ourselves. “How” we see ourselves may be different in each relationship we have. How we see ourselves also changes the outcome of each relationship we have.
Our brain is primarily a social tool for us to interact with others. The part of our brain that ascribes the value or meaning of the facial expressions of others, does this for us instantly. In the same instant, the same area of our brain will change how we feel in relationship to someone’s facial expressions. We also understand what we may expect as an outcome of this relationship in the same way.
We learned “how” to feel about ourselves from our early experiences. The part of our brain that “sees” us, does not understand language.
Step number 2 is about seeing the beauty of our soul. We will be doing exercises that allow us to rewrite the conditioned way we see ourselves in various relationships. The exercises give us an experience that allows us to see the beauty of our soul reflected in the eyes of everyone we have a relationship with.
We learn to dance, float or ride a bike and have a new experience of ourselves that allows us to see ourselves differently. “How” we now see ourselves has been enhanced because of a new experience of ourselves. The way we get updates in our brain so we can see ourselves in a new way is not from words or ideas but from a new experience of our self.
How does seeing our self in an enhanced way improve our life in an objective way? When we are interviewed for a job, our job is to move a person’s feelings about us towards our goal of offering us the job. If how we see ourselves is as a wonderful person, the person interviewing us will instantly understand how we feel. If we do not feel comfortable, the person interviewing us will understand this too, without us saying a word.
If we ran out onto a stage because we were late and the audience lights were on so we could see the audience, we would look into the eyes of the audience and see them as judgmental. How we felt about ourselves (anxious) would be added to the value or meaning of what we felt was behind the eyes looking at us.
If we feel wonderful, relaxed and lovable before we went onstage, we would see the audience love us. Conditioning is the “preparation” added before we do something. The feeling we have inside us about ourselves is what we see in the eyes of others.
If we have a good objective experience of ourselves a few times, each experience will validate a new and enhanced automatic way of seeing ourselves. Just as when we learn to dance, we can have an experience of ourselves in any social situation or relationship that will allow us to be more comfortable and whole.
Seeing love in someone’s eyes now becomes what we prepare for automatically each time we see them or when we go onstage. We now have a new conditioned response and a new outcome because of it.
If we saw ourselves as unlovable or someone that had to accept mistreatment, we might have lived out a story similar to a tragedy. When we appreciate who we are and respect the beauty of our soul, we give ourselves the ability to rewrite our story and create the life we want.
Seeing the beauty of our soul is what this lesson and group is about. The 2nd group gives us the support of having a new experience of ourselves in any relationship we want to improve. The experience allows us to see the beauty of our soul in others eyes.
As we learn to appreciate the beauty of our soul, we develop the ability to also see beauty in the souls of others. When we see the beauty of a person’s soul it is wonderful to see how much they enjoy showing us all of the beauty they have. As we open our heart and connect to others in this way, we create an enhanced experience.
The Seven Step Program
The 7 step program:
1) It’s my life
2) My soul is beautiful
3) Emotions add color to the world
4) Teaching my brain to reward me
5) Creating feelings in others
6) Opening my heart to create what I want
7) Relationships
Each step and peer support group will enhance our experience of life.
Step 1 – “It’s my life”
A person entering the group accepts that they are now “their own parent” and have the responsibility of giving themselves the love and happiness, they always wanted to have.
We take responsibility for hearing and seeing who we are. This means that we honor our feelings.When we cry inside, we hear it and do something about it. When we are our own parent and hear our inner child, we feel heard. When we listen we become more alive.
When we laugh and are happy, we reward ourselves by being proud we were good to our inner child. In this way we feel seen for who we are. We become more confident and whole each time we reward what makes us happy.
By being there all the time for our inner child, we re-pattern our early bonding experience. Because of this we have an enhanced experience of ourselves in the world.
As we feel ourselves as a caring and loving parent that is always there, we develop object permanence. Object permanence is the grounded feeling people want. We feel safe, at home and wanted no matter where we are.
The group allows members to talk about the new relationship they have with themselves and how they are parenting their inner child. We support each other as loving and compassionate parents that are learning more all the time.
This first step in opening our heart, is wonderful when we have support for the work we do.
Faith in Yourself
My work is about bringing clarity to our brain, perceptions and life. I want to empower people to have the choice to be well or create the things they want most. I want people to be able to create those with their own power.
Most people do not understand how much power we have to create health or the things we want to enjoy. At least 40% of the healing we get from most medications is from the placebo effect.
I think it is important as a first step for us to understand how we create things in our life. This video shows what part of our brain is making decisions for us and creating the theme to our life.
Many people are not aware of how much our brain creates automatically for us. One of these things is our health. Our body normally heals itself.
Our brain is not our mind and it operates differently than people have been told our mind works. Our brain is who we are and we change our brain each time we have a new way of experiencing ourselves. Our brain is made to be easily updated with new and improved information about ourselves, so that we can function better in the world. We see this when we learn how to float or ride a bike, our brain is updated and how we experience ourselves or the world is enhanced.
“Who we are” is important because how we feel about ourselves and the world is intimately connected to what our brain creates as far as our well being, relationships, happiness, health and creativity. We can become more and more of the author of our story as we become more aware of how much health or happiness we normally should have when we are not stressed.
If we want to be well or create great things, I believe it is important to understand how much the emotional part of our brain, the non-verbal part of us….is involved in creating what happens in our life. When we have a good feeling about ourselves we have the best opportunity to create the things we want.
We do not need to give our power away. We can heal ourselves.
The power of our brain to create is evident in placebo and nocebo. Placebo means what we create for our good. Nocebo means what we create that hurts us. The part of our brain that creates with placebo or nocebo, is not the part of our brain that uses language, it is the non-verbal part of our brain.
This non-verbal part of our brain controls our reactions, emotions, perceptions and health. This part of our brain is “who” we are and makes more decisions than most people realize.
Modern neuro-science has produced data that shows the brain initiating motor movements without necessarily engaging the “executive module” that is responsible for our sense of self-awareness and volition.
This “influence of suggestion in modifying and directing muscular movement, independently of volition” was given the label idel-motor action by the psychologist/physiologist William B. Carpenter in 1852.
What this means to me is, that in order to test something impartially we would have to use something that could find results in a double blind study (which means how we feel does not influence the results.)
If I believe something to be true, my findings will support my sense if I use a test that is not scientific.
When people have been tested doing muscle testing, using double blind studies giving their patients artificial sweetener (with an unlabeled bottle and a drop on the tongue) or fructose (with an unlabeled bottle and a drop on the tongue), the tests to see if they could muscle test to find which unmarked bottle had which substance have been shown to have no scientific value.
Only when someone knows what they are looking for does the test in muscle testing support their findings.
Using an inaccurate test to support a belief we may have about what someone’s problem is caused by, may create a problem for a person they did not have.
Nocebo effects are powerful, just the same percentage of change happens to us when we hear of the negative effects of something as when we hear the possible positive effects. As in placebo, 40% or more of the time people told of the possible side effects and not told of what healing may come, develop an illness when given sugar pills. Our brain is very powerful.
I want to empower people to create their own health by removing the cause of their problems.
I have been told by many people that this will not work, people are not ready to stop being submissive.
Yesterday someone told me that healers healed people with their energy. I replied by telling them, “I had that belief once. I used to just touch people to heal them and I did wonderful things. Now I help people find what the cause to their problems are and what they could do to remove the cause themselves. When I touched people to heal them it did bring symptomatic relief and sometimes that lasted a while. Giving people the ability to have the option of growing and as a result of their growth, removing the cause of what created problems…also gave them an understanding of how to create good things.”
To empower someone gives them more and more because they have the clarity of brain, perceptions and life to become the author of their own story.
“Awakening to the Beauty of You” at New Awakenings Bookshop
As you know my work is about re-writing conditioning. There are times we can become conditioned to feel anxious in our lives. I find doing the exercises in these workshops is the quickest and easiest way to re-write the conditioning we have.
There is a difference between feeling good, which is symptomatic relief of feeling bad and feeling good automatically all the time. If we remove the cause of what made us not feel good, we feel good automatically all the time.
Many people are not aware they have conditioning because they just experience a reaction they believe to be appropriate.
To have conditioning that makes us less ourselves, not see our beauty, feel uncomfortable, experience shame and not have the life we possible could have is sad.
One of the steps towards enlightenment, is having the ability to see our own light. The curtains and drapes that prevented us from experiencing our true selves and seeing the reflection of our beauty in the world, are now easily torn asunder.
We are going to do an exercise to be ourselves again. First let us look at what conditioning is so we appreciate how it would happen to us and how we can re-write it.
A rat is conditioned by seeing a light and then receiving a shock, a light then a shock, a light and then a shock. After the shocks stop the rat prepares for the anxiety that will come after it sees the light and that is re-recorded as the light and the shock was over and over, each time it sees a light. The light then anxiety, the light then anxiety and now after the shocks are long gone, the rat is still apprehensive. We now have a timid rat.
Conditioning is “the automatic preparation that happens to us before something.” The anxiety was a preparation for a shock, now anxiety is the preparation for anxiety….which can happen to us.
When there is loss of a loved one: there is love, anxiety and sadness, love, anxiety and sadness and we become conditioned to feeling anxious as a preparation to losing someone. The interesting thing is the trigger for the “preparation of anxiety” is not loss but love. Love then anxiety, love then anxiety….this is the conditioned response.
The conditioning makes us feel anxious feeling love or being loved.
Love may seem like it is about someone else but it allows us to be more of who we are. The chemistry we have when we feel love, allows our brain to work with much more clarity and we are much more powerful. For us to have love (which is a different intention than finding love) we have to be comfortable.
Conditioning is a preparation. We are going to re-write the preparation we have that makes us feel anxious when we anticipate wonderful emotions. To do this, we want to anticipate receiving love and pleasure as the first step.
As we anticipate pleasure from a massage that is going to happen or anything else that would make us feel wonderful and happy, we want to breath deeply and surrender. We want to practice this, relaxing before receiving pleasure and then stay relaxed and surrender as we receive pleasure.
The next step is to feel emotions are pleasure and to add the same relaxation technique of breathing deeply and surrendering to the emotions we feel that are pleasant.
As we continue doing the exercise, we feel pleasant emotions and then great in our body, we feel pleasant emotions and then great in our body. We re-write the conditioning and now when we prepare for emotions, instead of feeling anxiety and shutting down, we prepare to feel wonderful in our body.
We can also become conditioned in a way that does not allow us to see our beauty. To awaken to our beauty we have to remove the conditioning that made us feel shame, inhibition or insecurity.
Just as losing someone can condition us to have anxiety about feeling love. We can become conditioned to have anxiety about feeling beautiful.
If we wanted to be seen as beautiful and became anxious, we wanted to be seen as beautiful and became anxious, we wanted to be seen as beautiful and became anxious, we may have become conditioned to feeling anxiety about feeling beautiful.
We now look at a group of people looking at us and become anxious. If someone wants us to touch and kiss us all over we become anxious. Any time we are self conscious we become anxious.
We will have someone care about us, “when we stop feeling anxious and can enjoy being seen, touched and loved.”
Our beauty comes from our soul. To experience the beauty of our soul is one of the greatest awakenings we can have.
In this workshop you will do a simple exercise that will “rewrite” the conditioning that has made you feel ashamed, prevented you from seeing your beauty, feeling self love, feeling like a goddess, enjoying someone adoring you and a myriad of other inhibitions.
Feeling beautiful is about much more than our appearance. During the workshop we will see how others look at us in an awakened and enlightened way….we will see how beautiful and lovable we are in their eyes. We will see how beautiful we are.
This way of seeing is just removing the conditioning that prevented us from seeing clearly. We will experience our beauty at the workshop and after. We will always see how beautiful and lovable we are automatically after that.
The new experience we have of ourselves will allow us to see the real beauty in others as well. This workshop gives us a permanent “enhancement in clarity”. Now we experience ourselves in a way that will allow us to see our beauty reflected in the world.
This is a video of the end of another workshop. Each one is as unique as we are.
Please come to the workshop at New Awakenings
Saturday, July 28 2012, 3:00pm – 5:00pm
For more information you can also call me at 360-953-7408.
Confident IV the first exercise
In a previous blog titled “Who Am I” I said, “The good news is we can change anything we want and become who we want, without having to go into the past. Because our brain is designed to grow and be whole, what we do in the present is the best vehicle for developing and enhancing our brain.”
Today we are going to learn a beginning exercise that will help us to be the confident, present and compassionate person we hope to be. This exercise will also give us the ability to start changing our reality.
The first thing a person needs to be able to open their heart, is a feeling of safety within themselves.
This feeling of safety will give someone a feeling of well being and presence as well. This feeling will also allow someone to feel pleasure opening their heart without being stressed.
What gives an infant the feeling of confidence are a few things, 1) object permanence (parents that are always there when needed), 2) touch (feeling wanted), 3) having someone hear us when we cry, responding to our feelings (feeling heard) and 4) having someone smile when we smile (feeling seen).
To have those feelings….of feeling taken care of, of being wanted, of feeling heard and being seen for who we are, we want to do the following exercise:
If we are not living with our parents and they are not taking care of us, we are our own parents and we have control of what happens to us.
1) The first part of the exercise is for us to accept and understand that we are now our own parents. We make the decisions about what we have in our life.
The most important part of the first step is for us to willingly take responsibility for the most important things for our life, in a loving caring way.
Object permanence comes from someone being responsible for taking care of us…our needs and wants. As we take the responsibility for giving ourselves the things that matter most and make sure all of our dreams are heard more seriously, we give ourselves more object permanence (this makes us feel deep safety and well being).
2) The second part of the exercise is to treat ourselves as a sweet child that has real needs that are physical, emotional and creative. We want to listen to and hear all the needs we have. We must not ignore any of our feelings. We also want to see ourselves as capable and lovable. Feeling heard and seen in this way also gives us a feeling of object permanence and well being.
3) The third part of the exercise pulls the first and second parts together into action. For our health and well being, we are going to get massaged several times in the next couple weeks.
We give the child within the touch we need for survival. The “non-verbal” understanding of touch is important. Our limbic system (the place in our brain that is the lens we use to see ourselves as safe) understands this non-verbal language. We can use this new experience to rewrite unresolved feelings we may have. How it feels in our body to be wanted and loved is powerful.
If we take responsibility for “getting a massage”, we are in essence giving the child within the caring loving touch so many people do not receive from other things. The more wonderful loving feelings we take responsibility for giving ourselves, the better we will feel.
As we take responsibility for the care of our needs, the need to be touched, heard, seen, wanted and loved, we develop a sense of safety, trust, presence and well being that allows us to feel a deep safety and confidence that nothing else can give us.
As we feel more safety and well being, we soon feel joy opening our heart.
There are many more things we can do to grow and have a wonderful life.
If you have any questions please feel free to write me Bob@ichangereality.com or call me at 360-953-7408
Confident part II
Most of us never think of ourselves as timid or confident. What is the difference between someone timid and someone confident?
In my opinion the difference between someone timid and someone confident is this: A timid person is uncomfortable and wants to stop feeling that way. A confident person has the ability to connect to what is going on inside of themselves and feel comfortable being vulnerable.
A timid person does not feel comfortable being more vulnerable. A confident person relishes the naked joy of their emotional vulnerability and is capable of being proud of themselves for growing.
A timid person is not comfortable experiencing their own feelings and emotions. A confident person experiences all of their feelings and emotions and is able to be vulnerable, open and grow from the lessons they learn.
People can see what is happening outside of themselves and want that to change. People discuss intent with me and ask me how to change intent so they may have happiness. When discussing intent, I tell people that we create things because we are comfortable having something, not because we want something we have not had.
I tell people that have relationships that leave them feeling empty to become comfortable experiencing their own feelings as a first step. After we experience our feelings it is possible for us to give ourselves the feelings we want to get from others. When we love ourselves, the universe will send us help.
A timid person wants to stop feeling uncomfortable. They enjoy making someone feel good, they want to be wanted and needed.
A narcissist is also a timid person. This timid person has traded the need to be loved in for a need to be admired. A narcissist has given up on being themselves, they have the idea that they can be more successful being what others want.
When we think being someone different will make us what people want, being comfortable with who we are…which is the “road to confidence”… just gets further away.
A sociopath is someone that is also a timid person. A sociopath enjoys having control of others and believes power is what is respected and wanted. Sociopaths enjoy using other timid people to feel more powerful.
All timid people are, “looking into someone’s eyes to feel good about themselves.”
With some practice experiencing all of our own feelings, we can understand what situations give us reactions that make us feel uncomfortable. When we are feeling uncomfortable we are not likely to enjoy feeling vulnerable.
I can easily rewrite a preparation to a situation that creates a reaction that makes someone feel uncomfortable. After we rewrite the preparation to the situation that made someone uncomfortable, we have rewritten the conditioning associated with the experience.
When we have rewritten the conditioning, a person can feel vulnerable and comfortable or wonderful. This ability gives someone a new experience of themselves and allows someone to have a much greater option of wonderful experiences. It is the same as if we learn to float…we now experience the water, ourselves and being vulnerable in a comfortable and wonderful new way. It is important to feel comfortable and wonderful being vulnerable in as many social situations as possible because our brain was created to be social.
When we grow in this way, we make it possible to rewrite the story that is the theme of our life. We can become confident at our core and have fun growing, being and creating.
I am going to give some exercises in part 4 that are easy and lasting that will help us to become happy, confident and capable of creating what will be wonderful.
Email me or call me if I can help you personally with anything. Bob@ichangereality.com or 360-953-7408.
Confident
In this and other future blogs, we will be discussing many things Cerebrology® is successful in treating.
One basic premise we use in Cerebrology® is, if we can cause our own problems….we can also grow and not be the cause of our problems.
If we can create illness, lack of love or unhappiness, we can also create health, love and happiness by understanding how we are creating our problem and removing the cause, not by just treating the symptoms.
There are many physical, personal and emotional problems we can successfully treat and fix with Cerebrology®. Everyone that learns Cerebrology®, will have an understanding of how to diagnose and treat any problem that we create ourselves.
In this blog we will discuss the concept that, no matter when in the past we learned something that creates problems, we can understand how to quickly and easily find a way to remove the cause now. We do not need to look back to go forward.
I am going to use an example that is a part of the core of our being, to show when and how we can acquire a problem. In the next blog, I am going to use the example to show that we still have to treat the problem as it presents itself now.
One of the causes of many problems are the reactions people have. When discussing reactions there are two important factors: what we react to and how we react. How we react to things is a large part of “who” we are at our core.
Today, we are going to discuss two different core “types” that are based on the way someone reacts. The reason we are going to discuss these two core types is because they can have a component that was learned even before we were born.
Two of the many ways of reacting to things are “timid” (which we may understand as passive-aggressive) and “confident” (which is assertive).
At any time during our life, we can be forced to have deference (submission to someone, when the wellbeing and happiness of another becomes more important than our own) to someone who has taken our volition (free will, ability to make decisions for our needs). In this situation we begin to care for the feelings of the person who took our volition and put their needs and desires before our own.
In many cases neglect is used to create deference. Neglect as a form of abuse is often invisible to us.
If we are “helpless” and in need the goodwill of the person we are submitting to, we add another bonding experience. This experience is similar to an infant’s caring more about the mother’s well being more than its own. The mother is able to give the infant what it needs and the infant’s job is to have the mother love it.
We may respect, admire, feel we need and be attracted to the person who we want to have care for us. Unfortunately people that experience this new bonding, may have desires that are “upside down”. People who have not had someone love them and have only wanted to love someone else may want more.
The trauma of an experience that pushes someone to bond from fear, can add a “timid” component to their being. The “timid” person is comfortable being passive and caring for someone they have deference for. The timid person will also become hyper-vigilant in comfortable and emotionally intimate situations, feeling annoyed, irritable or even smothered by love. A timid person can be prone to getting stuck in the first stage of fear, frozen in place and obsessing on ideas. A confident person will go to the first stage of fear and look to find what is wrong outside of themselves. The confident person then goes to the second stage where the fight or flight system comes in and they take action to change the situation or they calm down enough to be self examining and relax. The second stage allows us to “experience” the feeling of being in our body and not just in our head.
In mice that have a timid mother the offspring are timid as well. In mice that have a confident mother the offspring are confident as well.
In experiments when a timid mother’s fetus is placed in a confident mother and the baby is raised by the confident mother, the mouse will be confident.
If a confident mother’s fetus is placed in a timid mother and the baby mouse is raised by the timid mother, the mouse will become timid.
If our mother was timid or confident, we understood how she felt about herself in various situations and we felt the same about ourselves. This non-verbal way of learning and mirroring is automatic.
We see how deeply a part of our core a timid or confident reaction is for us. Understanding all of the history of how we acquired our reactions, does not rewrite or change the reactions.
Treating the problem of being timid (the symptoms) with verbal motivational messages is not going to help us change the reactions that alter our self perception and reality either. The information we use to give us our self-image was learned from non-verbal cues, that came in through our visual motor pathways.
The limbic system of our brain, is much like the operating system of a computer and it does not use the same language we use in verbal thoughts. The limbic system stores our memories as emotions and feelings about our self in various experiences. The visual experience we now have is sent to the limbic system to gauge its value or meaning for us. How we automatically prepare will add the textural feelings and enhancements of perceptions and emotions, that create our experience. The preparations we have determine our reactions and whether we are “timid” or “confident,” how we experience things will be different. How we perceive ourselves emotionally will change the options of experiences we have. These options can make all the difference in the world.
To have clarity and become confident…not have hyper-vigilant reactions or desires to be in inappropriate situations, we will need to rewrite our “timid” conditioning so we can be confident and create more of what we want.
In the next blog, we will discuss how to identify and rewrite this non-verbal information… that creates a “timid” persona… quickly, easily and permanently using Cerebrology®.
I would like you to know this is not something that is just an idea but rather something I understand from doing over 15 years of regressive psychotherapy as well as 10 years of primal therapy very far back into womb feelings. I experienced my mothers feelings while I was in the womb as well as during infancy and I have done my own work. I am offering something that has been a labor of love and I have been doing Cerebrology® work on myself and others for over 20 years.
If you have any questions please send an email to Bob@ichangereality.com or call me at 360-953-7408. We can make the world a much better place, all we have to do is open our heart.
May you be washed by love as you go from strength to strength. <3
What Do We Want
What we think we want and what we create may be different. I often hear people say, “I have only been with people that were.. (something they say they did not want) and I want to be with someone that is loving.”
I could sense that they had a powerful motivation that was creating this. I would tell the person, “If we are not aware of what things we feel motivated to “resolve” we may not be aware of what powerful unresolved feelings can do to alter the theme of our story.” I tell people “Our intent to create what we imagine love to be, if it has an element of desire to have something we have not had, is creating something that gives us something we can not have. The having something we can not have, is what we are creating.”
Many people have had bonding issues and because this is a basic need, it is important for us to understand. Not having complete wonderful bonding can give us lots of problems in our life, I can help you to resolve them easily if you do have them. The feelings of not feeling safe, not feeling we can have or own something, the feeling we do not have the ability to create a good life, the feeling we will have obstacles… are just some of the problems.
An infant smiles at their parent and if their parent smiles, they feel a sense of comfort and bonding, they feel their emotions are echoed and mirrored and they are seen. People that did not experience this response because their mother was too self involved or emotionally unavailable, may still be wanting to resolve the emptiness. An infant cries and their parent runs to hold them and take care of their needs, this infant feels a sense of comfort and safety. To have our needs met as an infant, we understand a feeling of being able to get our needs met in this world. Some people are working to resolve this as well.
An infant also needs a sense they have “object permanence” someone that is there always for them. Object permanence allows us to invest in ourselves and have the desire to create dreams of things we want. The sense of security we receive from having the sense there is permanence in our life, gives us the ability to create a safe life, have the things we want and also feel that any obstacles or problems will leave in time.
In their search for “re-bonding” many people recreate the same situation that left them needing resolution, “A parent they ache and long for that is not there, so the ache grows.” When the person working on unresolved issues does get to be with the person they ache for, there is a “honeymoon period”. In order for them to feel what they imagine to be love, they want to “ache and long for someone again”… and this pattern is what creates many different relationships with no object permanence, instead of one relationship that returns love.
When I work with someone I help them resolve these issues very quickly by teaching them how it would feel to have received this love as a feeling in their body and how to give this feeling to themselves. This gives a person real power.
When we understand we are our own parent now and only we can now resolve our unresolved issues, we begin to have control of our lives. We can love ourselves and respond to all of our needs all the time and we can depend on ourselves. It is alright to want to have someone that is always there, we have them if we learn to appreciate ourselves and be sensitive to our needs.
I teach people what loving themselves feels like and then I teach them how to reward themselves with automatic rewards in their brain for giving themselves a deeply connected, safe and comfortable life.
What is keeping us from having the love we want? When we resolve what we missed by healing our heart, we will be motivated to create real love with desire and passion, not longing.
This song at the end says “Before you came into my life, I MISSED YOU SO BAD, I MISSED YOU SO BAD, I MISSED YOU SO SO BAD.” If we feel this emptyness is love and we want to feel love, we may be creating this instead of real love. The feeling of wanting someone we admire, respect, love, desire, enjoy playing with, have fun talking to, listen to, work together with and create a life with, is much more than feeling empty inside and wanting sex.
Hunger makes the best sauce, when we miss someone we have and love, it is amazing how much more we appreciate every moment with them. Spend a week taking turns kissing each others body all over before you go to sleep (no more just kissing). There are ways to enhance feelings, so you can eat your cake and have it too!
If there is some insecurity, fear, inhibition, reactions that are erroneous, hyper-vigilance, jealousy, repetitive self destructive patterns, unrequited love, emotional angst, unresolved anger, perceptual problems that make it difficult to have clarity being with men or women, a loss of ability to feel safe, feeling blocked, depression, object possession difficulties, anxiety, disassociation or trance habituation, anger management or problems with creativity, please call me at 360-953-7408 or message me, Robert Milstein on Facebook. I want to help you see what is possible when the curtains have been opened and you see by your light.
May love run to you as the river becomes one with the sea.
Who Am I
When someone asks us, who we are what do we say? Do we tell them the ideas we have about our image?
Are the ideas we have who we are? We can change ideas in a moment but to develop empathy, character or compassion may take years, why?
An idea is a thought and thoughts are changed by us all the time, in a moment. Empathy, character and compassion speak of how we have developed ourselves, they come from an ongoing experience of an emotional understanding that over time has changed our brain.
As we use our brain we develop neural pathways. What we do to stimulate our brain, changes the map of our brain. As we direct traffic to specific areas of our brain, we enhance the complexity of our brain in those areas. A person that uses his hands to touch and heal people, will have a much thicker and more complex area of their brain associated with touch, similar to someone that is blind and uses braille.
From using our brain to practice a sport, we can in time just watch the sport and our muscles will grow. If we spend time stimulating ourselves with visual sexual images, we may look at people and instead of seeing who they are, we may look to find something that will give us a stimulating chemical experience in our brain. As we focus on an obsession, we heat up our cingulate gyrus and unless we do something to stop hyper focusing and cool it off, such as doing something physical when we obsess… the obsession will become larger and larger. When we practice associating our senses with our emotions, we develop pathways that promote creative skills, “What light through yonder window breaks, it is the east and Juliet is the sun.”, is a combination of sensory, emotional and thinking skill use.
From not directing much traffic to an area, the complexity of our brain in that area diminishes. If we suppress our emotions, we may not be able to understand how others are feeling. As the map of our brain is changed, who we are is changed.
The good new is we can change anything we want and become who we want, without having to go into the past….. because our brain is designed to grow and be whole, what we do in the present….is the best vehicle for developing and enhancing our brain so we can enjoy the full use of it, in a balanced way.
I have a theory I call my “cow field theory”of growth. The path cows use in a field has no grass growing upon it. If we take the cows out of the field for long enough, the grass will grow back on the path the cows created. If we put a heard of cows into that field, in time they will eventually knock down the grass from the old path and it will be their new path. The new path is now what brings the cows home.
As we developed interests, enjoyed our passions and grew from experiences, we developed paths in our brain like the cows in a field do. Old paths can be revisited and new paths can be developed.
Many of the paths we developed, were a result of some foundational understandings we had about ourselves. These “understandings” could have been helpful in our pursuit of developing a life that was wonderful. Some “understandings” people have about themselves, prevent them from having much of a life. If a person has a self image that prevents them from feeling confident and relaxed, insecurities that inhibit them from doing the things that have meaning to them, fears of being hurt that prevent them from experiencing love or feelings of shame that do not allow them to experience the intimacy and joy of being vulnerable, all of these can now easily be permanently rewritten so that new paths can be created.
If there is some insecurity, fear, inhibition, reaction, jealousy or anxiety that is limiting your life, please call me at 360-953-7408 or message me, Robert Milstein on Facebook. I want to help you see what is possible when the curtains have been opened and you see by your light.
Emotions for Presence and a Higher Consciousness
What is it that turns up our senses and gives us presence when we are entering different situations? I remember walking by roses many times and they were nice but I was not amazed by them, nor do I remember stopping to smell them.
There have been times when I was sad, I would walk by roses and barely remember them as background. I barely could distinguish them from everything else. There are also times that I have been in love, walked by roses and been swept away with their beautiful smell and appearance. I would enjoy each moment and be more present than ever just being near the rose bush. I would notice the aphids and ladybugs, the thorns, the various amounts of blossoming and how each blossom no matter little or much it had opened had a different beauty. I would even notice how beautiful and fragrant the petals on the ground were. I would enjoy every moment and remember that I wanted to share this beauty with the person I loved.
Why was I able to be so much more present and aware of my senses, when I was in love? What happened that made it so I was not even aware of my senses when I was sad?
The information about the rose, the sight, the feeling of the petal, the sound of the breeze in the leaves and the fragrance of the rose are gathered together in our fusiform gyrus. From the fusiform gyrus the information is then sent to our limbic system and to the amygdala.
The amygdala adds value and meaning, to what we see, which is a way of preparing us. Is this a danger, is this something wonderful, is this something we run from, is this something we rush to? All of this is determined by the value and meaning our amygdala puts on what we look at. It is essentially the difference between looking and seeing.
There are many things that will have a different value and meaning to us, depending on how we experience ourselves at that particular moment. How we experience ourselves is determined by the amygdala as well.
This may seem complicated but it is essential to understanding how we experience the world. How we experience ourselves influences our experience of other sensory things. The emotional value and meaning we place on ourselves, “how we feel about ourselves and see ourselves”….will alter the lens we use to see the world.
The world changes depending on how we feel. We do not see others as they are, we see them as we are. When we have clarity we are able to distinguish between good and bad people. This clarity is an awakening.
When we have an emotional loving feeling about ourselves, we are able to experience much more. When we “feel” love for ourselves, we reward ourselves with a feeling of aliveness and presence, which heightens our perceptions and allows us to see with much more clarity. We are able to not only look at the rose but experience all of its beauty. We are also able to distinguish what is not good for us as well.
When we have healthy feelings about ourselves, we have the ability to be present and conscious.
The value and meaning the amygdala puts on what we sense, in this case a rose, will determine what happens in our brain. For those of us that want to be present, open our heart or be enlightened, what happens automatically in our brain is very important.
If we are worried, the limbic system reroutes our energy and attention to our cingulate gyrus where we focus our thoughts. In this way our brain is helping us find out what we are worrying about. At this time we do not send much information to our amygdala, we do not add value and meaning to things that do not involve our safety and a rose has little meaning to us at this time.
If we are trying to suppress our emotions by thinking instead of feeling, the meaning of a rose is very little as well.
If we feel love, we are deeply opening our emotions, or as we say “our heart” and a rose is something we see, want, share and enjoy.
With love, the emotional value of the rose cascades as a waterfall into our autonomic nervous system, the sympathetic stimulation opens our pupils and how much value and meaning the rose now has to us, can be measured by a galvanic skin response.
When we are in love, we see a rose and think of the person we want to share the rose with, we release neurotransmitters, dopamine and norepinephrine. These neurotransmitters give us a feeling of excitement and heightened perception. If we have been with the person we love long enough to have a bond, we will release endorphins and enkephalins, as we hold the rose and feel the love. The endorphins and enkephalins are powerful natural narcotics that give us a sense of comfort, safety and well being. If we share a rose with someone we share love with, we may release a neurotransmitter called serotonin, this neurotransmitter will give us a feeling of oneness.
The emotional value and meaning we add to sensory information, can bring great clarity to our lens. Our senses and thoughts are a component of perception, the emotions we have are the anchor that make what we see memorable.
Opening Our Heart to Become Enlightened
What knowledge have we ever learned that is more important than what we have felt in our heart to be true?
In the past science taught that the human brain was larger because we used it to think. The last few years of research have shown that the structure and function of the brain are most highly optimized during social competence; our brain is more of a social organ than a thinking one. Our brain is optimized when we open our heart.
Most of this research has gone unnoticed by those that would be users of this information and it will be many years before this new research will be taught in schools.
How we use our brain changes it, physically. Use dependent plasticity of the brain determines that intensive use of a particular area of the brain will make it have more neuronal networks, over time these networks or freeways of energy, become more complex, denser and thicker.
From a lack of use over time… a loss of neuronal activity, there is a loss of the networks or freeways that move the information. The brain changes physically and from lack of use the area of the brain then becomes less and less complex. In time we have difficulty because we have impaired functioning in that area of our brain.
In essence, the brain takes the form of how it is used. Optimally we want to have all of our senses and abilities available to use in our brain.
What is clear because the brain is primarily a psychosocial organ is that to become more “conscious” we need to use all of our brain, the thinking part as well as the emotional feeling part.
When these two parts of our brain work together, thoughts and emotions, we are able to use our brain at its highest and most remarkable levels.
Because of patterns of use, thinking about our thoughts, feeling pleasure but not developing the emotional part of our brain, many people are missing a great part of life. We want to be able to see and feel, listen to music and dance and think rationally as well as understand things intuitively.
There is an ancient Chinese proverb, “Not where you have mastery, should you exert yourself further but there where mastery has still yet to appear.”
What is the difference between a person with funny bones and a person that says funny lines? The person with funny bones is able to understand and feel their emotions. The person with funny bones is also able to understand when others have a common experience of these emotions as well. The comic with funny bones is able to relate non-verbal information about the experience that adds much more than words could add.
Children laugh 400 times a day, an average adult laughs 15 times a day, how did we lose 385 laughs a day? When we are young, the road of information from our emotional centers to our verbal mind is like an 8 lane freeway…we are feeling and happy.
As we learn over time to be in our “thinking brain” the canalization (term for neural highway of information) of information coming from our emotional centers to our “verbal brain” is diminished. When we learn to suppress our emotions, the freeway of emotion becomes a small road and some people even lose touch with their emotions.
When we have suppressed feelings long enough, we still have reactions and emotions; we are just not as conscious, of what our emotions and feelings are. What was once an area that brought us so much laughter and love, now primarily only alerts us to fear.
Many people try to find a spiritual path where they do not have to face themselves but where they can still liberate themselves. In truth, that is impossible. We have to be honest with ourselves. We have to see our gut, our real shit, our most undesirable parts ~ Chogyam Trungpa Rinoche
Our brain is able to change and we are able to regain the connection to our emotions with hard work and determination, over time. When we are capable of compassion, we are able to understand real creativity.
The person with a great connection to their feelings and others feelings as well, can have an understanding of a common truth. Creativity is born of a psychosocial understanding and when we are using our brain at full capacity, we are most capable of creating something that resonates with all of us.
Those that develop an understanding of what effect their emotions, reactions, perceptions and creations have on others, discover they are able to laugh a lot more too.
Consciousness and Love
To simplify things for discussion, let us say there are four levels of consciousness that humans possess.
The first level is “I do this and this happens.” It gives a person an understanding of how to get things. Many people grow up in homes where people are masters at playing with their own feelings or the feelings of others to get what they want. People in this situation often hide their own feelings. They may become masters at reading or manipulating the feelings of others but they lack the ability to put themselves in the place of others, so they do not have the abilities to read others using empathy.
People that have excessive canalization ( in psychology, formation in the central nervous system of new pathways by repeated passage of nerve impulses.), of their brain towards thinking the world is just about cause and effect relationships may become unscrupulous.
The second level of consciousness is when we realize there are long-term effects of our actions. People become self-examining in this phase of consciousness. When we realize that getting what we wanted now, has made it hard to get what we wanted most of all, we are able to see more than just, “I do this and I get that.”
The third level of consciousness is where we develop empathy. Empathy requires a great deal of us caring about someone that cares about us, to be able to perceive subtle non-verbally expressed feelings. When we love another and put ourselves in the other’s place, we develop the feeling part of our brain. The more we care about another person’s feelings the more we develop this non-verbal part of our brain, through empathy.
When we have developed this non-verbal part of our brain and have the third level of consciousness, we are able to enter our own feelings to discover the inner world of not only one other person but of all others. The more we care, the more we develop this extra sense.
In the fourth level of consciousness we understand that how we experience ourselves, will alter our experience. We understand that when we develop an appreciation for “who we are” we are able to relax, welcome love, welcome attention and be much more connected to another person.
When we experience this level of connection, we are able to feel how our subtle feelings automatically influence others that are not even aware we are changing reality.
When we have this level of consciousness, we are able to feel our own blocks to healing, having love or creating beauty and release them. We are also able to enter our own feelings to discover the inner world of another person to help them understand what their own blocks to healing, creating love or creating beauty in their life are and help them discover their path to releasing them as well.
When someone asks me, “What is real growth”, I tell him or her that doing our own work to develop empathy is the beginning. Understanding and developing the non-verbal part of our brain will open up a richness and depth of understandings that makes us so much more ourselves and complete.
There is no way we should do without all of our senses and both having empathy for others as well as ourselves is a sense we only benefit from. The enlightened experience of working with our thoughts and emotions can open a beautiful new world, once we get used to the idea.
I worked hard to grow and it took conscious effort to do it. I had to understand what feelings I had about myself were doing to alter my reality. I understood that the automatic non-verbal feelings I had were what created the theme to my story. In order to create with intent, I had to understand how to rewrite these themes.
“To love and be loved in return” real love is the best resource for growth.
Having the Brain and Heart of a Prophet or Sage
This blog will discuss some common things that happen in our brain that take us out of our emotional center, the place we create with a feminine or loving power. This part of our brain is where we understand things using empathy. The great prophets and sages used this part of their brain to understand themselves and others. We develop the highest consciousness using this part of our brain because we are able to understand what effect our emotions, reactions and feelings have on others, even when we do not say a word.
What distinguishes the real prophets and sages from the phony ones is the fact that in the course of the development of their consciousness, they were able to sharpen all of their skills, not just the ones used to understand the external world but also those used to perceive what was going on inside them.
To achieve the consciousness of a sage, we want to experience all of our feelings and perceive what is happening inside. This new consciousness will offer us the ability to be our beautiful authentic self and fully open our heart.
To be authentic, assertive, caring and creative, we need to understand the importance our emotions have for us. Most people I talk to believe that if they do not feel upset they are not upset. The problem is that most of us are not aware of our emotions when we get upset, we are looking outward, not inward and we do not feel upset.
There are stages to fear. Many people think we just get frightened and go into the “fight or flight” response but we actually go into our head to figure out what to do as the first stage of fear.
There are two different areas of our brain, that change our focus from feeling to just thinking, to find solutions to an acute problem.
The first area is our limbic system. When our limbic system perceives a threat that is not an instant physical danger, it instantly puts all of our brains resources into thinking not feeling, so it shuts down the ability we have to be introspective. We can look outside of ourselves and find out what is going on but we are not able to relate this information to all of the emotional memories, feelings and understandings we have developed over our lifetime. If we are only in thought, we are not able to have the wisdom of a “prophet or sage”.
The second area is the cingulate area of our brain; this area helps us to hyper-focus on something so we can find out what we need to do to be safe. This area forms a “worry loop” to focus our attention and help us problem solve. The bad thing is the more we worry the more this area becomes “hot” and when it is hot it can command all of our attention. As we continue to keep this area hot, the focus can give us a worried feeling that for some can even become an obsession.
These two areas, focusing us on problem solving, can keep us in our head, away from “our heart”. Because these mechanisms are so great for instant problem solving and accumulating information, we need to respect and honor them.
We want to put the information of what is going on in our external world into context, in order to do that we need to open up our heart and experience feeling the emotional memories we have that are associated with the external information we receive. When we come from our heart, we are able to understand what we brought to create what is going on, as well as have a non-verbal empathic understanding of the other person’s feelings and motivations.
Using empathy to experience our emotions as well as others, allows us to learn much more than just ideas and verbal thoughts. Using the part of our brain that is empathic and non-verbal to add value or meaning to the bigger picture, allows us a richness of color and depth that makes it possible to see things, people that only use their thoughts can not see. We need to use all of our brain, both our ideas and emotions to have the opportunity to truly grow as a person.
Many people suppress their feelings and get into “positive thoughts” to resolve problems. People are creating a habit of not being in their heart, to resolve things. When we are feeling emotions, we are using our entire brain to create better understandings from experiences over time. The greatest prophets have all used their own feelings, as well as understanding the feelings of others, to see things others could not and create good things.
The second stage of fear is the “fight or flight” mechanism, it takes us out of our thoughts and puts us into our body. During “fight or flight” we are focused on action and we are not as capable of looking at what is going on inside, just as when we were focused on thought in the first stage.
I believe there are some benefits to understanding this. When we experience and express our emotions, we are more likely to stay in touch with them and understand what we are feeling, so we can prevent fear from rising without our knowledge.
There are other ways to be in our heart and not just in our head. Try to be with someone touching them as you talk and notice your feelings. If we feel we are upset, it can be worthwhile to take some deep breaths and be in our body and heart more…if that means we need to take a break then we should ask for that.
We can always do more fun things that are physical as part of our normal routine, to keep our body, brain and spirit healthy. The more we are experiencing what is happening inside the more capable we are of using our heart or “prophet and sage” brain, to make empathic and caring decisions…
Only Love …Healing With Our Heart…Empathic Healing
Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own pain and have worked to heal ourselves, can we be present with the pain of others and help them discover how they may allow healing and love for themselves. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity and have a way of opening our heart so that we can open another.
Exercise 1 Empathic Healing.
What am I perceiving? The next time you are upset, sad, worried, irritable or annoyed go to a room by yourself and take some deep breaths and notice how you feel in your body. If there is pain, do whatever it takes to relieve it. Breathe deeply and let go of tension let your body feel light, relaxed and happy. When you feel good go back to the situation and if your perception has improved.
Exercise 2 Empathic Healing.
What is my energy creating? When you are having a wonderful time with someone, say nothing to whom you are with but put a small rock in your shoe and walk around with it till your foot hurts. Sit back down with the rock in your shoe. Watch how quickly the other person becomes upset when you talk. Our energy comes through our voice, our face, our body language and more. Others prepare for us in their old pattern of how they deal with someone with our energy and are not aware they do it….its automatic. Go take the rock out and apologize to the person you are with. This happens to us even when we think we are happy but are not aware of our real feelings.
Exercise 3 Empathic Healing.
Changing someone’s energy. If you understand what your own energy is and you also understand how to change your energy, so you can feel wonderful, do the following. Have empathy and feel the way the way the other person is feeling. Now try to emulate how they were feeling by having the same feeling yourself. Now we can understand how the feeling they have is altering their perception. Breathe deeply and let the tightness and heaviness go. With each breathe feel relaxed and light as if you were floating. In a caring and loving way, touch the other person. Continue to have an energy that is relaxing. Notice how much they are relaxing without your saying anything to them.
Exercise 4 Empathic Healing.
Finding what changes our energy in a negative way that we are not aware of. Our energy is altered when we prepare for something. This happens automatically and is controlled by the non-verbal limbic system in our brain. We change our energy all the time as we automatically prepare for a relationship we have with anything or anyone. How we feel about ourselves in any relationship is something we can change. First we must be able to notice the change. If we want to heal others we have to be able to notice this in ourselves to help others do this as well. Call someone you love and before you pick up the phone, feel how you feel all over your body. Call someone you hate and before you pick up the phone, feel how you feel all over your body. Notice the difference not in how you felt about them, but how you felt about yourself.
Exercise 5 Empathic Healing.
Empathic discussions must be authentic and feeling. We must be able to have a clarity that allows us to feel what our feelings are so well, we are aware of them as separate from another persons. We need to be aware of when we are influenced by another person and what our energy or influence is doing to the person we are with. We must remove any colored lenses we use to alter the way we feel so we may have the clarity to experience feelings deeply. We do this exercise with someone. Be with your own feelings for a while and then tell the other person all that you are feeling inside. The object of this is to become comfortable with feelings we may not want to acknowledge but need to be compassionate about if we are going to help someone with similar feelings.
Exercise 6 Empathic Healing.
Being responsible for my energy all the time. Taking responsibility for my feelings and energy means, I tell someone I love as I first see them, that I… have a headache, have had a hard day, have a stomach ache, am feeling grumpy, am tired, am irritable, am annoyed, am worried, am upset, have been arguing with someone, need to relax, am overloaded etc. In this way, the person I love is prepared for me and how I feel is not “put on them” which means they will not be upset by how I feel but will want to help. It also means that if someone says: Are you upset, are you angry, you look confused, you sound irritated etc…. before I say “No I am not”, I need to look inside and check to see if I do. If I am upset I may think how I am feeling is appropriate for the situation. Saying “I am not upset” before I check my feelings is not being honest. If I am not aware of my feelings or what my feelings bring, I may not realize how much I am responsible for what is happening. When we are able to admit when we are upset, it takes the “feelings of blame off the other person” and they feel better and are able to hear us and we both grow.
These are the first six exercises. There will be more. You have my respect and love.
Healing with Love
What is different about the sages, prophets and great healers of humanity, is that during the course of their development, they were able to sharpen all of their skills simultaneously, not just the ones they had to perceive changes in the external world but they were also able to perceive what was going on inside them.
They were able to use all their senses at the same time, in balance with each other. In doing so, they achieve the highest level of perception and understanding in which the brain (or what is described as our heart) is capable. To reach this a person must reach a balance of emotion and intellect, dependance and autonomy, openness and self-differentiation.
To develop this a person must take a perception of something in and sense what it causes inside them. The next step is to integrate the understanding but remain to some degree detached from it so that it does not become something we identify with personally. These understandings are what we learn, as empathic healers.
Why are so many people “in their head” and not “in their hearts”?
Many people did not feel safe as infants. In their development these people may have been more comfortable about thinking as a way of understanding things, than feeling. If a person does not feel safe, they may be unaware of their own feelings. Fear has several stages and the first stage of fear, is where our brain puts all our energy and focus into thinking about what is outside of us. Much like a small animal that is frozen in place looking to see what to do to avoid danger, when we are in fear our mid-brain, the place we “experience emotions and feelings” is shut down, we are not able to be introspective at this time.
In situations of insecure bonding, parents that are selfish, parents that are emotionally unprepared… a child crying may go unheard, a child connecting while experiencing joy may not see their parent smile. Because of fears, it is easy for a child to learn to hide its feelings or to express feelings they do not feel at all… but are expected for them to have. The child in this situation must use its intellect and protect its heart, to survive.
These same individuals later in their adolescence, may have felt uncomfortable with emotions. As a way of dealing with uncomfortable feelings, many adolescences and adults continue to suppress their feelings. Some people suppress their feelings for so long and do it so well, that it becomes hard for them to know they do it.
Suppressing feelings over time, can make it hard to experience our feelings without problems and will make it harder for us to understand our feelings later on.
The great news is, if a person that was not comfortable with emotions falls in love with someone that supports them in having all their feelings, they will be in a safe environment to rewrite the old conditioning or feeling of not being safe. After this happens a person can enjoy the pleasure of the beautiful emotions and experiences they were not able to have before.
Real Beauty
There are all kinds of people out there, that want to go from sickness to wellness, from a bad relationship to a better relationship, from confusion to clarity that haven’t been able to map out exactly where to go, or what to do to make those journeys possible. When we want to go somewhere new, it is nice to have the all the directions and information we need to get to where we want to go.
Creating is about more than having a desire. To have the healing, love or clarity we want, we must understand how to gently find and remove the blocks and barriers within ourselves that are built against creating what we desire.
On our journey we go to the See Your Beauty workshop and we gently and lovingly remove the blocks and barriers we have. We open our heart, feel lovable, beautiful, powerful, more ourselves, alive, uninhibited, authentic, creative, loving, present and soon we have such clarity, we discover it was opening our heart that set us free.
The See Your Beauty workshop is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between travelers on the same path or journey. When we are able to be present with our own blocks and barriers, we are able to be present with a fellow traveler as they remove their own barriers.
People say, “Someone has to be ready to grow.” I have found, we are all ready for “growth” when it is enjoyable, wonderful and real. People do understand they should be loving to themselves, they do not understand how to rewrite the conditioning that created the barrier that prevented them from feeling love for themselves all the time.
See Your Beauty, is about much more than our appearance; it can be about removing shame, removing insecurities, removing inhibitions, removing reactions that create stress or discomfort for us and rewriting our body image, too. The exercises we use in this workshop will rewrite non-verbal information in our brain to give us a lasting enhancement in clarity. Loving ourselves in this way gently removes the blocks and barriers we have to allow us to be loved. accept healing, and create.
The lasting enhancement in clarity we receive from the workshop will enable us to see our beauty in the eyes of others, see love in their eyes and see our own beauty when we look in the mirror.
We bring flowers when something beautiful happens inside of us. Our heart opens and we see only the beauty that already exists. Beauty is in us, all we do is open our heart, the world mirrors us.
Empowerment
I was told the other day that I am a clairsenscient. I have known for a long time that I could feel how others felt inside and I could also understand the pain they felt.
I could heal people of many things just touching them, I even made someone paralyzed walk. After years of doing this I began to have a deep understanding about the source of many illnesses, suffering and pain.
I felt and understood what was “the cause” of problems. When I removed the cause, the problem would go. Sometime later, if the person did what caused the problem again, it would come back.
I understood as well that when the person I worked with removed the cause, the problems left forever and their life was better. I now realize the most powerful healing I could do, is to empower someone to grow and give them the tools to do that.
I felt and understood that most of the problems people had in their body were there to help them to have a feeling of love for themselves.
Just as we read a story about a protagonist, good stories the ones we get an understanding of a character from, give us experiences that show us the heroic nature of the character. Their difficult and trying hardships help us identify with them and allow us to love them and accept all of their qualities. The more the character suffers the more memorable and touching they are to us.
This was what I understood most of our suffering was about. Our suffering was here for us to understand how wonderful, strong, lovable and interesting we are. During our life, we may at some point after enough suffering understand, relate to and love who we are.
Whatever we did not feel for ourselves was also part of our theme. In this way we had experiences that would later give us a feeling about “our character” that was missing and necessary for us. Some people needed to know they were strong, some needed to know they were beautiful, some needed to know how to be good to the child within.
Most of the problems I felt in people were because they did not automatically having a feeling about themselves that was loving and healing.
I developed exercises that would give “people that wanted to grow and have a particular feeling about themselves” a lasting way to have that feeling and see themselves in the way they needed to, without having to suffer. I have helped many people grow and it has been wonderful.
While I was going to Chiropractic college I learned something. I was told the reason the examining table was up so high, was mostly so a patient’s feet would dangle and they would feel like children. The backless gown also made them feel vulnerable to an authority figure.
A healer was an authority figure. I think people wanted to “get healed” in the past…the problem with this system is that is gives away a persons power. It is as if they had another parent that is not very loving. When we give our power away to someone else, we have less ability to understand, “we need to be our own parent and healer and if we want help from someone, it is our choice to use them in our own healing”.
One problem we can have from someone that helps us is, they may not understand the cause and only alleviate the symptoms. It may be much more difficult to understand how to grow if we do not feel we have a problem and the small problem may become larger and larger.
The problems we have that are emotional or physical are in my opinion, a reason to identify with our character and see their wonderful qualities. When we do decide to forgive ourselves, when we see how strong we are, when we see how tough we are, when we see how wonderful we are after all the pain, maybe we will give ourselves the love we have always wanted from ourselves.
What is interesting about any type of healing, is how much the brain does to heal us when it decides we can move forward. In all types of healing, we understand that it is mostly us healing ourselves anyway. Sometimes their is an assist but how much is from the healing and how much is from our desire to move forward?
In the “Spiritual Brain” Mario Beauregard and Denyse O’Leary write, “Rail de la Fuente-Fernandez and colleagues reported in 2001 that “our results suggest that in some patients most of the benefit that is assumed to be obtained from an active drug might derive from a placebo effect.” The researchers observed from PET scans that the placebo effect in Parkinson’s patients was mediated through activation of the damaged nigrostriatal dopamine system.
I see from the study that people that “experienced themselves as someone that should plan for a healthy future”, did something that gave them the ability to heal the cells in their own brain. The medication in the study did not have the ability to activate the damaged nigrostriatal cells.
I love empowering people to do their own healing. The empowerment allows them to heal their family.
Later in “Spiritual Brain” Mario and Denyse write, “Perhaps even more remarkably, sham surgery works too. A 2004 study compared thirty patients who received controversial embryonic stem-cell implants for Parkinson’s disease to patients who received only a sham surgery. Those that thought they received the stem-cells reported a better quality of life a year later than those that thought they had received the sham surgery, regardless of which surgery patients had actually received. The ratings by medical personnel tended to concur with the patient’s own views.”
I have helped many people do exercises to “relieve stress and be more comfortable” and it is amazing how much can be done when people have their power back. I have seen many people with all types of problems and illnesses heal themselves and go back to an even more wonderful life.
My questions are: Do we want to be empowered so we understand what creates our problems? Do we want to love and heal ourselves? Do we want to empower others to love themselves and change their reality as well?
I believe that pain and suffering are not put upon us by anyone but ourselves. We do not need to suffer to grow, we can enjoy our growth, healing and life. We have the opportunity to feel great inside and when we do we are able to teach this to our children as well. The clarity we give to the lens we use to understand our world, will allow us to have experiences beyond our dreams.
Be good to yourself. The relationship we have with our body and soul is special. Our Temple should be a place filled with love, gratitude and healing. Open your heart, when you give yourself a feeling of respect and love you will experience such joy it will break all bounds. <3
We bring flowers to someone when something beautiful happens, inside of us. Our heart opens and we see only the beauty that already exists. Beauty is in us, all we do is open our heart, the world mirrors us.
See Your Beauty Workshop
The first two exercises we use rewrite the conditioning that inhibits us from being able to see our beauty in the eyes of others.
The video is showing the last exercise, getting up and seeing our beauty and the love others have for us, in their eyes.
We look forward to seeing you at the next workshop.
Feeling beautiful is about much more than our appearance, it can be about removing shame, removing conditioning that creates inhibitions, allowing ourselves to see and feel what loving ourselves is all about and seeing others see how beautiful and lovable we are whenever we look into their eyes. It is a permanent enhancement in the clarity we have in the lens we use to see our reality with.
It is nice to know there is an easy exercise we can do to rewrite the conditioning that has prevented us from seeing our beauty and feeling loveable and love for ourselves so quickly and permanently. Just as we learned to float and had a better experience in the water, we can have a better experience with ourselves and others in our life.
When we love ourselves it creates so much clarity, we instantly have power and presence. When we see our beauty we are able to see more of the beauty in others and our world as well. As we see our beauty we realize our world is just a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. Feeling lovable reveals more of who we truly are, so we lose our inhibitions and open our heart.
I hope to see you at a workshop soon.
Letting our inner child out
How do we become more ourselves and alive?
Have we ever had a dream where someone or something is chasing us and we are unable to see what or who it is?
We want to run in those dreams but the same dream can give us a feeling we are unable to move.
What is chasing us and what is holding us from moving forward?
There is something we may not be able to see…it is the same problem the Tin Man, the Lion and the Scarecrow had….and it can create nightmares for the child within us.
I am sure we have all rewarded ourselves when we accomplished something others admire. We feel more alive because we have been conditioned to give ourselves a chemical reward for the accomplishment.
How can we find what we like if we only receive chemical rewards for the things we have been conditioned to do?
If there is no reward for us opening our heart to find what would feel wonderful for us, how can we have the courage, brains or heart to create wonderful dreams asleep or awake?
Can we reward ourselves for things that would make us proud, even if they are not something we have rewarded ourselves for in the past?
We can create chemical rewards and rewrite our conditioning so we get the same “feeling of aliveness and pride” we got from doing what someone else wanted us to do. We can reward ourselves for our creativity in the same way we would for finishing a project, getting a good grade, hearing a “job well done”, hearing applause, having someone admire us that is an “authority” figure or from getting a diploma, a medal or a watch…
In the Wizard of Oz the Scarecrow has stopped thinking, the Lion has lost courage, the Tin-man has lost heart and all because they do not know how to reward the child within.
There is a child within all of us. We are that child’s parent now. What is our excuse for not rewarding ourselves for being who we are?
How we reward ourselves is automatic.
Let us examine what we are feeling chemical rewards from…
We may have learned to respect authority figures more than our own judgement. If we feel more alive when a stranger admires us than when we look in the mirror, we may have become admiration based and not love based.
Looking for admiration may be the only time we give chemical rewards and this is hard for us…particularly when there are few of these rewards as we create our own business or are in management, there is more criticism and less praise as we excel.
We can condition ourselves to give automatic chemical rewards because of love.
Want you to try something? This is a “love based chemical reward” exercise.
It gives one the experience of loving their inner child. To begin, I want you to be proud of your inner child for directing you to something that made you happy. This is just a practice exercise.
Do you remember the last time you indulged in play? Have you played with bubbles, had a food fight, gone to get a massage, brought flowers home, went to a funny movie or just walked along the beach in the rain lately? If you remember something that made you happy, created art or heard music ….anything at all…. lets go to the next step.
Completely relax. Breathe deeply and as you slowly exhale let go in your face, now your head, now your neck, let your shoulders completely drop…. breathe deeply, exhale and relax all over.
Now remember the best feeling of reward or aliveness you have ever experienced in your body. The feeling of aliveness and excitement can be from anything, let go of the thought about what created the feeling and just feel the experience of the feeling all over. Take some deep breaths and allow the feeling to wash over your body and through every part of you. When you feel wonderful….
…….give it to the child within you. Walk slowly towards a mirror and with each step feel the wonderful feeling as it grows stronger, breathe deeply and ……as you open your eyes see the child within and feel good.
The child within deserves the reward of this chemistry because we love them/yourself for being happy in this life….its not so easy all the time…but it is important to feel alive and happy.
It is amazing how much more we are ourselves when the rewards we give ourselves automatically make us feel wonderful about ourselves.
The nucleus accumbens, the brains reward system, as well as the frontal lobe are much less active when we only reward ourselves for being admired. If we reward ourselves instead of just waiting to get it from others, we have much more activity going on in the reward system of our brain.
There are times we all have sadness or failure.
The same things the Wizard of Oz gave, self confidence, courage and the capacity to love are something we can give ourselves.
If we want to become who we were meant to be, we must have the ability to reward ourselves, not look for the Wizard of Oz to do it.
Every relationship can give us an opportunity to have a better relationship with ourselves.
Loving yourself and rewarding yourself for doing that, creates incredible relationships.
Love <3
Being a great parent.
I had an abusive father. I forgave him because he was in a concentration camp.
I had some “lower vibrations”, reactions and self perceptions that would create discomfort in my body in some situations. There were times I just felt irritable, upset or was not happy about playing.
I knew someday I would be a parent as well so I wanted to remove these problems. I did a lot of things to find something that worked.
Many things made my problems worse, going back in my memories through psychotherapy was one that made things worse. Each time we visit a memory, we re-record the memory. I was going back to find the cause of my problems. I would try to feel feelings I had during situations where “I was so frightened, I pushed my feelings aside” in my early childhood. When I would visit the memory I would add whatever feeling I imagined I was supposed to have at the time that was repressed and not released. Most of the time, I was taking an old memory and adding strong new emotions. If these old memories were that influential, adding powerful emotions of fear, sadness, loss, grief and anger would have made more problems.
What was causing my problems was, I was bringing the feelings of a small helpless hurt child, that had little control of their life to my current reality. These small helpless child feelings were added to how I felt about myself now. I was feeling these emotions after the psychotherapy sessions and they added color to everything I saw. I had the self perception of a little frightened boy and the more I did that the more I was creating problems.
The good thing was I could see how our perceptions could change our reality. My problem was I was feeling like a frightened little boy somewhere inside already. How could I remove the feeling I had?
How can we remove the bad feelings we have? Neuroscientist Joseph LeDoux says:
Joseph continues, “People tend to think that our memories are just sitting in our brains, like some sort of file in a computer hard drive. But researchers now say that’s all wrong. Our memories aren’t static, they’re constantly changing, because each time we recall a memory, we rebuild it from scratch.”
I contend it is something different than “memories” that create our reactions. I believe we learned reactions in a different way than we learned memories. We may have memories that happened at the same time we were learning to have the reaction but it is not necessary to have the memory come up to work on the reaction. We have most of our reactions because of our conditioning.
We do have to bring up the file that holds the conditioning in it, to change the contents of the file but we can do this with the conditioning as it presents itself in the here and now.
The conditioning may have been created by a “lower vibration” and in the way we would bring a “higher vibration to the lower vibration to heal it”, we will do the same and I will tell you how down the page a bit.
In experiments, a class of students was asked to nod and smile if their instructor went to the left and shake their head “no” and frown if their instructor went to the right. In just a few minutes in most cases, the instructor would have his left shoulder on the left wall for the entire lecture. When asked why the instructor put his shoulder on the wall, they would say it was because they wanted to. When the instructor was told of the experiment they would argue and not accept that they were so easily conditioned.
I was not only hurt by my father by his behavior, I was conditioned to be like him.
I understand no one that has been abused wants to be like their abuser. This is not a decision we choose to make.
In the previous blog I wrote, “It is not what we are looking at but what we see that matters.” I also wrote, “When we are ready… what we are looking for, we will see it.”
Congratulations, this was not an accident, we are both here because it was something we were destined to do when we chose to bring in the light.
Most conditioning is just preparing us. The conditioning we received from an abusive parent is preparing us, for them.
This automatic preparation usually happens to us as we come home.
Much like a buzzer before a shock to a mouse as they are being conditioned, coming home to an abusive parent or having our parent come home, is what we automatically prepare for.
If we do feel irritable when we are home, it is because the preparation the conditioning creates in our body is making us guard and tighten automatically. This is much of the cause of depression, fear, irritability, stress and aches and pains.
Because of the conditioning from an old erroneous fear, we automatically may feel difficulty relaxing. We are this way now, while we are home with the people we love.
That is why our parents were irritable too.
Why can’t we just stop this feeling of irritability with good feelings?
Because our brains are designed to stop introspection and focus on threats when we feel fear, we are unable to be self-examining when we feel fear. The second reason is because there is no real fear, people are not looking for the signs of fear in their body, just being home.
Striking changes happen in the brains of people that experience fear. The first response we have to fear is a change that could help us find a solution to a problem. Our brain raises our heartbeat and prepares us by shutting down our midbrain, sharpening our brains attention to help it look for threats.During this process, much like an animal that is frozen still, we are only looking outside of ourselves to find what has created this fear. Our sophisticated brain is unable to look inwards to see if we are the cause, all the intellect we have is focused on finding a real or even imagined cause for the fear.
Because of conditioning and the fear it creates, our brains can be prone to misfiring when we are focused outside of ourselves looking for the cause of our fears.
Our amygdala and periaqueductal grey parts of our brain are ancient and date back hundreds of millions of years. This system developed to keep us safe.
This is why, no matter how much we love someone, we are unable to over-ride the irritability with something better at the time we are experiencing this deep old powerful energy. I have heard many people have justifications for their anger and it was because this old conditioning altered their perceptions.
Yesterday I wrote, “Dominant vibrations that over-ride any other vibration we have, alter our thoughts. Our thoughts become an afterthought to support these dominant vibrations. Dominant vibrations can over-ride the beliefs or other vibrations we have, our perceptions are shaped by these as well.”
We have all had pain. It is time for us to let go of the justification for things we have had no control of.
As we choose to not just look but see, the most important step, is to see that we are our own parent now.
The child within us wants to play, be loud, create a mess or do things just to experience them. If our parent was not able to have fun and be happy at home, chances are this is true about us as well.
We can do two things at once. We can remove the conditioning of fear we feel in our body as guarding that will make us feel irritable when children play and….let our inner child have a little fun and play at the same time!
We must find a way to play. It may be hard to find something we like but we must do something for fun and then, we must reward ourselves. This is a beginning. We must reward just having fun as much as we can. The reward we give ourselves for having fun should be a similar feeling to the one we give ourselves for accomplishing something others admire, we should allow ourselves to feel more alive and uninhibited.
The next step is to play at home and enjoy ourselves, this may be hard but it is essential. It can be anything that we like as a hobby or would be just fun to do but it should be something we actively do.
The last step is to rewrite or remove the conditioning we have that makes us irritable with children or loved ones. We want to be our inner child and play with the people we love. If we can we want to be the same age as our children and join them in what they do. This will re-parent us and recondition the way we feel about ourselves when we are with our children.
We want to play with the adults we love as our inner child of any age and enjoy wonderful mysteries adults can explore that make us happy. When we feel a childlike love with no irritability, that is recorded in our home, it will give us new and more relevant conditioning for us to have reactions with. When we play and have fun, the automatic preparation we have in our body will give us a chemistry of wonderful feelings, hormones and brain stimulants that are exceptionally healing and healthy for us.
I wanted to tell you this because I had to learn how to love myself this way, even though my mother loved me, I still had conditioning that was not allowing me to be free.
My son means the world to me. I am sure your children are the love and joy of your life, as well.
I hope this helps make loving ourselves and our children, fun.
I dedicate this to my Mother and Grandmother.
I love you.
Intent
Have you ever had a difficult time trying to find the right words to express your thoughts?
If our thoughts were words we would not have problems finding words to express our thoughts. Some of our thoughts may be words sometimes but there is much more we have that is added to each thought, a feeling, a picture, memories of emotions and even feelings about our self mixed in.
Many people teach that if we play the right words in our head we will have the correct intent. The part of our brain that uses words may be one of the most easily accessible because of what we have been trained but it is not the part of our brain that influences our intent. Words can stimulate thoughts but the part of our brain that is creating our experience, is not using words. Words would be much too slow to use to change our chemistry, heart rate, circulation or give us a feeling we perceive as the value and meaning of the facial expression on the person across from us…of all the things that change the lens we use to automatically perceive others, the most powerful alteration to our perceptions is created by the software we use to give us a sense of self and an understanding of our relationship to the person we are looking at.
The lens we use to view our world alters us. The “lens” is the part of our brain that instantly orchestrates how we prepare after it see’s something….it gets information first and it see’s what we look at before our visual cortex gets the picture. The “lens” will prepare us differently for every relationship we have with people or objects.
The preparation alters how we feel inside and how we feel about what we are looking at. That is how the “lens” is adding value and meaning to what we see.
Most of the software our lens uses, was created in the same way as animals developed theirs, from having empathy for our parents and understanding their feelings in relationships.
Our lens determines our reactions, perceptions, emotions and also gives us what others would describe as our “energy” or our “intent”. Intent is not what we would describe as our intentions but rather how someone would describe us in a relationship. An example would be that we may have a friend that has “intentions” of having a good relationship with a swimming pool or with people but is afraid to get in the water or be close to people. We would say their “intent” or how they experience the relationship is based on fear even though they have good intentions. Intent is created by our “lens” it is part in parcel of our perceptions and preparations because it is “how we experience” something and “how we experience” something changes the options of experiences we may have.
I remember an interview someone did with a monk in Tibet. When the interviewer asked what the monk could tell him of enlightenment, the monk told him, there are no words, just an experience.
If we want to have the ability to create with our intent, we have to be in touch with the parts of our brain that create our experience. To start being more in touch with the part of us that creates our experience, let us connect more deeply with ourselves in ways that are beyond words, in so doing we can more fully open our heart. The thoughts we have that are not words are as easily accessed as words.
When we are in touch with how we truly feel and think, we may understand our intent. Understanding what is going on deep inside, we are able to examine how “who we are” and “how we experience” ourselves is the theme to our life. The part of us that creates our theme and directs our intent also makes simple decisions for us.
We understand that even a simple decision about which hand we will use to touch something….is created in a non-verbal part of our brain 6 or 7 seconds, before we “think” we decide. The decision we believe we make in thought, is an afterthought.
The parts of our brain that create fear, hunger, desire, compassion, jealousy, insecurity, tension, creativity, risk taking, desire for comfort, love, our body image, our self image, our sense of safety, security, home, family, feeling wanted, feeling appreciated, feeling desirable, feeling lovable, feeling joy, happiness, sadness, loss, grief, bliss, gratitude, connection, separation are all from parts of our brain that create automatic processes influence our intent.
These are the processes that operate the lens we use and change our reality because “how we experience ourselves is reflected in what we see”.
If we want to influence our intent, we can rewrite the software or code that we use to give us our experience. Having the ability to rewrite insecurities, an erroneous body image, erroneous fears, feelings of jealousy, shame or lack of pride will easily improve how we experience ourselves and the world. When “how we experience” has clarity, our intent is much more powerful in creating the things we want. There is not a part of us that is afraid to have someone close or to see how beautiful we are, how much we are loved and heard, needed and cared for.
A dog, may not be able to tell us that it’s lonely and defensive but we understand. It is this part of us that “understands” others, that also automatically creates what others understand about us, this is our intention.
A dog, may not tell us it is lovable and wants to be loved but we understand and it creates an option for an experience for both us, this is intent. Intent creates better options of experiences as well as changing energy and matter.
When we remove fears, inhibitions and erroneous conditioning, we remove intent that was preventing us from moving forward. When we have just the intent of what we want, to direct energy and matter, this clarity is able to create some wonderful things.
I look forward to sharing much more about intent, I know we all want to see a better world and I know many of us are ready to take on the responsibility of creating one.
I change reality, we all do.
I changed my reality
I have to take responsibility for my energy. My energy has created some wonderful and terrible things.
My father was in a concentration camp, a work camp in Poland for seven years. My father hid the feeling he was victimized from himself but I had empathy for my father so I felt the way he felt inside and emulated the way he felt about himself in relationship to others.
My father would say “I forgave the Nazi’s a long time ago.” but when he was vulnerable, I felt him tighten in his body, he looked at me, pupils dilated with a face that was hollow, ash and cold.
“My tongue was like shoe leather. They would take us out and line us up against the wall”. “I saw a man put his hands on top of mine, they were larger hands that covered my hands. The man whispered in my ear, When I grab your hands, fall with me. The man winced and kissed my neck. We fell and I stayed on the ground under him until long after dark.”
When I saw a bully as a kid. I beat the hell out of him. I beat kids bloody twice my age.
I was too old to fight but too young to understand. I was in Chiropractic college, I had straight A’s and my scores were in the top five in my class.
A new semester began and J.G. Anderson, my new professor got up in front of the class. He stood there quietly staring at us. “I want you students to know something about me. I was in the military in WWII and I was in charge of a group of epileptics in a secretarial pool. I told them, just as I am telling you…I will not tolerate a person being late, falling short of the work that is expected and most of all for falling asleep under any circumstances.”
J.G Anderson smiled, “I had to give many injections of drugs that would cause seizures, do you know what happens to an epileptic that has medication to create seizures injected? They have seizures so hard they break their teeth! (he laughed). They learned.”
Many students laughed with him. I understood their deference was from fear but it took them and they were gone.
I always sat in the front of the class. Every day J.G. Anderson came into class, stared at us and then spent the next fifteen to thirty minutes drawing on the board. It was summer in Glendale California.
There were sixty of us in a classroom in a very old building with no air conditioning or fans.
Even though I was only nineteen years old, I worked as a bouncer in a nightclub in Pasadena till two A.M.. I only had time to get five hours of sleep at night.
When J.G. Anderson came in and started drawing I would fall asleep like I was hit with a hammer. I would wake up with J.G. glaring at me. Many times he said, “I will ruin your life!”
I was sure I was the victim. I was a wonderful healer and people adored me because I cared so much. I was unable to see what my role was in this.
How could I change my role when I did not see that I was writing my script? My reactions and emotions became an energy that could create a reality I would live in.
I felt that my reactions were valid. It is very hard to see what we bring, let me explain why. How our brain works, is to look outside of us, when we are in fear or reacting to an affect created by fear, we are much like a small animal that is frightened. A small frightened animal remains still and looks out to see what is creating their fear and what they can do.. At this time the brain turns off our ability to be introspective, so we can focus all of our attention on what we believe is creating our reaction.
When I was calm I could see that my energy was at least in part creating some of my reality.
I decided to do everything I could to create as much good energy as I could. I was like a guy that was very attractive and well dressed but people told, “You have toilet paper stuck to your shoe!” The problem was I couldn’t see the toilet paper myself.
I decided I wanted to create more great energy, perhaps there would be less chance to have a reaction that was negative. I thought, “I will spend more time working on what is beautiful about me and I will be fine.” I was already more than wonderful enough…
Later I realized I had become phoney trying to be good all the time and people said that I was not funny anymore, I was watching my words and thoughts so much I was not really myself.
I tried to be more authentic by just accepting my faults. When I was negative I still felt my reactions were appropriate, I became a very nice person that sometimes was O.K. having other people tell him there was toilet paper on his shoe.
It was amazing what a big deal the toilet paper was to people.When I cared about someone and felt them sad because of me enough times, I finally decided I should fix this no matter if it did take real work.
I owned my energy and took responsibility for what it was creating but was not sure what that meant.
I spent years looking at my early experiences trying to understand who I was and why I had a need to have the reactions I did. Maybe some information would help me understand and I could decide to be different. The work did not stop me from having the same reactions, even when I could see that I was.
I took the time to feel what was happening in my body. I could feel that there were times my body was prepared for a fight and I realized that the preparation was what created my energy.
I remembered that I had been teaching others to prepare for situations differently in the body, so they would not have chronic pain. These exercises helped them to quickly have permanent relief. They also told me it changed their lives for the better.
I decided to use the exercises I developed for others, on myself to help me re-write the conditioning I had that created my reactions. In a few days I was without the reactions. I had a new self perception and experience to go with it as well.
My energy changed my reality. My energy or intent, is not just what I think, it’s who I am and how I experience things.
I stopped being a victim. I am able to be calm and assertive. I have a wonderful life now, no more toilet paper on my shoe!
The important thing I understand now is how much we change our reality. My reality was changed by my energy. It may be hard to know how important our energy is but think of it this way….other people that were at the receiving end of my energy would say my energy and my intent were the same. No matter what I was “thinking” I wanted to have happen, my energy was my intent. My intent created a reality that matched my energy.
I worked on myself and I changed my reality. I removed the fear I did not even know I had.
When we wake up and feel better, we can look back and understand the feeling we had created the nightmare.
How can we change reality?
Intent creates the themes to the stories we have in our dreams and intent is what creates the relationships we have when we are awake.
How do we create intent and how can we improve it?
We feel differently about ourselves in different situations. How we feel about ourselves is always in relationship to something else.
For us to improve our intent, we must improve how we automatically prepare in our brain, for a relationship we have.
If we understand how we learned to prepare for each relationship we have, we will also understand why we have self-doubts, a bad body image and reactions that are uncomfortable for us.
The way we learned how to feel about ourselves happened before we were verbal. As an infant, we did not feel distinct from our parents. We were concerned about our parents well being and we had empathy for our parents.
We experienced how our parents felt about themselves in each different relationship they had, it was very much like a muscle memory for us. Later we emulated how our parents felt in relationship to someone or something else. We used empathy and emulation to learn to walk and talk and now we used empathy and emulation to have a sense of what our relationship to other things and people was going to be.
Most of the experiences we had from the time we had verbal memories on were created by intent. The experiences we had reinforced what we already felt about how we should relate.
Many of us have examined our experiences to find out how they made us feel the way we do about who we are now. These experiences may seem powerful but it is always the value and meaning we put on how we felt about ourselves in the memory, that makes the memory have the importance it does for us.
If we were having a nightmare, someone could tell us the idea we had was just an illusion but it would still feel real. After the nightmare has passed and we feel differently about ourselves than we did in the nightmare, we can look back and see how silly the nightmare was. When we have a good feeling about ourselves, we have clarity of perception that ideas cannot give us.
We can improve how we feel about ourselves in each relationship we want to improve. When we open the file about how we relate to something or someone, we also open the feeling we have about ourselves in the relationship. When the file is open, we can enhance the contents of the file.
The part of our brain that adds the value and meaning to our perceptions, is a lens we see ourselves and others thru. We can enhance the clarity of all of our perceptions as we improve the way we experience ourselves. Like editing a video tape as we watch it, we can rewrite the contents of the program that creates our theme and create a better story.
Rewriting the contents of a file is a natural process. We do it all the time. We probably hated how we felt about ourselves as we learned to ride a bike or dance. As we became comfortable riding a bike or dancing, we rewrote the way we felt about ourselves in the relationship we had with the bike or dancing.
We want to grow and a part of growth is being able to be more ourselves and present. We do not want to change we want to grow. Real growth creates a better objective experience because real growth involves improving our intent.
We should be able to use our brain and memories to help us to be more of whom we are so we can enhance our intent and be truly successful. Changing “how” we think can be problematic, it may not allow us to relax and be ourselves as much as we think.
Intent comes from who we are. We may just want to rewrite how we feel about ourselves in one relationship, so we can create something wonderful.
Imagine a happy relationship, add some irrational fear about the relationship and picture how we change the theme of the relationship. When we improve how we feel about ourselves in a relationship we remove fear. How we feel about ourselves automatically relative to something else prepares us and gives us our intent. When we remove fear and embody love, our intent creates love in abundance.
How would intent create a relationship? Imagine we have a bad self-image that creates fear, lets us say for example we feel shame. We may want to be close to someone but when we are close to them, the conditioned shame we have gives us a reaction that makes us feel uncomfortable.
Rewriting the conditioning we had that made us feel shame, so we automatically feel beautiful, desirable and lovable, will improve our intention. The great feeling in our body, and the comfort and presence we now have, will give us the desire to be touched, held and kissed. When we “embrace our self with love, our intent will bring help.” The intent will bring someone to hold us, touch us, kiss us and love us.
Drive thru enlightenment
I would like to use the word enlightenment in a way it may not have been used in the past.
I am going to use the term “enlightenment” as the process of enhancing the automatic part of our brain that instantly provides us with the experience we have of our self and our intent.
In this blog I am going to site a few experiments. One experiment will show that our intent can change the outcome of a random number generator, much more than any thought, goal or desire could.
Our intent is automatic it is a part of who we are.
I next site experiments that show how our heart rate or skin conductance will increase 2-3 seconds before an emotional stimulus takes place.
If we can alter a random number generator with our intent and we can alter the heart rate and skin conductance of others even before they receive a stimulus, I believe I can safely say that our intent has the power to not only alter matter but alter the course of our relationships.
When we enhance our brain and improve how we automatically experience ourselves, we improve our intent.
Let me give you a picture that may help us understand the idea of intent. When we wear a new outfit, one that makes us feel good about our appearance, we may relax and become less inhibited and more ourselves. We may become very comfortable and present in the new outfit. What the new outfit has allowed us to do is transcend what inhibited us from having a good experience of ourselves. People feel shame, self dislike and many have other inhibitions that alter how they feel about themselves with others. These inhibitions can disappear in an instant when someone puts on a new outfit because we can let them go that easily
When we are comfortable and present, the bliss we feel is as contagious as our laughter. We are capable of removing fear by intent, I know you are reading this because you understand how important that is.
When we let go of what has limited us, we create a better reality. When we have enhanced our brain so that we can have a better reality, I say “we have become enlightened”.
As we experience this new renaissance, we see the beauty of others and as we do, they feel comfortable revealing more of their beauty to us. Our intent can make everyone around us have a better life.
When you read my blog called “What Controls our Brain“, I am sure you saw that the non-verbal part of our brain, where our intent is located, controlled how we automatically prepared, which in turn altered our perception, reactions, emotions and body. In this blog was also an experiment that showed that up to 7 seconds before we “think” we make a decision to use our left or right hand to touch something our non-verbal brain and its “intent” has already made the decision. This shows that our thoughts are a mere afterthought to our intent. Intent is a part of the non-verbal operating system of our brain and the exercises that we offer that use Cerebrology, are an easy and lasting way to enhance our brain and have the intent we want.
The following two experiments show how our nervous system reacts in advance to stimuli.
In his article, “Heart Rate Differences between Targets and Nontargets in Intuitive Tasks” Tressoldi reports the results of two experiments, aimed at investigating pre-stimuli heart rate changes. In the experiment a statistical significance (error risk) of p=0,015 was obtained while in the second experiment p reached 0,001. These results support the hypothesis that the heart rate reacts before the stimulus takes place (Tressoldi and coll., 2005).
In 2003, Spottiswoode and May in Cognitive Science Laboratory replicated the Biermnan and Radin (1997) experiments that show an increase in skin conductance 2-3 seconds before emotional stimuli are presented. Spottiswoodie and May replicated these results with a statistical significance of p=0, 0005, and performed controls in order to exclude all possible artifacts and alternate explanations. These results support the hypothesis that the autonomic nervous system reacts in advance to stimuli (Spottiswoodie and May 2003).
This next experiment shows that our intent, much more than our goals or thoughts, can alter a random number generator.
In 1979 the PEAR (Princeton Engineering Anomalies Research) laboratory was established under the direction of Robert Jahn, Dean of the University’s School of Engineering and Applied Sciences. The purpose of this laboratory was to replicate and study the results obtained by a student, which showed anomalous mind/machine interactions when using REG systems (Random Event Generator). PEAR and a consortium of other universities have replicated these results. The anomalous mind/machine interaction which is observed is very simple: REG systems produce ultra-precise Gaussian distributions, but when a subject tries to distort these distributions only by the expression of his intentionality, statistically significant deviations are observed. Even more fascinating is the fact that those distributions which have been produced before the subjects expression of intentionality show an amplified effect. The statistical significance of these amplifications is p<0,00000001 (Jahn, 2005). These experiments show that living systems constantly seem to be engaged in anticipation and show that intent can influence matter.
We have the science to change how we experience ourselves and more than anything else, a person enlightened this way can remove fear from others. I extend my hand, please join me and together we can say “I change reality”.
Body Language
In a recent experiment, men were asked to rank how attractive they found photographs of different women’s faces. The photos were eight by ten inches, and showed women facing the camera or turned in three-quarter profile. Unbeknownst to the men, in half the photos the eyes of the women were dilated, and in the other half, they were not.The men were consistently more attracted to the women with dilated eyes. Remarkable, the men had no insight into their decision making. None of them said, “I noticed her pupils were two millimeters larger in this photo than in this other one.” Instead, they simply felt more drawn toward some women than other, for reasons they couldn’t quite put a finger on.
So who was doing the choosing? In the largely inaccessible workings of the brain, something knew that a woman’s dilated eyes correlates with sexual excitement and readiness. Their brains knew this, but the men in the study didn’t — at least not explicitly.
We are not all mind readers but we are all brain readers. We are influenced by how others feel, this happens automatically and it is not necessary to be conscious of this. When we are talking to a loved one and they see something they like, their pupils dilate. When a loved one’s pupils dilate, we experience the excitement they feel because of empathy. Empathy developed before language in a part of our brain that controls the many automatic processes within us such as attraction or fear. Even mice feel empathy.
What happens inside of us automatically changes what is happening in the brains of those around us. I have heard 60% of what people communicate is non-verbal. How we feel, has a great influence over others. People get how we feel. They feel it too.
A woman looked at my lips and then into my eyes, I noticed her pupils dilate. She did not have to say a word. I silently gasped. My brain had released neurotransmitters, dopamine and nor epinephrine, these gave a feeling of excitement and heightened perception.
Even when we do not touch, we feel each other. I continued to talk with the lovely woman and noticed she had more pupil dilation because her brain noticed my pupils, even though she was listening to what I was saying and thinking of a response. Now her brain was producing the same chemistry and response, I was having automatically. This is natural.
We continued to talk and as we felt each other more, we released endorphins and enkephalins, these powerful natural narcotics gave us a sense of comfort, safety and well-being.
The process of facial recognition and body language is something that speaks many volumes. We understand how a person is feeling by observing where circulation is in their face and by many other things we get, many are beyond what I can explain in this short blog. In experiments it has been shown that our heart rate and skin conductance change seconds “before” we are presented with a stimuli.
We may want to improve how we feel about ourselves in relationships with others. How can we separate which feelings are our own and which feelings belong to others, if we are not able to feel good ourselves? Do we understand how much we are affected by the feelings of others? If we are uncomfortable with ourselves, if we are insecure about the way we feel about ourselves because we have some shame or we do not feel beautiful, we may be with others that feel this way themselves and we may think it is our feeling.
I have been in a room full of Hollywood stars and celebrities that looked incredible because of how much attention they gave to their appearance. I thought my insecurities were heightened being with them. It was not my insecurities I was feeling but their insecurities. My insecurity made it hard for me to recognize who the feeling belonged to.
When I removed my insecurities, I could feel comfortable and feel others that felt insecure and be helpful to them.
It is important for us to feel good about ourselves if we are empathic and caring. There are many narcissists that do not want to feel their feelings, yet we are able to feel their feelings inside us no matter.
We can change how we feel about ourselves and when we do, we will have the ability to distinguish between someone else’s feelings and our own.
When we have clarity about how we see ourselves, it is like learning to float, we are not struggling with the energy of others because it does not need to worry us, we can choose what feelings we want to immerse ourselves in. I choose love and respect.
Certified Cerebrology Trainer
If someone wants to help others doing Cerebrology, there will be workshops that will provide an apprenticeship program so that a “Certified Cerebrology Trainer” degree will be available.
I spoke with quite a few people and based on what we have discussed I have decided to begin a series of workshops. The workshops will help people to become more themselves and alive as they remove the conditioning of fear and inhibition we all have.
These will be workshops that are available to everyone and are the series of workshops that lead to enlightenment. We use non-verbal exercises that are natural, to re-write the conditioning of fear and insecurity that we all have in different situations. Removing these inhibitions and enhancing our self image in this way, makes us more ourselves and capable of having an experience we would not be able to have otherwise. We now automatically have the experience of ourselves the way we would if we had a new outfit on or were walking down the aisle to be married because those feelings are just how we should feel all the time without our fears and inhibitions.
There will be at least one workshop a month to start. In the apprenticeship program someone does their own work, doing a few workshops and when they feel the difference and understand what it does for their life, they then participate by learning how to do workshops and work with individuals or small groups.
The program will consist of my providing all scientific information that would be helpful but is not necessary to read. This information is there so when you have questions, you can find the answers to them.
Next the apprentice will be trained to do a one hour workshop and I will help so they do not do it alone, we do it together.
The next step is to learn and train others in Cerebrology by leading more of the various different workshops. Leading the workshops gives you an opportunity to have experiences of helping others to grow and have a better life.
The next step is that I help promote, organize and set up a workshop for several apprentices to do together. At that time I will give the apprentices a “Certified Trainer in Cerebrology” degree.
I will continue to provide any help to graduates because the future of Cerebrology, is all about them.
If you have an interest in a career that empowers people and gives them a new experience of life that is much better, please join us.
It takes courage to become one of the first to do something, I know that…I am sure you will always be proud you were.
No more reason to fear love
The secret is out…how we change reality in relationships.
Relationships that people do not care about seem to have fewer problems than relationships with people that are very deeply in love. Today we are going to change reality. We are going to understand why people in love have a harder time in relationships and then understand how to fix the problem so that love will give us what we want. Help me change reality, so that having all the passion, romance and love we desire, is simply not a problem for us anymore.
Some people only have problems when they are in love. They feel fear and they get angry or run, people want to be loved and love but are afraid.
The reason people are having problems when they are in love is simple. The problem is because of the way our brain works. Let us look at how our brain works to create our problems in love and then we can discuss the cure afterward.
When people ask me what makes a relationship work, I always tell them “the secret” is the magic we have when we enjoy ourselves and do not have fear.
When we are in love, we can have a feeling much like floating in a pool, where we enjoy the experience of the relationship and as the water would lift us, the relationship supports us and we are lifted to a new experience that adds to our life. When we are in love we can also have a feeling of fear, the fear creates a struggle for us and we feel the relationship makes us stressed.
There are few things that make us feel this much fear, since we have not been prey for animals for a long time.
Striking changes happen in the brains of people that experience fear. The first response we have to fear is a change that could help us find a solution to a problem. Our brain raises our heartbeat and prepares us by shutting down our midbrain, sharpening our brains attention to help it look for threats.During this process, much like an animal that is frozen still, we are only looking outside of ourselves to find what has created this fear. Our sophisticated brain is unable to look inwards to see if we are the cause, all the intellect we have is focused on finding a real or even imagined cause for the fear.
Because of conditioning and the fear it creates, our brains can be prone to misfiring when we are focused outside of ourselves looking for the cause of our fears. This is particularly true about love, I have watched people in love quickly destroy a relationship over some small issue and see them later with someone that was abusive to them without noticing it.
A group of monkeys were conditioned by getting hosed with cold water when even one of them tried to go up a ladder to get bananas. All of the monkeys were then conditioned so well they would stop another monkey that tried to go up the ladder. The next step was to remove one of the conditioned monkeys and replace it with a monkey that was not conditioned. When the monkey went for the bananas the other monkeys stopped it, conditioning it to be afraid to go near the ladder.
One by one the monkeys conditioned with the hose were removed and replaced by a new monkey the group conditioned. the group would condition the new monkey by themselves even though they were not getting sprayed with a hose. This went on until there were none of the originally conditioned monkeys left. They passed down conditioning to not go on a ladder in the same way people that have been conditioned to fear love pass down their conditioning.
Because our brains are designed to stop introspection and focus on threats when we feel fear, the thoughts we have that are an afterthought to fear could focus on threats that are only imagined and create more fear because we are unable to be self-examining at this time.
The next or second response is as we feel more fear from a real or imagined threat, the forebrains grip on the midbrain loosens. Now the midbrain becomes active, orchestrating quick responses that are fight or flight. This amount of fear shuts down our slower and more deliberative forebrain, where we have been thinking much more than we normally do. This is no time for thinking, we now get in an argument or leave.
If we have had a problem because of fear we felt when we were in love and we either fought with someone or ran, that is normally what our brain would do. It is not possible to change the process unless we remove the conditioning.
If words could create conditioning I am sure they could remove conditioning but that is not how we work. Our amygdala and periaqueductal grey parts of our brain are ancient and date back hundreds of millions of years. This system developed to keep us safe. There are ways here at Cerebrology to rewrite all of this conditioning quickly and easily, so now you understand what the cure is.
We are not in real danger feeling vulnerable when we feel love, if we have been conditioned this way, our brain is going to react as if there was a real danger for us. If we are going to change reality, only removing this conditioning can change the automatic reaction and response.
What makes a relationship work? If we were learning to float in a pool, as we relaxed deeply enough to open our lungs and have enough air to float, we would be automatically using a natural process of re-conditioning that takes place all the time as we learn any physical skill.
Because of the conditioning we receive from parents before we are even verbal, which is called affect, many people have conditioned fears about love. The way our brain works is to focus “outside” of us when we initially feel fear, to look for the cause, if the cause is from conditioning we will not be able to recognize that… because our brain will not be able to look inside when it is afraid, it does not work that way it is protecting us. The protection system of the brain is the same as in animals and is in control of directing our thoughts. Even if the fear is imagined we feel it and will find that the person we feel fear around is the cause.When we feel enough fear we stop thinking and either fight or run.
Our feeling about being in love is the same as learning to float in a pool. We rewrite the preparation that creates the fear, so we can breathe deeply, relax and experience the new perceptions we have. The struggle is gone and we can be safe no matter how deep we go in.
There are exercises here at Cerebrology that use natural techniques to give us a great feeling about love in much the same way learning to float gives us a great feeling about the water.
There is no real need to feel fear about love any more than a need to fear being in a pool. I hope you enjoy the exercises we have available to remove the conditioning that creates fear about love permanently. Together we can change reality.
Cerebrology has brain enhancements
To be a professional athlete one must practice doing things correctly, so the reactions are automatic.
Professional athletes practice their skills so much they are able to see the ball much better and they can have the reactions they want to have happen automatically.
Because of this practice, an athlete can think much more clearly during a crucial situation. In fact a professional athlete can think about many things all very calmly as they react to a situation they have practiced.
I have heard the term “muscle memory” attributed to what happens that allows an athlete to react in a way that is exactly what they practiced. It is an automatic reaction that does have something to do with our muscles because of the way we learned it.
Something comes into our vision and then comes thru the pre-motor pathway of our brain, allowing us to feel it as we see it.
All of the ways we learn to have a feeling about how we should relate to something are of this nature, we see someone do something and we feel it in our body, then we are able to experience the feeling as we do it.
It has been proven that people can grow muscle and even improve their game watching sports.
As we then spend some time making the imagined experience a real one for us by practicing the good habits we watched, it becomes a part of us, we do not have to think about it.
All things in life are similar, sports, dancing or even social situations are all about how we automatically react and better experiences are from practicing something correctly.
All sports are won or lost because of the preparation. I have heard boxers say, “I know what happens in the ring is all about what happened in the gym the last four months, its too late if I have to learn in action.”
I hope you have not had the experience of having a bad coach. A bad coach is someone that has not prepared us so that what we are about to do has become automatic. Instead the bad coach tells us what to “think” during the event.
If we want to have wonderful natural reactions to life’s situations, we want to include Cerebrology in our life. Cerebrology is training our body just as we would in any sport to have the type of “muscle memory” that will make us successful.
I was telling someone about how some people do not realize until they experience relaxing in the water, how wonderful and supported they are by the water when they relax enough to open their lungs deeply and breathe enough air to be lighted up and carried by the water. When we learn this “muscle memory” of relaxing and being supported, we relax and stop our struggle not just in the water but everywhere.
The important thing for most of us is not how we react in sports but how we react to all the little things in life.
Cerebrology is for those of us that want to be more ourselves and present and not examine our thoughts, just be real and have fun.
How does our brain effect reality, what are examples in physics
What is the real secret? Cerebrology can enhance our intent; our intent is an automatic non-verbal part of us.
You may think of intent as who we are or our soul. Other verbal or non-verbal enhancements we may do are only temporary because they are not stored in the permanent files our brain automatically uses and so they do not affect our intent.
When you read my blog called “What Controls our Brain“, I am sure you saw that the non-verbal part of our brain, where our intent is located, controlled how we automatically prepared, which in turn altered our perception, reactions, emotions and body. In this blog was also an experiment that showed that up to 7 seconds before we “think” we make a decision to use our left or right hand to touch something our non-verbal brain and its “intent” has already made the decision. This shows that our thoughts are a mere afterthought to our intent.
Because Cerebrology opens and rewrites non-verbal information we use in specific files that produce what becomes our intent, we are able to create improvements in what happens. Some people have called the results from brain enhancement metaphysics but it is just brain enhancement and physics.
In his article, “Heart Rate Differences between Targets and Nontargets in Intuitive Tasks” Tressoldi reports the results of two experiments, aimed at investigating pre-stimuli heart rate changes. In the experiment a statistical significance (error risk) of p=0,015 was obtained while in the second experiment p reached 0,001. These results support the hypothesis that the heart rate reacts before the stimulus takes place (Tressoldi and coll., 2005).
In 2003, Spottiswoodie and May in Cognitive Science Laboratory replicated the Biermnan and Radin (1997) experiments that show an increase in skin conductance 2-3 seconds before emotional stimuli are presented. Spottiswoodie and May replicated these results with a statistical significance of p=0, 0005, and performed controls in order to exclude all possible artifacts and alternate explanations. These results support the hypothesis that the autonomic nervous system reacts in advance to stimuli (Spottiswoodie and May 2003).
In 1979 the PEAR (Princeton Engineering Anomalies Research) laboratory was established under the direction of Robert Jahn, Dean of the University’s School of Engineering and Applied Sciences. The purpose of this laboratory was to replicate and study the results obtained by a student, which showed anomalous mind/machine interactions when using REG systems (Random Event Generator). PEAR and a consortium of other universities have replicated these results. The anomalous mind/machine interaction which is observed is very simple: REG systems produce ultra-precise Gaussian distributions, but when a subject tries to distort these distributions only by the expression of his intentionality, statistically significant deviations are observed. Even more fascinating is the fact that those distributions which have been produced before the subjects expression of intentionality show an amplified effect. The statistical significance of these amplifications is p<0,00000001 (Jahn, 2005). These experiments show that living systems constantly seem to be engaged in anticipation and show that intent can influence matter.
I look forward to more discussions of how our brain automatically changes our reality. Thank you for joining me.
How can we stop the “worry circuit”?
Welcome back to another in the series of blogs about how our brain automatically alters our story and reality.
In our brain there is an actual “worry circuit” that is there to help us focus on genuine risks and gives us cause to feel concern so we do something to reduce the risk of a real problem for us.
The worry circuit automatically alters our focus and thoughts, that is its purpose.
If our early conditioning gave us lots of reasons to worry, our perspective may be that we are vulnerable to things happening “to us”.
If we were conditioned to worry too much, it is generally because we learned an affect of fear or apprehension that may not have had a basis in reality. This is an affect we picked up from a parent that had anxiety and fear. Conditioned fear is passed down easily. It is time we got rid of this fear so other generations can live a better life.
The problem for us is that if our conditioned fear makes us worry, we feel vulnerable and experience our life as a nightmare. Sometimes we feel fear and do not know why, as in a nightmare where something is chasing us that we are unable to see.
When we are awake we look for what is causing our fear and often continue looking until we find something. The problem for us is we add “how we feel about something” to what we see to get the value and meaning it has for us. If we are anxious we may be irritable, tense, in pain from guarding in our body and more without being in touch with how we feel. If we add how we feel to how we feel about someone, when we are anxious….yikes. Even if we are at the effect of an illusion, we do not know this is happening. Our brain does not like to focus our attention on how we feel inside when we are on alert.
The worry circuit is supposed to help us focus, not feel vulnerable. When we feel things are happening to us, instead of feeling we have challenges we enjoy, the theme to our life becomes similar to Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Dorothy, the Tin Man, Scarecrow and Cowardly Lion all were paralyzed by fear and felt vulnerable, not capable.
The place that creates this feeling of vulnerability is very powerful, the neural traffic from this part of our brain to our verbal brain is like a super highway and the neural traffic from our verbal brain to the operating system of the brain is like a small country road. Our thoughts are an afterthought to the feelings the operating system of our brain creates within us.
When we rewrite the non-verbal information that creates our fears, we move the nightmare we live, our illusions and anxiety is gone. The “worry circuit” can now operate the way it was intended, to help us focus for something short term to get it accomplished.
Addendum to the above:
In a situation where someone has O.C.D. it is helpful to both rewrite how they feel about themselves in the situation, as well as have something positive to accomplish instead of worrying, so the circuit can calm down.This usually involves finding a hobby to do instead of repetitive behavior.
How much does fear alter our relationships?
Learning how we automatically create our unique experience and story, has to include how we change our reality.
What happens in our brain alters how we experience ourselves, this changes our “frequency” and we create a different reality.
Let me give you an example of someone that would automatically change the way he experienced himself and would instantly change his reality when he did.
I recently had an old acquaintance over, lets call him Greg (not his real name it is Ted j/k). Greg is someone that is and has been very involved in his spiritual and personal growth for a long time, he even likes to write affirmations.
Greg told me that he had grown a lot since I last saw him. Greg said, “I just went thru a divorce and I learned a lot about myself. I can say goodby to what was my past because I was honest with myself and took responsibility for being with women that created problems for me.”
Greg said he had been in psychological counseling for quite a while and after the divorce he realized that his problems with women were because of an aunt that was very bossy.
“Greg how often did you see this aunt?”
“Not much but when the counselor asked me to remember the first time I felt the “feeling that I could not stand being around a woman”, I remembered it was because of my aunt.”
“So your first memory of this feeling was with your aunt and you were not around her much?”
“Yes, I just saw my aunt a few times but the memory of the feeling was there.”
“You told me in the past your father was wonderful to strangers and was horrible to your mother, sister and yourself. Do you remember telling me how your father would get away from your mom as much as he could and yell at her the rest of the time?”
Greg replied “Yes I remember.”
“Is it possible Greg, that you might have been conditioned from being around your father when he was abusive to your mother and apathetic about making her happy. Greg is it possible you empathized and emulated your fathers feelings? Is it possible you felt the way your father did, when you were with your aunt?”
“No Bob, I do not feel I could be like my father, I hate him.”
“Greg when you are with the women that you have this feeling with, do you feel as though you are up to your neck in water and you are struggling, so you have to get out or away?”
“Yes.” Greg said.
“Do you feel you need to leave them or yell to get control so you can stop the feeling?”
“Yes” Greg said.
I then told Greg that I had exercises that could remove conditioning. “Just as we struggled with the water before we learned to float and can relax and enjoy the water now, you can learn to relax and float in a relationship and enjoy it.”
Greg said, “That would be great for someone that had problems Bob. I had problems because of the type of women I chose to be with and I am happy to say my problems are gone now that I have forgiven my aunt!”
Greg added, “When one door shuts, another door opens. If someone loves you they accept you as you are. Real love is not about expectations but about respecting me for who I am.”
I asked Greg, “Greg why do you think the women you have been with in relationships were upset with you and why did they leave you?”
Greg said, “I know most women trade sex for feeling wanted. I am going to find women that are not all about expectations. I am looking forward not backward Bob.”
I told Greg, “I wonder if some people think they can only have an experience of intimacy when they feel they have control in a relationship? Greg you know the person that cares the least controls the relationship, right?”
Greg smiled and left.
The conditioning people have can prevent them from having intimacy. It does not allow them to have a wonderful relationship.
Greg is living out a story that was written for him by many generations of fear being passed down.
In a world that does not experience loving and being loved, the reality is altered to… “controlling or being controlled” and love does not live there.
I see people wandering empty inside just trying to feel good about who they are, afraid to have something real.
I have exercises that remove the darkness of the conditioning that alters a persons reality so that they are not able to feel the joy of loving and being loved, permanently. The exercises are free.
Brain chemistry rewards
How do we become more ourselves and alive?
Have we ever had a dream where someone or something is chasing us and we are unable to see what or who it is?
We want to run in those dreams but the same dream can give us a feeling we are unable to move.
What is chasing us and what is holding us from moving forward?
There is something we may not be able to see…it is the same problem the Tin Man, the Lion and the Scarecrow had….and it can create nightmares for the child within us.
I am sure we have all rewarded ourselves when we accomplished something others admire. We feel more alive because we have been conditioned to give ourselves a chemical reward for the accomplishment.
How can we find what we like if we only receive chemical rewards for the things we have been conditioned to do?
If there is no reward for us opening our heart to find what would feel wonderful for us, how can we have the courage, brains or heart to create wonderful dreams asleep or awake?
Can we reward ourselves for things that would make us proud, even if they are not something we have rewarded ourselves for in the past?
We can create chemical rewards and rewrite our conditioning so we get the same “feeling of aliveness and pride” we got from doing what someone else wanted us to do. We can reward ourselves for our creativity in the same way we would for finishing a project, getting a good grade, hearing a “job well done”, hearing applause, having someone admire us that is an “authority” figure or from getting a diploma, a medal or a watch…
In the Wizard of Oz the Scarecrow has stopped thinking, the Lion has lost courage, the Tin-man has lost heart and all because they do not know how to reward the child within.
There is a child within all of us. We are that child’s parent now. What is our excuse for not rewarding ourselves for being who we are?
How we reward ourselves is automatic.
Let us examine what we are feeling chemical rewards from…
We may have learned to respect authority figures more than our own judgement. If we feel more alive when a stranger admires us than when we look in the mirror, we may have become admiration based and not love based.
Looking for admiration may be the only time we give chemical rewards and this is hard for us…particularly when there are few of these rewards as we create our own business or are in management, there is more criticism and less praise as we excel.
We can condition ourselves to give automatic chemical rewards because of love.
I want you to try something. This is a “love based chemical reward” exercise.
I want you to treat your inner child to something. I want you to be proud of your inner child for directing you to something that made you happy. This is just a practice exercise.
Do you remember the last time you indulged in play? Have you played with bubbles, had a food fight, gone to get a massage, brought flowers home, went to a funny movie or just walked along the beach in the rain lately? If you remember something that made you happy, created art or heard music ….anything at all…. lets go to the next step.
Completely relax. Breathe deeply and as you slowly exhale let go in your face, now your head, now your neck, let your shoulders completely drop…. breathe deeply, exhale and relax all over.
Now remember the best feeling of reward or aliveness you have ever experienced in your body. The feeling of aliveness and excitement can be from anything, let go of the thought about what created the feeling and just feel the experience of the feeling all over. Take some deep breaths and allow the feeling to wash over your body and through every part of you. When you feel wonderful….
…….give it to the child within you. Walk slowly towards a mirror and with each step feel the wonderful feeling as it grows stronger, breathe deeply and ……as you open your eyes see the child within and feel good.
The child within deserves the reward of this chemistry because we love them/yourself for being happy in this life….its not so easy all the time…but it is important to feel alive and happy.
It is amazing how much more we are ourselves when the rewards we give ourselves automatically make us feel wonderful about ourselves.
The nucleus accumbens, the brains reward system, as well as the frontal lobe are much less active when we only reward ourselves for being admired. If we reward ourselves instead of just waiting to get it from others, we have much more activity going on in the reward system of our brain.
There are times we all have sadness or failure.
The same things the Wizard of Oz gave, self confidence, courage and the capacity to love are something we can give ourselves.
If we want to become who we were meant to be, we must have the ability to reward ourselves, not look for the Wizard of Oz to do it.
Can we alter the lens in our brain to see the beauty within
How can I see the beauty within me
I would get a new suit, haircut, a tan or loose 10 pounds and could see with my eyes, I looked better.
I stopped reacting with jealousy, made a person that was unable to even stand, walk and I could not look in the mirror and see myself as more handsome.
We instantly and automatically get a feeling about what we look at.
I was much more attracted to people that were wonderful inside, I was able to add that value and meaning to what I saw… I wondered why I wasn’t able to see that when I looked at myself?
I developed this exercise after years of research about how our brain works, so we could see ourselves and our beauty, automatically all the time.
The Beauty Within
CEREBROLOGY EXERCISE: SEE WITH YOUR EYES HOW ATTRACTIVE YOU ARE
Step One
The exercise begins, we start by standing 6-10 feet from a mirror and to the side so we can not see our image. Next we walk up to the mirror but not so we can see ourselves and just before the mirror we stop and close our eyes.
Next we take a few deep breaths and relax.
If we are more relaxed after a few breathes, it may be because we have some apprehension.
If we were to look in the mirror when we are apprehensive, we add the feeling of apprehension to what we see.
After we assess how we feel we go back to where we started several feet away from the mirror.
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Step Two
We do what we did to begin with again, we walk towards the mirror and stop to assess how we feel. We do the relaxation exercise again and assess how we feel. We continue doing this exercise of just walking up to the mirror, until we can go to the mirror and find ourselves automatically relaxed when we get there.
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Step Three
The next step is similar but we add one more thing.
We walk up again and close our eyes before we look at our image. We do a self check to see if we feel beautiful in our body before we look at ourselves.
How we feel about ourselves inside our body is added to the picture we see and if we do not have a feeling we are beautiful we will not see ourselves as beautiful.
We do a self check after arriving at the mirror with our eyes closed, if we do not feel beautiful in our body, we allow ourselves to feel beautiful in our body and then we return to the starting place a few feet away from the mirror.
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Step Four
We repeat this step until we are able to walk up to the mirror with our eyes closed and feel beautiful in our body.
When we are able to walk up to the mirror and have a feeling that allows us to feel beautiful, we open our eyes and see our real beauty.
We do the exercise a couple times to reinforce the visual understanding.
Why does love heal more than words can
What happens in our brain to heal us?
If we look at how simple creatures learn we get an understanding of what the nature of science about our brain should teach us. Simple creatures more primitive than insects, that have no brains have memory. Creatures without brains remember a chemical sensation that is positive or negative in cells in its body.
We have the same memory in the cells of our body. If we eat something and get ill from it, we have a similar primitive reaction when we smell or taste the same chemistry that made us ill. This is not a thought it is a deep reaction to a cellular memory.
A goldfish has a brain but it is mostly used to find things that it reacts to positively by smell or avoids in the same manner. Our sense of smell is similar, it is a part of us that reacts positively or negatively to chemistry.
Words do not effect the deepest parts of us the way this chemistry does.
When we are with a person we feel a oneness with, we release neurotransmitters, dopamine and nor epinephrine. These chemicals give us a feeling of excitement and heightened perception.
The more we are together with the person we feel one with, the more we release endorphins and enkephalins, these powerful natural narcotics give us a sense of comfort, safety and well being.
This is why we say “actions speak louder than words” and “a snuggle is worth a thousand words”.
We have to understand what creates good feelings in our brain if we are going to use re-consolidation to enhance the things that go on in our brain.
What controls our brain?
We like to think what we do is under control of our thoughts…but what really controls our brain?
We first develop empathy and through this we learn many things including the ability to understand facial expression.
It would be nice to enhance our brain so we could control how we automatically felt..
What if we could!
A new science and practice of healing emerges, Cerebrology
Cerebrology, the door to a fresh new loving way of healing has opened…
What has been used in the past, to help people grow and what were the origins?
Let us look at where we have been..
Considered one of the largest influences on hypnotherapy, Milton Erickson has been a big influence on self-help. Richard Bandler and John Grinder who created Neuro Linguistic Programming, used Milton Erickson’s help to create N.L.P.
Milton Erickson’s ideas about an “unconscious” were different than Freud’s beliefs. Milton Erickson’s “unconscious” was a complicated explanation of a theoretical system that was a philosophy not neuroscience.
The impressive sounding “unconscious”, gave the impression of a scientific discipline but does not explain brain function. Milton Erickson stated, “In all my techniques, almost all, there is confusion.” Even that sentence is confusing.
In our past, we have seen healer-patient relationships that gave great power to the healer. One reason for the disparity in power was that the language used was not simple, understandable or consumer friendly.
Cerebrology is new, scientific and does something in our brain to help us grow
We have the ability to improve the bad reactions we have.
Recently there have been experiments on animals and humans to rewrite memory. The method is described as “re consolidation of memory”.
The memory that was re consolidated or rewritten was not a verbal memory. The work was done on the amygdala, the section of our brain associated with emotional learning. Our amygdala is part of our automatic brain, what I call our operating system.
In recent years, additional studies have replicated Nader’s studies in other mammals, and they have even extended the idea to humans. In 2009, neuropsychologists confirmed that if you activate a person’s fear, the traumatic memories associated with it can, for a brief period, be altered. The key is to provide complete safety during the reconsolidation window-which, in humans opens up minutes after a memory is recalled. The window lasts up to six hours, but then slams shut until the next time the memory is recalled.
When we put a memory into play, it is destabilized, flexible and vulnerable or ready to be permanently rewritten, adding the new information we add to it. This technique is what you are about to learn.
How can the new science of Cerebrology be an effective tool in self-help to improve what happens in our brain?
I want self-help to be user friendly, easily understood and it should have a basis in neuroscience that can be explained simply as well. I believe this type of self help will empower people and allow them the tools they need to grow and be more themselves.
Let me give you some of those tools today.
We need to understand where our reactions and perceptions come from so we can understand why this works so effectively on our brain.
How we react can come from conditioning but most of the time our reactions come from affect. Affect is something we learned before we were verbal, when we empathized with our parents, emulated the relationship they had with others and modeled the feelings our parents had about themselves.
Just as we watch someone dance and feel the feeling in our body, later this feeling is what gives us the ability to do the same dance. This is the way we learned affect before we were verbal.
Learning affect takes place the same way in animals and is what makes the difference between a feral cat and one that is comfortable sitting in our lap. The part of our brain that makes one person react differently than another or have a different self image than another, does not understand verbal language any more than a cat does.
Now we need to understand how to do the work of Cerebrology, to improve the reactions in our brain. Here is an example
I am proud to say Cerebrology exercises give people what they need to open their curtains and drapes, so they can see by their own light.
I believe people want to love themselves unconditionally and with this new science it is easy to achieve.
I predict that people will be attractive because of the beauty within.
I have already worked with people that have made this happen.
An example of an exercise that makes us able to see the beauty within, is the exercise for a better self image. It helps a person find exactly what it is that is impeding them from feeling their beauty and allows them to automatically see their beauty all the time.
THE EXERCISE: SEE WITH YOUR EYES HOW ATTRACTIVE YOU ARE
Step One
The exercise begins, we start by standing 6-10 feet from a mirror and to the side so we can not see our image. Next we walk up to the mirror but not so we can see ourselves and just before the mirror we stop and close our eyes.
Next we take a few deep breaths and relax.
If we are more relaxed after a few breathes, it may be because we have some apprehension.
If we were to look in the mirror when we are apprehensive, we add the feeling of apprehension to what we see.
After we assess how we feel we go back to where we started several feet away from the mirror.
————————————
Step Two
We do what we did to begin with again, we walk towards the mirror and stop to assess how we feel. We do the relaxation exercise again and assess how we feel. We continue doing this exercise of just walking up to the mirror, until we can go to the mirror and find ourselves automatically relaxed when we get there.
————————————————————————————–
Step Three
The next step is similar but we add one more thing.
We walk up again and close our eyes before we look at our image. We do a self check to see if we feel beautiful in our body before we look at ourselves.
How we feel about ourselves inside our body is added to the picture we see and if we do not have a feeling we are beautiful we will not see ourselves as beautiful.
We do a self check after arriving at the mirror with our eyes closed, if we do not feel beautiful in our body, we allow ourselves to feel beautiful in our body and then we return to the starting place a few feet away from the mirror.
——————————————————————-
Step Four
We repeat this step until we are able to walk up to the mirror with our eyes closed and feel beautiful in our body.
When we are able to walk up to the mirror and have a feeling that allows us to feel beautiful, we open our eyes and discover our real beauty.
We do the exercise a couple times to reinforce the visual understanding.
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The Next Step
We then do the next exercise, which involves seeing ourselves as beautiful in someone’s eyes.
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What Have We Done To Improve Our Brain and Why Can We See Our Beauty?
Let us discuss what we are doing.
As if it was a nightmare, we allow ourselves to experience this automatic feeling that prepares us before we see ourselves.
We then understand that like a nightmare the feeling we automatically have that is preparing us, is giving us a distorted image of ourselves.
Next we let the feeling we have that is erroneous go, as we bring in the feeling we are beautiful and have it prepare us for the experience of seeing our image in the mirror. The beautiful feeling is “recondensed” and is rewriting the old memory or affect. Now the automatic feeling we have that comes up before we look in the mirror is that we are beautiful and this feeling is the one preparing us, so we SEE our true beauty.
We are able to permanently improve the feeling we automatically have. We do what is necessary to find the exact automatic preparation that inhibits us from having an experience of ourselves that has clarity. When we connect to the automatic preparation that gives us the altered perception or reaction, we can let go of the preparation or rewrite it.
It is simple, we put the information we want, in the file it belongs in. This technique is similar in some ways to just feeling good but the little extra is worth it.
Harvard psychiatrist Dr. Roger Pitman likened reconsolidation to a file in an office cabinet; if you want to adjust the contents, first you have to retrieve the file. But you can only make changes when it is opened.
Improving how we automatically prepare or react is important, the future will tell us just how important it is.
What is real growth?
If we can automatically feel better about ourselves when we wear something new, how can we create a feeling like wearing a new outfit that is automatic and is lasting as well?
What creates the automatic adjustments in the lens we use to view everything?
The special challenge I had when I was looking for something to help me with my personal growth was that I believed if the growth I was getting was real, it would help me with my reactions and improve my self-perceptions.
I wanted growth that was inside of me, I wanted to be myself and not have to stop and think to be a better person.
I wanted to feel handsome all the time and be able to see that in the eyes of those looking at me, without having to be concerned about my appearance. I wanted my inner beauty to be something I could see as well.
I wanted to be good to the people that cared about me. I wanted to be present and calm when there were stressful situations not just when it was easy to be that way. The times I had problems were times that I had reactions that took over my thoughts.
Reactions and perceptions are so powerful they command our thoughts and like a nightmare, the feeling we have alters us and our ideas. If we wake up from a nightmare and someone tells us, “that was just a dream” it still feels real. When we feel differently later on, we can see it was just a dream easily.
The same part of our brain that creates our nightmares, also alters the lens we use to give us our perceptions. The same information in this part of our brain that is creating nightmares, is also the fuel for our reactions. This automatic part of us can have fears or perceptions that are erroneous.
The Dalai Lama said, “Eliminate the negative or dark forces from our emotions and there is enlightenment.”
What can change the meaning and value of what we see, are the automatic tunings or adjustments that happen to the lens we use to view everything.
The lens we use gives us the perceptions we have. We all have our own unique way of experiencing others, the world and ourselves.
How we instantly and automatically prepare, tunes or controls the lens we use.
The information that directs our preparations tells us when we should react (another way we prepare), it creates the mood we are in (another way we are prepared), it tells us how we should feel about ourselves and our appearance in relation to our situation (another way we prepare), it controls how guarded or tense we are in our body (another way we prepare), the emotions and feelings we have (another way we prepare) and all of these influence the lens we use.
This is information we learned primarily before we were verbal. We learned it emulating what we empathized (pre-motor pathway). This is something we saw and felt our parents do as they prepared for all the situations they were in.
If we were able to make permanent improvements in the information that created our preparations, we could improve how we feel about our appearance and the improvement would automatically happen, we would have the same feeling we did with a new outfit on and that wonderful feeling about how beautiful or handsome we were would be lasting.
We could also eliminate reactions that we did not want to have. We could stop being jealous.
We could alter the amount of reward we automatically gave ourselves and what feeling we wanted that reward to be, so we could unconditionally love ourselves automatically and when we loved ourselves that way we could easily do that for others as well.
The preparations we have that are automatically happening to us, are altering the lens we use to give us our perception of our self and as we bring clarity to the lens we see not just our own beauty but the beauty in others as well.
When we are able to add meaning to what we see by choice, we can see the beauty within.
When we have information in our operating system that creates good feelings automatically for us before we look in the mirror… we see our own beauty when we look at ourselves and we experience an automatic clarity that allows us to see the beauty in others.
How we experience something is more important than what we think about it because the way we experience ourselves or someone else, can give us options of better experiences.
Enlightenment is removing the darkness to revel our light. Everything is illuminated from within.
A little light can remove a lot of darkness. Please recommend this to others.
The Wizard of Oz gave people the most valuable thing of all, he gave them what was missing so they could be more themselves.
I want to give what is missing so we can be more ourselves as well.
I would love to share this exercise, it helped me to add something that was missing so I could be more myself and have real growth. There are many more exercises like this on this website. Please enjoy them.
What prevents me from unconditionally loving myself?
Click on the above exercise.
Unconditionally loving myself.
Click on the above exercise.
Healing ourselves and others with Cerebrology
If you are a healer of any kind, I would be glad to help you learn this new science and system of Cerebrology.
There are new discoveries that improve how we live. These advancements are happening faster all the time, the internet, software, apps for our phone.
The new advancements in understanding how our brain works, allow us to create new more effective ways of healing and personal growth.
The “unconscious mind” was in Freud’s opinion, the repository of socially unacceptable ideas, wishes or desires, traumatic memories and painful emotions put out of the mind by the mechanism of psychological repression.
Most healers still refer to this system of understanding our brain. Freud’s system is one hundred years old. There is no part of our mind that is a closet. No part of our brain is unconscious, less conscious or subconscious.
There are various functions that our brain performs. We can think verbally. We can move as we like.
There are also automatic functions our brain performs so we can think about the beautiful person we are dancing with.
The lens that gives us a feeling about their beauty is automatic, the way our heart races as we see their pupils dilate, the automatic sense of movement we feel as we hear the music, the emotions the music elitists within us…all of this is created instantly by the automatic part of our brain I call our “operating system”.
This part of our brain does not understand words but it does much more work than our verbal mind and it does the work so fast words would be too slow.
Our brain uses the pre-verbal language that we learned empathizing with how our parents felt about themselves in various situations. We used this same language to communicate with our body when we emulated and imitated them. The new science and system I use called Cerebrology, allows us to use this same pre-verbal language called affect, to connect to our “operating system” and re-write the feelings we empathized our parents having.
We can connect to a specific feeling we now have about ourselves and replace it with a feeling that we have consciously chosen.The improvement is in the pre-verbal language our operating system uses to instantly direct all the automatic things that go on behind the scenes of what we are thinking about.
If you would like to add the work I offer on this website, to your healing practice or just to help a friend, I would be more than happy to teach or show you to make that easy.
Email me at Bob@ichangereality.com
I hope it will be a welcome new addition to the wonderful healing you are already doing.
There are many ways to heal but they all begin in our heart. I hope this exercise gives you a little more strength in your healing practice my friend.
I belong, the exercise.
Click on the above exercise.
Thank you for all you do.
A new science for our brain?
How can we re-write affect and conditioning?
If we walked thru a blue door ten times and someone slapped us each time, we would develop an apprehension about going thru blue doors. We might be able to go thru any other color but when we went thru the blue ones, we would be apprehensive. Each time we went thru a blue door we would re-record the apprehensive feeling no matter how much we tried not to.
Some people that want us to be “present”, tell us to “think” in some way so that we can relax and be “present”. It may be possible to think and be present while we are relaxing but going thru that blue door requires all of our focus to relax a little. In real life situations, such as an argument, an unexpected stress or too many things happening at once… these “blue doors” happen without giving notice. When we go thru the blue doors that occur in real life, we do not do so well. The way we automatically prepare before we go thru the blue door is an instant and automatic reaction.
If we went thru the blue door just one time and had a wonderful surprise, (for each of us it might be something different that would make us happy) and found that surprise, we would not be reluctant to go thru that blue door again. We would not have the bad reaction again because the feeling we re-recorded about the door had happiness and when we saw a blue door that feeling would be the one we automatically brought up.
Our lives have many blue doors, they hold us back from the life we could have if we could open them. The most powerful blue doors were created when we empathized with the way our parents felt about themselves when we were not yet verbal. We emulated the way they felt just the way we emulated how they walked. How they felt about themselves, came in thru the pre-motor pathway in our brain and is now how we automatically prepare for our blue doors.
The conditioning and successful removal of conditioning experiments, have been done on non-verbal animals. There have been no successful experiments with humans using a verbal process to remove conditioning. The part of our brain that is conditioned does not understand language.
The part of our brain that controls our reactions is something I call our “operating system” and it is not our subconscious or unconscious. I refer to this part of our brain as our operating system, because like the operating system of a computer, it controls many things without us having to think or do anything and it works 24 hours a day.
The limbic system, the pre-motor area and pre-frontal areas of our brain play a major role in automatically preparing us, this is what our operating system does. Our operating system creates our reactions, not our verbal mind. This part of our brain actually directs our thinking much more than our thinking could direct it.
This new science gives us the opportunity to feel good about all of our blue doors. Now “how” we prepare for our blue doors is better, instantly and automatically, so we can create a better experience.
The exercises on this site use this new science and system. We use the same pre-verbal motor memories to find the blue door we want to feel differently about and then we use this same language to create a better feeling about our blue door. The new feeling is recorded and now each time we go thru the blue door the feeling we have is re-recorded not the old feeling. We instantly and automatically have the reactions, perceptions and feelings we want to have to create the experience we should have.
Use this simple exercise to overcome jealousy permanently.
Click on the above exercise
What we see (and how to improve it)
We look at the world and see how we feel. When we feel better everything looks better. When we feel safe we can fall in love.
The world is in love with us and reveals its beauty when we are able to feel our own beauty.
When we feel we are not safe and we are safe, we see without our light.
I want to go to a survivalist meeting and sell “I told you it was the end!” t shirts. I have an idea how much money is being made off of people because they have fear.
I see the cults take advantage of people with fear. They sell motivation and empowerment but then transform people to be comfortable dissociating so they can be even more submissive. Being comfortable being submissive does not make a person present, have clarity or become empowered.
Being relaxed in safe situations is the first step towards not feeling fear. Removing fear allows us to be present and have a feeling of well being that brings colors to our palate. The following exercises are easy to do and will give us what we need to be authentic, present and have the clarity we want.
Please do not do these exercises if you are not assertive enough to feel how important your needs are. If you are not sure if you neglect your own needs, please do the “Making it safe for my inner child.” exercise on this website before the feeling safe exercise. The exercise is about feeling safe in a safe environment and we must be able to create a safe environment for ourselves to do this.
Am I able to feel safe when I am safe?
Click on the above exercise.
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Rewriting what prepared me for something bad to happen in a safe situation.
Click on the above exercise.
When you feel wonderful, you will see how wonderful the world is. Everything is illuminated from within.
Overcoming overwhelming sadness
Overcoming overwhelming sadness without becoming depressed, phoney or thinking it was our love that hurt us.
Let me begin by saying that this is not going to be any nonsense about how to think or what ideas you should have. Telling someone what to think when they are hurt is ridiculous.
This is about growing during grief or loss. Growth is something that improves the chemistry in our brain. If we have a healthy chemistry in our brain during loss we can experience sadness but also see our light shine so we can see our way out of the darkness.
In part one of this work, we have exercises for the loss and sadness we feel from the end of a relationship or from the end of a career or job.
There is loss in relationships, a parent passes or someone we love leaves us. We have the opportunity to grow by allowing ourselves to continue to feel the way we did about ourselves because we were loved.
We should feel good to spite the people that were not good to us and if someone was good to us, we should feel good in memory of them. In either case, we have the opportunity to understand that we have the power to make ourselves feel good. When we understand we can and should feel wonderful even though we miss someone and are sad, we learn to turn on our light and a little light removes a lot of darkness.
This exercise is to help us have a better brain chemistry and feel our power during sadness.
Feeling good about myself.
Click on the above exercise.
The next type of loss is of career. There are times we do not succeed at what we are doing. If we are doing something because we admire ourselves for doing it but do not enjoy what we are doing, we may not make it work. There are things I thought would be a great achievement for me but when I found out they were phoney I was not able to do them. I would be sad because I had wanted to feel good from the success and did not know how to get that feeling otherwise. When I learned how to unconditionally love myself, I was able to give myself rewards for being honest and real. I was able to work hard at things that were outside of “the box” and give myself rewards because I was proud no matter what anyone else thought.
There are times we do enjoy something and just lose our job because of slow business. How do we give ourselves the rewards we got when we were working hard so we could have a good brain chemistry and not get depressed, petty or irritable? We have to learn how to reward ourselves all the time so we have the ability to do more and overcome tough times.
The following exercise will help us to grow from the difficulty and become more of a person we will respect and admire.
Can we give ourselves permission to feel good?
Click on the above exercise.
Giving ourselves the feelings we need, to have the strength to grow
Click on the above exercise.
